Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Where The Hell Am I???

Ever feel like the curtains have been ripped back and you suddenly find yourself wondering where we are and how we got here?

My iGoogle has a CNN section. It only gives me three headlines. When I saw "Missouri Police Find Body of Missing Boy". I clicked it, thinking this was Baby Sky, little Jhessye Shockley, or Baby Kate. It wasn't. This is a wholly different missing child.

At the bottom of that article, I saw the link to "Body Found in Search for Missing Virginia Beach Baby".
which led to..
"Two Nebraska children found in kennel"
and on. Each horrible story leading to links for more horrible stories.

"Body found during search for missing 10-year-old in Texas"
"Body Found in Investigation of Utah Babysitter's Disappearance"
"Tennessee Woman Indicted in Deaths of Infant Twins"
"Man Allegedly Caught on Tape Swinging Baby By Neck With Blanket."

They go on and on and on... Stories of bodies found, children missing, children abused. Though I realize not all of these stories are from today, or even this week, I can't help but feel that things are out of control. What is going on? What is happening to us?

 "Parents arrested after giving away Toddler" This one, I have a problem with. I don't know the whole story, only what was written in this article, but it seems to me the parents did the right thing. It seems to me that the headline is misleading. The parents were junkies and gave a neighbor temporary custody of the child while supposedly getting clean. If this is true, and if the child hadn't been abused and in danger before the exchange of physical custody, then I actually commend these people for making a good choice. (Though they certainly should have given up the dog too.) I just can't help thinking about those commercials from when I was a kid.

Sure. They let themselves get to that point. They didn't choose to get help sooner. But, if this story is what really happened, then they finally made a good decision. They shouldn't be punished for that. If this had been a family member who took the child, there wouldn't be charges filed...... Not everyone has family that is in a better, more stable situation than they are. Sometimes, you take help from where ever it's offered.

For me, the next logical jump is to Mississippi. Last week, the world held it's breath as the citizens of Mississippi voted on the definition of "personhood".... a vote that on the surface just seems absurd, but hiding in the folds were the implied possibilities to disrupt a woman's right to choose whether or not to continue a pregnancy or possibly seek assistance with fertilization.

The bill didn't pass. *bitter laugh* Don't think that means the great people of Personhood USA are finished. No.......... They've only just begun. There are plans for 9 other states to have similar bills in the upcoming 2012 elections. 9.... so far. What are the odds that it won't pass in at least one of those states? I mean, who'd have thought Bush Jr would win a re-election?
I started a post about this bill shortly before the election, and didn't get it finished. I think this is a great time to discuss the issue.

First, how can we vote on a word that is already defined?


1. the state or fact of being a person.
2. the state or fact of being an individual or having human characteristics and feelings: 
This law would define personhood as beginning at the moment of conception, forget that a fertilized egg takes about three days to implant and oh, about 23 week for any reasonable chance of viability. When you consider a fertilized egg, there is nothing about it that constitutes "being an individual" or "having human characteristics and feelings."

I get that some people hold that baby makin' is "a precious miracle" but, in truth, it's not.. It's fucking biology. Until that baby squirts out, it's a parasite. Some people claim that the fact that the fetus carries your DNA makes it some sort of symbiosis, but I find that a stretch and a fairly laughable argument. It is a parasite. And now, the highly educated Joe Blows of the US are going to vote (because they are soooo qualified) to decide what you can do with your parasites.

If your argument lies in the genes, all mammals have a genetic similarity of 92% or better. Chimps are 98% similar (imagine that... not that this gives any scientific credence to evolution or anything)... What if I decided to have a chimp embryo implanted so that I could give birth to my own chimp baby? The "genetic life code" between some apes and humans is 99.4%.. My son is 99.98% genetically similar to his father..  That's a difference of 0.58 %... if you have an 8 oz glass of water and pour 0.58% of straight ethanol alcohol into it... you're probably not going to taste or feel the difference. Mathematically insignificant.  0.0464 ounces. You'd ask the bartender for your money back.

So passing this fucked up law would not only negate the progress of Roe vs Wade, but also makes the use of some birth controls illegal, such as The Morning After pill or Plan B. Even for those against abortion, it brings up the question of what would happen to unused eggs left over from IVF treatments.

I just see how horribly out of control this whole thing could get. 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage. Approximately 75% of those happen in the first trimester
*Here are some  more miscarriage info.
*And still some other important pregnancy facts.
 So what happens when a totally normal and truly spontaneous miscarriage happens, and under this law someone is prosecuted because someone else thought they caused their own miscarriage? Fall down the stairs? Sure you didn't throw yourself? Forget your prenatals more often than not? Maybe you had too much sex..... This all seems absurd, yes.. but so does calling a bunch of unattached cells a "person".

And so you're wondering.. How did we get here from the horror of children disappearing, being found murdered, and suspicious stories from parents? 

Maybe it's better if some people don't procreate. Maybe some are smart enough to know they shouldn't. Don't take away their options. An actual child, who thinks and feels and dreams, could end up dead. 

Then what have you saved?

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Getting Hits

Ok.... so my most popular blog ever was "Sun, Moon, and Scars", posted like a year and a half ago. It was a well written post, I think, and continues to generate roughly 25% of my views. HOWEVER, I'm alarmed by the search words/phrases people have used to find me.

vagina piercings
crazy ass shit
piercing prince charles
ass shiting
random ass shit
omfg prepare your anus
"suspenders are hot"
ass with shit

and I'm trying to figure out how ANY of this has to do with ANYTHING I've posted. And............ seriously.... someone (I hope it's just one.. very dedicated searcher) has a very serious philia with poo....

Disturbing. Interesting!

I'm Not Crazy

For several years, various friends (that's right, not even enemies) have been trying to diagnose me.

I have been friend-diagnosed as psychotic, a sociopath, neurotic, Asperger's (not that I consider that a form of crazy - just sayin'), and told I have anger management issues. One, I manage my anger just fine. I verbalize it and don't act on it.. I call that managed. And because I can do that, I'm obviously not a sociopath. (I'd like to say that also disqualifies me on the psychotic stuff too, but I don't know if that's ACTUALLY the case. *shrug*)

I might be a bit neurotic. I do have anxiety and I can tend to be very insecure about certain things, which cranks up the volume on my anxiety, but if that's the definition of neurotic..... you got me.

I might be a bit spectrum. I seem to pass all the screening tests with flying colors, but I maintain that my son's counselor states that the simple fact that I broached the question to him "proves" that I'm not spectrum....... WTF does that even  mean? That doesn't feel like an answer to me, but perhaps my need to dissect that statement is indicative of my neurotic nature.

I have some issues (don't we all), I'm not in denial. I have some self confidence issues. I have some anxiety issues. I have some weird OCD-like tendencies (who doesn't) (I get it from my mother.. who probably gets it from her mother)(It's a family tradition).. I have some issues with "right and wrong"... not that my lines are blurred. I know the difference between right and wrong, and act accordingly (almost always). My issue seems to lie in knowledge. I can't leave an obviously wrong statement alone. I have to correct it. Or, if I'm not certain, but strongly question... I HAVE to look it up. It's a compulsion.(I blame my mother for the countless times she told me as a child, "Look it up".) It's not a need to prove anyone wrong, per se, but a driven need to stop the proliferation of senseless and incorrect ideas. (see that... I had to double check to make certain I wasn't using "proliferation" improperly.) I'm constantly double checking the dictionary and I google everything..

