Can I stop at recommending that you not do the two at the same time?
I love tattoos. I have two... The first is a statement toward the stupidity of youth. Over anxious and trusting of a boy with a mickey moused race track controller... Dumb, Dumb, Dumb. Now I look like I have a sock monkey on my ankle.
Sex.... I'm a big fan. I was blessed with a mom I could really talk to. In the first grade all the big kids on the bus gave me the birds and the bees talk, with which I ran home, asked my mom to have a seat, then proceeded to tell her all I'd learned. She was a good sport about it. (I think I'd shit myself) But she simply nodded or shook her head. "Yes, that's true." "Well, no.. that's not exactly true." "Ohhhhh, well... I could see how that might be true."
At about 12 I learned what a blow job was. I might have learned in the first grade... or in the third grade... when Grant used to take me and Shawna into the sandunes and have us read Penthouse to him... (You didn't know about that..... He was a pervert.. but nothing bad happened, I promise.) Anyways... maybe at 12 I rediscovered the concept of a blowjob... which I thought was GROSS. And when I asked mom about the validity of this concept, she confirmed. And when I when I said, "Ewwwww!" she said "Ohhh trust me, some day your opinion will change." At 14 I confirmed that she was right.
I think my mom THINKS she knows when I lost my virginity. You think it was Corey. I remember coming home a little late for dinner. I think I had a smug look, you assumed something had happened... I confirmed. But this was not my first.........
It was less than 2 weeks after my 17th birthday... and I was supposed to be going to the high school for the Varsity double header against Reedsport. Both boys and girls teams were playing that night. And that is why I never confessed, because I lied about going to that game. I DID walk towards school, but before I got there BW pulled up in his Scirocco and asked me if I wanted a ride. (Admittedly, he'd been trying to get a little for years and I had known him since the 2nd grade when we used to play Star Wars on the playground equipment.)
Since we had extra time, we went to the beach- and one thing led to another. And I lost my virginity in the front seat of a Scirocco on the beach. And you MIGHT think that that's horrible... unromantic... SCREW romantic.. It was probably the best sex of my life.. and that is sad... but it gives me a goal.
At one point, after nearly kicking out the windshield, I was like "OMG, what was that?"
He laughed, "I think you just had your first orgasm."
Then he proceeded to give me two more. A true gentleman.
I discovered that I am incredibly fortunate in the orgasm department. I can have them inside, outside, upside down. 1 fish, 2 fish, 3 fish, 4. My max is 11 in one go.
And I'm always like, "Can we do it again?"
Or like Oliver Twist, "Please, sir, I want some more."
Sorry mom, another case of TMI.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
To All My Faithful Followers...
HAHAHA but no, really. Some little bits of wisdom.
The Five Truths of Life
(I know... everyone knows them.. people just need reminded.)
1 Fire is HOT!
2 Food is GOOD!
3 Good sex is BETTER!
4 Men are STUPID!
5 Women are EVIL!
It's the truth and you can't change it. As Burp says I say, "You'll get what you get, and you'll be happy about it!!"
The Five Truths of Life
(I know... everyone knows them.. people just need reminded.)
1 Fire is HOT!
2 Food is GOOD!
3 Good sex is BETTER!
4 Men are STUPID!
5 Women are EVIL!
It's the truth and you can't change it. As Burp says I say, "You'll get what you get, and you'll be happy about it!!"
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Name Callers
So last night at Cub Scouts, my friend and I were hiding from the rain, and prying eyes, under a big ponderosa pine smoking and bullshitting because both of our boys seem to do better without us around. To be honest, I have no idea what we were initially talking about, but her response (admittedly joking- in that "it's-true-but-I-don't-care" way) was, "Ohhh right, but you're the nonbeliever."
Why do people say that? If people really want to point fingers, can't they do it accurately? Couldn't they call me the you-believe-too-much-er?
So I asked, "Nonbeliever? Like I don't believe that the Bible is The Divine Truth set down by God through man? True, I believe the Bible is a historically inspired fiction intended to teach man humanity, morality, and community. Like I don't believe that Jesus was The Christ, The Messiah, incarnate from the Virgin Mary, and no more the "Son of God" than you or I? True. I believe that Jesus was a prophet, like Abraham, Mohammad, and Buddha. Nonbeliever, like I don't believe that I have the knowledge or comprehension to be able to name one religion more "true" than another, nor one definition or interpretation of "God" to be more correct than the next? True. So I choose to learn what I can of all of them and respect all as different interpretations of the same, being unique and significant in their own way."
I am an Omnist. I think. It seems to fit. But then who knows? For so long I thought I was a pagan based on my polytheistic views, only to find that there's a better word for it - omnitheistic. Or does that fall into the pagan category too? Why do I struggle to label myself? Maybe because so much of the world tries to and gets it so wrong. Everyone has to fit into an easily defined category. Well, I don't. My beliefs don't.
Faith isn't a prepackaged frozen pizza with limited choice of toppings. Faith knows only the bounds of your heart and mind. Sometimes that faith doesn't fit into a religion. Have you ever tried to put 20 or more helium balloons into too small a car? That's how I feel on both sides of the issue. Stubborn, persistent jubilance and frantic stuffing - just trying to make it fit.
Why do people say that? If people really want to point fingers, can't they do it accurately? Couldn't they call me the you-believe-too-much-er?
So I asked, "Nonbeliever? Like I don't believe that the Bible is The Divine Truth set down by God through man? True, I believe the Bible is a historically inspired fiction intended to teach man humanity, morality, and community. Like I don't believe that Jesus was The Christ, The Messiah, incarnate from the Virgin Mary, and no more the "Son of God" than you or I? True. I believe that Jesus was a prophet, like Abraham, Mohammad, and Buddha. Nonbeliever, like I don't believe that I have the knowledge or comprehension to be able to name one religion more "true" than another, nor one definition or interpretation of "God" to be more correct than the next? True. So I choose to learn what I can of all of them and respect all as different interpretations of the same, being unique and significant in their own way."
I am an Omnist. I think. It seems to fit. But then who knows? For so long I thought I was a pagan based on my polytheistic views, only to find that there's a better word for it - omnitheistic. Or does that fall into the pagan category too? Why do I struggle to label myself? Maybe because so much of the world tries to and gets it so wrong. Everyone has to fit into an easily defined category. Well, I don't. My beliefs don't.
Faith isn't a prepackaged frozen pizza with limited choice of toppings. Faith knows only the bounds of your heart and mind. Sometimes that faith doesn't fit into a religion. Have you ever tried to put 20 or more helium balloons into too small a car? That's how I feel on both sides of the issue. Stubborn, persistent jubilance and frantic stuffing - just trying to make it fit.
Monday, November 9, 2009
20 Years Ago Today...
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Talk Thursday: Life Altering Truths
There have been a few "Life Altering Truths" for me.. Things that changed the way I thought, the way I looked at life.
#3 John Grisham's The Chamber
Before reading this book, I was an avid believer in an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. I believed that murderers and rapist and molesters should have done to them exactly what was done to their victims. After reading this book, I still believe in the death penalty, but I believe now that death shouldn't be a punishment, but a solution to a problem that can't be solved by other means. I realized that humanity is what separated us from them, and if we take pleasure or satisfaction in the "act" of the death penalty, then we are no different than they are... we just have a slightly more deserving victim. I now support the death penalty, but by lethal injection only, because I AM NOT like they are.
#2 The Lie of Abraham Lincoln
As children we are taught that the Great Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves....
In high school, we were finally taught that Abraham Lincoln was simply a Great Politician, and did no such thing. My world was shattered when I discovered that Good 'ol Abe only freed the slaves in the Confederate States who didn't recognize him as president anyway and the Border States were allowed to keep their slaves until the ratification of the 13th Amendment.
When the truth was revealed, I not only lost faith in the validity of the history our country teaches it's children, but lost a hero in the process. And I share a birthday with the bum.
#1 Sweet Baby Jesus
As children the churches, and I went to almost all of them, teach you that Sweet Baby Jesus loves everyone equally, died for our sins, and that one day we would all join him in Heaven. They seem to ignore that Sweet Baby Jesus did all of his saving as an adult, but hey, all kids like babies. They don't tell you that there is such a thing as "Age of Accountability" after which Jesus only died for your sins if you, at the very least, "ask him into your heart" or get baptized. And then, not every one gets to Heaven and, depending on the religion, if you do get there, you probably won't get to his level anyway.
In truth, my problem isn't with the belief structures, it's with the way they dupe kids into thinking one way, only to spring the rules and regulations on them when they're finally deemed old enough to handle it. (For most of Christianity the "Age of Accountability" is 12, the Roman Catholic church sets that age as 7, the LDS church 8. And (I know not Christian, but still) Judaism 13, Baha'i 15... they can't even agree on a stinking age, no wonder there's wars.) After this point, you're only loved if you're forgiven and that's only if you pray for it, have communion, love the opposite sex, don't ingest caffeine, don't have sex unless married to the opposite sex, don't have tattoos, don't eat pork or shrimp, and some can't dance, wear perfume, make-up, or jewelry.
Life was so much simpler when it was "love thy neighbor as thy self", "do unto others as you would have them do unto you", and "judge not, least ye be judged".
#3 John Grisham's The Chamber
Before reading this book, I was an avid believer in an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. I believed that murderers and rapist and molesters should have done to them exactly what was done to their victims. After reading this book, I still believe in the death penalty, but I believe now that death shouldn't be a punishment, but a solution to a problem that can't be solved by other means. I realized that humanity is what separated us from them, and if we take pleasure or satisfaction in the "act" of the death penalty, then we are no different than they are... we just have a slightly more deserving victim. I now support the death penalty, but by lethal injection only, because I AM NOT like they are.
#2 The Lie of Abraham Lincoln
As children we are taught that the Great Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves....
In high school, we were finally taught that Abraham Lincoln was simply a Great Politician, and did no such thing. My world was shattered when I discovered that Good 'ol Abe only freed the slaves in the Confederate States who didn't recognize him as president anyway and the Border States were allowed to keep their slaves until the ratification of the 13th Amendment.
When the truth was revealed, I not only lost faith in the validity of the history our country teaches it's children, but lost a hero in the process. And I share a birthday with the bum.
#1 Sweet Baby Jesus
As children the churches, and I went to almost all of them, teach you that Sweet Baby Jesus loves everyone equally, died for our sins, and that one day we would all join him in Heaven. They seem to ignore that Sweet Baby Jesus did all of his saving as an adult, but hey, all kids like babies. They don't tell you that there is such a thing as "Age of Accountability" after which Jesus only died for your sins if you, at the very least, "ask him into your heart" or get baptized. And then, not every one gets to Heaven and, depending on the religion, if you do get there, you probably won't get to his level anyway.
In truth, my problem isn't with the belief structures, it's with the way they dupe kids into thinking one way, only to spring the rules and regulations on them when they're finally deemed old enough to handle it. (For most of Christianity the "Age of Accountability" is 12, the Roman Catholic church sets that age as 7, the LDS church 8. And (I know not Christian, but still) Judaism 13, Baha'i 15... they can't even agree on a stinking age, no wonder there's wars.) After this point, you're only loved if you're forgiven and that's only if you pray for it, have communion, love the opposite sex, don't ingest caffeine, don't have sex unless married to the opposite sex, don't have tattoos, don't eat pork or shrimp, and some can't dance, wear perfume, make-up, or jewelry.
Life was so much simpler when it was "love thy neighbor as thy self", "do unto others as you would have them do unto you", and "judge not, least ye be judged".
One More Meme...
Ok... so really... I'm just putting off housework.
Here we go.
Here we go.
- What do you add to your coffee? White Chocolate Macadamia Nut Creamer.... mmmmmMMMMmmmmm
- What are you reading now? Angels and Demons by Dan Brown
- Do you own a gun? 2- 22 rifles
- Are you registered to vote? Yes... Democrat.... but I don't ALWAYS vote party.
- Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? No. Well, if they're going to make me get nakid.... I demand dinner and a movie first.
- What do you think of hot dogs? Post-cholecystectomy... love'em
- Favorite Christmas Song? “Little Drummer Boy”
- What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Coffee.. all day, everyday
- Can you do push ups? No.. not ever... but I can still do the splits!
- What was the name of your first boyfriend/girlfriend? Funny... I could have left my mom's answer... Ron.. and yes his blue eyes were beautiful.
- What’s your favorite piece of jewelery? My 21st birthday ring
- Favorite hobby? Hobby.....? Who has time for hobbies..
- Do you work with people who idolize you? No, but they should.
- Do you have ADD? Maybe.... or am I just an airhead?
- What’s one trait that you hate about yourself? My laziness...
- What’s your Middle name? Doniene
- Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment. I gotta pee. What day is it? Hmmmm COFFEE.
- Name 3 things you bought yesterday. Cigarettes.... that's it.
- Name 3 beverages you regularly drink. Coffee, Diet Cherry Pepsi, cranberry juice....
- Current worry right now? How long till I HAVE to go pee
- What side do you dress to? depends on what I find first....
- Favorite place to be? In the car, driving to mom's.
- How did you bring in the New Year? shit... I can't remember what I had for dinner last night...
- Where would you like to go? COSTA RICA, Ireland, Scotland
- Name three people who will complete this. Not really passing it on... tho anyone can... duh
- Whose answers do you want to read the most? everyones
- What color shirt are you wearing? White tank top..... with a shelf bra... cuz I don't feel like wearing a real one...
- Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? No... but I love the high count Egyptian stuff...
- Can you whistle? Not really... my mom took the whistle for the next few generations..
- Favorite colors(s)? Green, pink, and blue
- Could you be a pirate? naw, I'm a ninja
- What songs do you sing in the shower? Amen-by Take 6, Dream a little dream...., Sentimental Journey,
- Favorite girls name? Gavynne
- Favorite boy’s name? Calen
- What’s in your pocket right now? no pockets.. usually cell, lighter, pack of smokes, lipgloss, and maybe money in my bra..
- Last thing that made you laugh? Who knows, I laugh a lot
- Best bed sheets as a child? I had Garfield... I can't say they were best... but I had 'em.
- Worst injury you’ve ever had?Hyper extended, then dislocated my knee over and over and over and over
- Do you love where you live? My apartment? better than where I used to live, Oregon... there's no better place on earth.
- How many TVs do you have in your house? Three
- Who is your loudest friend? my friend Ty
- How many dogs do you have? None.. 2 kitties, Boudicea (Bodi) and Neko
- Does anyone have a crush on you? Doubtful
- What are the most fun things you ever did? Crap. Apple baseball with Burp and Jackie, Music trivia and singing in the car with mom...
- What are your favorite books? Lucifer's Hammer- Larry Niven and Jerry Pournelle, The Lord Of The Rings – JRR Tolkien, The Jenny T Partridge series - Natalie, Dean Koontz, Charles Dickens
- What is your favorite candy? Anything peanut butter and chocolate
- Favorite Team? U of O Ducks.
- What songs do you want played at your funeral? Don't want one.. but there can be a party... ummmm How bout "It's my party, and I'll cry if I want to.........." LOL You would cry too if it happened to you... dootdododoot
- What were you doing at 12 AM? Worrying that I had my weekends confused and maybe I should be at work..
- What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? What day is it? Where's Ben? Do I have to get him from school?
I've Never Done a Meme before... so I stole one from mom.
Ten things about yourself:
1. Name: MOM, MOM,MOM,MOM,MOM,momomomomomo... wait.. I have another name???
2. Birthday: Shared with Not-So-Honest-Abe
3. Where do you live: DUCKTOWN
4. Right or Left handed: Right... but I can bat either...
5. Favorite color: Green and PINK....
6. Favorite sport: To watch... lately football.... to play... baseball
7. Biggest Fear: Falling... 3 feet or 30...
8. Status: single..... forever single
9. Do you have a crush on someone? Yes... a horribly wrong crush on an absolutely gorgeous, funny, smart, MARRIED doctor.... figures.... *sigh*
Your last....
1. Cigarette: 2 hours ago
2. Beverage: Coffee
3. Kiss: Today - Burp... does that count..... otherwise... Ohhh god... January
4. Hug: Today - Burp...... Otherwise.. last week
5. Movie seen: Shaun of the Dead... (One of my favs)
6. CD played: Sublime
7. Song listened to: No Woman, No Cry
8. Bubble bath: Holy Crap..... no idea
9. Time you cried: A few days ago, responding to mom's blog
Eight Have-You-Ever's:
1. Dated one of your best friends or wanted to? No, yes
2. Skinny dipped: Kinda
3. Kissed somebody and regretted it: *blush* yes
4. Liked someone you knew you couldn't have: See #9
5. Been overseas: Yes
6. Dressed in costume: Yes (kind of a dumb question... everyone's trick-or-treated)
7. Been drunk: This week? no.... lol.. ummm When Tandy was here.
8. Run away: Kinda.... I think that was a motivator behind my move to Canada.
Two Things That You Want To Be When You Grow Up:
1. Happy
2. Half of a whole
1. Name: MOM, MOM,MOM,MOM,MOM,momomomomomo... wait.. I have another name???
2. Birthday: Shared with Not-So-Honest-Abe
3. Where do you live: DUCKTOWN
4. Right or Left handed: Right... but I can bat either...
5. Favorite color: Green and PINK....
6. Favorite sport: To watch... lately football.... to play... baseball
7. Biggest Fear: Falling... 3 feet or 30...
8. Status: single..... forever single
9. Do you have a crush on someone? Yes... a horribly wrong crush on an absolutely gorgeous, funny, smart, MARRIED doctor.... figures.... *sigh*
Your last....
1. Cigarette: 2 hours ago
2. Beverage: Coffee
3. Kiss: Today - Burp... does that count..... otherwise... Ohhh god... January
4. Hug: Today - Burp...... Otherwise.. last week
5. Movie seen: Shaun of the Dead... (One of my favs)
6. CD played: Sublime
7. Song listened to: No Woman, No Cry
8. Bubble bath: Holy Crap..... no idea
9. Time you cried: A few days ago, responding to mom's blog
Eight Have-You-Ever's:
1. Dated one of your best friends or wanted to? No, yes
2. Skinny dipped: Kinda
3. Kissed somebody and regretted it: *blush* yes
4. Liked someone you knew you couldn't have: See #9
5. Been overseas: Yes
6. Dressed in costume: Yes (kind of a dumb question... everyone's trick-or-treated)
7. Been drunk: This week? no.... lol.. ummm When Tandy was here.
8. Run away: Kinda.... I think that was a motivator behind my move to Canada.
Two Things That You Want To Be When You Grow Up:
1. Happy
2. Half of a whole
Friday, November 6, 2009
Ohhh Freedom!
I was raised on sports. I always tell people that I got my potty mouth from my mother; but for me, I perfected it. Conjugating swear words is the only art form I excel at. My mother doesn't cuss a lot in her everyday life... but apparently swearing while watching sports doesn't count.... kind of like bathroom farts.
For the first time in my adult life.... I don't have a roommate.. I don't have anyone around to bitch if I want to watch sports... Ohhhh the rapture..
THIS WEEK I HAVE WATCHED FOOTBALL, BASEBALL, AND HOCKEY!!!
I ask you, does life get any better??? ................ well sex would be nice.
(I swear, if it weren't for the fact that I have given birth, and have an insatiable need for chocolate, I'd wonder if I really have ovaries.. When does American Idol come back on? I need to exercise my girl-mones.)
Tonight I"m watching the Boise St/Louisiana Tech game... And I didn't know who to root for. My gut says Boise beat us, I want them to die.... but logic says that if they are the one team that beat us, it looks better if they stay undefeated. A few minutes into the game it was apparent that it didn't matter who I rooted for, Boise's going to win. Everyone says that their being undefeated doesn't really mean much because they don't have a difficult conference, but either Lou Tech sucks or Boise's pretty damn good. Or they're having a pretty impressive game at least.
Tomorrow we go to Stanford... (I'm kinda nervous.) I think we can. We're on fire lately... ESPN is picking the Ducks to win... but shit happens, and shit sucks..... *Fingers crossed* GO DICKS!!!!
OHhhhhh and, light a candle for me..... I MIGHT be in line for a set of Civil War tickets... When I told Connie that Burp cried cuz he didn't get to go to the Halloween game, she said it was very likely that she could get me Civil War tickets.... that would be sooooooooooo sweet... even if it's a night game and I have to work afterwards... I could be a little late....
Go DUCKS!!!
For the first time in my adult life.... I don't have a roommate.. I don't have anyone around to bitch if I want to watch sports... Ohhhh the rapture..
THIS WEEK I HAVE WATCHED FOOTBALL, BASEBALL, AND HOCKEY!!!
I ask you, does life get any better??? ................ well sex would be nice.
(I swear, if it weren't for the fact that I have given birth, and have an insatiable need for chocolate, I'd wonder if I really have ovaries.. When does American Idol come back on? I need to exercise my girl-mones.)
Tonight I"m watching the Boise St/Louisiana Tech game... And I didn't know who to root for. My gut says Boise beat us, I want them to die.... but logic says that if they are the one team that beat us, it looks better if they stay undefeated. A few minutes into the game it was apparent that it didn't matter who I rooted for, Boise's going to win. Everyone says that their being undefeated doesn't really mean much because they don't have a difficult conference, but either Lou Tech sucks or Boise's pretty damn good. Or they're having a pretty impressive game at least.
Tomorrow we go to Stanford... (I'm kinda nervous.) I think we can. We're on fire lately... ESPN is picking the Ducks to win... but shit happens, and shit sucks..... *Fingers crossed* GO DICKS!!!!
OHhhhhh and, light a candle for me..... I MIGHT be in line for a set of Civil War tickets... When I told Connie that Burp cried cuz he didn't get to go to the Halloween game, she said it was very likely that she could get me Civil War tickets.... that would be sooooooooooo sweet... even if it's a night game and I have to work afterwards... I could be a little late....
Go DUCKS!!!
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Just Something to Make You Laugh
Gifts of clothing never looked so good!
About a year ago Ben and I got in a fight.....
Ben: "Fine. I hate you! I'm running away!"
Mom: "Great! But you're going to look awfully funny running down the street naked, cuz every thing you THINK you own, I bought... AND YOU'RE NOT GOING TO STEAL FROM ME!!"
Ben (Eyes wide with dumbfounded disbelief) : .......................WHAT? ................................................ Fine... I'll wear the clothes grandma got me for my birthday! THOSE ARE MINE!"
Damn it! Foiled again!! As a kid, I hated clothes as a gift..... but then, I never threatened to run away much...
About a year ago Ben and I got in a fight.....
Ben: "Fine. I hate you! I'm running away!"
Mom: "Great! But you're going to look awfully funny running down the street naked, cuz every thing you THINK you own, I bought... AND YOU'RE NOT GOING TO STEAL FROM ME!!"
Ben (Eyes wide with dumbfounded disbelief) : .......................WHAT? ................................................ Fine... I'll wear the clothes grandma got me for my birthday! THOSE ARE MINE!"
Damn it! Foiled again!! As a kid, I hated clothes as a gift..... but then, I never threatened to run away much...
...................... damn
Noah Biorkman, Dying 5-Year-Old, Gets Early X-Mas Cards From Around the Nation - Noah Biorkman - Zim
Source: www.zimbio.com
People around America are opening their hearts to the story of Noah Biorkman , a 5-year-old boy currently in a hospice, dying from Stage IV neuroblastoma. His parents are asking people all around th...
Clarification.....
MacGyver was my 2nd
Flint was definitely first!!
