I KNOW I owe like a million TT posts.. I'm sorry.. I suck... I am The Suckage....
I have spent the last few nights reading The Bloggess and that chick cracks me the fuck up! She has inspired me to quit hiding my inner ridiculous... I kinda think she should be canonized and be made the Patron Goddess of Taxidermied Animals and Totally Neurotic Bloggers. She totally rocks!
So this here post (that you're currently reading) directly relates to this post, or more so.. the comments left by her readers. She kinda asks her readers what is the one thing you really want, but haven't bought yourself.... But it was turned into "WHAT IS THE MOST CRAZIEST FUCKING THING YOU CAN THINK OF?" and most of her peeps are cool as hell and totally raise the bar on crazy... Sure there are those that are like "I want a new house so that my family can be secure" or "I want a job" which yeah, I'm so totally freaking there with you.. I get your pain... But this is satire folks... Not the Lifetime Movie of the Week. I think ppl read her blog to feel good.... and dude, you're ruining the party.
Plus (and make fun of me all you want Tandy) (I'm so totally NOT fucking superstitious) but talking about your hopes and fears jinxes the fuck out of you! Seriously! I don't talk about what I really need because that pretty much guarantees that I'm fucked... Sure I talk about "Dude, if I were suddenly rich.. I would buy a missile silo and build a fucking castle on top of it so when the apocalypse (be it zombie, viral, nuclear, or Jesus come to destroy the masses) comes .. I'm totally fucking golden".. I can talk about this because there's just about as much chance of this happening as you finding Satan at the K-Mart buying ice skates.. But that's right up there with "If I woke up one day and looked like Selma Hayek, I'd spend a month at the mall... naked!" Don't worry peoples, you don't need to avoid the mall because, sadly, it's probably NOT GOING TO FUCKING HAPPEN! ( really wish it would)
I don't talk about the bad stuff... cuz DUH! That's just INVITING disaster. 'Nuff said.
So.... I made my list of ridiculous things that I so want....
1. The damn castle/missile silo stronghold.. cuz DUDE!
2. Firefly to get picked back up...
3. To wake up one day with my nipples pierced, simply because I REALLY, REALLY want it done but can't imagine letting some stranger hold my nekid titties.
4. A clone slave that can do all the shit I don't want to do.. Like work.... and go to swim practice so that I can get more than 5 or 6 hours sleep at a time and ....................... sadly, spend more time on my computer.
and 5. A severe allergy to chocolate/peanut butter.... and maybe caramel too... Ok.. fuck it... all sweets and carbs in general... Preferably not life-threatening allergies.... but something that's horribly uncomfortable... like my ears swelling to 5 times their natural size...
I think that's a pretty damn good list.
Ok... so some ppl got really creative.. and they were talking about super powers... and I .. just a sec...........
I HAVE DISCOVERED THE BESTEST FUCKING SUPER POWER EVER!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok... so you totally know the Vulcan Death Grip right? Ok.... so something totally like that... but instead of Death.... was it really death? cuz I'm NOT much of a Trekkie but I thought it was more like sleep... BUT... instead of Death/Sleep.. orgasm... That's right, ORGASM!..... Could you imagine being able to touch someone on the shoulder and give them the most instantaneous, out-of-this-world orgasm? DUDE! I'd start going to church... Just to touch old ladies on the shoulder during prayer... That would be funny shit!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
2 comments:
I'm going to have to check out this blog. But first I have to (as your mother) correct number two and then add my own mega super power....
2)...want a stranger to hold my nekid (really I know you're phonetically challenged, but this spelling is sooo much better) titties - just minus the piercing needle (I mean really just because you have a super power to give orgasm through touch... I know you really want one of your own) 'nuff said.
don't you just love the run on sentence? and they are so doable in blogdom.
My super power - the power of persuassion. Yes I'm to the point that I want the world to see things my way and get off my fucking back. 'nuff said. I'll work on world peace again next month.
Ok... it was #3.... is "nekkit" better?
And seriously, Mother... I have orgasms ALL the time... I'd REALLY like someone else to be involved in them.... But I've never been lacking in the orgasm department... I THOUGHT, I should share my blessing.. Because I am well aware that not EVERYONE is as blessed as I am... And truly... You don't want to know all the fabulous ways I've discovered to obtain the blissful state of orgasm. I'm just saying... it's nice when it isn't 100% on my part and if I could bring that joyous state to the masses, then that would make me like Super Fabulous Bitch of the Century! Women every where would worship me. They would sacrifice virgins and offer up chants to me... and isn't that all any girl really wants? I mean, REALLY?
Post a Comment