Three 2 Liters Down, Ohh Soo Many More To Go

One, I'm dieting.

Two, I found this website that said four pounds of fat is about the same size as a 2 liter of soda. It's hard to imagine that I'm carrying around probably 40 two liters of lard. That's insane.

In 15 days, I've lost at least 12 lbs. (I'd like to think slightly more than that because the last scale I had weighed myself on was my moms..... and it's always a little kinder to me than any others. I haven't made it back there to find out how much I've lost by that scale.)

The good news is that I have not, as of yet, killed anyone. Actually, this isn't so horrible. I'm having two meal replacement shakes, one low-fat, low-carb meal, and a few healthy snacks a day.

My shakes started as Body by Vi.. and if I could afford it, I'd keep using it. They taste good, and they are insanely good for you. I can not afford $50 every 15 days, so I bought a protein powder that is not nearly as good for me, but of course only costs about $12.... So my shakes have developed into this half scoop of protein powder, 2 generous tbsps of greek yogurt, a cup-ish of frozen berries, mango, and/or peaches, and a 1/4 of a banana. AND 2 tbsps of a fiber powder. (Don't laugh! Studies show that fiber helps you lose weight. My ass needs to lose weight.)

My dinner the last few days has been half a boneless skinless chicken breast on a Thinwich, a smidge of  reduced fat mayo (I could go fat free, but EWWWWW, I think I can spare 1g of fat!) sliced red onions, red pepper, and... if I'm feeling extra needy a thin slice of reduced fat cheddar. I usually have this with a cup of sliced raw mushrooms and a bit of fat free Catalina for dipping.

My snacks are plentiful. I pretty much let myself have free run of mushrooms. A cup is 60 calories of absolute goodness. I eat a lot of snap peas and tomatoes...... Ohhhh a fave snack I've developed is a can of whole chunk tuna (60 cal x2) a zesty pickle and a roma tomato diced, some red onion, and a carefully measured 2 tbspns of mayo... 180 cal/ 4g fat/ 11 carbs/ 24g protein. (Yes, the sodium is heart-stopping.... I will have to go down to a half can of tuna and half a pickle. *sigh*)Since I'm up for 18 hours a day, I have a shake when I first wake up at 3, a heavy snack (like the tuna)(or scrambled egg whites with mushrooms, broccoli, and red peppers) at 7pm before work, a 100 cal or less snack at about 11pm, my sandwich at about 1:30ish, and my second shake at about 5:30 am.

A fave snack I've found is sugar free Jello cups with lite canned fruit. I bought 1/2 cup containers, so no fudging the portions. Ben and I make up a whole bunch at once, and then we both have little yummy snacks of about 30ish calories. Yay TEAM!

My biggest hurdle was my coffee... I love my flavored, horribly sweetened, fatty creamers. I eased out of it. It's taken two weeks, but I'm now using Splenda and powdered non-fat creamer. It's NOT the same, and my coffee intake has decreased by half.... but I can still have my coffee.

I feel like I am constantly eating. Which is probably better than before.... On days that I worked, I did not eat when I woke up, but ate with Ben at 7 (usually a low fat, HIGH-carb meal), had a snack of potato chips around 11pm, and got something from the kitchen at work (usually involving french fries.. tho they do make a killer chef salad once a week) around 2 am. Then didn't eat again until 7pm when I made the kid dinner.... So yes, I'm being insanely conscious of fat and carbs, but I think it's just about as important that I'm eating on a regular basis, hopefully keeping my body from going into starvation mode.

My current goal is 20 lbs, with the option of renewal. Yes, realistically, I KNOW I need to lose about 160 lbs total.  (My "ideal" weight is about 140 lbs give or take 7) Do I think this is realistic for me? NO. I haven't weighed that little since I was in elementary school, I shit you not. I would put my realistic goals somewhere around 160 to 175. But that's still a big number, so I think I'm just going to take it 20 lbs at a time, with option for renewal. That isn't so overwhelming.

My next big hurdle is going to be exercise. I hate it. If you gave me a cake and said "You can eat this WHOLE thing, if you walk two miles afterwards." I'd say, "Fuck you and your cake." In the last 15 days, I exercised once, for 30 minutes. I KNOW this needs to change. It's the whole making it happen thing that I fail on. If I could afford a weight trainer, I'd do it, no problem. I keep appointments. I'm just no good at "OhhhhYAY!  It's time to be miserable." This weekend, my goal is to go walking. I've kind of half-heartedly found a way to encourage me to do it... Make walking dates. If someone is supposed to meet me somewhere at a certain time, I'll show up, rain or shine. Now I just have to make the dates. I've kind of got one tentatively planned for Sunday. I have two ppl I can call to make one for Saturday.... *Looks at the phone* I can do this..... lol

Yesterday, I noticed a size difference. YAY... in my ass.. I seem to be losing it all from my ass... How weird is that? But the butt of my pants are way baggy now.. I'm going to look funny walking around with big tits, big gut, and a little ass.

Dear Fat Gods,

           I have always been fairly well proportioned. Please don't fuck that up.  I would appreciate even weight loss, throughout the entirety of my body. Exercise will be that much more difficult if you throw off my balance... I'm very soon going to be (more) front heavy. This will also put MORE strain on my back. You don't want me to have MORE back problems, do you? Let work on EVEN weight loss..

           Please and Thank you,

           Psam

 The bottom line is... I'm not miserable. More than sweets, I've been craving fats. LIKE CHEESE. That's why I broke down and bought the reduced fat cheese. It's not as good, but it's not as BAD for me. I've had a few bitty pieces, when I first bought it, but it's sat there untouched for the last week. Not bad. I really find myself looking at calories, fat, and carbs and finding that it's just not worth it. Which is GOOD! It's there if I really, really want it... but so far, I've been pretty much deciding against it. (Same with the tub of Java Chip ice cream that's been in my freezer for 3 weeks.) And the Garlic Ritz crackers that taunt me from the pantry. It's there. I could have a little bit, and it won't KILL my diet... but at this point, it's just not worth it.

I think I'm doing ok. I -COULD- try a more drastic diet. But this one is manageable for me. I'm NOT miserable. In fact, I'm actually liking it. So, I'm good where I am. My outlook is shiny.

What more could I want?