One of my friends on Facebook posted a need for a laugh, "Someone please tell me a joke"...
One of her friends posted this:
Thor was flying around a castle on his Pegasus saying, "I'm Thor! I'm Thor!" The King heard this from his tower and poked his head out the window and replied, " Well of course your thor thilly! Your riding without a thaddle!"
Hee hee- my all time favorite:)
One... I showed great restraint.. I did not flame her. I wanted to... soooooooooo badly, but I didn't. I know it's a joke. HOWEVER, it's hard for me to find the funny when my brain is exploding from the OBVIOUS jumbling of mythologies. Perseus rode Pegasus. (NOT Hercules as Disney would have you believe! and of course, not Thor.. though that seems stupid to point out.) Thor could run as fast as a horse, and when he didn't feel like doing that he had a chariot pulled by goats.(Goats! Whaaaa?? I know, right?) (Further proof of insecurity, I KNEW these 3 points, but googled each just to make sure that I was remembering correctly.) **I can't go without saying... In the times that Thor was an actively worshiped god, how many Norse castles (with towers) are we likely to find?? And.. "Your" ... should have been "You're" ... But slightly overlook-able simply because joke tradition is verbal. *sigh* (Also, a point for Asperger's.... religion/mythology has certainly been a "special interest" for me for ohhhhhhhh about 20 years... at least.) (Though this I also blame on my mother. Again, just sayin'.)

The point is.. I have issues. But I manage them. Therefore, I'm all good. I don't need a label to fit in... or do I?

Google's not going to help me on this one, is it?

Friday, November 11, 2011

Veterens Day.....................................

This is going to make me sound like a whore-faced bitch.
I find statements such as the one above insulting, to me and to the men and women who have served this nation. Before you blast me for being unpatriotic, let me explain.

I have great respect for those who give service to this country. I have great respect for those who've lost their lives giving service to this country. However, tell me exactly when the last time we had a military action that was directly protecting MY freedom. It wasn't in Libya, it wasn't Afghanistan, it wasn't Iraq.... either time. It wasn't in Rwanda, or Somalia. It wasn't in Vietnam.
There are certain responsibilities that come with being the biggest kid on the block. The right and just thing to do is protect those weaker than yourself.
"Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute. Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and the needy." ~ Proverbs 31:8&9 (NIV)
Yes, I just quoted the Bible in a way that wasn't derogatory. Why, because it's a philosophy that everyone should have, no matter what faith you are. So hear me clearly, I'm not begrudging military actions in which we stepped in to ugly situations to protect the basic human rights, and FREEDOMS, of those who could not stand up for themselves.That is just. That is right. That is chivalry and valor. But people get confused. They turn it into a situation where I should be grateful for the protection of MY freedom. And I have to say, this is simply not true. 
In truth, our Armed Services protect my freedom everyday, by simply existing. The world knows that any action against the US will have swift and heavy repercussions. That, protects my freedom. Our freedom hasn't been seriously challenged in almost 70 years. I'm sure many people would argue "But 9-11!!!", which was probably the most heartbreaking day of my life. But that was terrorism. They didn't want to take over our country. They still don't. They want to fuck with our heads. They want to shank us on the playground. They want attention. They are disgruntled 3 year olds who run up and slap you and run away. (Not that it doesn't hurt... because the wound is very deep.)

So on this Veterans day, I'd like to give my thanks to those who have existed to deter those who might want to take my freedoms. To those who have actually fought to protect that freedom. To those who have fought to protect the rights and freedoms of peoples around the world who had no one else to fight for them.

We live in a world of greed and want, of power struggles and two-faced politicians who stand on their podiums and decry publicly the unjust conditions of squalor and violence around the globe and then, behind closed doors, greedily rub their hands together in anticipation of their wants. This has nothing to do with the troops that are actually deployed to carryout their orders, and THIS is what needs to be remembered.

It is not the "why"... and has little to do with the "how". I am thankful that men and women take that oath, not knowing what will be asked of them, who do it on blind faith that their leaders will commit them righteously.


In reviewing my music selection, I have to point out that (yes, I'm aware) my selections do have an anit-war message... But I think they also look at soldiers as individuals.... and that is my message.

Thank you!

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Talk Thursday: Frustration (Late.. I know)

Something is not right in The Land of Under-The-Hood..

And it's messing with my head.

We can't figure out what is wrong with my stupid POS Jeep. (Though I have learned that I HATE Jeeps and wish they'd all burn in Hades) (I don't mean that Jeep gods.. I'm sorry) The damn thing just spontaneously decides to not participate in life. It's like a stubborn child.. It will be on it's best behavior for weeks, even months... then one day.. nothing. 12 hours later, it will randomly start, just fine. I thought it was the starter. (Apparently) we know it's not the starter because we can hear the starter fuse clicking. We thought it was the battery (Even though it's only like 7 months old, "but even new batteries can go dead overnight" ) Well, it wasn't the battery (mutherfucker!) We thought "maybe the alternator". Not the alternator because we undid a battery cable and the fucker didn't die. Nothing makes sense... Nothing at all. (voodoo)

*Enter my neurotic, paranoid superstitious stupidity. *

I find that every time I go to my car, I'm holding my breath, praying for it to start.... Problem is, I don't fucking believe in prayer. This Christian, gone Pagan, gone Agnostic, now resides somewhere in the realm of WHOFUCKINGKNOWS, and most assuredly does not believe that God, or gods, or goddesses, or Flying Spaghetti Monsters, or Invisible Pink Unicorns or fucking Zarquon (which also translates to "fucking fuck") (which I have to say I love!) is going to tamper with the goings on of my engine workings based on whether or not I prayed for it not to... IN FACT, I find it more likely that a god-entity would be MORE LIKELY to fuck with the inner-workings of my vehicular nightmare simply because I had the gall to assume that It cared about it in the first place....

Yes, I think I've jinxed myself. (WHICH MAKES NO DAMN SENSE!!) (because I am a sensical person) (I AM! and Zarquon YOU Spell Check... 'sensical' is so a fucking word.. if not.. how can you be NONsensical..?) (Psam, ftw!) Then, I find myself evaluating my actions for any ridiculous faux pas I haven't yet eliminated... I started the car while the passenger door was still open... Did I wish it would start? Or did I just assume it would? If I hoped... then I was assuming the worse... and felt that a little wishing was needed.. If I just assumed it WOULD start.. then I was taking it for granted... and that is to be frowned upon.. THEN, I'm like "Whoa, Psam... this is silliness.. " and I'm like BLASPHEMOUS!!!! The god-things will hate you... Then rationale is like... The god-things don't give a crap about your thoughts.. they have god-thing things to worry about... Why do you think you're so damn special that you even appear on the god-thing's radar things??? BECAUSE MY CAR RANDOMLY WON'T START FOR NO FUCKING APPARENT REASON....Ergo.. god-things...

Then logic speaks up again. "Psam....... You are pathetically retarded!"

Logic is a BITCH!

So, this is my one... and only.... or last ...Prayer to the (Car) god-things.

Dear (Car) god-things,

PLEASE quit messing with my car. Please let me have the confidence to go to work.. and know that I'll be able to get home in the morning. Please let me have the confidence to go to the store.. or take my son to his counselor... or to swim practice... without having to worry that I'm going to be stranded a half hour from home. Please quit making me retardedly neurotic. Because I don't believe that you, or any god-thing, fucks with people on whim.... Please quit making me crazy.

Much love,
So Mote It Be. Hallelujah. Peace Be With You. Go Forth And Prosper. Amen. Praise be to Allah. Word to Your Mother. Namaste.

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Lost... And Found... But Still Lost....

I'm not really lost. This is not a boo-hoo poor Psam post.. This is a declaration of my frustrations.

Maybe I'm going through a mid *gulp* life crisis.

I don't know. I feel like I'm stuck in a body that isn't what I want. I feel like I'm stuck in a go-no-where life that isn't what I intended. I have a job I hate. I only have two friends here.. One I never get to see.. The other only wants to try to fuck me.. or cry on my shoulder when his life his in the shit hole... Sometimes those overlap. I have no social life. I do nothing.

I am fun.. I am funky. I am unique. I am not my age. I want to be me. And I guess that's the real crux of it all. I don't get to be me. I want to wake up every day and dress in a style that screams "Psam"... cuz really, I'm Psam on the inside. Here, in this life, when Psam comes out, people look at me like I'm crazy... like I don't fit. I have people who know and love my "Psam" ... but they aren't here.. They aren't in my every day, touchable life. My mom knows Psam. I think she even likes her, but sorry Mom.. I need more than my mommy sometimes.

I'm in a rut. I need a change. I need a life.

This is not me.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Super Powers and Orgasms...