And no one can claim that GI Joes wasn't sexual..
Cuz he married
Lady Jaye.
But the hotness of
The Baroness
Made every little girl want to be a little
BAD!
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Talk Thursday: Mea Culpa
Ohhhhh I'm in trouble.. You think it's all fun and laughs, but when your mother will probably be the first person to read this, ya get a little nervous...
I have fessed up tomost, ummm, a lot of my childhood transgressions. At the age of 21, I confessed to the Great Wooden Spoon Disappearance that occurred when I was approximately 3 years old. My mom and I lived on my grandma's property and she babysat me while mom worked. I have no clue what I did, but one day mom broke a wooden spoon over my butt. Determined that this would never, ever happen again, I stole all the wooden spoons. Not just from our house, but grandma's house too. I crawled under the house, dug a hole, broke the ones I could and buried the whole lot of them. As if this story alone doesn't show that even at the sweet age of three I was a hellion and wouldn't take no shit, you should also know that this is the age that I put the hammer through the fish tank, not once but twice in one week. (Some of you might think I deserved that broken wooden spoon, but rationale says put up the god damned hammers!)
My point is, there seems to be a statute of limitations on confessing childhood misdeeds. I sure hope that 20-25 years is long enough, cuz if not... it's going to be a lonely Christmas...
Second or third grade saw me as a latch-key kid. Yes I survived, no I never burned down the house, but holy crap! I don't know how I managed not too.
First of all, I LOVED McGuyver. He was my second crush ever!
Second of all, my step dad reloaded his own ammunition. I had hours and hours of unsupervised time in a garage FULL of flammable and combustible goods. I spent MONTHS trying to make that damned couch-fluff bomb. (mom.... I know you're shitting yourself right now.... but we're all alive.. and I'm a somewhat well-adjusted adult) (and hey, you LET me watch McGuyver and left me unsupervised...)
I should mention my first crush ever.... Flint.. from G.I.Joe's... My mom wouldn't get me Joe's... so when I went to my dad's house, I'd lift them from my little brothers. Mom found them, the first time, and made me give them back. After that, she never found them again. I had hours and hours of unsupervised time in a garage FULL of flammable and combustible goods. My favorite thing to do was to stand the Cobra evildoers in the sand and surround them with wooden matches (to be honest, the gun powder didn't burn well, and I lost interest in it fairly quickly) and I'd light one match and torch the Cobra with mom's hairspray... or lighter fluid (we bbq'ed a lot). (Again....you LET me watch McGuyver and left me unsupervised...and I think it's prudent to point out, if I'd had my own, I wouldn't have had to destroy them for fear of my theft being found out.)
At 12, they bought me a gun! But that's a story I'll save for Thanksgiving!
I am a SCIENTIST.... I'm curious by nature.. One of my mom's favorite sayings is "Curiosity killed the cat... SATISFACTION brought it back.." Not having a proper science kit, I did quite well with a stand magnifying glass, Exacto knife, and some hard, clear plastic sheeting that I made slides out of.. I would catch bugs, put them in zip lock bags, freeze them, then dissect them and put various parts on slides and store them in the freezer. I can't tell you how many times I got in trouble for it. Inevitably we would have company and my mom would go to the freezer to get ice, and find my experiments... Just think what I could have done if I'd had a proper science kit.
Also, in the name of science, I would catch bees, put them in little paper bags, shake them up really good, douse it with lighter fluid, and torch it. Instant fireflies!
I HATE June bugs. With a fiery passion.. actually, in this case, it wasn't fiery. Thanks to McGuyver, I learned very young what happens when you mix ammonia and bleach. FOR THE LOVE OF SCIENCE... I caught a particularly hissy June bug and put it in a ziplock bag, to see how long the bug could live without air... The fucker lived for ever!!!! So I took a cotton ball and put ammonia on it, put it in the bag... took a cotton ball and put bleach on it.. put it in the bag... That damned thing lived for like 3 more hours... and science proved that when the leaders of this world go crazy and push the buttons, June bugs will out live us all.. the bastards.
You may say, "Now you're a parent, Psam... based on your own childhood, aren't you worried?"
Not at all. Though impulsivity IS an ADHD trait, mine also has clinical anxiety and therefore is too chicken to be anything like I was as a child.
You may think that I'm disturbed, wondering if I ever moved on to small animals, and if I'm a serial killer in the making... No.... Although I did go through a small phase where we played funeral a lot, combing the neighborhood for dead animals to give proper funerals too, I never killed any animals, small or large, in the name of science, or not.
And... I don't play with fire anymore.... well, last year our patio slab had an ant infestation in a crack... and I used lighter fluid on it.... does that count??
I love you mom! (Who picked this topic???? No Christmas card for you!!)
I have fessed up to
My point is, there seems to be a statute of limitations on confessing childhood misdeeds. I sure hope that 20-25 years is long enough, cuz if not... it's going to be a lonely Christmas...
Second or third grade saw me as a latch-key kid. Yes I survived, no I never burned down the house, but holy crap! I don't know how I managed not too.
First of all, I LOVED McGuyver. He was my second crush ever!
Second of all, my step dad reloaded his own ammunition. I had hours and hours of unsupervised time in a garage FULL of flammable and combustible goods. I spent MONTHS trying to make that damned couch-fluff bomb. (mom.... I know you're shitting yourself right now.... but we're all alive.. and I'm a somewhat well-adjusted adult) (and hey, you LET me watch McGuyver and left me unsupervised...)
I should mention my first crush ever.... Flint.. from G.I.Joe's... My mom wouldn't get me Joe's... so when I went to my dad's house, I'd lift them from my little brothers. Mom found them, the first time, and made me give them back. After that, she never found them again. I had hours and hours of unsupervised time in a garage FULL of flammable and combustible goods. My favorite thing to do was to stand the Cobra evildoers in the sand and surround them with wooden matches (to be honest, the gun powder didn't burn well, and I lost interest in it fairly quickly) and I'd light one match and torch the Cobra with mom's hairspray... or lighter fluid (we bbq'ed a lot). (Again....you LET me watch McGuyver and left me unsupervised...and I think it's prudent to point out, if I'd had my own, I wouldn't have had to destroy them for fear of my theft being found out.)
At 12, they bought me a gun! But that's a story I'll save for Thanksgiving!
I am a SCIENTIST.... I'm curious by nature.. One of my mom's favorite sayings is "Curiosity killed the cat... SATISFACTION brought it back.." Not having a proper science kit, I did quite well with a stand magnifying glass, Exacto knife, and some hard, clear plastic sheeting that I made slides out of.. I would catch bugs, put them in zip lock bags, freeze them, then dissect them and put various parts on slides and store them in the freezer. I can't tell you how many times I got in trouble for it. Inevitably we would have company and my mom would go to the freezer to get ice, and find my experiments... Just think what I could have done if I'd had a proper science kit.
Also, in the name of science, I would catch bees, put them in little paper bags, shake them up really good, douse it with lighter fluid, and torch it. Instant fireflies!
I HATE June bugs. With a fiery passion.. actually, in this case, it wasn't fiery. Thanks to McGuyver, I learned very young what happens when you mix ammonia and bleach. FOR THE LOVE OF SCIENCE... I caught a particularly hissy June bug and put it in a ziplock bag, to see how long the bug could live without air... The fucker lived for ever!!!! So I took a cotton ball and put ammonia on it, put it in the bag... took a cotton ball and put bleach on it.. put it in the bag... That damned thing lived for like 3 more hours... and science proved that when the leaders of this world go crazy and push the buttons, June bugs will out live us all.. the bastards.
You may say, "Now you're a parent, Psam... based on your own childhood, aren't you worried?"
Not at all. Though impulsivity IS an ADHD trait, mine also has clinical anxiety and therefore is too chicken to be anything like I was as a child.
You may think that I'm disturbed, wondering if I ever moved on to small animals, and if I'm a serial killer in the making... No.... Although I did go through a small phase where we played funeral a lot, combing the neighborhood for dead animals to give proper funerals too, I never killed any animals, small or large, in the name of science, or not.
And... I don't play with fire anymore.... well, last year our patio slab had an ant infestation in a crack... and I used lighter fluid on it.... does that count??
I love you mom! (Who picked this topic???? No Christmas card for you!!)
Monday, November 2, 2009
UPDATE: ... Another Castaway..
I had talked to our nurse in charge of abuse cases, and she followed up on that boy. His youngest brother has been removed from the home. It makes me feel like there is hope out there, and that not all bad kids are just bad kids.. Sometimes there's a reason and hopefully the older boys will get the help they need.
Random Man Thoughts......
I love a smart man. Nothing makes me squee quicker than a man with brains talking something I don't get... like quantum physics, math, or computers... yes, once I called tech support just to talk to a nerdy man for an hour.
Interesting problem though. Most nerdy/geeky guys don't like sports. This is a problem. I now hang out in a chat that is abundant with nerds- computer programmers, teachers, physicists, pharmacists, and the random gamer that isn't overly smart (except in computers). And 99% hate sports with a passion.... is this left over from school days when they were ridiculed for their suckiness on the athletic field? Who knows, but it reveals an interesting problem: How do I find a man that fits my intellectual need - and my love for sports? or am I just shit out of luck?
So ATTENTION everyone.
WANTED: One eligible man who is gifted with brains AND brawn.
Must have an actual career.
Must not like the 49ers or the Yankees.
Should be between the ages of 30 and 40 (Not firm on this though... I would never turn down some poor 21 yrd old nerdy athlete based on age... that would just be mean.)(Or a certain gorgeous doctor who, I think, is turning 41)
Must love kids.. or at least mine..
Must love practicing making kids... duh!
Must be into fatties.. unless he's a plastic sugeon and doesn't mind home lipo.
Must have a sense of humor... I know this isn't common amongst intellectuals.
Must have some fight in him... Or I'll walk all over him..... at least I recognize my faults.
Must like my mother... cuz my life will be hell if you don't get on her good side... and very few ever have.
MUST NOT be self-centered, egotistical, prejudiced, or close-minded.
Strongly recommended: an interest in world religion, politics, and constructive debate.
NEED NOT APPLY if you're devoutly anything, ie. religious, republican, serious (or recreational) drug user, child molester, or alcoholic.
One exception : DEVOUT DUCK FANS WELCOME!!!!
So.... if you know anyone who fits my small criteria, HOOK ME UP!!
lol.... I'm going to be single a long, long, long time.
Interesting problem though. Most nerdy/geeky guys don't like sports. This is a problem. I now hang out in a chat that is abundant with nerds- computer programmers, teachers, physicists, pharmacists, and the random gamer that isn't overly smart (except in computers). And 99% hate sports with a passion.... is this left over from school days when they were ridiculed for their suckiness on the athletic field? Who knows, but it reveals an interesting problem: How do I find a man that fits my intellectual need - and my love for sports? or am I just shit out of luck?
So ATTENTION everyone.
WANTED: One eligible man who is gifted with brains AND brawn.
Must have an actual career.
Must not like the 49ers or the Yankees.
Should be between the ages of 30 and 40 (Not firm on this though... I would never turn down some poor 21 yrd old nerdy athlete based on age... that would just be mean.)(Or a certain gorgeous doctor who, I think, is turning 41)
Must love kids.. or at least mine..
Must love practicing making kids... duh!
Must be into fatties.. unless he's a plastic sugeon and doesn't mind home lipo.
Must have a sense of humor... I know this isn't common amongst intellectuals.
Must have some fight in him... Or I'll walk all over him..... at least I recognize my faults.
Must like my mother... cuz my life will be hell if you don't get on her good side... and very few ever have.
MUST NOT be self-centered, egotistical, prejudiced, or close-minded.
Strongly recommended: an interest in world religion, politics, and constructive debate.
NEED NOT APPLY if you're devoutly anything, ie. religious, republican, serious (or recreational) drug user, child molester, or alcoholic.
