Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Pedistool Toppled

Have you ever had that crushing disappointment when you realize that someone is actually just another fucked up human being when for years you, in some way, held them above the herd?

There's this girl that I went to school with. I've known her just about my whole damn life. Pre-adult, she was the kindest, nicest, fairest peer I'd probably ever had. I'd never heard her talk shit about others. Never saw her get angry with anyone. Not a selfish bone in her body. Smart ass hell too.

I've always admired and looked up to her. I always thought that the world would be a much better place if more people, myself included, could be like her.

Sadly, via Facebook, she is gradually exposing herself to be someone that I'm not even sure I want to know anymore and every time she reveals one of these unsavory bits of herself, I feel like my world has kind of wobbled off kilter.

It started a few months ago. She has a son several years older than mine, who is an Aspie but unlike my son, her's has fairly violent meltdowns. Her husband was overseas in the military and she was home with 4 or 5 kids to manage. Anyone who knows the devout LDS life, knows that she is a busy woman. Up before the sun to get the kids to seminary. She runs a business or two from home. Lunch with the girls. Homework, sports practice, church socializing, she has a full plate. Still, was a little surprised to find that she was on a few different anti-depression and anxiety meds. (Not that I judge her for that, at all.. I don't.)

What started turning me sour was the way she treats, talks about, and acts toward her son with Asperger's. He has "beat her up" a few times. I say it like that because I wasn't there, I didn't see the incident, and I've also never seen the results of the incident. A girl who posts on the run, "I'm a fun/fab girl" shots of herself every day, and who always posts when "He beat me up again"... has never posted pics of her injuries. Not saying it doesn't happen... just wondering if they're exaggerated a bit.

Several months ago there was another incident with her son and, because she blogs every detail, I could see precisely each point where things when wrong. It culminated when he went outside to "cool off", and she saw that he was, but she still had the other children go around and lock all the doors and windows. When he realized he was being locked out by his family, he went nuts and started beating at the glass door with a chair. I would think that anyone who knows a few things about Aspies would see that she instigated this response. It ended with her calling the police and then next day she took her son to a 10 day inpatient psych evaluation, which she didn't tell him about until they were in the facility parking lot. While he was in the facility, she petitioned the Base Commander for the right to have a taser. That's right, she wanted to be able to tase her son when he got out of control (because she didn't know how to properly decelerate a situation.) The scary thing is that her "friends" from her ASD support group and HER SON'S THERAPIST all supported her.

 THANK GOD the Base Commander denied her request.

I was disgusted. Shocked. Completely flabbergasted. But I tried to respond calmly. I posted and sent her messages plainly stating that "There has to be another way." I explained to her that the course she was taking could do irreparable damage to her relationship with her son and begged her to seek the advice of alternate professionals. She never responded to me. I quit reading her blog.

I still see her Facebook posts. Things like, "Shopping with all the kids. ARRRGG! But  I can't leave them home with the Aspie!"

It breaks my heart.

But, what actually made me start this post, was a completely different topic.

She had a Pure Romance party today, and of course it was "No men or children".

She apparently had one friend a bit saddened by that. To which he (The Friend) responded, "I'm sure it would have been fun, but whatever, I'm used to it by now."
Her hubby posted, " you wouldn't want to attend one of these parties. Women would talk about such things, but men...not in a big group like way!'
The Friend, " -Methinks your life experience is very different from mine. You played baseball and football; I was a gymnast and a cheerleader. You've worked for the BSA and the US Military -- Mostly men, right?. I'm a teacher--3 women for every man in this building; even in the science department women outnumber men. I have spent my entire life surrounded by women. And I LOVE it. When my assistant director (Drama Department) was having trouble finding nursing bras that fit, she thought maybe I could help -- and I did.
I very much wish I could have been there. I often feel the need to talk about such things; I (almost) never get the chance."

Her hubby replied, " .no, not my cup of tea. I wish there were no women in the military. Or at least I wish I was in a true combat arms branch where women are not capable of being involved in..." 
The Friend, "You see what you just did there, XXX? I was opening up, expressing my deep need to talk about personal issues, and you changed the subject to "women in the military." Hahaha. You're such a guy." (Good for him.)

