Sunday, June 3, 2012

ReWriting The Bible.......

“Beware of practicing your righteousness before men to be noticed by them; otherwise you have no reward with your Father who is in heaven” (Matthew 6:1).

I'd like to believe that just as God supposedly dictated to Moses on the Mount, that this message too was of divine direction. I imagine the writing of it to have gone something like this....

Dude: Fuck? Sir, you sure you want to say "Fuck"?
God: Yes! F-U-C-K! Apparently, some people listen better if you drop the F-Bomb a few times.
Dude: Amen!
God: I should have written the whole fucking Book that way. Maybe these jackasses would get some of this shit right.
Dude: Word!

“And when you pray, you are not to be as the hypocrites, for they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and on the street corners in order to be seen by men. Truly I say to you, they have their reward in full” (Matthew 6:5).

The New Word of the Streets version:

"And HOLY SHIT! When you pray, don't be a fucking hypocrite! Don't jump up and down screaming "LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME! GOD LOVES ME! AND I LOVE GOD! AND HE HATES YOU AND YOU'RE GOING TO HELL!!" cuz you're a fucking douche bag! I gots no love for you!" (Matthew 6:5)


Cele said...

I have to say this made me crack up on Facebook, it's even funnier here. And saddly it's gotta be true.

Psamanthe said...

God's way cooler when he talks through me!