One exception : DEVOUT DUCK FANS WELCOME!!!!
So.... if you know anyone who fits my small criteria, HOOK ME UP!!
lol.... I'm going to be single a long, long, long time.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Fright Night @ Autzen
47-20 Oregon!!!
I seem to recall USC freshman quarterback Matt Barkley saying that he didn't fear Autzen, that he would feed off the noise. He must have eaten himself to death, cuz that poor boy choked and died on the field last night.
Sure Vegas was playing 3:1 odds that USC would win.. but did anyone REALLY have any doubts??
We're now ranked #8 in the BCS standings, #7 in the AP Top 25. Where's USC....? 12th. Kinda makes me giggle.
Now we look on to Stanford. I feel a Rose Bowl, the a national title in the near future for the Ducks.
Go Ducks. (Autzen from where I sat)
Saturday, October 31, 2009
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!
So excited.... last minute ticket to the UofO/ USC game is mine, all mine...
Kick off in 2 hours 12 minutes.... whoop!!!
GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO DUCKS!
Kick off in 2 hours 12 minutes.... whoop!!!
GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO DUCKS!
Friday, October 30, 2009
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
It's October......
October always seems to be a time of reflection for me. 20 years ago, October changed my life.
Charmin died that October. Bill left that October. My favorite teacher died that October. That October sucked. It's really easy to go back to such a soul shaking time and wonder how different would I be, how different would life be, if that time had never happened? You can wonder, but never get an answer.
I can say how I changed because of it. Although I still miss Charmin and feel her loss as though she died yesterday, I think I can say that I'm a better person for having known and lost her. To a certain extent, I think I'm better at letting people know that I care about them because I truly realize that tomorrow might never come. I think I let people walk all over me a little more than I should and I tend to repress hurts and angers too much. For awhile, I think I was a nicer person because of her. Unfortunately, I think that I'm falling away from that as it gets harder for me to hide injury and anger. Everything is so close to the surface these days.
As a child, I was mean and hateful. I got a lot of shit from the other kids, first for being a fatty, later for being a bitch. Some how I found a place in the role of bully. Puberty actually calmed it some. Then I became friends with Charmin. She was fun and kind, a true gentle soul. Her favorite song was Nancy Sinatra's “These Boots are Made for Walkin” and she always did this silly butt shaking dance when she sang it. Her favorite movie was The Seventh Sign. She used to make these “cookies” that were really just melted chocolate with anything thrown in them... mostly Cheerios and coconut. The winter before her death, it snowed a lot, and we went sledding down the hill behind her house in heavy duty plastic bags. They didn't hold up very well but we had so much fun. Afterwards she made us hot chocolate and we made ice cream out of snow (it wasn't very good, but it was fun) Her dog, I can't remember his name, used to always wear a red bandanna around his neck. And her older brother and his friends were soooooooo cute and cool. Her big sister scared the shit out of me. Tucker. Her dog's name was Tucker.
In August of '89 she joined my family on a camping trip to Idaho. She'd never been out of Oregon before... little did we know this would be her only trip out of state. She and I rode all the way to Idaho in the back of the truck with the dogs. We sang and listened to music, drew silly faces on each other with Easy Cheese, and when we got really bored, we painted the dogs toenails candy apple red. Wow was Bill mad. He freaked out and told us to take it off, but all that did was make Smoke's entire paws bright pink. (Smoke was a white boxer)
At one point Charm and I rowed out into the lake on the raft, but a wind kicked up and we couldn't make it back. I hopped in the water and towed her back in the raft. (Not that I would ever admit it, but damn I was pooped when I got back to shore.) I remember the two of us sitting next to each other, feet in the water, giggling as the minnows ate the scabs from our mosquito bites. We flirted with the boys a few sites over, I choked on orange soda while laughing and it came out my nose. I was so mortally embarrassed.
It was a good trip with good memories. Unfortunately, some where along the way my hormones and teen angst kicked in. I got a little bent that she was allowed private time, and I wasn't... Although, really... now looking back, I can't see that I really wanted private time.. I think it was more that I was upset she didn't want to hang with me in those brief moments. I got irritated because she always wanted to do every thing. I'm fat and lazy. I didn't want to hike to ANOTHER waterfall. Twenty years later, who knows what my mom really said, but I heard "Why can't you be more like Charmin?" So I came back from vacation a little bitter.
Back at home, Charm moved up to the high school and we didn't really see each other as I was still only an eighth grader. Then one day Bill walked out of the room to make a phone call and came back in to say, "Charmin's dead."
................................................ I can't remember much of the months that followed but ohhhhh my god, I can replay that moment over and over in my head. The shock, panic, disbelief. Hysteria. I remember begging him to call back. It couldn't be true. Please, just call back.
Those are moments that change us forever.
I regret that I was such a snot. I hope she knew how special she is to me.
I regret that during her service I couldn't stand up and say it.
I regret that I couldn't be there for her mom. That's a huge guilt. Rationale tells me I was only 13 and having my own issues with coping, but I know that's something Charm would have wanted.
I regret that I wasn't more eager to do those hikes, those are memories I don't have anymore.
To this day, I refuse to use Charmin toilet paper. All my friends know it and respect it.
Most of that year is a blur to me, but I do remember Mrs. Robles standing during Charmin's memorial service and what she said has become a mantra to my life.
"No one is ever truly gone until no one remembers them any longer."
I remember.
Charmin died that October. Bill left that October. My favorite teacher died that October. That October sucked. It's really easy to go back to such a soul shaking time and wonder how different would I be, how different would life be, if that time had never happened? You can wonder, but never get an answer.
I can say how I changed because of it. Although I still miss Charmin and feel her loss as though she died yesterday, I think I can say that I'm a better person for having known and lost her. To a certain extent, I think I'm better at letting people know that I care about them because I truly realize that tomorrow might never come. I think I let people walk all over me a little more than I should and I tend to repress hurts and angers too much. For awhile, I think I was a nicer person because of her. Unfortunately, I think that I'm falling away from that as it gets harder for me to hide injury and anger. Everything is so close to the surface these days.
As a child, I was mean and hateful. I got a lot of shit from the other kids, first for being a fatty, later for being a bitch. Some how I found a place in the role of bully. Puberty actually calmed it some. Then I became friends with Charmin. She was fun and kind, a true gentle soul. Her favorite song was Nancy Sinatra's “These Boots are Made for Walkin” and she always did this silly butt shaking dance when she sang it. Her favorite movie was The Seventh Sign. She used to make these “cookies” that were really just melted chocolate with anything thrown in them... mostly Cheerios and coconut. The winter before her death, it snowed a lot, and we went sledding down the hill behind her house in heavy duty plastic bags. They didn't hold up very well but we had so much fun. Afterwards she made us hot chocolate and we made ice cream out of snow (it wasn't very good, but it was fun) Her dog, I can't remember his name, used to always wear a red bandanna around his neck. And her older brother and his friends were soooooooo cute and cool. Her big sister scared the shit out of me. Tucker. Her dog's name was Tucker.
In August of '89 she joined my family on a camping trip to Idaho. She'd never been out of Oregon before... little did we know this would be her only trip out of state. She and I rode all the way to Idaho in the back of the truck with the dogs. We sang and listened to music, drew silly faces on each other with Easy Cheese, and when we got really bored, we painted the dogs toenails candy apple red. Wow was Bill mad. He freaked out and told us to take it off, but all that did was make Smoke's entire paws bright pink. (Smoke was a white boxer)
At one point Charm and I rowed out into the lake on the raft, but a wind kicked up and we couldn't make it back. I hopped in the water and towed her back in the raft. (Not that I would ever admit it, but damn I was pooped when I got back to shore.) I remember the two of us sitting next to each other, feet in the water, giggling as the minnows ate the scabs from our mosquito bites. We flirted with the boys a few sites over, I choked on orange soda while laughing and it came out my nose. I was so mortally embarrassed.
It was a good trip with good memories. Unfortunately, some where along the way my hormones and teen angst kicked in. I got a little bent that she was allowed private time, and I wasn't... Although, really... now looking back, I can't see that I really wanted private time.. I think it was more that I was upset she didn't want to hang with me in those brief moments. I got irritated because she always wanted to do every thing. I'm fat and lazy. I didn't want to hike to ANOTHER waterfall. Twenty years later, who knows what my mom really said, but I heard "Why can't you be more like Charmin?" So I came back from vacation a little bitter.
Back at home, Charm moved up to the high school and we didn't really see each other as I was still only an eighth grader. Then one day Bill walked out of the room to make a phone call and came back in to say, "Charmin's dead."
................................................ I can't remember much of the months that followed but ohhhhh my god, I can replay that moment over and over in my head. The shock, panic, disbelief. Hysteria. I remember begging him to call back. It couldn't be true. Please, just call back.
Those are moments that change us forever.
I regret that I was such a snot. I hope she knew how special she is to me.
I regret that during her service I couldn't stand up and say it.
I regret that I couldn't be there for her mom. That's a huge guilt. Rationale tells me I was only 13 and having my own issues with coping, but I know that's something Charm would have wanted.
I regret that I wasn't more eager to do those hikes, those are memories I don't have anymore.
To this day, I refuse to use Charmin toilet paper. All my friends know it and respect it.
Most of that year is a blur to me, but I do remember Mrs. Robles standing during Charmin's memorial service and what she said has become a mantra to my life.
"No one is ever truly gone until no one remembers them any longer."
I remember.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Friday, October 23, 2009
Talk Thursday: The Fabric of Connection
Sometimes the weave is not as strong as you think, sometimes it's stronger.
I have three best friends. Thank the gods my mom is my mom. I count her as one of my best friends, and she really can't ditch me. Life has taken the other two to the ends of the earth, but the weave is still strong.
Chole is in Alaska, I got to see her for a couple of hours in June, not nearly long enough, because her mom is also one of her best friends, and a time hog. Tandy moved to Australia in the name of love.
Tandy just visited and was here for two months. I took her back to the airport yesterday... some crap about missing her husband and all that. We did nothing special during her stay. Money was an issue, so really we just spent most of the time hanging out and basically living like the old days when she was my roommate... Except she didn't sleep all day (I did, due to working graveyard). She worked with Ben to earn Cub Scout beltloops and saved my butt one night when one of my den leaders had a family emergency. She helped him find a "like" for math again (cuz no one really loves math- that's just crazy talk)
We argue a lot. I'm way more patriotic than she is, which is not at all. We tend to listen to different kinds of music. We have different views on society, and raising children, and government. At one point during her visit, we were arguing and she said something about Hawaii not wanting to be part of the United States anymore. And I, just to piss her off, said "Well if I were president, I say everyone who doesn't want to be in the US anymore, raise your hand- Then I'd shoot them all between the eyes, because that's treason." She looked at me like I'd completely lost my mind, "How very communistic of you, Psam." And then I spent 15 minutes justifying my ridiculous response. Another twenty, and everything was fine- like it never happened and it was never again mentioned that I'd suggested the government wipe out Hawaii.
So now she's gone. I miss her terribly. It's hard, knowing that I'll probably not see her for another 2 or 3 years. We'll talk on line, and the occasional phone call. She's not gone, gone. But who's going to go to the porn store with me and tell me which ones are good or a waste of money and horribly embarrass me? No one else suprises me with Dutch Bros in bed. Who's going to sing songs from Buffy's "Once More with Feeling" episode, or "The Hero of Canton" from Firefly?? (Chole, but she's in Alaska)
Tandy is my crazy friend. She can be abrasive, childish, and weird, and thrives on alienating people.
Chole is my friend that I can have deep, mind bending conversations with about religion, politics, science, or the paranormal.
The three of us together is a guaranteed mind bending, soul shaking, insane experience.