Perhaps I shouldn't have been so dismayed by this, but I guess I always held her husband to a higher standard as well. When I first read that statement, I wanted to find him and kick him in the balls while I questioned, "Not CAPABLE????" Sure, maybe not in hand-to-hand combat. But how often does "battle" in today's world involve hand-to-hand? 

Perhaps his view comes from having a wife who feels the only way she can deal with her son is to use a taser on him. Just sayin'!


Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Talk Thursday: Mememememe... Again...

Ten Weird Things About Me.

I never thought this one would be so hard. Like, I had to start wondering if maybe I was...... normal.... Naaaahhhh! Can't be.

10. I am superstitious. Which in itself isn't weird. However, I am superstitious because I firmly believe that while it is absolutely ridiculous to think that walking under a ladder is bad luck, it might piss off the gods if I don't give them proper respect and they might fuck me up, just to prove a point. Because anything is possible. But it might piss them off if I give in to some stupid ritual, so I might do the exact opposite of what is expected... And there isn't really any rhyme or reason to what I will or won't do. I will always shut off my car a specific way, because it's incredibly bad luck not to; however, I will never forward chain letters, or texts, no matter how sweet the message, because of the part that promises you good luck for doing so. Right, no good luck there. Bad luck. Same with wishing on stars, birthday candles. Bad luck. Don't do it. Ohhhh and, if you're going to read the fortune in your fortune cookie, you HAVE to eat the cookie first. No cheating.

9. It really annoys me that I can't read other people's mind and know what they think and how they feel. When I think about this, I get very sad. I feel like I'm so far away from everyone and that I don't really, truly know anyone. Disconnected.

8. I am terrified of skinks. Not other lizards, not snakes. I FUCKING HATE SKINKS. And you might not see how this is related, but it is.... I am terrified of those jerky humanoid monstery-things in horror movies, like The Grudge and Silent Hill. Sad to say, I am terrified of mutant things.

7. I LOVE to clean my ears. It is the best feeling ever. Ok.. almost ever. It is the SECOND BEST FEELING EVER!! I can't stand that wet feeling in my ears.. it makes me twitch. Not only does cleaning my ears get rid of that feeling, but feels so fabulous on it's own... I could clean my ears all day.

6. I HATE anything between my toes. In fact, right now, thinking about it is giving me the willies. It makes me want to cry, and vomit, and run away. It's right up there with nails on a chalkboard and flossing. Ok, nails on a chalkboard don't bother me as much as the other two. They make my skin crawl.

5. My very eclectic taste in music... I might go from punk, to rap, to big band, to 60's folk rock, to show tunes... You just never really know. And I have a special love for punk covers of other genres of music.

4. Like my mom, everyone has special songs... some occasions have special songs. Songs can also totally alter my moods. If I'm sad or angry, a half hour of music will totally work it all out. Of course, certain songs can remind me of people and make me miseraby sad and mopey too.

3. I absolutely cannot sew. I cannot make pancakes. And unless I'm singing big band, I cannot carry a tune. I can pat my head and rub my tummy.

2. Sometimes I forget how to breathe. Like trying to breathe in when I already have, or the opposite...

1. I get words or phrases stuck in my head until they drive me batty. I will repeat it over and over for hours. Sometimes I'm lucky and it's from a song and I can just listen to something else a few times and it kind of knocks it out. For the past 2 days, I've had the first two lines of Hey, Soul Sister on a constant repeat. (Of course, the Glee version.) The worst is when it's a random word, usually one that you don't come across frequently in natural conversation. My brain will dissect it, work out all the possible definitions, then come up with ways to molest those definitions... But often, it just repeats it. Like... HymenopteraHymenopteraHymenopteraHymenopteraHymenoptera.

Monday, April 23, 2012

Standing Up For What You Believe In

If you don't stand up, you might as well be lying down.

There are certain things I defend, without care to alienating others. It's who I am. Sure, there's a slight care, when I'm standing up to someone I care about, but my mom taught me that if your friends don't accept you for who you are, then they aren't the kind of friend you need. She's right. And to date, I've never lost anyone that special because of my inability to keep my mouth shut.

