Infuriation

It kind of sucks to not have a blog that your friends don't know about. Sometimes I need to work shit out, and here is really the best place, but there's always the worry that someone will read it, and it will make a situation that much worse.

At this point tho.... I need to get some shit out.

I have four very close friends. Two of them, though on different continents, I talk to every day via Skype and Facebook. Friend A has been my friend since 99. We've been coworkers twice, in roommate-ish situations several times, she was there when my son was born, and in general, a lot of good and bad times. Friend B is a newer friend, but I love her. Like Friend A, I can pretty much talk to her about anything.. and I really wish we had the personal experiences that I have with Friend A.

A and B were friends for a brief period. Very brief, like 2 or 3 weeks.

Then there was a fight. Sitting from where I was, I saw every gruesome step of it, and tried my best to divert it.

Friend B and I had been joking around and poking at someone, yeah to make a point.... but still with smiles on our faces. Friend A gave a thumbs up. Then that someone pouted about being poked at, and Friend A did a 180 and came out swinging. Actually, the swinging might have happened before the pouting even occurred. I don't know... Next thing I know, it's like A is calling B out, B is taunting A, and I know this is going to be a horrible bloody mess.

During this, both sides are messaging me. "What the fuck is her problem?", "I swear if she says one more thing, I'm never speaking to her again." "Is this bitch for real?" and so on. Then, as I'm trying to mitigate the situation, Friend A clams up and refuses to talk about it. "I don't feel the need to have a discussion every time I get irritated." *Slap!* (This says to me, "I don't care what you need to say. I don't care if you're trying to fix this. I don't care how you personally need to work through this, I just don't feel it's necessary.) She does this often. Everything gets riled up and then she just walks away from it and never again acknowledges that anything happened. Unfortunately, I'm NOT this kind of person.. If I don't work it out and get some closure, it sits there and festers.

So Friend A won't talk about it.
The next day, Friend B still wants to tell A off. I advise against it. It's not going to do any good, but only get uglier. I state that I don't need the drama and she replies something like, "I guess I'm just supposed to take the abuse because it makes your life easier."

I don't like guilt trips. And I called her on it with a "What the fuck is that?"

She hasn't talk to me since. It's been a weekish. She quit the FB group, unfriended Friend A, appears to have deleted me from her Skype, but not FB- though she seems to have gone invisible to me... I can see her posting messages to ppls posts.... but she's not speaking to me.

I'm upset. I miss her. But I'm angry that she would write me off because I don't want to be in the middle of this. The next day, before I realized she had deleted everyone, I sent her a message on Skype saying "I'm sorry if you're mad at me... I just thought that was a cheap shot...... and in my perfect world, you and Friend A would be friends and learn to deal with each other... but if that can't happen, I just don't want to be part of a bloody battle. It's not easy to sit back and see that neither side is innocent, and have both sides sending me messages like "WTF is her problem? She's really pissing me off"

I got no response.

My mom raised me that when you love someone, you accept their faults as well as their good points. That you should never try to change someone. If you can't deal with their faults, then you should walk away. Everyone has their faults. And sometimes those faults are hard to deal with, but the benefits I get from these friendships far out-weigh the bad aspects.

With Friend A, I understand why she is the way she is. Even if it infuriates me sometimes, I accept it. Friend B has her faults too, and I understand why she has them, and I accept her for them. I'm okay with them not being friends, though we have a lot of fun when we play together, but if they can't accept each others faults, understand where they come from, and get over it..... then they shouldn't be friends. But damn it, I should still be allowed to have my friends.

So I'm standing here holding this big ball of frustration. Friend A pretends the incident never happened, and Friend B pretends like I never existed. And I'm wondering where the hell the "give and take" is. Apparently, I'm the friend that isn't supposed to have needs and is just supposed to fall in line with the whims of those around her.

Well, news flash.

I can be your friend and still not support things that I don't feel are right.
I can be your friend and be irritated at you.

However, there is only so long that I can take being treated as though my feelings don't matter.
And you're both doing that to me.

Maybe you guys will read this, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll read this and get more pissed off. *Shrug* Sorry, I have needs too. And since neither of you want to work through this, this is how I have to get it out.
Maybe you'll read this and never acknowledge that you have. I suppose that's your choice. Maybe you'll actually want to talk to me about this because a week later, I'M STILL UPSET. Maybe because I appear to have lost a friend over this and I'm the only one who seems to care.

I think that's fucked up.