I KNOW I owe like a million TT posts.. I'm sorry.. I suck... I am The Suckage....

I have spent the last few nights reading The Bloggess and that chick cracks me the fuck up! She has inspired me to quit hiding my inner ridiculous... I kinda think she should be canonized and be made the Patron Goddess of Taxidermied Animals and Totally Neurotic Bloggers. She totally rocks!
So this here post (that you're currently reading) directly relates to this post, or more so.. the comments left by her readers. She kinda asks her readers what is the one thing you really want, but haven't bought yourself.... But it was turned into "WHAT IS THE MOST CRAZIEST FUCKING THING YOU CAN THINK OF?" and most of her peeps are cool as hell and totally raise the bar on crazy... Sure there are those that are like "I want a new house so that my family can be secure" or "I want a job" which yeah, I'm so totally freaking there with you.. I get your pain... But this is satire folks... Not the Lifetime Movie of the Week. I think ppl read her blog to feel good.... and dude, you're ruining the party.
Plus (and make fun of me all you want Tandy) (I'm so totally NOT fucking superstitious) but talking about your hopes and fears jinxes the fuck out of you! Seriously! I don't talk about what I really need because that pretty much guarantees that I'm fucked... Sure I talk about "Dude, if I were suddenly rich.. I would buy a missile silo and build a fucking castle on top of it so when the apocalypse (be it zombie, viral, nuclear, or Jesus come to destroy the masses) comes .. I'm totally fucking golden".. I can talk about this because there's just about as much chance of this happening as you finding Satan at the K-Mart buying ice skates.. But that's right up there with "If I woke up one day and looked like Selma Hayek, I'd spend a month at the mall... naked!" Don't worry peoples, you don't need to avoid the mall because, sadly, it's probably NOT GOING TO FUCKING HAPPEN! ( really wish it would)
I don't talk about the bad stuff... cuz DUH! That's just INVITING disaster. 'Nuff said.

So.... I made my list of ridiculous things that I so want....
1. The damn castle/missile silo stronghold.. cuz DUDE!
2. Firefly to get picked back up...
3. To wake up one day with my nipples pierced, simply because I REALLY, REALLY want it done but can't imagine letting some stranger hold my nekid titties.
4. A clone slave that can do all the shit I don't want to do.. Like work.... and go to swim practice so that I can get more than 5 or 6 hours sleep at a time and ....................... sadly, spend more time on my computer.
and 5. A severe allergy to chocolate/peanut butter.... and maybe caramel too... Ok.. fuck it... all sweets and carbs in general... Preferably not life-threatening allergies.... but something that's horribly uncomfortable... like my ears swelling to 5 times their natural size...

I think that's a pretty damn good list.

Ok... so some ppl got really creative.. and they were talking about super powers... and I .. just a sec...........


Ok... so you totally know the Vulcan Death Grip right? Ok.... so something totally like that... but instead of Death.... was it really death? cuz I'm NOT much of a Trekkie but I thought it was more like sleep... BUT... instead of Death/Sleep.. orgasm... That's right, ORGASM!..... Could you imagine being able to touch someone on the shoulder and give them the most instantaneous, out-of-this-world orgasm? DUDE! I'd start going to church... Just to touch old ladies on the shoulder during prayer... That would be funny shit!

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Talk Thursday: Resisting the Urge

Both of my sisters are married now.
I almost didn't make it to Miseray's wedding on time, and I forgot my lipgloss and my camera.

Several times during the wedding people turned to me and said, "You're next!" or "Only one more daughter to marry off!".................... haha not likely. I kinda predict that I'm going to be one of those old cat ladies you see on Hoarders. Not that I really want to start hoarding cats or anything, but that future seems more likely than marriage. Lets get real, Miseray and the Brit were together for 8 years before they got married, my longest relationship has been about a year.. Never had one that wasn't dysfunctional. LOL I'm just being real. The upside of being an overweight homebody who hates the sun... well, I don't have wrinkles.

Is it wrong that I was tickled when those at the wedding I didn't know asked me if I was the baby of the family? I'm sure they were asking because of my unmarried state, but I'm going to pretend it's cuz I looked younger. (I'm 4 years older!)

Who knows. If I had a wedding to go to everyday, I might be able to snag a hubby. I looked damn good. Unfortunately, my life doesn't call for a lot of occasion to wear a cocktail dress. I feel like sending flowers to the girl at the store who helped me pick it out. LOL Guess what Psam's wearing to this year's holiday party?

Of course it isn't that I don't really WANT to get married, it's just that one, all of my relationships have been total duds. Two, I just don't trust marriage a lot. I think every girl dreams of the perfect relationship, the ideal man, the grand beautiful wedding, and life happily ever after... At one point last night, while getting the "You're next" line, I just smiled and responded, "I haven't met the right loser yet!"

I'm not sure what kind of crap my mom was trying to pull last night, but she decided to announce to my new brother-in-law's brother, that I think he has amazing eyes.. "OHhhhh, have you met my daughter Psam, she thinks your eyes are amazing!" WTF? Yes, his eyes are amazing, but really? Maybe we should have made me a sandwich board sign, "Last unmarried daughter. Free, OBO...Contracts negotiable. No returns or refunds. All sales final." No pressure. lol Maybe I need to start checking the singles ads just to make sure my mom isn't trying to pimp me out!

Ok, laughs aside. My sister, and the whole wedding, was beautiful. The food was amazing. I even liked some of the wine.The music was pretty good, ignoring the fact that my sister likes disco... ugg.. but it was fun. Aunt Rocky even got Burp out on the dance floor after I'd failed for hours to do so. Papa even got out there. I'm so happy to have the Brit in the family. He's a wonderful guy! At one point I heard him tell Burp, "Hey, I'm really your Uncle now." I thought that was so sweet.

Papa says if I ever do happen to get married, he'll pay me to elope. HA! Fuck that! If I sign away my self-sufficiency, I'm doing it with style. Why shouldn't I get the fancy dress and bride's maids and crap. I think it should be a bigger party for me, cuz I had to work harder for it! lol The one thing I had myself wondering about last night, was bride's maids. I only have one friend in my life these days that I'd want for a bride's maid. The other two are so far away, Australia and Alaska, I don't know if Tandy and Chole would be able to come. I can't think of anyone else I'd want to have up there with me. If I were to ever get that far, I'd be heartbroken if they couldn't. I would want Burp to give me away. And I think it would be humorous if when Dude says, "Who gives this women .. blah blah" I think my whole side should stand up and yell "WE DO!" lol That would be funny! Maybe disconcerting to his family though... But then again, no need to lull them into a false sense of reality, my family is disconcerting!

I don't know. Everything in due time. I might, I might not. Who knows.. Just not any time soon. Hopefully this won't be the conversation topic of the rest of my life though. Actually, I'm hoping now it will shift to "Miseray, when are you going to give us grandbabies?" haha Perhaps when people ask me when I'm going to get married I'll just respond, "I don't know, is Miseray pregnant yet?"

Two can play that game!

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Talk Thursday: Garbage

There is a poem I have always loved.
When contemplating this topic... this part keeps ringing in my head...

I love you
For putting your hand
Into my heaped-up heart
And passing over
All the foolish, weak things
That you can’t help
Dimly seeing there,
”   ~"Love" by Roy Croft

This is the garbage. The stuff we want to let go of, but for whatever reason, can't. The junk that lies deep inside, going for eons without being noticed, until one day it pokes it's head out, and tears you apart.

For months I have been battling myself over what to do about my cousin's wedding. TD and I have an interesting history. I suppose technically, she is my former step-cousin from my mother's second marriage. To deal with the inner-drama with my cousin, I have to visit the drama with my former stepfather. I'm not sure what blog name my mom has given him, but I will call him EggSucker, simply because on the rare occasions my mom would lose her cool with him, she would tell him to "Suck Eggs!".. He hated it and the immature part of me still snickers about it.