I miss my friends, but I've discovered something interesting. Those friends that I had growing up, that I thought would be my friends for life, and aren't... I miss those friendships, but I don't feel a loss and never really did. Tandy and Chole will definitely be my friends forever. I miss them constantly. They are so in tuned, so interwoven into what makes me who I am that I truly fell as though a piece of me is missing. In some bizarre, nonsexual way, I feel that they are my soul mates. In the words of Burp, "Life isn't as cool or fun without them."
Love you guys.
~Ohhhh Tandy took some fab, ego boosting pics of me while she was here. I'll share the one that prob won't melt my mom's brain. (LOL her comment when she saw them, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING??) (May I point out that you were about my age when you had yours done?)
I have three best friends. Thank the gods my mom is my mom. I count her as one of my best friends, and she really can't ditch me. Life has taken the other two to the ends of the earth, but the weave is still strong.
Chole is in Alaska, I got to see her for a couple of hours in June, not nearly long enough, because her mom is also one of her best friends, and a time hog. Tandy moved to Australia in the name of love.
Tandy just visited and was here for two months. I took her back to the airport yesterday... some crap about missing her husband and all that. We did nothing special during her stay. Money was an issue, so really we just spent most of the time hanging out and basically living like the old days when she was my roommate... Except she didn't sleep all day (I did, due to working graveyard). She worked with Ben to earn Cub Scout beltloops and saved my butt one night when one of my den leaders had a family emergency. She helped him find a "like" for math again (cuz no one really loves math- that's just crazy talk)
We argue a lot. I'm way more patriotic than she is, which is not at all. We tend to listen to different kinds of music. We have different views on society, and raising children, and government. At one point during her visit, we were arguing and she said something about Hawaii not wanting to be part of the United States anymore. And I, just to piss her off, said "Well if I were president, I say everyone who doesn't want to be in the US anymore, raise your hand- Then I'd shoot them all between the eyes, because that's treason." She looked at me like I'd completely lost my mind, "How very communistic of you, Psam." And then I spent 15 minutes justifying my ridiculous response. Another twenty, and everything was fine- like it never happened and it was never again mentioned that I'd suggested the government wipe out Hawaii.
So now she's gone. I miss her terribly. It's hard, knowing that I'll probably not see her for another 2 or 3 years. We'll talk on line, and the occasional phone call. She's not gone, gone. But who's going to go to the porn store with me and tell me which ones are good or a waste of money and horribly embarrass me? No one else suprises me with Dutch Bros in bed. Who's going to sing songs from Buffy's "Once More with Feeling" episode, or "The Hero of Canton" from Firefly?? (Chole, but she's in Alaska)
Tandy is my crazy friend. She can be abrasive, childish, and weird, and thrives on alienating people.
Chole is my friend that I can have deep, mind bending conversations with about religion, politics, science, or the paranormal.
The three of us together is a guaranteed mind bending, soul shaking, insane experience.
I miss my friends, but I've discovered something interesting. Those friends that I had growing up, that I thought would be my friends for life, and aren't... I miss those friendships, but I don't feel a loss and never really did. Tandy and Chole will definitely be my friends forever. I miss them constantly. They are so in tuned, so interwoven into what makes me who I am that I truly fell as though a piece of me is missing. In some bizarre, nonsexual way, I feel that they are my soul mates. In the words of Burp, "Life isn't as cool or fun without them."
Love you guys.
~Ohhhh Tandy took some fab, ego boosting pics of me while she was here. I'll share the one that prob won't melt my mom's brain. (LOL her comment when she saw them, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING??) (May I point out that you were about my age when you had yours done?)
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Just Doing Research
Children's Oncology Services, Inc. (COSI) believes that a diagnosis of cancer should not prevent a child from experiencing the simple joys of childhood. Through the One Step At A Time programs, COSI offers camp experiences and educational programs throughout the year that allow children with cancer to just be kids. Our programs offer fun, friendship and support in a safe and nurturing environment.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Talk Thursday: Life, or Something Like It
I have been struggling with this topic. Mostly what came to me were all the gazillions of things I MEANT to do with this life. Nobody likes a whiner. I searched the web for some inspirational bit of text from a movie, book, or poem. Some great proverb or SOMETHING. Nothing.
What does keep popping into my head is this little poem from when I was a kid. I had atrocious handwriting and my mom would make me copy poems everyday during the summer for practice. (It didn't work, I still have bad handwriting!) That's where I remember this poem from.
Why is it so fitting? I've been trying to figure out my inadequacies, instead of just giving you a list of all the things I've meant to do. What I realized is, I've ALWAYS been this way. As a child, I would get grounded from my BOOKS, can you believe it?, because I would read ALL day and not get anything else done. It's not that I meant to ignore my chores, I just "forgot". Today, I meant to make that phone call, I meant to start that diet, or workout, or to give up smoking. I meant to try my hand at poetry again. I meant to do my laundry. I meant to bake some scones to take to work.
What's that saying? "The path to Hell is paved with good intentions.." (Good thing I don't believe in Hell!)
Somehow realizing that this is nothing new for me is easier to take. I don't feel like such a loser. I WAS BORN THIS WAY!!! Love it or leave it, I'm a procrastinator, and forgetful, and a bit lazy. And Goddamn it, I hate talking on the phone.
So here is that poem from my youth, that seems to have stuck with me all these years. And somehow, if you close your eyes and hop up and down and flap your arms like a duck, it fits the topic.... I think.
I Meant To Do My Work Today
by Richard LeGallienne
I meant to do my work today,
But a brown bird sang in the apple tree,
And a butterfly flitted across the field,
And all the leaves were calling me.
And the wind went sighing over the land,
Tossing the grasses to and fro,
And a rainbow held out its shining hand,
So what could I do but laugh and go?
What does keep popping into my head is this little poem from when I was a kid. I had atrocious handwriting and my mom would make me copy poems everyday during the summer for practice. (It didn't work, I still have bad handwriting!) That's where I remember this poem from.
Why is it so fitting? I've been trying to figure out my inadequacies, instead of just giving you a list of all the things I've meant to do. What I realized is, I've ALWAYS been this way. As a child, I would get grounded from my BOOKS, can you believe it?, because I would read ALL day and not get anything else done. It's not that I meant to ignore my chores, I just "forgot". Today, I meant to make that phone call, I meant to start that diet, or workout, or to give up smoking. I meant to try my hand at poetry again. I meant to do my laundry. I meant to bake some scones to take to work.
What's that saying? "The path to Hell is paved with good intentions.." (Good thing I don't believe in Hell!)
Somehow realizing that this is nothing new for me is easier to take. I don't feel like such a loser. I WAS BORN THIS WAY!!! Love it or leave it, I'm a procrastinator, and forgetful, and a bit lazy. And Goddamn it, I hate talking on the phone.
So here is that poem from my youth, that seems to have stuck with me all these years. And somehow, if you close your eyes and hop up and down and flap your arms like a duck, it fits the topic.... I think.
I Meant To Do My Work Today
by Richard LeGallienne
I meant to do my work today,
But a brown bird sang in the apple tree,
And a butterfly flitted across the field,
And all the leaves were calling me.
And the wind went sighing over the land,
Tossing the grasses to and fro,
And a rainbow held out its shining hand,
So what could I do but laugh and go?
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Another Castaway.....?
I hope you don't mind if I do two. This is a topic that I feel passionately about.
Some people think I'm hopelessly naive. Yeah, I've been duped once or twice, but I refuse to be the kind of person who is afraid to stick their neck out for someone else.
The other night we had a drunk 17 yr old brought in by the police for a medical all-clear-ready-for-jail exam. Pretty standard. The kid was hysterical for most of the visit and I'm having a really hard time figuring out how to deal with it.
The cops story is that the kid was visiting his mother's house to see his little brother (he doesn't live in the home as he's HOMELESS) was caught taking shots and smoking a joint with the brother. Stepdad flipped out and tried to kick out the kid who apparently picked up a VHS tape and threw it at the dad, hitting him in the face (supposedly breaking it). Punched the dad in the head and ran out the door with the little brother. And the police saw the shattered video on the living room floor and the bruise on the dad's face. Hmmmm? At some point prior to this, the older boy supposedly taken a knife and sliced his arm open in some attempt to show the younger how to be a "gangsta". And according to stepdad, younger brother is a straight A student and only acts up when older brother is around.
The kid's story. He cut his arm slicing a pizza. He did have a couple shots. His stepdad flipped out for some reason (I'm not sure I heard), and started hitting the two boys. The older swung back and got the younger boy out of the house. He states that they were on their way to call the police when he was picked up. He states that he willingly went with the police and that everything was fine until he was handed over to another cop for transport. (The one that brought him to us.) He states that this cop beat him down for shit talking. The cop ADMITTED that the kid wasn't resisting arrest. He admitted he hit the kid to the ground twice. He admitted the he pushed the kids face against the car tire (he had marks from it amidst the scratches and bruises on his face). The kid was hysterical about this cop beating him... As if in shock. like "Dude, you're a cop!" And to be honest, the cop looked pretty freakin smug.
The kid admitted he was on probation and kept loudly requesting his PO be called. He was ignored.
He admitted he has a drinking problem and said he was in outpatient treatment.
He also stated he was bipolar. (If he's bipolar and homeless, how's he get his meds?)
Aside from the ranting about police brutality, his only other concern was that someone check on his little brother because he feared for his well-being, stating several times that his brother was probably getting the shit kicked out of him. He was ignored.
Throughout his visit he talked about being beaten, not just by his stepdad, but by at least 2 of his mom's previous boyfriends. No one even blinked.
When I finally pulled a nurse aside and asked why he was being ignored I was told, "he's a homeless 17yr old criminal, you're going to believe anything he says?"
It's not about believing anything. The bare fucking truth of it is that they are required by law to report all suspicion or reports of abuse. And they sent that kid out the door with someone he stated had abused him.
Let's look at some statistics...
-Over 60% of people in drug rehabilitation centers report being abused or neglected as a child.*
-Children who have been sexually abused are 3.8 times more likely develop drug addiction*
-About 80% of 21 year olds that were abused as children met criteria for at least one psychological disorder.*
-Children who experience child abuse & neglect are 59% more likely to be arrested as a juvenile, 28% more likely to be arrested as an adult, and 30% more likely to commit violent crime.*
-66% of the homeless have problems with alcohol, drug abuse, or mental illness. **
-22% of the homeless have been physically assaulted.**
-In another study, 46% of runaway and homeless youth had been physically abused and 17% were forced into unwanted sexual activity by a family or household member***
Statistics show that boy was probably telling a lot of truth in his drunken belligerence. And I'm disgusted to know that the people I work with have become so jaded that they can't see the root of truth, or care enough.
* Stats reported by ChildHelp
Some people think I'm hopelessly naive. Yeah, I've been duped once or twice, but I refuse to be the kind of person who is afraid to stick their neck out for someone else.
The other night we had a drunk 17 yr old brought in by the police for a medical all-clear-ready-for-jail exam. Pretty standard. The kid was hysterical for most of the visit and I'm having a really hard time figuring out how to deal with it.
The cops story is that the kid was visiting his mother's house to see his little brother (he doesn't live in the home as he's HOMELESS) was caught taking shots and smoking a joint with the brother. Stepdad flipped out and tried to kick out the kid who apparently picked up a VHS tape and threw it at the dad, hitting him in the face (supposedly breaking it). Punched the dad in the head and ran out the door with the little brother. And the police saw the shattered video on the living room floor and the bruise on the dad's face. Hmmmm? At some point prior to this, the older boy supposedly taken a knife and sliced his arm open in some attempt to show the younger how to be a "gangsta". And according to stepdad, younger brother is a straight A student and only acts up when older brother is around.