Last week, I had to correct a friend when she said (about another "friend" of hers), "It's just wrong. You know. It's not right. God made man and gave him woman for a reason. But I HOPE he doesn't go to hell. You know, I'm not judging him." Sadly, in that moment, she didn't want to hear what I had to say on the issue, and cut me off with a, "I know, we have different views on this... I don't want to fight with you." I was pissed, but kept my mouth shut... mostly because I'm fairly certain she was drunk. You know, God loves drunks. I mean, look at the importance he rose Noah to.

But it ate at me. If I sit back and don't say anything, that's pretty much giving a green light and saying that I condone that viewpoint and behavior. It ate at me to the point that I wondered if I could still be friends with her, though this is pretty much the only area we clash in. Should I quit being friends with someone because they're ignorant? If I do that, I'm giving up a good friend, and missing the opportunity to change her views. Right? Well, like I said, it ate at me. So I posted non-direct comment on my Facebook.
You know who you are.... Last night, you really made me angry. You can't follow, "It isn't right, it isn't natural, hope he doesn't go to hell" with , "But I'm not judging."
You ARE judging. There's no way around it. And worst of all... You're using God to do it. People wonder why I'm not a Christian anymore.... One major reason, I saw very few people who actually practiced what they preach. Jesus is love. God forgives all your sins. "Judge not, least ye be judged." But in the next breath I was told only Christians go to heaven. Only the righteous go to heaven.

Jesus was a Jew. Many believe his best friend was a prostitute. And the prophet Jesus... preached love and acceptance, and never a single word against homosexuality. Jesus would welcome the gay and lesbian community with open arms...

Why can't his followers?

 I asked her not to respond, because I think a lot of my other friends would crucify her, and that's not my intent. I guess more than anything, I had to get the last word in, or something. But I couldn't not say anything.

So, there is this family member that shall remain unnamed, She is an animal rights activist, which I don't have any problem with, at all. I like animals too. She started sharing links to this Facebook page that is trying to get Michele Leqve fired from her job at Delta Airlines because in her free time she is a big game hunter. *Double Take* What? What does her LEGAL, extra curricular activities have to do with her JOB? So I went to this page to check it out. OMG! Let me tell you, the majority of these ppl are FUCKED UP, CRAZY PSYCHOPATHS. Seriously. These animal lovers were talking about hunting down this woman and shooting her. (I'm sorry, I was raised in a hunter family... and I give mad props to someone ballsy enough to go after a polar bear with a bow.) And they're crying over this "poor defenseless creature" that she's taken down with, what they implied to be, advanced weaponry. LOL Seriously? I know most bow hunters carry a side arm, but in seconds that bear could have had the upper hand.

For the sake of keeping peace in the family, I didn't directly post anything.... at first. I told a friend about it, and she posted something like, "You guys are nuts. She didn't do anything wrong. Don't you think that what you're doing is -hunting- her. Why should she lose her job for this?"
To which these people instantly attacked her with thinks like, "Bitch, I hope you and yours get what's coming to you."
WOW.... Ok... can't keep quiet anymore. The majority of my comments were respectful, stating there are reasons that hunting is sanctioned and that hunting is part of nature. Sure, there was some, "You guys are fucking psychotic" thrown in there. But reading through the comments, I saw more and more talking about Michele's impending "accident" that would leave her hideously maimed and disfigured. Several by the same person. It was disgusting. Fairly scary that these "animal" lovers think so highly of wildlife, and so little for human life.... even tho, let's face it folks, humans are just another species of animal. So I reported the one guy to Facebook for "violent and threatening" content.

And guess what? After my second report, the page was immediately taken down. I had considered different avenues.. Starting a "Support Michele Leqve" page... Trolling the anti pages as much as possible. Which is a fucking blast. I'm sorry to say. I love trolling. It's quite entertaining. Especially when they spend soooo much time claiming to be "geneisous" and being "Highly Enlightened" peoples and I am just an "ignorant cretin" and so "obviously stupid"... But in the end, this result kind of tickled me. One of the things they were trying to figure out how to do was get Michele kicked off of Facebook. And this "cretin" figured out how to get you removed from Facebook in about roughly an hour. Which I think shows more WHO deserved to be kicked off and who didn't.

Now, you might say, "These people were just defending what they believe". I'm sorry. There is a right way, and a wrong way. They started a witch hunt. They promoted the idea of someone doing her physical harm. It only takes one nut job to pick up that idea and fulfill it. That's not ok. They encouraged people to call her employer and tell them she should be fired. That is stalking and harassment. No different than if I had an abortion and people started a FB page to get me fired from the hospital I work at. No different than tree huggers encouraging ppl to spike trees.