My mom and the EggSucker got married when I was 4. My biological father has never actively been a father. He's floated in and out of my life when it's convenient for him, and I can honestly say he's only abstractly been instrumental in shaping me to be the person that I am. More like he's been a shining representation of everything I don't want to be. So, although the EggSucker could be a tad overly strict and often distant... he was my Dad... To the point that my biofather was given the label "Daddy Bob", and EggSucker was really "Dad"...

EggSucker's parents were Grandma and Papa, and his brother's daughter TD was my cousin. She lived in Seattle and mostly just came to visit during the summer. When we were little, I hated her. She was certainly grandma's favorite. When she came to visit, her stepsister and I would sneak away so that we didn't have to listen to her and grandma babytalk and vomitously love each other.

Interestingly, puberty changes people a lot. Middle School approached and TD moved to town. Somehow, we became the very best of friends for the next few years. True partners in crime. lol.. Looking back, I find it weird. I mellowed out a lot in those years, probably in part due to the fact that I became TD's handler. As bad as my temper ever was, her's was worse. Both of us are stubborn as hell though, so there was plenty of headbutting through the years.

My mom and the EggSucker split up when I was 13. That was a pretty hard time for me, due to that and other reasons, so really I don't remember too much of that year. It's all kind of a haze. I'm fairly certain it was about a year, maybe a tad bit longer that he stayed somewhat active in my life. The next summer I went and visited him for several weeks after he'd moved several hours away. Then he married his brother's ex-fiance, and completely removed himself from my life. TD had told me he was getting married. I remember so angrily telling her that he would NEVER marry her and not tell me. I remember the regret that showed in her eyes as she let the matter lie with a "Psam, I'm so sorry..."

A few months later, we got the invitation: To Cele and Family.......... I had gone from being his daughter and reduced to "And Family.." There are so many layers to this onion, it's hard for me to pick apart. The outside layer hates the wife. Blames her for everything. Longs to put a bullet between the bitch's eyes. The next layer knows that no matter what influence she had, a real father would stand up for his relationship with his daughter, blood or not. That layer hurts more.

A few years later, his mom moved down to be closer to him and his new family. Part of me understands that. Reason says she didn't have to disappear from my life though. There are layers that hate the EggSucker and his wife for taking my grandma from me... Then there is the layer that says she owns that responsibility. If I was ever truly her granddaughter, she should have stood by our relationship.

There are other bits to this. The fact that after a few years of absence, he showed up on my doorstep with a 10 day old baby, introduced me to my "Sister" and cried and said he was sorry and that he'd never disappear on me again. Then I didn't see him for another 2 years until his brother was murdered. The "Sister" was throwing a fit and he looked at me and said, "You want her?"... and all I could think was, "What? Throwing away one daughter wasn't enough for you?" But I didn't say it. I started bawling uncontrollably and left. I've never seen him since. That was April of 1994.

So, my cousin is getting married. At first, I didn't worry. She lives in Chicago now, and it's not like I have travel money. Then I found out, she's getting married an hour away.

The part of me that tries to be rational says, "You should do it for her." I love her so much. We haven't hardly seen each other in the last 10 years, but I love her. She is my cousin, and I miss her so much.

The realistic part of me says, "No fucking way!" There is no way I can be around those people and not have a nervous, hysterical breakdown. I have spent the last 20+ years ignoring and burying these emotions. I have not dealt with this at all. I'm sure that the EggSucker will be walking her down the aisle, as her father and grandfathers are dead... and I know that the anger and jealousy .... it would be too much for me. Not that I want him to walk me down the aisle someday, but GODDAMN IT! I want him to want to do it. And, yes, I'm well aware of how completely childish that is.

I would see his wife and his daughters....  I would be a wreck, and none of it would have anything to do with the fact that TD is getting married. Everything to do with the fact that these are people I love that have chosen not to be in my life.. for nearly two decades.

Probably all very reasonable feelings, but wrong time, wrong place.

So my cousin finally caught me on Facebook and asked if I was coming to the wedding. I bawled hysterically as I told her how much I love her and how much I wish I could go, but that I just can't do it. And I told her exactly why. She was upset, but understanding. And insistent on finding a way to come see me. She's going to come down early one morning when I get off work, and we're going to go to breakfast.

I'm happy I'll get to see her. I'm relieved that she understands.

I haven't dealt with my garbage. I don't know how. The first thought is maybe I need a counselor, but truthfully, I don't know how that will solve anything. It won't bring closure. But what am I supposed to do? Show up at EggSucker's door someday and tell him he didn't just leave a marriage, that he damaged me and stole my family? The worse part is that I worry that if I did have the balls to do that, that he just wouldn't care. Or what if he did? It's not like I want to repair our relationship... I just don't want to hurt over it anymore.

Friday, July 15, 2011

HOLY CRAP COOKIES... Michelle Obama!

Remember several months ago I wrote my email to the First Lady, disgruntled over the American education system... I got an email back...

Dear Psam:

Thank you for sharing your views with me.  I am always so encouraged to hear from Americans who are interested and engaged in the democratic process, and I hope you continue to stay involved in these important national discussions in the months and years to come.
As our country faces tough challenges, please know that the President and this Administration are working hard every day to move our country forward.  Although we have made enormous progress, there is much left to do-and we need your help.  Your engagement is vital, so I urge you to stay involved in your community and in civic life.  To learn more about the President's agenda and the latest news from the White House, please visit

Again, thank you for writing.  I wish you all the best.


Michelle Obama

At the time, I sent one to the head of education, and one to the First Lady. I got a response from the Director, or whatever that position is, within a week or so, basically saying, "Hey Moron, this is a republic. The States control the education process." Of course, Mrs. First Lady didn't really address any of my concerns, but well, maybe she at least read it.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

OMG... So In Love....

"In the still of the night
I held you, held you tight,
Cuz I love, love you so,
Promise I'll never let you go..."

Ok... I'm in lust.
Deep, wet, sticky lust.

Talk Thusday: Next Time I'm President

Wooohooooo!!! This is the topic for me!

Not that I'll ever be President, but wow, where to even start?

I often get flack because I'm not so opposed to Communism, in theory. I've even been called a Socialist. I guess the best way for me to state my thoughts in that arena is with this; how horrid is it that we have a housing crisis in which people's homes are being foreclosed on, tons of homes lying vacant, and still have a homeless population? This just seems retarded to me. Totally fucked up. All because people want to make a buck.

I don't really feel that capitalism has worked for us. Don't get me wrong, communism and socialism have one major failing, they don't necessarily give people a clear road to the top, but I think that an uncorrupted communistic or socialist system keeps more people from being stranded at the bottom. Perhaps there is an economic system which is somewhere in the middle. If there is, I don't know the name for it.

My mama always said, "Nothing in this life is free." Unfortunately, in the US, I've some to find most aren't raised with this philosophy. People, especially those at the bottom, seem to feel they're owed something. We have generations of Welfare recipients who feel that using Welfare as your main income is the American way. Perhaps that's what it's become....

Americans bitch that we don't have socialized medicine, that we don't have free secondary education, but they aren't willing to pay the price for "free". No one wants to give the government "more control", no one wants to pay extra taxes. I find it hilarious that people fear "government control" of the medical community, yet hold their breath for the day their Medicare kicks in. What do they think Medicare is? Do you think it's right that the CEO of a company that owns 50+ US hospitals makes $7,584,981 a year while the staffing at his hospitals are cut and work with skeleton crews because they will not allow overtime to fill shifts? Does it seem right that the year I was laid off to save money, he received a 20% raise? Do you think it's right that medical costs keep rising, though Medicare and Medicaid only reimburse a fraction of what those without government insurance pay? How does that happen? The government can cap what they can be charged. Who pays the difference? EVERYONE ELSE! How do you stop that from happening? Make all insurance government controlled! How does the government pay for that? TAXES! Do Americans want to pay more taxes? Hell no.


How do countries like Australia manage a "free secondary education"?... well, it really isn't free, that's how. They pay it back. Their wages are garnished after they graduate, at something like 50%.. until it's paid back. Would Americans go for that? HELL NO... Free should be free damn it!!.
How does Australia handle a Medicare-like system that gives all of it's citizens "free" medical??? It isn't really free. They pay out-of-pocket for their medical and prescriptions and then get reimbursed for part or all of it. Gosh, I wonder how much that cuts down on abuse of their system.... I bet quite a bit.

