Talk Thursday: I love to Bitch about.................

OMG... What don't I love to bitch about??

Actually, I don't think I bitch that much, I work things out verbally... (Does that sound better?)

I've been working a lot lately. I got a second resource job, this one back in patient registration. People either treat me like I don't know anything, or that I should know everything since I've done the job before... 5 years ago, on a different computer system.

I long for a new car and some C4, so I can blow up the current one. We think we've figured out the problem, the starter, now I just need someone to have the time to help me fix it.

Burp has started Pre-Team in swim. He seems to be doing well, though we've only completed one week. His coach thinks the back stroke will be his "thing" but has told him he think he'd make a great water polo player. Burp is excited to go to practice each day, and that is all I care about. I think at this point in his life it'll be incredibly good for him to have something that he feels he's good at and gives him a niche, of sorts. He's currently going 3 days a week, for 45 minutes. If he gets invited to join the swim team it'll be 5 days a week for an hour and a half. I hope he still enjoys it when it gets that intense.

Still waiting to hear about the Charter School. Every appendage that can be crossed, is crossed. 4th grade was hard for him socially and academically, I just think that it would be so much better for him to be in a school that is made up entirely of his real peers, to be taught to his strengths, and for the teaching staff to specialize in autism. I actually can't think of a better situation for him.

We started him on a new medication. Strattera. He's still on the Concerta, as it takes 4-6 weeks for us to really know the effect of the Stratterra. His psychiatrist thinks that if the Stratterra works as well as he's hoping, we might be able to take him off both the Concerta and the Zoloft. Trade a stimulant and an antidepressant for one, non-amphetamine medication? HELL YEAH!! It seems to be working really well already, on week two. HOWEVER, his counselor still says wait and see. He says that often it will seem to work really well at first, then not so much later. However, even in these cases, it still seems to work better than the previous meds... I'm like, what the hell's wrong with that?.. a little better is still better. AND IT'S NON-AMPHETAMINE!!! The first week seemed to go well... and we just upped the dose of Stratterra, next month we'll lower the dose of Concerta. I'm kind of thinking about calling the shrink and seeing if we can lower the Concerta early, since it seems to be going so well, but maybe it shouldn't be rushed. I don't know.

It makes me wonder... I did a little research on the two meds, how and why they work differently... They are both re-uptake inhibitors, one of dopamine and the other serotonin. (to be honest, can't remember which is which) I'm a little irritated that it took this long to try a totally different med. (This is where the bitch comes in) From the very beginning, I've been saying that while I saw a little improvement, I never saw the improvement I expected to see. All they did was up the Ritalin, changed to Concerta (12 hour time release), then up that. Then shuffle us to different doctors because the current doctor wasn't comfortable with the high dosing levels. WTF? WHY WHY WHY WHY???????????? didn't we ever try a different med? Not til I throw a fit and demand to know why we've never talked non-stimulant meds do we actually get to discuss one. When I research stuff and ask about it, they brush me off, or treat me like another "internet self-diagnosing pt"... Doctors are supposed to give you the information to make informed decisions... What a joke. You know what happens to people who have an opiate addiction??? Their bodies stop making chemicals that cause you to feel joy and euphoria.. That's why it's so hard for an addict to quit. There have been studies that show that children given amphetamines when they don't need them, have this same problem.. But when they first prescribe this med and you try to ask if this could cause problems later, they don't talk about the oopsies. They tell you that children medicated with amphetamines don't become drug abusers, in fact, it's more likely that if they don't have them they will end up self-medicating with street drugs.... They don't talk about the consequences of long-term use of amphetamine medications when it's inappropriately prescribed. Unfortunately, that's something you find out about later. They just tell you that if it's not the right med it won't improve his condition. Well, what if the problem involves both chemicals, serotonin and dopamine, but one only slightly, the other more so.... Then you'd only see slight improvement... right? Now it seems logical to me... but they never gave me the information to logic it out.

