OMG... Too funny!
I have a feeling I'm going to be adding to this. It's just too good to leave alone.
What ever happened to, "But of that day and hour no one knows, not even the angels of heaven, nor the Son, but the Father alone." Mt 24:36 ?
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I will be broadcasting all over Florence, I'll be too busy to take a lot of notice when this doesn't happen... but if it were (and no I don't believe it will) my boss will be happy to know I'm on the job.
Well the first sign is a massive global earthquake... No chance of missing that.
I'm wondering if this is why Rach wanted me to work this weekend for her... Nothing like ringing in the Rapture from the emergency room.
"But of that day and hour no one knows, not even the angels of heaven, nor the Son, but the Father alone." Mt 24:36
MAN what a good way to keep people in line.
"So okay guys...if you're not good, you're going to Hell, okay?
And if you don't ask forgiveness for your sins before you die - if you have sins - which you do, LOL....you're going to Hell, okay?
So someday I'ma kill you all but I'll take those few who:
a. Followed the right religion.
b. Prayed to me constantly like their genitals would fall off if they didn't.
c. Had no sins whatsoever (LOL)
...but no one will ever know when this is going to happen. This is Heaven roulette, bitches. You never know when your number is going to come up so you have to follow my rules constantly and pray to me constantly - because your junk WILL fall off. I'm God and I say so."
Meanwhile, the cowering masses are clutching their crotches and groveling on their knees, too afraid to do anything naughty lest the apocalypse suddenly come and they be left unprepared.
"The graves are gonna open. The dead and Christ are going to rise first."
.....ZOMBIES??!??!??! WORSE APOCALYPSE EVER!
...also, I just had a mental image of Zombie Jesus leading the hordes in a mass brain-eating-frenzy.
Actually, I have to point out...
a. Followed the right religion. Technically, the only "right" religion is "Jesus".. "No man cometh unto the father but by me"... Religion is actually not a requirement.. Religion is man-made.
b. Prayed to me constantly like their genitals would fall off if they didn't. LOL... fairly accurate interpretation. hehehe
c. Had no sins whatsoever (LOL) According to the "Good Book" Jesus was the only man (demigod) without sin.
My lawn guy is still here, and he is a saint, so the Rapture didn't happen. End of story.
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