The kid's story. He cut his arm slicing a pizza. He did have a couple shots. His stepdad flipped out for some reason (I'm not sure I heard), and started hitting the two boys. The older swung back and got the younger boy out of the house. He states that they were on their way to call the police when he was picked up. He states that he willingly went with the police and that everything was fine until he was handed over to another cop for transport. (The one that brought him to us.) He states that this cop beat him down for shit talking. The cop ADMITTED that the kid wasn't resisting arrest. He admitted he hit the kid to the ground twice. He admitted the he pushed the kids face against the car tire (he had marks from it amidst the scratches and bruises on his face). The kid was hysterical about this cop beating him... As if in shock. like "Dude, you're a cop!" And to be honest, the cop looked pretty freakin smug.
The kid admitted he was on probation and kept loudly requesting his PO be called. He was ignored.
He admitted he has a drinking problem and said he was in outpatient treatment.
He also stated he was bipolar. (If he's bipolar and homeless, how's he get his meds?)
Aside from the ranting about police brutality, his only other concern was that someone check on his little brother because he feared for his well-being, stating several times that his brother was probably getting the shit kicked out of him. He was ignored.
Throughout his visit he talked about being beaten, not just by his stepdad, but by at least 2 of his mom's previous boyfriends. No one even blinked.
When I finally pulled a nurse aside and asked why he was being ignored I was told, "he's a homeless 17yr old criminal, you're going to believe anything he says?"
It's not about believing anything. The bare fucking truth of it is that they are required by law to report all suspicion or reports of abuse. And they sent that kid out the door with someone he stated had abused him.
Let's look at some statistics...
-Over 60% of people in drug rehabilitation centers report being abused or neglected as a child.*
-Children who have been sexually abused are 3.8 times more likely develop drug addiction*
-About 80% of 21 year olds that were abused as children met criteria for at least one psychological disorder.*
-Children who experience child abuse & neglect are 59% more likely to be arrested as a juvenile, 28% more likely to be arrested as an adult, and 30% more likely to commit violent crime.*
-66% of the homeless have problems with alcohol, drug abuse, or mental illness. **
-22% of the homeless have been physically assaulted.**
-In another study, 46% of runaway and homeless youth had been physically abused and 17% were forced into unwanted sexual activity by a family or household member***
Statistics show that boy was probably telling a lot of truth in his drunken belligerence. And I'm disgusted to know that the people I work with have become so jaded that they can't see the root of truth, or care enough.
* Stats reported by ChildHelp
**Stats reported by 1996 National Survey of Homeless Assistance Providers and Clients (NSHAPC)
***Stats by The National Coalition for the Homeless
Monday, October 5, 2009
Talk Thursday: Castaway
Everyone has been either the casted, or the caster... It's not the act itself that defines us, but the manner with which we conduct ourselves during the moments of the action which can define us for the rest of our lives.
Be it weak, brutal, passive-aggressive, or noncommittal, we all have our own way of dealing with the stress of break up, conflict, or life in general. One of the most important lessons I have learned in this life is that while you can't always control what happens to you, you can always control how you respond and react to a situation.
I have an..... aquaintance that has been struggling for almost a year with a break up. They had been together for over five years. Truth be told, he broke up with her and, from what I can tell, was a total asshat for about a month. Then the dumbass realized that he'd made the "worst mistake of my life". But, by that time, he'd done too much damage. She didn't want him back, in fact she went and found herself a "friend".
The main problem is, according to him, she's been kinda leading him on for the last year. Everyone has known that she's with this new guy, but I guess she tells him that they're just friends and she doesn't know what she wants. blah, blah, blah. Occassionally she'd make plans with the ex just to cancelled and go out with the new guy. Pretty crappy in my book. He knew she was doing this. She would periodically tell him she didn't want to be with him,at which point, he would call me all butthurt.
The curious thing about all this is that her and the new boy were always publicly 'just friends". Today I wake up to a text "They're together, I can't fuckin believe it, blah, blah, blah. I just wish I was dead."
Now if I had said that to him, he straight up would have told me to get a life. Piss or get off the pot. "You wanna die? Do it then or quit bitching about it." He can be a bit cocky and selfrighteous. I had just woken up and I've been dealing with this periodically for about 11 months. I said what any selfrespecting friend would.
"Ohhhh Frank. Really? Did you think they weren't? Really? You didn't want to believe it. It's no reason to want to die. Don't go getting all Emo on me. Have a couple shots. Fuck the first thing that walks by and get over it. Man up already."
In retrospect, maybe not the nicest way I could have dealt with it. And I don't think he's speaking to me anymore. *shrug* There comes a point when you have to draw the line and face reality.
If he would have been a bit kinder when HE was doing the casting, perhaps things would have been a bit gentler when the shoe was on the other foot. No one ever enjoys being the castaway, though I think sometimes people can take a perverse pleasure in being the one setting the other adrift.
Karma baby. Ya get what ya give.
Be it weak, brutal, passive-aggressive, or noncommittal, we all have our own way of dealing with the stress of break up, conflict, or life in general. One of the most important lessons I have learned in this life is that while you can't always control what happens to you, you can always control how you respond and react to a situation.
I have an..... aquaintance that has been struggling for almost a year with a break up. They had been together for over five years. Truth be told, he broke up with her and, from what I can tell, was a total asshat for about a month. Then the dumbass realized that he'd made the "worst mistake of my life". But, by that time, he'd done too much damage. She didn't want him back, in fact she went and found herself a "friend".
The main problem is, according to him, she's been kinda leading him on for the last year. Everyone has known that she's with this new guy, but I guess she tells him that they're just friends and she doesn't know what she wants. blah, blah, blah. Occassionally she'd make plans with the ex just to cancelled and go out with the new guy. Pretty crappy in my book. He knew she was doing this. She would periodically tell him she didn't want to be with him,at which point, he would call me all butthurt.
The curious thing about all this is that her and the new boy were always publicly 'just friends". Today I wake up to a text "They're together, I can't fuckin believe it, blah, blah, blah. I just wish I was dead."
Now if I had said that to him, he straight up would have told me to get a life. Piss or get off the pot. "You wanna die? Do it then or quit bitching about it." He can be a bit cocky and selfrighteous. I had just woken up and I've been dealing with this periodically for about 11 months. I said what any selfrespecting friend would.
"Ohhhh Frank. Really? Did you think they weren't? Really? You didn't want to believe it. It's no reason to want to die. Don't go getting all Emo on me. Have a couple shots. Fuck the first thing that walks by and get over it. Man up already."
In retrospect, maybe not the nicest way I could have dealt with it. And I don't think he's speaking to me anymore. *shrug* There comes a point when you have to draw the line and face reality.
If he would have been a bit kinder when HE was doing the casting, perhaps things would have been a bit gentler when the shoe was on the other foot. No one ever enjoys being the castaway, though I think sometimes people can take a perverse pleasure in being the one setting the other adrift.
Karma baby. Ya get what ya give.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Boys! Boys! Never Ever Men!
OK.... I have this friend. She has always been a sex fiend and if you've ever been her friend for more than 10 seconds you know this about her. She loves video games and Mythbusters and entomology. Point is, she's not much of a girly-girl, except in that her VaJJ is her favorite toy.
Enter husband. Who is a girly-girl.. Joking. But he is the "why don't you buy me flowers? I might like them too, you know", kind of guy. Said husband ISN'T a sex fiend. "WHAT?" you say. I KNOW! But, alas... this is the way it is for us "healthy sexually driven" women. So she legally binds herself to a man who thinks 20 times a year is a good show of husbandly attention. WTF!!! 20 times a month maybe. MAYBE! AND when she does get it... it ain't that great.......
Ever read "Dark Rivers Of The Heart" by Dean Koontz? The psychopath who doesn't believe in swapping body fluids? Well at least their sex is hot, what with the rubber sheets and amber oil and toys and mood lights.... Theirs is not so much.. He doesn't kiss with an open mouth. Doesn't like to give or receive oral. Always has a "headache". Not into bondage. Won't spank. Certainly won't choke. Won't spontaneously rip her clothes off and fuck the shit out of her. Now he claims that he's afraid to be aggressive sexually because it MIGHT lead to him hitting her when they fight.... WTF!
First of all, in my book, you ever wanna hit me- you best do it in bed or you'll die. Swiftly and violently. But this isn't about me... You hit her. You'll wish you were dead because she WILL make your life living hell and you WILL spend eternity in payback.
So the result of this is that he doesn't want to do it enough, and when he does... she doesn't find it satisfying, or even interesting. Now, they do both read and listen to Dan Savage. Dan would say this, 1) Deal with it, 2) Divorce him, or 3) Get some on the side.
Solutions 1 & 2.... brings to mind something my wise ol' mom would and has said... "Sex can't make a marriage, but it can sure as hell break a marriage." Being sexually unsatisfied is a difficult thing to overcome. And I don't know if it's truly possible. And... He was friends with her for MORE than 10 seconds... He knew she was a sexual beast. His lack of sexual interest has at times affected her self esteem and has caused her some depression issues. Also she had attempted to stunt her sexual appetite with birth control until she realized that it is fucked up.
I should also state that he is on medication that maybe inhibiting his ability to ejaculate. That is a serious issue. My advice on that is "GO SEE YOUR FUCKING DOCTOR!!" Any medication that has a lasting affect of sex drive is NOT worth it. Change meds, Exhaust all options. Sexual health is paramount! To life, sanity, and marriage!
Option 3). ... Personally, I'm not a fan of extramarital activities. Dan would say if husband knew he could not accommodate wifes sex drive and married her anyways, he needs to allow his wife to find that fulfillment. I personally am not that mature.. I am a jealous bitch. That said, I can't argue in favor of that option.. I must say that girly-husband has given permission for this option, or at least has said he would understand if she went that route. I say that is a big fat cop out. Man up. Screw your wife already.
PSAM'S SOLUTION... Get the man a hooker. (They live in Australia and it's legal there.) Let him get out his issues with a sex professional. Let him ravage her, then pay her to piss him off and let him see that he won't beat the crap out of her. (And well, if he does... shit, money WELL spent!!! Lesson learned.) My friend is into the idea, especially if she can watch. But we doubt that he would be.
In the end, what's a girl to do? I remember as a teen hearing that men always want sex, it's all they ever think about.... Well bullshit. I know 2 girls here who have yet to find men to keep up with them sexually...
Men....... Can't live with 'em and sex just doesn't burn as many calories without them.
Enter husband. Who is a girly-girl.. Joking. But he is the "why don't you buy me flowers? I might like them too, you know", kind of guy. Said husband ISN'T a sex fiend. "WHAT?" you say. I KNOW! But, alas... this is the way it is for us "healthy sexually driven" women. So she legally binds herself to a man who thinks 20 times a year is a good show of husbandly attention. WTF!!! 20 times a month maybe. MAYBE! AND when she does get it... it ain't that great.......
Ever read "Dark Rivers Of The Heart" by Dean Koontz? The psychopath who doesn't believe in swapping body fluids? Well at least their sex is hot, what with the rubber sheets and amber oil and toys and mood lights.... Theirs is not so much.. He doesn't kiss with an open mouth. Doesn't like to give or receive oral. Always has a "headache". Not into bondage. Won't spank. Certainly won't choke. Won't spontaneously rip her clothes off and fuck the shit out of her. Now he claims that he's afraid to be aggressive sexually because it MIGHT lead to him hitting her when they fight.... WTF!
First of all, in my book, you ever wanna hit me- you best do it in bed or you'll die. Swiftly and violently. But this isn't about me... You hit her. You'll wish you were dead because she WILL make your life living hell and you WILL spend eternity in payback.
So the result of this is that he doesn't want to do it enough, and when he does... she doesn't find it satisfying, or even interesting. Now, they do both read and listen to Dan Savage. Dan would say this, 1) Deal with it, 2) Divorce him, or 3) Get some on the side.
Solutions 1 & 2.... brings to mind something my wise ol' mom would and has said... "Sex can't make a marriage, but it can sure as hell break a marriage." Being sexually unsatisfied is a difficult thing to overcome. And I don't know if it's truly possible. And... He was friends with her for MORE than 10 seconds... He knew she was a sexual beast. His lack of sexual interest has at times affected her self esteem and has caused her some depression issues. Also she had attempted to stunt her sexual appetite with birth control until she realized that it is fucked up.