I am so angry about the current system of this thing. In Oregon, the schools are in charge of initial diagnosis. The school psychologist diagnoses your child and gives you a piece of paper to take to your pediatrician. Your ped gives you meds... ONLY if your child seems to not respond appropriately to the meds do you see a psychologist, then a psychiatrist.. NO ONE ever gives you literature. NO ONE ever gives you something that says, "These are your options... this is what ADHD is" OR AUTISM, for that matter. Am I the only one who sees a problem with this system? I have BEGGED my son's doctors for a referral to the CDRC, so that he can have a complete analysis of his issues, and they keep saying we don't need it. OK.... My son is diagnosed with ADHD, Anxiety Disorder, and Asperger's syndrome. Considering that the first two are often misdiagnoses of symptoms of the third, don't you think that it's logical to get a proper evaluation from people who fucking know what they're doing? Especially since he had 3 independent evaluations for each diagnosis and the first two never picked up on the third? What if there is something else going on? They only evaluate for the thing you're asking them to look for. Does he have ADHD? Yes......... ok... does he have Anxiety Disorder? Yes........ ok... are you certain he isn't autistic?.......... "We find it very probably that he has Asperger's Syndrome"................................. "I'll second that diagnosis", "OK, *sigh*, I'll support that diagnosis too."

WTF? Is this really how it's supposed to be?

I don't know if this is a rant or a bitch... but now I'm really fucking pissed off, and need to go.

Opinions Are Like Assholes....

And I have lots.

What I have discovered about myself is that while I've very interested in debating and discussing some issues, others are absolutely non-negotiable.

RELIGION - Anyone who knows me at all knows that I love to discuss and debate religion. I have ideas, but I don't know it all, and I'm always looking for that bit of wisdom or understanding that will broaden or focus my thoughts. However, if you're using your faith to give foundation to intolerance of any sort, of any kind, you better know your literature, and you better be able to back up your beliefs with an explanation of WHY you believe the way you do. "Cuz that's how I was raised", or "The Bible says so",  just doesn't work with me.

ABORTION - Non-negotiable. I agree with abortion. I believe there is a medical purpose for it. I believe the alternative to legalization is scary. Finally, a woman should decide what to do with her body. That said, I don't like abortion. I think some people are irresponsible with it. Though I don't really view it as murder, I do still feel that it's killing a baby. (How is that different? I don't know, some sort of grey area.) I don't condemn people for it, but it makes me sad when it isn't a desperate last resort. Lastly, though a woman should get to choose what happens to her body, I can't help but feel that a man should have a say in what happens to his child. That said, wow... what a mess that would create if he did. So the bottom line is this : I agree with abortion and there's no debate in the issue.

GAY RIGHTS - Non-negotiable. I cannot debate this topic with any sort of reason or understanding for people who don't, in some way, believe as I do on this issue. I don't want to hear you spew your fucked-up God-shit. I don't want to hear you refer to mental illness. And if you think it's disgusting, quit being a pervert and mind your own damn bedroom! Oh? You don't want to offend me? Well, YOU DO! You're talking about my friends, my family, my coworkers. People I love, and every time you open your hateful, ignorant mouth on the subject I find myself fantasizing about ripping your fucking tongue out.

*breathe* (See, I'm fairly firm on that issue.)

EVOLUTION - Debatable. I believe in evolution, but I can learn more and I'm not opposed to hearing from both sides. I tend to stand on the side of science, so give me your science you op'posers'!! (Little hint... You can't use the Bible or religion as "proof" against evolution. 1. God made Adam from the mud, it doesn't say how long it took him, and 2. The Bible isn't science.)

CAPITOL PUNISHMENT - Kind of non-negotiable. I believe in the death penalty. I believe that some people can't be rehabilitated. I don't believe in Life Without Parole. If a dog is especially vicious and has killed someone, the dog gets put down. If it's repeatedly attacked people, it gets put down. I don't think people should be treated any differently. You don't put a dog in a little kennel and wait till it dies. You peacefully put it down. I don't believe in hanging, firing squads, electric chairs, or gas chambers. Just put the person down. I don't believe that the death penalty should be used as a deterrent or a punishment. I believe it's a solution to a problem. I think that keeping "Lifers" is a drain on finances and a risk to the staff that have to care for them.

MEDICINAL MARIJUANA - I can totally debate this one, though I'm pretty firm on my opinion. My argument against legalization isn't a moral, but an ethical issue with the way that it's happened. Being that we are a republic, our government is set up that supposedly the States get to make their own rules as long as they fall within the Federal government's guidelines. (In a nutshell..lol) But on the issue of marijuana, the States shouldn't be allowed to make these choices because the Federal government has decided that it's a Schedule 1 Drug. The Federal government has made it illegal and and deemed it to have no medicinal purpose.  I totally don't agree with this scheduling and most of the rational and informed people of this country probably wouldn't agree that pot is worse than heroin. I just disagree with the legality of the process with which it was made legal (here in Oregon and several other states).