We are in the midst of a huge global financial crisis, which I don't understand... I mean, money has value because we give it value. Everyone owes everyone money, and everyone is in debt. It seems to me, that a majority of these debts should cancel each other out. Our government bailed out tons of big corporations to save them from bankruptcy. Just handed out money that they didn't really have. This isn't a popular opinion, but I think that the government should then OWN those companies.

Something like 20 years ago, a math teacher of mine gave an assignment to the class, "Solve the current problem of homelessness in the US". My proposition was to select companies that ship most of their jobs overseas and have them enter into a partnership with the government. Build facilities for manufacture and housing. Round up the homeless, offer them housing and jobs, and teach them skills. Not saying this is a perfect plan, but it's an idea.

How about the Welfare or Unemployment recipients who are not working, are not looking for work, and have been living in they system for years? Make them work for their benefits and don't penalize them for doing so. If you are a recipient, you have become a government employee. I don't care if it's Litter Patrol or an aide at your child's school. Mom's can't work because they've got 4 kids and no childcare? Build childcare facilities and employ some of these people to run it to watch the children.

There are plenty of things that can be done, that aren't being done. Plenty of "jobs" to keep people off their sofas (or the streets) and earning their way.

While messing with the Welfare system, I would mess a little more. I would go back to a voucher system, but more like the WIC program. Unfortunately, our current system does nothing to ensure quality of diet or even wise spending. People argue that they should be able to buy the groceries that they want... Well, you can.. Get a job and spend your earning on groceries. I'm not trying to be cold, but I hate it when I see people spending their food stamps on shit food and soda... or expensive steaks for the first half of the month and their kids live on peanut butter and Ramen the last half of the month.

I am also not opposed to what Florida is trying to pass, drug testing for recipients. I, however, feel that this should not be a roadblock to benefits but a stepping stone to treatment.

I'm an advocate for government sanctioned breeding. I think too many ppl who have no business breeding at all. I think at puberty everyone should be put on chemical sterilization and sometime time about 23ish tested and those too stupid to live,or seem to have no motivation in life, should just be kept on the sterilization chemicals. Implant, injection, I don't care. AND before anyone be allowed to procreate, they should either have to pass a Qualified Parenting test, or attend and pass parenting classes. Fuck the idea that parenting is a human right.

I would pull back on our military interests. I was kind of hoping Clinton would become President. I thought it would be interesting to see what would happen with the military. Women fight different. Women fight dirty. Women fight to win. I would beef up special ops forces and fight damn near everything on the down low. Much like Bill did in his presidency. If we occupy another country, we get compensated for it.. No more bailing out oil countries and footing the bill. No more being the world police. Aide NATO and the UN, sure, but I would pull way back. No more "humanitarian" efforts without it being a NATO or UN action.

There are many things within the government itself which needs to change. I would want to cap the number of terms for the Senate and Representatives and increase the number of terms for the Presidency. Though, this could be both good and bad. Look at the good Bill did in 8 years, look at the bad Bush jr did in 8 years. Obama can't fix it in 4, probably not 8 if he gets reelected. I bet Bill could have. I want a bumper sticker that reads "Blowjobs Can Save The World".
I would reclaim Clinton's line-item veto. I would do my best to outlaw special interest tag-ons to legislature. In general, try to clean up and streamline our government. There's simply too much bullshit.

Too much bullshit.

Does anyone seriously believe that Obama would have made it through the race for the presidency if their was any valid question as to his nationality? Do you really think the Republicans didn't dig and dig on this one? To have won and be in this third year as President, and to have this question still being debated is the epitome of retarded. Do the puppets not realize that this is just a ploy to muddy the waters? It should be a crime. To have people questioning his religious standing, should be a fucking crime. I think if a black Muslim lesbian ever ran for president, I would vote for her on principle, for spite, whatever you want to call it. If I were to be elected president, I might just makes some shit up like that to piss ppl off. "I'm 1/36th black, an atheist, and I love the pussy!!" Just for shits and giggles.

But I'm a bitch like that, and lucky for you... will never run for president.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Talk Thursday: I love to Bitch about.................

OMG... What don't I love to bitch about??

Actually, I don't think I bitch that much, I work things out verbally... (Does that sound better?)

I've been working a lot lately. I got a second resource job, this one back in patient registration. People either treat me like I don't know anything, or that I should know everything since I've done the job before... 5 years ago, on a different computer system.

I long for a new car and some C4, so I can blow up the current one. We think we've figured out the problem, the starter, now I just need someone to have the time to help me fix it.

Burp has started Pre-Team in swim. He seems to be doing well, though we've only completed one week. His coach thinks the back stroke will be his "thing" but has told him he think he'd make a great water polo player. Burp is excited to go to practice each day, and that is all I care about. I think at this point in his life it'll be incredibly good for him to have something that he feels he's good at and gives him a niche, of sorts. He's currently going 3 days a week, for 45 minutes. If he gets invited to join the swim team it'll be 5 days a week for an hour and a half. I hope he still enjoys it when it gets that intense.

Still waiting to hear about the Charter School. Every appendage that can be crossed, is crossed. 4th grade was hard for him socially and academically, I just think that it would be so much better for him to be in a school that is made up entirely of his real peers, to be taught to his strengths, and for the teaching staff to specialize in autism. I actually can't think of a better situation for him.

We started him on a new medication. Strattera. He's still on the Concerta, as it takes 4-6 weeks for us to really know the effect of the Stratterra. His psychiatrist thinks that if the Stratterra works as well as he's hoping, we might be able to take him off both the Concerta and the Zoloft. Trade a stimulant and an antidepressant for one, non-amphetamine medication? HELL YEAH!! It seems to be working really well already, on week two. HOWEVER, his counselor still says wait and see. He says that often it will seem to work really well at first, then not so much later. However, even in these cases, it still seems to work better than the previous meds... I'm like, what the hell's wrong with that?.. a little better is still better. AND IT'S NON-AMPHETAMINE!!! The first week seemed to go well... and we just upped the dose of Stratterra, next month we'll lower the dose of Concerta. I'm kind of thinking about calling the shrink and seeing if we can lower the Concerta early, since it seems to be going so well, but maybe it shouldn't be rushed. I don't know.

It makes me wonder... I did a little research on the two meds, how and why they work differently... They are both re-uptake inhibitors, one of dopamine and the other serotonin. (to be honest, can't remember which is which) I'm a little irritated that it took this long to try a totally different med. (This is where the bitch comes in) From the very beginning, I've been saying that while I saw a little improvement, I never saw the improvement I expected to see. All they did was up the Ritalin, changed to Concerta (12 hour time release), then up that. Then shuffle us to different doctors because the current doctor wasn't comfortable with the high dosing levels. WTF? WHY WHY WHY WHY???????????? didn't we ever try a different med? Not til I throw a fit and demand to know why we've never talked non-stimulant meds do we actually get to discuss one. When I research stuff and ask about it, they brush me off, or treat me like another "internet self-diagnosing pt"... Doctors are supposed to give you the information to make informed decisions... What a joke. You know what happens to people who have an opiate addiction??? Their bodies stop making chemicals that cause you to feel joy and euphoria.. That's why it's so hard for an addict to quit. There have been studies that show that children given amphetamines when they don't need them, have this same problem.. But when they first prescribe this med and you try to ask if this could cause problems later, they don't talk about the oopsies. They tell you that children medicated with amphetamines don't become drug abusers, in fact, it's more likely that if they don't have them they will end up self-medicating with street drugs.... They don't talk about the consequences of long-term use of amphetamine medications when it's inappropriately prescribed. Unfortunately, that's something you find out about later. They just tell you that if it's not the right med it won't improve his condition. Well, what if the problem involves both chemicals, serotonin and dopamine, but one only slightly, the other more so.... Then you'd only see slight improvement... right? Now it seems logical to me... but they never gave me the information to logic it out.