I should also state that he is on medication that maybe inhibiting his ability to ejaculate. That is a serious issue. My advice on that is "GO SEE YOUR FUCKING DOCTOR!!" Any medication that has a lasting affect of sex drive is NOT worth it. Change meds, Exhaust all options. Sexual health is paramount! To life, sanity, and marriage!
Option 3). ... Personally, I'm not a fan of extramarital activities. Dan would say if husband knew he could not accommodate wifes sex drive and married her anyways, he needs to allow his wife to find that fulfillment. I personally am not that mature.. I am a jealous bitch. That said, I can't argue in favor of that option.. I must say that girly-husband has given permission for this option, or at least has said he would understand if she went that route. I say that is a big fat cop out. Man up. Screw your wife already.
PSAM'S SOLUTION... Get the man a hooker. (They live in Australia and it's legal there.) Let him get out his issues with a sex professional. Let him ravage her, then pay her to piss him off and let him see that he won't beat the crap out of her. (And well, if he does... shit, money WELL spent!!! Lesson learned.) My friend is into the idea, especially if she can watch. But we doubt that he would be.
In the end, what's a girl to do? I remember as a teen hearing that men always want sex, it's all they ever think about.... Well bullshit. I know 2 girls here who have yet to find men to keep up with them sexually...
Men....... Can't live with 'em and sex just doesn't burn as many calories without them.
So... I think I'm back to "I hate men"
As I said before Tandy thought she'd give me an ego boost and prove that some men like fatties.. She answered a Craigslist saying she was me.. sent some guy my pic. He said I was hot and gave a phone number, said I should text him. I hemmed and hawed.(I have to admit, he is hot.) Then I texted. We've texted back and forth a little. Nothing too interesting. Nothing too deep.
We haven't texted in a few days so Tandy says, Text him. I did. No reply.
I finally get a reply as I'm walking into work tonight. I can't chat, gotta work. Can't have my cell in the ER. But he can email. He doesn't. Keeps texting. Finally he gets to, "want to get together sometime soon?"
I say, "Sure, what do you have in mind?"
He's like, "Well, I've been feeling kinda frisky.."
And to be honest.. I'm a bit insulted. Like really? He doesn't really know anything about me, except that I work a lot, and prob talk about my kid more than I should. Am I supposed to be so blindly flattered that I fling my clothes from my body as I fall all over myself to please him? WTF?
Dear Mr Asshat!
Should it flatter me that really you don't give a shit where you stick your penis as long as it's dark, warm, and wet... and sometimes the wet probably doesn't even matter, I'm sure. Am I supposed to have such low self esteeme that I just assume you must want the warm spot because you truly like ME so very much? Or if I sleep with you, maybe you'll like it soooooo much you'll want to get to know me better?
Fuck off!!!
Am I too prideful? Fuck yeah. Am I that desperate? Hell no. If I wanted to have meaningless sex I could, and I would, and I have... But don't pretend it could be something more than it is, because I'm not a hopeless fucktard.
If you want cheap, meaningless sex, call it what it is. You'll probably get more bites anyway. Don't act like a sweet upstanding guy. Act like the dog you are... for some stupid reason, girls dig assholes.
We haven't texted in a few days so Tandy says, Text him. I did. No reply.
I finally get a reply as I'm walking into work tonight. I can't chat, gotta work. Can't have my cell in the ER. But he can email. He doesn't. Keeps texting. Finally he gets to, "want to get together sometime soon?"
I say, "Sure, what do you have in mind?"
He's like, "Well, I've been feeling kinda frisky.."
And to be honest.. I'm a bit insulted. Like really? He doesn't really know anything about me, except that I work a lot, and prob talk about my kid more than I should. Am I supposed to be so blindly flattered that I fling my clothes from my body as I fall all over myself to please him? WTF?
Dear Mr Asshat!
Should it flatter me that really you don't give a shit where you stick your penis as long as it's dark, warm, and wet... and sometimes the wet probably doesn't even matter, I'm sure. Am I supposed to have such low self esteeme that I just assume you must want the warm spot because you truly like ME so very much? Or if I sleep with you, maybe you'll like it soooooo much you'll want to get to know me better?
Fuck off!!!
Am I too prideful? Fuck yeah. Am I that desperate? Hell no. If I wanted to have meaningless sex I could, and I would, and I have... But don't pretend it could be something more than it is, because I'm not a hopeless fucktard.
If you want cheap, meaningless sex, call it what it is. You'll probably get more bites anyway. Don't act like a sweet upstanding guy. Act like the dog you are... for some stupid reason, girls dig assholes.
Friday, October 2, 2009
An Interesting Facebook Test.....
So I decided to try out an idea on Facebook... I threw out the Beginning few lines of a story, just to see what would happen. This is my result.
Long. long ago and far, far away where the hills are green and rolling, and the mighty trees reach high to the golden sun... There lived a.... ?
she would find the secret of the Forbidden Forest. Every day she would sneak off to the deep dark wood and search for something that seemed to not belong... or something magical.
....she came upon a creek that she had never seen before. No, she was sure that this creek had not been in this spot the last time she had ventured this route. In a shallow place stones were placed just right for her to cross without getting wet. As she hopped across the creek her skin tingled. She set foot on the other side and......."It would be so much easier if I knew what it was I look for", she said to herself.
One day.....
One day.....
...even as her boot sunk into the saturated moss along the bank, she heard them behind her. The hissing and groaning of something rising from the deeper pools. She stood frozen in place, unwilling to turn around but too afraid to run ahead.
Over the sound of her own pounding heartbeat, the forest around her came alive with sounds. The cackling laughter of dark things and the crackling of decayed sinew and bone behind her. The sinister eyes of her now many pursuers gazed down upon her from the treetops and unseen by her, a gnarled and twisted hand reached for her slender ankle from a hollow, rotted log, only just missing her.
Nonamee shivered as though a ghost had just passed through her. As the seconds waned to minutes and all she could do was to think of the safety of her bedroom to hide from the rustling noises and sinister voices whispering in hushed demonic canter she began losing hope until she heard a lyrical voice whisper to her, "To the center of the forest, come to me..." Entranced, following the melodious voice, she delved deeper into the forest, unaware of...
Branches slapped and tore at Nonamee as she fled the new malevolence haunting her journey. Nonamee had slipped into the Forbidden Forest many times and never been so frightened. Again the melodic voice called her deeper into the heart of the wood. Hysteria squeezed her chest. Not quite trusting what was ahead, she ran from the thing or things that chased from behind. Darting between trees, Nonamee turned to look over her shoulder and fell, landing ................
.....on plush, green moss. As if falling through a portal of protection. Nonamee slowly sat up. The snarling had stopped. The darkness had receded. There was a beautiful warmth on this glowing patch of moss. Looking around, she took in her soundings wondering if she was even in the same woods. Sunlight filtered through the trees. That was when she noticed the little spots of light that seemed to flutter right in her face. Focusing on them, Nonamee realized they weren't light at all.......
and suddenly the area became very bright, almost dazzling white. Out of the light came three beautiful fairies. And of the three there was the most remarkable fairy. She was dressed in a white lacy gown and was wearing a silver crown on her head. In wonderment she thought to herself that this must be the magical adventure she was looking for as all her fear and strife washed away from her weary bones. The white fairy landed gently onto the mossy floor and spoke in a tinkling voice.
That is all we have so far.... Kinda fun.. I will add to it if the story grows at all.. Maybe I'll try to start another sometime...
Contributions made by:
Shann Ormsbee
Sandra Fowler
Terry Wilson
Nichole Akins
and ME
That is all we have so far.... Kinda fun.. I will add to it if the story grows at all.. Maybe I'll try to start another sometime...
Contributions made by:
Shann Ormsbee
Sandra Fowler
Terry Wilson
Nichole Akins
and ME
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Fortune Cookie
#1 (Cuz who can eat just one?) "Now is the time to call loved ones at a distance. Share your news.
I have news??
#2 "Investigate new possibilities with friends. Now is the time!"
New possibilities??? WITH FRIENDS?? wtf??
But apparently, now is the time.....
For what?
I have news??
#2 "Investigate new possibilities with friends. Now is the time!"
New possibilities??? WITH FRIENDS?? wtf??
But apparently, now is the time.....
For what?
Friday, September 25, 2009
I need to kill something
Tandy, loving friend that she is, decided to PUSH me into the dating world... She answered a BBW Wanted Craigslist ad in my name...... He responded positively... but I still feel like barfing... and I'm pouting....
I know I should be happy, he said I was pretty or something, but it just makes me want to cry. My first thought is that a guy will say anything to get laid.... my second thought is how sad is it to answer personal ads?
Psam
Quick update.... So I've texted him.... We've texted eachother. He seems nice. He's outdoorsy, and a counselor for the courts. Seems like a responsible occupation. Who knows.....
I know I should be happy, he said I was pretty or something, but it just makes me want to cry. My first thought is that a guy will say anything to get laid.... my second thought is how sad is it to answer personal ads?
Psam
Quick update.... So I've texted him.... We've texted eachother. He seems nice. He's outdoorsy, and a counselor for the courts. Seems like a responsible occupation. Who knows.....
I'm not quite sure how I'm feeling about this. Tandy set me up for Facebook right away. (I'd thought I was going to be the Last American Hold-out) And I've had some happiness with it. I found my cousin (she's in Corvalis, Mom) and I found one really good friend from high school, that I'm soooo excited to reconnect with. But the rest of them.....? I just don't know. Looking through their friends and seeing names from ppl I haven't talked to but maybe once, in the last 15 years, kind of makes me apprehensive. Though I didn't mind high school much when I was there, I don't have happy thoughts when I look back on it. I seem to only remember things that embarrass me now. Admittedly, I am currently suffering from some low self-esteem and I have HUGE social anxiety and those might be tainting it. I can't help but wonder at the point of rekindling these other friendships... WHY? They obviously weren't strong enough to survive graduation. It's been 15 years (fuck! that hurts), why bother now? I don't mean that snotty-like, I just feel indifferent. I saw Mr. He's-Oh-So-Cute, and OMFG, he's still cute, but I would never message him. The thought threatens to give me an ulcer. He gives me thoughts of nothing but humiliation.... and a craving for a good chocolate milk shake.
The next question is... What do I do if someone sees me on one of their lists and messages me to "befriend" them, and I don't want to? Do I politely ignore the request? Do I politely tell them "Thank you, but no thank you"? Or do I friend them and pray they don't seriously want to be buddies? You may say, don't sweat it til it happens... But a person doesn't have a stress button they can just turn off at will. And truly, this stresses me out. The logical side of me rolls her eyes and says I'm being ridiculous. But the ridiculous side says "fuck off".
I just don't know.
~Psam
The next question is... What do I do if someone sees me on one of their lists and messages me to "befriend" them, and I don't want to? Do I politely ignore the request? Do I politely tell them "Thank you, but no thank you"? Or do I friend them and pray they don't seriously want to be buddies? You may say, don't sweat it til it happens... But a person doesn't have a stress button they can just turn off at will. And truly, this stresses me out. The logical side of me rolls her eyes and says I'm being ridiculous. But the ridiculous side says "fuck off".
I just don't know.
~Psam
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Ode to Billie Joe....
Armstrong, the greatest love of my life. Sorry Bobbie Gentry, you thought I was gonna go back, way back. He is the god of main stream punk and my longest love affair ever. Billie had been in my life for... oh, damn I'm old, 15 years. I wish I could find a real boy I could stand for more than 10 seconds. I did have a 4 year fling with Joe McIntyre, but that doesn't count cuz that was junior high.. and well, he wasn't a real boy either. I was pretty head over heals for Mr. He's-Ohhh-Sooo-Cute, and he was a real boy, but he was in "like" with my cousin and therefore a douche bag. But, admittedly, I didn't feel that way for years. There's nothing wrong with lust and mental flings!!!