(HOLY CRAP!!! Do you know Samoas have 70 calories EACH?)

I could go on. Gun laws, legalize prostitution, sex ed in schools, government-sanctioned breeding laws, career-welfare moochers..... some of those, I'm sure you can guess where I stand...

Anyway, it's late and I'm getting tired.
Yay, American Idol is back!! I like a few, but Casey Abrams stands out for me at the moment. (Ohhh and the Asperger's boy.)

Here are a couple of links to things that inspired this little rant. Mostly, it's not the pieces themselves, but the some of the comments people posted to them that got me all riled up.

http://nerdyapplebottom.com/2010/11/02/my-son-is-gay/

http://www.cnn.com/2011/US/02/24/new.york.billboard.abortion/index.html?eref=mrss_igoogle_cnn#

http://kezi.com/news/local/205484

Lucifer Drama

I realize that you all might be sick of hearing about this already, but blogging has long been a source of therapy for me. It helps me to get it off my chest, gives me the sense that I've said my piece, and often helps me work out my frustrations.

So rewind to Saturday.
The Plumber worked in the morning and had the expectation that he would get Gemini in the afternoon. When afternoon came, Lucifer was being a snatch and after several nasty text back and forth, the Plumber said, "Have it your way, you must enjoy talking to the police."

After about 15 minutes of silence, she said he could go pick up Gemini. We had a great evening of Chinese food and rented movies. The next morning Gemini went to work with his Dad and not long after they returned, I left to go pick up Burp in Florence.

About an hour into my drive, I got a nasty text from Lucifer... "I told you to stay out of my way. If you think he's ever going to love you.. hahaha that's funny cuz he still hasn't gotten over me!"

I had pulled over to read the text and was like...... "WTF?" I sat there for a moment... Trying to figure out what the hell she meant. I texted the Plumber.. His response was, "she's being a bitch, ignore her.."

I drove on to my mom's house.... but of course, the closer I got to the house, the more angry I got. First, "I told you to stay out of my way"???? I'm not sure where or when she imagined that conversation took place. But mostly, I was angry that what ever argument she and the Plumber had gotten into, she felt the need to drag me into it. We had made that agreement. As far as he and Lucifer were concerned, I'd stay out of it... and she'd stay out of my relationship with the Plumber. Seemed fair to me.

I got to my mom's house and no one was home... I let myself in, went through the house to the porch, sat and smoked and stewed and contemplated.
Finally, I texted her back.
"I'm not sure what you imagine I've done to "get in your way", but I'm not playing your games." Not too bad.. No threats. No swearing. Plain and simple and firm. No way in hell I'm starting this relationship with letting her think she can push me around and send me shitty texts whenever she gets a bee up her snatch.
Her response.... "Don't talk to me."

I'm not sure why...... other than the fact that her response was completely juvenile, but this sent me into a near-psychotic rage. My mom came home at this point. And I was shaking with rage. I'm not sure, but I think it's been a long time since my mom has seen me that mad.

I controlled myself though. As badly as I wanted to text her back and set her straight. I didn't. I didn't say a word.

I got home and found out that she'd apparently only seen that "Hope you like talking to the police" comment that afternoon and, for whatever reason, thought that was my influence. Sure, I've thought it a million times, but never said it.... as it wasn't my place....I don't offer my opinion unless asked, and he never asked what I thought he should do if she denied him his visitation.

The next day, he had a decent conversation with her. She told him that she'd said some really mean things to me and kinda felt bad. Yay for her.

So fast forward to last night. Around 9 pm he gets a call from her that she has no where to stay, and she wants him to take Gemini, but he'll have to drive him to school in the morning. Only HIM.
The Plumber was like, "I can't do that, I have to work." She swore and hung up on him.

I would have been more than happy to not only have Gemini for the night, but to take him to school in the morning, but I told the Plumber if she called back.. he could offer her two solutions..... 1) Gemini could spend the night and I'd drive him to school in the morning.. or 2) Gemini could spend the night and she could sleep in her car in the parking lot and SHE could take him to school in the morning.

It's only fair and rational to give her options.

Unfortunately, she never called back. When the Plumber tried to call her, it rang once and she hung it up.

I'd much prefer to have Gemini here than wonder if he did his homework, if he had dinner, where he slept for the night, and whether or not he had clean clothes for school in the morning.

