Wrong Planet

So in combing the internet looking for some clue to help my son get a grasp on his math issues, I came across an autism web-community called wrongplanet.net
They offer a forum, articles, chatting, blogging... all sorts of stuff.

Anyone who knows me well, probably knows that I'm not much for support groups, self-help, or even just talking much about my problems. I have to say, I've been part of this community for maybe a week, and already seeing changes in myself and the way I deal with Burp.

I cannot even begin to explain how much of a relief it is to hear that other people have gone through the struggles I've been, or am going, through, how they dealt with it, and, THANK GOD, that they came out on the other side. It's nice to have it stressed that NO ASD kids are alike, and therefore what works with one, won't work for another.. And though I've known there is no cure, I've always been looking for the "fix".... and there is none. I'm beginning to accept that. There are ways to help some symptoms.. but some things are just the way they are, and that's all there is to it.

It's also taught me some important truths. My son does not get social interaction. He never will really. He can be given tools to understand social cues, but he can never be made to blend socially 100%. At this point, he wants to be social. But now, he is socially oblivious, and that will change.. As he grows up, he will learn more social cues. He will pick up on the fact that other kids know he's different. He will pick up better on when kids are being mean to him and when they don't really like him. More likely than not, this will cause him stress and make him more anxious about social interactions. He will probably become antisocial to some degree. The most important thing I've learned is that this is okay.

On this forum, there are adult ASD people who give advice. It is so great to get stuff from their perspective as most ASD kids don't have the tools to explain why they do the things they do, or how they think, or anything to let the parent understand better. It's interesting to learn that really, just about every little quirk my son has is directly related to stress.

For the longest time, I could never understand how Burp could do so well at my mom's house, often not even requiring meds, yet home without meds is CHAOS. I understand it now. Everything there is pretty routine. Most deviations to that routine have their own routine. There are certain things that differ there from here... and somehow, the way those differ make it so that it's not an issue.. Burp knows he will NEVER get the tv from Papa, so he watches tv in his room.. At home, Burp will never watch tv in his room because he can usually get the tv from me. At grandma's, he has free reign when it comes to snacks and treats. Here, there are certain times that he's allowed certain treats. USUALLY, he doesn't have to do homework at grandma's, can't avoid it at home. Grandma lives in a place where he can, to a certain extent, roam free. Here he's limited spacially and has a limited number of kids to play with on an every day basis.It makes sense.

One thing that I've felt really helpful is "Congratulations! Your Child Is Strange", written by a member of the forum who has Aperger's and for several years has been offering advice to parents through the forum, and finally decided to compile some of his most commonly given advice into a book. It's a free download, check it out. Not everything applies to my son and I don't agree that all of the advice is right for us.. but it has helped immeasurably.

Anyway, I feel that I'm taking a step in the right direction and decided to share it. I hope it helps someone else out there.