Character and Storyline Abuse

I have sooooo had it! Don't get me wrong, I am the queen of sequels. I never want the story to end. But I want something new! If you're going to go back and tell an old story, stay true to the story. And OMG if you have to "remake" a movie, have fucking reason for it!

Batman. How many different versions can they show us? They have HOW MANY different comic series and cartoon series to glean characters and plots from? WHY have I seen the birth of The Joker and Two-Face in two very different ways? To me this amounts to fanfic. You aren't creative enough to come up with your own characters, so you take someone else's and create your own little story around them. Frustrating and pathetic. You may argue that these movies were created by different writers, producers, companies, whatever... I don't give a crap.

I was so excited to watch GI Joe: Rise of the Cobra. In itself, it wasn't a bad movie. If you know anything about the original story lines, the changes are insulting.

1. Duke is a code name, there is no way a pre-Joe girlfriend would call him Duke.
2. There is no way said girlfriend ended up being the fucking Baroness. REALLY? Her and Duke NEVER had a relationship. If anything, her and Destro were getting it on. And she was totally not American!
3. Destro didn't become Destro until the end of the movie, after which the Baroness was, what-the-fuck, good. They have been partners in crime since damn near birth!
4. NO WAY IN HELL Cobra Commander was Baroness' brother. Sure the original series never really gave a history to him, but come on, REALLY?
5. Snake Eyes was not Asian. There are several different story lines through various different comic book publishing companies and cartoon series but it remains consistent Snakes Eyes vocal chords suffered irreparable many years before, usually involving a helicopter incident, (One states that he and Storm Shadow served in the Vietnam War together and that he was shot boarding the helo, another states that he rescued Scarlet from a burning helo, etc) and that he didn't take a vow of silence when his Master was killed by Storm Shadow.
6. All versions agree that yes- Storm Shadow and Snakes Eyes were sword brothers, however, he didn't train as a ninja until he was an adult.
7.AND how are you going to kill off Storm Shadow. He actually becomes a Joe for a brief period of time!
8. And Cobra Commander pre-existed if not the formation of the G.I.Joe unit, then at least most of them becoming Joes.. Duke, Snake Eyes, Scarlet, etc.

I'll stop. I was just a little disappointed. I don't mind changing story lines. I don't mind adding stuff, or cutting stuff out. I don't even mind if they combined some of the different story lines from different series. But to totally create another history, when there's already a few you can choose from is just annoying! And yes I know they left it open for a sequel. They will probably bring back Storm Shadow and hopefully Flint and Lady Jaye will be in the story, of course it will be revealed that they're Destro's bastard love children who will have incestuously spawned retarded love children of their own.

While I'm in this frame of mind, I really want to touch on another branch of this molestation. Authors. Authors do it to themselves! I have to wonder, do they have such little faith in their readers that they think we don't notice or that we don't mind. I'm not even really talking about when they take a good book and destroy it on film. Though that makes me pretty mad too!

DEAN KOONTZ!!! The best character written in the modern age: Regina from The Hideaway. Lovable, orphaned, 10 year old Regina with the gimpy leg and gnarled hand "THUD! Sccccuuuurrr"ed her way straight into my heart. Three years later, the character was raped and gutted and suddenly Alicia Silverstone portrayed the shallow revamped character. A true travesty. But wait, it gets better. Dean was apparently so heartbroken about the film version of the book, like a phoenix from the fire, nine years later Regina rose from the ashes of The Hideaway as 9 year old Leilani Klonk in "One Door Away From Heaven." Maybe he thought we wouldn't notice or maybe he doesn't think his fans really read ALL of his books, and the way he puts them out these days probably none of us do.

Speaking of kicking a dead horse... Janet Evanovich! I'm calling you out! Stephanie needs a new story line. We're on, what, number 15 or 16 now, plus the Inbetweens, and WE HAVEN'T SEEN ANYTHING NEW IN FOR-FUCKING-EVER!!!! She's stale. Get a new idea or STOP WRITING HER! There are only so many ways you can blow up a car. Maybe she should hang out with Jenny T Partridge and maybe she'll absorb some character depth! or at least put a few missionaries in danger. I'm a little bored with the drug dealers and hos and the cheap laughs aren't hardly worth the time.

I'm a bit obsessed when it comes to my books. If I like an author, I have to have them all. To be honest, I haven't bought the last 3 Koontz or 2 Evanovich. Our relationship has lost the passion and I'm breaking up! "Breathless" came out two days ago and I am anything but.