I am so angry about the current system of this thing. In Oregon, the schools are in charge of initial diagnosis. The school psychologist diagnoses your child and gives you a piece of paper to take to your pediatrician. Your ped gives you meds... ONLY if your child seems to not respond appropriately to the meds do you see a psychologist, then a psychiatrist.. NO ONE ever gives you literature. NO ONE ever gives you something that says, "These are your options... this is what ADHD is" OR AUTISM, for that matter. Am I the only one who sees a problem with this system? I have BEGGED my son's doctors for a referral to the CDRC, so that he can have a complete analysis of his issues, and they keep saying we don't need it. OK.... My son is diagnosed with ADHD, Anxiety Disorder, and Asperger's syndrome. Considering that the first two are often misdiagnoses of symptoms of the third, don't you think that it's logical to get a proper evaluation from people who fucking know what they're doing? Especially since he had 3 independent evaluations for each diagnosis and the first two never picked up on the third? What if there is something else going on? They only evaluate for the thing you're asking them to look for. Does he have ADHD? Yes......... ok... does he have Anxiety Disorder? Yes........ ok... are you certain he isn't autistic?.......... "We find it very probably that he has Asperger's Syndrome"................................. "I'll second that diagnosis", "OK, *sigh*, I'll support that diagnosis too."

WTF? Is this really how it's supposed to be?

I don't know if this is a rant or a bitch... but now I'm really fucking pissed off, and need to go.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

My Boycott of American Idol: Day 2

During tonight's boycott we decided to start by watching Firefly "Jaynestown" and planned to follow it up with Buffy's "Once More With Feeling". But we enjoyed Firefly so much, we put in disc one and just kept watching...

And ate ice cream!!!

Judgment Day May 21st 2011

OMG... Too funny!

I have a feeling I'm going to be adding to this. It's just too good to leave alone.
What ever happened to, "But of that day and hour no one knows, not even the angels of heaven, nor the Son, but the Father alone." Mt 24:36 ?

Center for Disease Control: Zombie Preparedness Guide

Not one mention of gathering weaponry. Not one mention of removing the head or destroying the brain...

Not one mention of impenetrable fortress. IN FACT, they suggest having the family meet at the mailbox...

Someone's gonna end up dead.... and it's not going to be ME!!!

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

My Boycott of American Idol: Day 1

So, in lieu of watching American Idol (cuz I'm pissed at America for over-voting no-talents):

I posted my boycott status on Facebook..
I baked cookies with my son...
I watched (gag) High School: The Musical 3 with my son...

Ohhh, what I wouldn't have given to just watch another episode of AI and James!!!

Boooooooooooooooooo American country music lovin' teens!!!

Monday, May 16, 2011

Ok... Absolutely Must Share

Feelin' Seedy - Los Capitanes

Apparently this is an Aussie band.. I've only heard two songs by them...
BUT OMG I LOVE THIS SONG.... It makes me giddy!

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Temperment Test

Interesting... I think my results where pretty right on...
Take the test here.

My results:
Your temperament type is Idealist.

God's Original Sin

The Original Sin

I have issue with the entire premise of this ideology. Christianity is based on the idea that God created a perfect world and placed a perfect man in it. Man screwed up, thus blemishing the existence of all men that came after and the only salvation was through the Messiah who was born of immaculate conception, was persecuted and killed for his teachings, and was resurrected and ascended into heaven to take on God-like status. Right? I think that we can agree that this is the Christian contention in a nutshell.

What follows is simply my rationalization of why this story appears to me to be flawed, why I don't believe the Bible to be factual, and why I can't believe in the Christian version of things. In properly examining the assertions of the Bible, I have to immerse myself in the ideology. This does not mean I hold it to be true, just that I can entertain a notion.

So God created the world and the heavens and everything in it and saw that it was good, often very good.
Then we get to Day 6… Ignoring the fact that evolution proves that land animals came before birds… I don’t have much argument up to this point. But then, Day 6 begins at Ge 1:22, so there wasn’t a whole lot before that either.
Day 6
Ge 1:27 “And God proceeded to create the man in his image, in God’s image he created him; male and female he created them.” [28] Further, God blessed them and God said to them: “Be fruitful and become many and fill the earth and subdue it, and have in subjection the fish of the sea and the flying creatures of the heavens and every living creature that is moving upon the earth.”
Then he tells them they can eat all the seed bearing vegetation and the beasts get all the green.

God looked and saw that it was all good, very good, and that was the end of Day 6….

Then God rested. This begins Ge chapter 2.
So Ge2:5 God made plant life on the earth……. Though he’d already given it to man and beast for food in 1:29.
Then, 2:7, “And Jehovah God proceeded to form the man out of dust from the ground and to blow into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man came to be a living soul.”
Ok… First inconsistency. God had, on Day 5 created the living souls of all the creatures, would this not too include man? Would he create man and animal on the same day and only give animals a soul? If man was first created in God’s image, would this not indicate a “spirit being” of sorts.. a soul ?
Further, if God had given the instruction to “Be fruitful and become many”, how was this to be a followed command without a body?
Then, Ge2:8 “Further, Jehovah God planted a garden in Eden, toward the east, and there he put the man whom he had formed. [9]Thus Jehovah God made to grow out of the ground every tree desirable to one’s sight and good for food and also the tree of life in the middle of the garden and the tree of the knowledge of good and bad.”
So, to summarize……… Two days later, God gave man a body… Built him a special sanctuary with lots of pretty and yummy plants…. And created the SIN TREE and put it in this near-perfect home. That’s right, he created Adam, then the garden, THEN the tree that ruined humanity. This is where, for lack of better reasoning, Christian theologists invent the concept of “testing” and “freewill”. Logic says that The Tree of Life and The Tree of Knowledge were after-thoughts and not necessary to the “life” of man.
Then God settles Adam in as caretaker of this garden and gives him a warning. Ge2:16 “…from every tree of the garden you may eat to satisfaction. [17] But as for the tree of knowledge of good and bad you must not eat from it, for in the day you eat from it you will positively die.”
One, notice the other special tree, The Tree of Life is not, apparently, currently off limits. I think this passage could very well be taken to mean that eating was not mandatory, but for pleasure. Eating for us is a matter of life and death, no food and you will eventually die. This passage introduces the first concept of death, so it begs the question, “Did death even exist before eating of The Tree of Knowledge?” Even if you cannot fathom that concept, you have to wonder, did Adam have any concept of what death is? There is no timeline, but I think it can easily be rationalized that this was Adam’s first day of life; he had no experience with anything. In my opinion, this is a meaningless threat.

Then God saw that Adam was lonely and he had him name all the animals… THEN he gave him Eve.
Ge2:24 “That is why man will leave his father and his mother and he must stick to his wife and they must become one flesh. [25] And both of them continued to be naked, the man and his wife, and yet they did not become ashamed.”No, shame happens in chapter 3 after they eat the fruit…
Ok….Father and mother are meaningless terms because nothing up to this point has procreated. “They must become one flesh.” This, I cannot seem to wrap my head around. If they were in fact naked, but didn’t realize it or didn’t care, how would this happen? One would rationalize that “being ashamed” comes from knowledge of the sexual nature of the exposed body parts. How can they go forth and populate without coitus? Did God intend man and woman to rut like animals strictly on a pheromone-induced whim like the majority of the animal kingdom? Of course, man was given the command to “be fruitful and become many” before he even had a body.. 2 days before he had a body and who knows how many days before Eve had a body. How was this to occur? One could say that God maybe meant in a spiritual, soul-type sense.. but then that would mean that man does, in fact, create man (and man’s soul) and thus negates God being “The Father”, instead… more like Grandfather….
Perhaps “become one flesh” doesn’t imply fornication at all. Perhaps this refers to the nature of a man and wife working as one, as a team, one being an extension of the other. If this is the case, this makes sense. However, it still causes me to question how man would procreate. Perhaps man was not intended to procreate at all.. Perhaps God’s initial intention was to continue creating man has he had Adam and Eve, and merely intended Adam and Eve to successfully raise them up and send them into the world… Hmmmm? 