If you have a cause, Fight For It! but fight responsibly and legitimately.

Self-righteousness doesn't make you right.

And above all, don't lie down. In some cases, it just takes one person to say, "Hey, this isn't right!"

Added After Posting:
Holy crap. Michele has a tough road ahead of her. There are tons of groups dogging her, or this one really gets around.

**I should state that they keep calling her a "trophy hunter" and I don't know if this is or isn't true. I don't agree with trophy hunting.  I was raised if you shoot it, you eat it. And I think that killing, just for the sake of killing, is wrong. The exception is when culling needs to take place. I know they do this with wolves and coyote, for good reason, and I've no issue with this, whatsoever. Cuz no fucking way to I wanna eat coyote.

Saturday, April 21, 2012

Holy Shit! It's MeMe! (Talk Thursday)

It was a narrow escape, and I won't get into the whole ordeal, but I was abducted by a swarm alien monkeys who chained me to a banana tree on Ganymede and threw poo at me for 5 whole months. It was hell. 

Mom's topic for this week is memes.. which I think is a fab way for me to try to get back into the swing of things.... Maybe I'll do a few... 

13 Firsts

1. First day of school.  I don't remember the first day of Kindergarten. Most of what I remember before the age of 7 or 8 seems to involve me getting into trouble, which is to say..... I remember a lot. I apparently didn't get into trouble on the first day tho. (Yay, me!) I vaguely remember the first day of 1st Grade tho. I woke up at 5 am and was super excited to wear my new underwear. I think I got in trouble for waking up so early.

2. First Kiss  Hmmmm Kiss, or KissKiss? My first kiss was Eric P. in the 1st grade..... he kissed me on the sand hill during recess, and I punched him. (Yeah, I think I got in trouble.) My first KissKiss KISS was Ron C. when I was in the 8th grade, he was a Junior... and it was amazing. Also my first real boyfriend, my first hickey, my first time being cheated on, and the first time I broke up with someone..... and probably my first seriously wounded heart. 

3. First Date My first real date was Alex. I'd had a crush on him for years and my cousin hooked us up. He was adorable. Also my first alcoholic. (Funny, a few years before he used to buy us alcohol) Sadly, tho my life hasn't had a lot of dates, I don't really remember what we did. It was a short lived romance.

4. First Car. 82 Monza. I really liked that car... And I thank my mother for being a screaming control freak when she taught me how to drive a stick. Sure, it caused me to screech to a stop on the side of the road and scream something like, "I'M BUYING MY OWN FUCKING CAR! IT WILL BE AN AUTOMATIC! AND YOU WILL SIT IN THE PASSENGER SEAT AND SHUT UP!"  Which I did. Who knows how long it would have taken me to get a car if she hadn't screamed, "FIRST! CLUTCH! BREAK! BREAK! SECOND! OH MY GOD WE'RE GOING TO DIE!" so frequently.

5. First Time.   Oi.  Brian W. (I don't think my mom knew this one.) I was 16... He'd been trying to get in my pants for years. One day on the way to a basketball game (I was a pep band geek), he passed me as I was walking to the school and asked if I wanted a ride. I said sure. He said, "Geez, we're going to get there way early...... wanna head out to the beach?" We clocked 140-ish in his Scirocco, and apparently high speeds make my panties fall off. I lost my virginity in the front seat of his car on the beach. And even tho he kinda turned out to be a douche bag, it was pretty fucking incredible. He certainly knew what he was doing. Not every girl can say they had multiple orgasms the first time.. I almost kicked out his fucking windshield. My only complaint would be that it took years for me to find another that talented.

6. First Breakup. Ron. His brother was my good friend. And one day he knocked on the door and said, "Psam, I gotta tell you something.." Apparently, Ron was messing around with my not so chaste cousin Chastity, who was a year younger than me, and had supposedly gotten pregnant. Later that night when Ron knocked on my door, I told him to get fucked and slammed it in his face..... And he moved that night and I didn't see him again for 3 years.