I just really love Green Day. And Billie Joe is definitely the hottest guy in eyeliner. Pete Wentz is kinna cute, but not without the eyeliner. Billie Joe is cute without... and he liks girls... well, Pete does too, but... NOT that I have a prob with boy on boy, just that Dan Savage would say, if you want an exclusive relationship you have to be able to give your partner what he needs... Though Pete says he doesn't like penises, he also later said he was a "fag"(his word, not mine) , but then took it back. Talking about 'shock factor', or some shit. Either way he's eye candy... in eyeliner. And a drama queen.
Look at those veins, heroin addicts every where must be jealous.
I'm just rambling now. I'm tired. I was having a hell of a time putting that second pic where I wanted it. It's been years since I messed with html codes. So now that I got it, I'll shut up... and leave you with one more pick of my beautiful man. hehehe
Nite!!~Psam
Ohhh ohhh ohhh this is good! Beware the Sodomites want to recruit you!
Monday, September 21, 2009
To Blog... or Not to Blog...
I'm so excited to finally blog. I'm one of those ppl who gets fired up... frequently. I can't tell you how many heated letters I've written in my day to some congressman or newspaper... and then never sent. A rain forest worth, I'm sure. Here, at least, I will feel like I've said my piece and it's out there. Maybe no one will ever read it.. who cares! (No offense to the one person who might... two persons... Tandy, Mom.)
Another thing has occurred to me about blogging. You see a different side of ppl. My mom and I are pretty close, not that we live in each other's pockets (for I have a Wocket in my pocket) but we, for the most part, "get" each other and seem to have a mutual respect and like for one another. I know I can tell my mom just about anything and get a reasonable, educated response- not some of the batshit crazy responses I've heard other ppl's mom's give. When I don't want to hear it- she respectfully keeps it brief or just gives me the "I'm-so-disappointed-in-you, Psam, **sigh** but-I'm-going-to-keep-my-mouth-shut-cuz-you-wouldn't-listen-anyways!" look. ("Arggg! Moms!" you say?... Hmmm true, but- I have to admit that there are times when that look gives me such a sense of gleefully evil child-pride.) There is really nothing I feel I can't take to her... no lasting repercussions to fear.
But how does this relate to blogging? You see a different side to ppl. Reading my mom's blog has made me see her in a different light. Oh, Joy! It's Me It's rather cool actually. While I've been netless, there have been so many topics that she's blogged on that have given me something to say... something that just isn't "comment" length. I've been longing for a blog of my very own. For I love to rant... I can rant on anything from American Idol to the messed up history of the British monarchy to whether or not Kraft Cheese and Macaroni really has enuff cheese.. which it doesn't!
I goes for now and leave you with something to make you go, "Hmmmm?"
**If a tree falls on a person in the middle of the forest, does their scream make a sound??**
Another thing has occurred to me about blogging. You see a different side of ppl. My mom and I are pretty close, not that we live in each other's pockets (for I have a Wocket in my pocket) but we, for the most part, "get" each other and seem to have a mutual respect and like for one another. I know I can tell my mom just about anything and get a reasonable, educated response- not some of the batshit crazy responses I've heard other ppl's mom's give. When I don't want to hear it- she respectfully keeps it brief or just gives me the "I'm-so-disappointed-in-you, Psam, **sigh** but-I'm-going-to-keep-my-mouth-shut-cuz-you-wouldn't-listen-anyways!" look. ("Arggg! Moms!" you say?... Hmmm true, but- I have to admit that there are times when that look gives me such a sense of gleefully evil child-pride.) There is really nothing I feel I can't take to her... no lasting repercussions to fear.
But how does this relate to blogging? You see a different side to ppl. Reading my mom's blog has made me see her in a different light. Oh, Joy! It's Me It's rather cool actually. While I've been netless, there have been so many topics that she's blogged on that have given me something to say... something that just isn't "comment" length. I've been longing for a blog of my very own. For I love to rant... I can rant on anything from American Idol to the messed up history of the British monarchy to whether or not Kraft Cheese and Macaroni really has enuff cheese.. which it doesn't!
I goes for now and leave you with something to make you go, "Hmmmm?"
**If a tree falls on a person in the middle of the forest, does their scream make a sound??**
Saturday, September 19, 2009
HaHaHaHa Jesus!
Tandy took my 8 yr old son to an art exhibit. This is hysterical. Part of the exhibit was photographs of old Californian and Mexican monasteries and cathedrals. My son has periodically come to me with questions on religion, such as "What's this about a goblin that lives in the ground and steals peoples souls?" Though I am nonchristian, I am fascinated by religion and love learning about them one and all. So I answered him as best as I could, asking him if it was realistic that there was a goblin that lived in the ground, cuz everyone knows that, duh, goblins live in caves! And then I introduced him to several concepts of Satan. Some people believe this, some people believe that, what do you think? Very diplomatic I think.
So Tandy takes him to this exhibit and Burp sees his first crucifix. He is creeped out and a bit scared, for my child is wuss. His reaction is the 8 yr old equivalent of "OMG, WTF is THAT?" Then he sees a depiction of the Christ resurrected and is doubly freaked out. "WHAT? HE CAME BACK TO LIFE? Come on Tandy, Let's RUN!! I DON'T LIKE THAT JESUS GUY. HE'S SCARY!!"
My child is deathly afraid of ghosts and zombies. And apparently Jesus, not the sweet Baby Jesus, but the nailed-to-the-cross-and-3-days-later-came-back-from-the-dead Jesus falls in the ghost and zombies category. Not so unreasonable when you break down the facts.
I'm sure in a few days or weeks he'll come to me with questions, which I'm certain will be a fun conversation. God then sex. ugg when does parenthood end?
So Tandy takes him to this exhibit and Burp sees his first crucifix. He is creeped out and a bit scared, for my child is wuss. His reaction is the 8 yr old equivalent of "OMG, WTF is THAT?" Then he sees a depiction of the Christ resurrected and is doubly freaked out. "WHAT? HE CAME BACK TO LIFE? Come on Tandy, Let's RUN!! I DON'T LIKE THAT JESUS GUY. HE'S SCARY!!"
My child is deathly afraid of ghosts and zombies. And apparently Jesus, not the sweet Baby Jesus, but the nailed-to-the-cross-and-3-days-later-came-back-from-the-dead Jesus falls in the ghost and zombies category. Not so unreasonable when you break down the facts.
I'm sure in a few days or weeks he'll come to me with questions, which I'm certain will be a fun conversation. God then sex. ugg when does parenthood end?
Not Everything is about YOU!
I am thirty-three. I don't feel like it. I compare myself to my mom at my age, and wow! we are so different. She was married, had me, so responsible, no social life (sorry mom) - mature. I'm not always so mature. I think marriage is evil. I do put my son before all else. I try to be responsible. I try desperately to have a social life. And most of the time I fail at being mature.
That said... One of my best friends is in town from Oz - I haven't seen her in a year and a half and she brings out the child in me. Yay! The inner child should be embraced, coddled, and taken out for ice cream on occasion. Or Tequila. I hadn't been out in like 9 months, so her and some other friends invite me out to BINGO, yes bingo, at a little place called Sam Bond's Garage. This is bingo like I never knew existed. This bar is crammed full of the 21 to 40 scene getting drunk, playing bingo for lame prizes like romance novels, Star Trek posters, and free beer. They have one round where the object is not to win, but to scream the most outlandish, offensive, sailoresque insults imaginable. If you want maturity - this is NOT the place for you. That said...
Tandy and I have this little "game" we play. It usually goes something like this...
Tandi : "Bitch"
Me: "Cunt"
Tandi: "Cum guzzler"
On and on until something like "Peg-legged 2 cent gutter slut" is reached.
The object of this playfully childish name calling is not to insult or offend, it is merely to stump your opponent. To come up with a better jab than the other until your opponent is stumped, and you win!
So to try to wrap this up...I fear I must mention I'd indulged in two double shots of tequila and was feeling pretty good. Tandi called me a tranny, which I have to admit I first used about 3 years ago. We were with our friend and one of her friends, Rob. Unbeknownst to us, Rob will soon be Robin... and was totally offended. Now, we don't dislike or discriminate against transgenders, bitches, cunts, or cum guzzlers for that matter. In fact, several of those labels admittedly apply to both of us at times. But Rob/Robin was incredibly wounded and as they walked back to their car, asked our friend, "How can you be friends with such conservative Republicans?"
................ conservative Republicans.................?
I am a nonchristian, single parent with tattoos and several facial piercings. And most definitely NOT republican. I VOTED FOR OBAMA! I have a bumper sticker that proclaims "Not retarded, just over joyed" -a Green Day reference. Above that is a large Eye of Rha. I am NOT republican. and what Rob/Robin doesn't realize is that, hands down, he/she won that round. For I am totally stumped.
For all of about 10 seconds, I felt horrible. But then I put it into perspective, how would I react if a bitch, a cunt, cum guzzler, or a peg-legged gutter slut heard me and was offended? I'd laugh. If you are an easily offended member of a subculture perhaps you should introduce yourself as such... "Hi. Nice to meet you. My name will soon be Robin. Don't mind the testicles. Please don't make tranny jokes.. or even say tranny. FOR I AM EASILY OFFENDED."
That said... One of my best friends is in town from Oz - I haven't seen her in a year and a half and she brings out the child in me. Yay! The inner child should be embraced, coddled, and taken out for ice cream on occasion. Or Tequila. I hadn't been out in like 9 months, so her and some other friends invite me out to BINGO, yes bingo, at a little place called Sam Bond's Garage. This is bingo like I never knew existed. This bar is crammed full of the 21 to 40 scene getting drunk, playing bingo for lame prizes like romance novels, Star Trek posters, and free beer. They have one round where the object is not to win, but to scream the most outlandish, offensive, sailoresque insults imaginable. If you want maturity - this is NOT the place for you. That said...
Tandy and I have this little "game" we play. It usually goes something like this...
Tandi : "Bitch"
Me: "Cunt"
Tandi: "Cum guzzler"
On and on until something like "Peg-legged 2 cent gutter slut" is reached.
The object of this playfully childish name calling is not to insult or offend, it is merely to stump your opponent. To come up with a better jab than the other until your opponent is stumped, and you win!
So to try to wrap this up...I fear I must mention I'd indulged in two double shots of tequila and was feeling pretty good. Tandi called me a tranny, which I have to admit I first used about 3 years ago. We were with our friend and one of her friends, Rob. Unbeknownst to us, Rob will soon be Robin... and was totally offended. Now, we don't dislike or discriminate against transgenders, bitches, cunts, or cum guzzlers for that matter. In fact, several of those labels admittedly apply to both of us at times. But Rob/Robin was incredibly wounded and as they walked back to their car, asked our friend, "How can you be friends with such conservative Republicans?"
................ conservative Republicans.................?
I am a nonchristian, single parent with tattoos and several facial piercings. And most definitely NOT republican. I VOTED FOR OBAMA! I have a bumper sticker that proclaims "Not retarded, just over joyed" -a Green Day reference. Above that is a large Eye of Rha. I am NOT republican. and what Rob/Robin doesn't realize is that, hands down, he/she won that round. For I am totally stumped.
For all of about 10 seconds, I felt horrible. But then I put it into perspective, how would I react if a bitch, a cunt, cum guzzler, or a peg-legged gutter slut heard me and was offended? I'd laugh. If you are an easily offended member of a subculture perhaps you should introduce yourself as such... "Hi. Nice to meet you. My name will soon be Robin. Don't mind the testicles. Please don't make tranny jokes.. or even say tranny. FOR I AM EASILY OFFENDED."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