As much as she hates me... for whatever reason... shouldn't making sure her son is taken care of come first? How selfish can you be?

An Interesting Occurance....

Hmmmm... I might have to take back some of the things I said about Lucifer.

Tonight, while Burp and I were having dinner, there was a knock on the door. It was Lucifer.

I was pretty surprised. We actually had a fairly decent conversation. She claimed to not have a problem with me and I told her that her issues were between her and the Plumber and none of my business. She actually said that she thought I might be good for him and that he'd only ever had one other girlfriend that she trusted with her son. She claimed to think I'm a good mom. She just requested that before I ever let Gemini use my phone again to call his dad, that I ask her first (a little ridiculous, I think) and that if he's ever left with me, she'd like to know (totally reasonable, in my book). She claimed that she's never tried to keep the Plumber from seeing Gemini, which I know is completely untrue..... Not just cuz I've been told so, but because I've been around this for a year now and have been witness to Gemini's great disappearances (when she gets mad at the Plumber and sends Gemini to her mom's house for a few weeks..) But I didn't argue. She said that she thought it best for the kids if her and I could get along... which I totally agree with... but we'll see if she means it...

She even tried really hard not to trash talk the Plumber to me. I have to give credit when credit's due... So maybe I'll take back "cunt" and maybe even what I offered to substitute it with. I'm very glad she came and talked to me. I've wanted to go talk to her, but after her referring to me as "fat bitch", I didn't feel very welcomed.. and also very much questioned whether it was my place to go talk to her... I really appreciate that she made the effort.

But I'm also no fool. Lucifer is known to be fairly bipolar-ish... so even IF she meant it all today, tomorrow's a different story. And I'm guessing at least half was probably lip service... I just haven't figured out her motive yet. Perhaps logic was her friend for the moment.

While I don't trust her as far as I can spit, the white flag is raised.... For now.

Brownie Badge For Me!!

Lucifer doesn't seem to realize, everything she does... just makes me look that much better. Not that I do anything any different than I normally would... I'm just a naturally wonderful person, and she is .... well, E-VIL.

It's hard for me to imagine a mom and a wife that doesn't cook dinners. The Plumber and I didn't see eye to eye one night when I'd cooked dinner and he tried to make me dish up before he did. I tried nicely to tell him, "That's not how we do it." He tried to say it was. I finally won when I threatened to call my mother so she could back me up on it. Then he explained that he was just trying to be polite and that he wasn't used to being taken care of... that Lucifer had surely never cooked dinner for him.... I was like, holy crap!

I did laundry the other day. He said, "don't fold my laundry" some crap about me not being his servant. When he came home, he was like, "You folded it, huh?"
"uhhhhhhhhh, yeah... but.. BUT I didn't mate your socks! So there!" hehehe

Last night he was really bummed. He is out of town on a job and won't be back until maybe late tonight or midday tomorrow. Yesterday was Gemini's first day of Middle School and he really wanted to talk to him, but Lucifer hasn't been letting him see or talk to him since the night they showed up on my front porch. I told him it was better to try, and have her be a bitch, than not and have her be able to say he didn't try. So he tried, but her phone went straight to voice mail. He was really upset. I saw Gemini outside playing, so I snuck around the back of the building, called him over, and got him on the phone with his dad. They had a good 20 minute long convo and both were happy.

Except that the Plumber found out that when he gave Lucifer the receipt for the new shoes he bought Gemini, she returned them and bought herself some shoes. Fucked up, totally.. but his grandma bought him shoes so he does have new shoes for school. To calm the Plumber down, I told him he just had to think of it differently. To just consider that her mom bought her new shoes and everything is all good... but really, we all know, the boy should have then had TWO new pairs of shoes and FUCK THAT BITCH!!!

I can say that here, cuz I don't say it out loud... and I really want to!!!
FUCK THAT BITCH!
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK THAT SELF-SERVING, PIECE OF SHIT, TRIPLE CHEESEBURGER NEEDIN', WELFARE DRAINING, CHILD SUPPORT SNORTING, TWEEKER CUNT WHO'S MOTHER HAS HER KIDS 80% OF THE TIME BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T WANT THEM BUT SHE WON'T LET THEIR FATHERS HAVE THEM EITHER!!!

ok... I'm done... thank you.. pasting the smile back on... swallowing the rage. Just had to get that off my chest.