7. First Real Job... I was... 14 or 15 and got a summer job busing tables at a restaurant. It sucked. I made good money, but learned that summer that I never wanted to work in the food industry again. And I haven't. I also didn't have another "real" job until my senior year in high school.

8. First Time to Lose a Job... was about 2 years ago... The job I LOVED. I was downsized... and I frequently find myself hoping that someone will disappear from the face of the earth so I can have it back. Bitches.

9. First Time In Love............. Ohhhhhhhhhh Cory Lee Haussman. When I first met him. I hated him. He was cocky and self-centered. I couldn't stand him. One day I found myself giving him a ride home, and one thing led to another. He was the only one night stand I ever intended. We were together, off and on, for a year and a half. And I loved him. I still do. I always will. 

Our relationship was fucked up. (We were young. I was female. He came from a bad situation.) But when it was good, it felt like forever. We got in a fight one night at a friend's house and broke up. That night he went to Portland with some friends and got arrested on a warrant. I didn't see him again for about 6 months. During that time, I heard all sorts of rumors about why he was arrested, and they were not good. About 2 weeks after he was gone, I'm about 99% positive that I had a miscarriage. It broke my heart. All Cory ever wanted was a family. (His was so incredibly fucked up.) Months later, I saw him in a van for the local youth work camp. We started arranging to run into each other in public, even tho he couldn't talk to me. We started sending letters. He would sneak phone calls to me. But he would never tell me what had happened. He wanted to tell me in person. One day, I got a call from a lady that worked at the camp. She said tons of horrible things about Cory. Just that he was a bad person. A liar. That being involved with him would destroy my future and ruin my life. She convinced me that he 4 or 5 years younger than me. (which I only recently found out isn't true. He's two years younger than me. So he was 17/18 while we were together). They punished him for communicating with me by sending him to MacLaren.. where they send the really bad youth offenders. She got in my head. He started talking about wanting to marry me, and I freaked. I knew I couldn't just walk away from Cory. It would never happen. And, I did the worst thing I've ever done. I cheated on him. Then broke up with him. I knew I couldn't tell him what I'd done. It would hurt him so much. He'd want to confront the guy, and that guy would have wiped the floor with him (probably why I picked that guy)... and I knew I couldn't stay with him and NOT tell him. I remember not answering his phone call. The phone rang at the appointed time, and I sat there listening to it, bawling.

He's the one that, all these years later, I still wonder if I did the right thing (albeit, in the most chickenshit, wrong way). I finally found him on Facebook. (I haven't contacted him.) He's got that family he always wanted. A beautiful wife, and adorable children. And I am so incredibly heartbroken and jealous. He's the one I always hoped would pop back into my life; grown-up, mature, and ready to straighten things out. He's the one that I look at my son and think, he should have been your daddy.

10. First Drink. I think it was wine at Grandma's on New Year's Eve... I didn't like it and gave it to my cousin. 

11. First Sign of a Backbone....... when I came out of the womb and kicked the doctor in the face for slapping my ass???? lol.. Ummmm at 3, my mom broke a wooden spoon over my butt. I stole all her's and my grandma's and buried them under the house. The best part of this story is that I didn't confess until I was 21.

12.  First Ambition... Hmmmm? I wanted to be an archeologist when I was in the 3rd grade. Then in 4th grade, I was introduced to Christa McAuliffe.. The first person I'd ever come across with MY name. Then I watched her die. And I knew I wanted to be an astronaut, which led to wanting to be a fighter pilot (Tom Cruise kind of helped) and that goal lasted until the 8th grade, until I was told they'd  never let me fly in combat. Then I fell in love with forensic science.

13. First Realization of Mortality. WTF are you talking about? I'm a goddamned goddess! Actually, I don't really remember not knowing I would die. As a child, I could never picture myself as grown up. I was certain I would die by my 21st birthday.  When I was 3, every incarnation of Sabin got hit by a car and never came back..... In probably about the 1st grade, my babysitter got hit by a car and died. I was in the 3rd grade when my grandfather killed himself.  I think it hit me hardest when Charmin died during my 8th grade year, that was life changing for me. But it's always been there. I mean, tho I didn't know until years later, I was born with death. It's always been around me.

Ok... that was horribly depressing.... I think I need a drink, and a silly meme to recoup.

My Cory songs...
We broke up every time this song came on the radio...