Now we’re at Ge chapter 3.
The serpent questions Eve, “Did God really say you couldn’t eat from every tree in the garden?” Eve answers,[Ge3:2] “Of the fruit of the trees of the garden we may eat. [3] But as for eating the fruit of the tree that is in the middle of the garden, God has said, ‘YOU must not eat from it, no, YOU must not touch it that YOU do not die’.
[4]At this the serpent said to the woman; “YOU positively will not die. [5]For God knows that in the very day of YOUR eating from it YOUR eyes are bound to be opened and YOU are bound to be like God, KNOWING good and bad.”
The text does not tell who exactly told Eve this rule. Remember she was not present when God told Adam.
So Eve saw that the tree had fruit, and it looked good to eat. So she began picking it, then eating it… and she didn’t drop dead. She then offered the fruit to Adam.
[Ge3:6]”….. Afterward she gave some also to her husband when with her and he began eating it. [7] Then the eyes of both of them became opened and they began to realize that they were naked. Hence they sewed fig leaves together and made loin coverings for themselves.”
She gave it to her husband and he ate it. It doesn’t say that he saw her pick it, and it doesn’t say that he asked where she’d gotten it. It also doesn’t say that he was shocked by the change that came over him, nor in subsequent verses that he was shocked to find out that she was tricked by the serpent… BUT, in truth… was she tricked???? There eyes did open, and in fact, they didn’t die.
Now some would claim here that God was talking about their immortal soul, BUT if you believe the rest of the Bible, then the immortal soul is in jeopardy of eternal torment or sleep (or heaven), but never death. (Even the later passages that say "death", this is referred to as a resting period before the resurrection and it is implied that this "death" is not an end.)

So God comes and they hide and he exclaims, “HOW DID YOU KNOW YOU WERE NAKED, BUT BY EATING FROM THE TREE???” And Adam says, “She made me do it.” And Eve says, “The serpent deceived me.”  (Though again, I have to point out that he was more truthful than God in this situation.) So God punishes the serpent by …. making him be…. a serpent, and declaring that man and snake would forever be enemies.
Then God punishes Eve. “[Ge3:16] To the woman he said; “I shall greatly increase the pain of your pregnancy, in birth pangs you will bring forth children, and your cravings will be for your husband, and he will dominate you.”
Increase? How can you increase what never was? Because we know that, at this point, Eve had never “known a man” nor been pregnant or bore any children. So, again, how do you increase what never was?  By instigating any measure of it. That's right, now she must simply bear children.
“in birth pangs you will bring forth children”… Again, this strengthens my earlier assertion that man was never intended to procreate.
[Ge3:20] After this Adam called his wife’s name Eve, because she had to become the mother of everyone living.
Then God turns to Adam and says that now he will have to work for and cultivate his own food, then adds, [Ge3:19] “In the sweat of your face you will eat bread until you return to the ground, for out of it you were taken. For dust you are and to dust you will return.”
Being that this is spoken during God’s punishment of Adam, I think that it can be reasonably interpreted to mean that NOW Adam has to face mortality. Therefore, this strengthens my claim that when being warned of the consequence of eating from The Tree of Knowledge, Adam would have had no concept of what death meant.
Then [Ge3:22] “And Jehovah God went on to say; “Here the man has become like on of us in knowing good and bad, and now in order that he may not put his hand out and actually take fruit also from the Tree of Life and eat and live to time indefinite, --“ [23] With that Jehovah God put him out of the garden of Eden to cultivate the ground from which he had been taken. [24] And so he drove the man out and posted at the east of the garden of Eden the cherubs and the flaming blade of a sword that was turning itself continually to guard the way to the Tree of Life.”
So, first question…why does the Tree of Life matter now? Because man is no longer immortal.
Second, why does God now post a guard for the tree? Because God made a mistake thinking that his warning against the Tree of Knowledge would be enough to keep Adam away from it and he doesn’t want to make the same mistake twice…
That’s right, God made a mistake, meaning that God is fallible.
There is no logical argument against this.
God made angels. God made man. God made a garden for man to live in. God put the Tree of Knowledge in Man’s home. The Angel tempted Man to eat the fruit creating the Original Sin. God rectified this sin by creating the Christ solution.
Now, supposedly, the Messiah had to be born a man, lead a sinless life, and had to die to pay the ransom of our sins.

These are the conflicts I see:
1) We're supposedly all God's children, but for some reason God had to be explicitly involved in the Christ's conception. Therefore, he would not be the same as you and I.
2) There is some half-assed concept that this had to be a miracle birth in order to give the Christ some sort of authority as the "Son of God" to "die for our sins", yet this defies the premise that he was the perfect human sacrifice.
3) If you assume that the royal "we"s and "us"s throughout the Bible refer to the Holy Trinity crap, then the Christ was "part" of God before his conception, before his death, and before his resurrection. Therefore, his "divinity" shouldn't be in question.

The Christ, whether Jesus or not, would not -in theory- be human.

How can Jesus be called human if he was in fact a demigod?

Sure, human body, but half of his DNA was either Divine...
Or missing, but that it scientifically impossible because he was after all a viable being.
Or he was the product of asexual reproduction.. But that isn’t scientifically possible because asexual reproduction results in an offspring that is identical to the parent being, and Jesus was a man, not a woman.
So, if you go with the idea that Jesus was the Christ and Messiah... then he was anything but human. Therefore, his being perfect and sinless is meaningless because he was... already... Divine.
The whole premise of the Death and Resurrection of the Christ is that he was “the perfect human sacrifice…”

Without The Original Sin, there is no need for the Christ. And I contend that the life and death of the Christ does nothing to rectify The Original Sin. 

Friday, May 13, 2011

AI: James Durbin

I am so pissed off. I can say without a doubt, I will not be watching the rest of this season of American Idol. Who would have thought that the top 3 would be Hailey, Lauren, and Scotty? REALLY? Out of those three, I like Hailey the most, but not more than James or Casey, or even Paul or Stephano.
I might buy a Hailey album... She kind of has a Joan Osborne sort of voice. IF she put out something like that, I might get it. Lauren and Scotty.. they are dime-a-dozen singers. I don't care for country and don't find them to be anything special beyond youthful.

I have only been watching Idol for 4 years now, and this is the first time I haven't accurately picked the winner from day one..... I think... Last year, I really liked both finalists, so I would have been happy either way. It was kinda like the Obama/Clinton primary.. I was good with either outcome.

I just think James is amazing and he did do so much to challenge and defy the American Idol norms. I applaud that.

I really wanted a James/Casey finale. That would have been incredible.

I'm sure we haven't seen the last of James. He is destined to go on and do great things. So, until I can buy his album, I will show my support of him by boycotting the rest of the Idol season.
Please enjoy a few stellar James Durban performances.

 James says goodbye to Amercian Idol.... 

Love you James!!

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Zeitgeist Part I: The Greatest Story Ever Told (HQ) - Remastered version

Very, very interesting. Skip the first 5 minutes... it's the longest intro and waste of time ever.... But the rest is very interesting. Some I knew, some I did not. Food for thought!

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

The US Needs Year-Round Schooling.........

I caught this article on this morning.

Granderson pointed out some really good points in his blog.

"American 15-year-olds ranked 14th in reading, 17th in science and 25th in math in a study of students in 34 nations and nonnational regions."
"the report suggests Finnish 15-year-olds are one to two years ahead of our kids in math and science."
"We spend on average about $30,000 more per student than the other Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development countries, yet the best we can do is middle of the road."
 Look, I am not some nationally egotistical fanatic who thinks "My country is the best" or "We need to be the best in the world". However, I think there is something to be said for global competitiveness and I think that a key to being the best you can be lies in education. I hail from a country that seems to pride itself on the fact that it provides it's citizens a "free" education, but what good is that education if it's second rate? Plus, if you want to get nit-picky, most of the countries that rank above us in this study has a "free" education that continues through university. There are probably more. And, to be realistic, I don't know of a country that charges to educate children, not saying there aren't any, I just don't know of them. Even countries like Sri Lanka, Libya, and Cuba offer free tertiary education. 
"only eight of the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development countries that took part in the study in 2009 have a lower high school graduation rate than we do."
"When the results of the test were released in the winter, Arne Duncan, U.S. Department of Education secretary, pointed out that despite not being in the top of any of the subjects tested, "U.S. students express more self-confidence in their academic skills than students in virtually all OECD nations. This stunning finding may be explained because students here are being commended for work that would not be acceptable in high-performing education systems."
So............ Not only are we no longer able to compete with other countries on the same level of intelligence, but we're either too stupid to realize it, or so egotistical that we don't care and simply hold our heads high with feigned ignorance. Consider this: The dumbest of the smartest may, very well, be smarter than the smartest of the dumbest.
"Harris Cooper, a summer-learning expert at Duke University, pored over a century's worth of data and found that each summer, our kids lose about a month of progress in math and that low-income students lose as much as three months' worth of reading comprehension."
"More than a month of teaching time at the beginning of the school year is spent re-teaching the stuff our kids forgot over the break."
"At 180 days, we have one of the shortest school years of the countries tested. South Korea, for example, has 220 school days, and a No. 2 ranking in math. Finland is first in math and science at 190 days."
"The organization estimates that by boosting our scores for reading, math and science by 25 points over the next 20 years, the United States would gain $41 trillion over the lifetime of the generation born in 2010."
And to restate....
"We spend on average about $30,000 more per student than the other Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development countries, yet the best we can do is middle of the road."
  Interestingly, in my son's school district, due to budget cuts, the school year is 167 days, not counting snow days. 13 days lower than the national average, which is already low. Pathetic. Then consider the changes in education just since I was a child. Fewer and shorter school days. Less homework. No textbooks. New teaching strategies, which I find completely asinine. Then consider how much it's changed since the time my mother was in primary school... If she couldn't help me with MY math homework, how the hell can she help my son? (Except, I have joyfully eliminated that problem.. though not everyone can home school even a single subject.)
I am well aware that because we are a Republic Union, education is mostly left up to the individual states as long as they meet some vague federal guidelines. I am well aware that people seem leery of giving the federal government more power. HOWEVER, I think it's time that we say there is something wrong with our education system and hand it over to the national government. There needs to be uniformity in the ways we educate. There needs to be firmer guidelines. There needs to uniformed funding. No more poor state, poor education system. We need to put out the monies to give our children the best we can offer them, even if it takes 20 years for us to see the pay out.

In about 30 years, the smartest of the dumbest will be deciding what to do with my Social Security and Medicare, if these programs can hang on until I'm in my old age.... Then consider things like economy, foreign policy, do you want the smartest of the dumbest deciding those things for you?

Monday, May 9, 2011

South Korean Study Says 1-38 Children may Have ASD


Caught this on CNN while putting together 5+ weeks worth of Math Homeschooling for Burp.
CNN: South Korean Study may lead to higher autism estimates.......

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Talk Thursday: And Little Did I Know

So, we had our IEP meeting, a little early because I was concerned about how  Burp was doing in Math.

Last year, I was told he didn't qualify for intervention because he was at around the 20th percentile, and they don't do intervention until the 10th or lower. Good thing I called for the IEP, because little did I know... Burp is now at the 4th percentile in Math.

Two things were put on the board. One, testing for learning disabilities. Stupid me, I'd figured that had probably been included somewhere in all the previous testing... Duh.. Little did I know... And (two) Special Ed math. I quickly accepted Special Ed math, he needs help desperately... So because we were going to try Special Ed math, did I want to wait until next year for testing for Learning Disabilities? I was fairly LIVID.
I sputtered, "OK, Last year I wanted math intervention, and was told he didn't qualify.... This year his math skills are abysmally poor and he more than qualifies. I feel like we've wasted a year getting a handle on this.. NOW you want to wait a year for testing? Why? So he can get THAT diagnosis just before handing him off to Middle School?"
At this point, Burp's counselor leaned forward and looked at me, "Psam. Just. Say. Yes." Little did I know, the school has stupid rules about how shit is worded. I think they try to scare you off with a question, when all you have to do is say YES, and they have to do it. I answered, "YES" and they smiled and handed me a form.

I'M SORRY. To me, asking if I want to do it now (when we're talking about the possibility of learning disabilities NOW) or wait to see how this tactic works, gives the non-verbal implication that the asker thinks we should wait..... Hmmmmmmm. Some day I will learn their dialect.

So Burp will be tested for learning disabilities. How this filters out real deficits compared to Aspie learning differences, I don't know... That's a question for his counselor to explain to me. To be honest, I don't think he has learning disabilities.... I just think he hasn't been taught in a way that makes sense to him. I've proven that in spelling, that with constant repetition he can memorize words. I just had to increase his spelling homework on this end to meet his needs.

Next on the table was Special Ed Math... Which everyone agreed Burp needs, but.... little did I know,  "special ed" math is not intended to be a core math class. Only to support a core math class. BUT.. his teacher and I felt that mainstream math is NOT the place for Burp. He needs streamlined materials laid out in a logical progression from system to system with little to no strategies taught with it. Just bare bones, "This is how it's done".. He can't handle having a plethora of tricks and strategies to work from. He gets them all confused and it takes him longer to work that out then actually doing the problem.. SO any way.. They were trying to figure out how to manage this.. Burp should not be in mainstream math any longer, AND the special ed math is working on simple addition... like 3 + 8 =..... which Burp is definitely beyond. There would be absolutely no benefit of putting him in special ed math  and keeping him in mainstream if the "support class" isn't going to address the materials of the core class. LITTLE DID I KNOW HOW FUCKING STUPID EDUCATIONAL HOOPS AND RED TAPE ARE!!!

The bottom line is that mainstream math is only keeping Burp back... so, I did the only thing I could. I asked them to not give Burp a core math class. Take him out of mainstream math. Put him in the special ed math... though I'll see how I feel about that... and LET ME HOME SCHOOL MATH. I told them I would work on the skills he should have already mastered, and hasn't by, focusing on daily comprehensive activities and only adding new procedures when he's gotten a firm grasp on the previous material. I told them I would do daily homework in math and send it to school so that they can be aware of what we are doing. I strongly feel that Burp can benefit from one on one instruction that focuses on repetition and constant comprehensive work to keep him from losing skills he has obtained. I try to do this anyway and often feel like I am fighting against classroom instruction that Burp has improperly learned.

So, for the time being... I am my son's primary math teacher. YAY??? I don't know if that should be a yay.. but I'm hopeful this will help. The goal is to get him caught up and them hopefully next year he can join mainstream math again.. 5th grade does it slightly differently, in that they break up into groups based on skill level.. SO Burp might be able to integrate that way. *fingers crossed*

Previous to the IEP meeting, I had been asking on WP what I might expect them to offer Burp and what was reasonable to ask for... and in truth, I was already considering the prospect of home schooling math.. and someone was talking about getting him an Aspie tutor in math (which I can't afford) and telling me that there are such things as charter schools for ASD kids. Two hours later, we were in the counselor's office and he told me that HE is trying to start a charter school for ASD and learning disabilities, and is just waiting for the school boards to approve his proposal. He'll know by the end of the summer if they will, and if so.. he's hoping to open doors to the school in January!
The way he explained the curriculum is:
1) an approx. 8-1 student/teacher ratio.
2) integrated classrooms based more on skill level than age..
3) logic and reason based subject matter and teaching strategies (no more multiple strategies.. no more "be creative" for kids who can't be creative)

The school would be 1st through 8th grade, with progression to 9th grade based on skill, not age. And, the only reason he's only planning to go through 8th grade is because the high schools here already have a really great autism program. He talked about sensory and de-sensory rooms... It seemed like Aspie/Autie heaven!

It's so weird to have absolutely no clue where all of this will lead us. I mean, you never know what the future may hold, but you usually have a generalize idea... I'm clueless... But, I think we've found a good starting point. I am still mildly frustrated that it took us a year to get here. I feel like no one ever admits there's a problem until I say, "HEY! WTF IS GOING ON??"