I spent most of this week pretty depressed and when I first saw this topic I saw my life as little shards of glass and was at a total loss as to how to put them back together. I usually have an "Everything will work out" attitude and I spend so much of my life pretending that everything is ok that when something big comes along that I can't ignore, it devastates me. Everything comes crashing down around me..... That is where I've been all week.
I was going to try a poem. I haven't written one in soooo long. I had a few lines jotted down... It was so emo. (I hate to admit it, but my poetry was emo before emo was emo! I may have invented emo)
Two things... sometimes the simplest things help ground you. I talked to my parents... They're so wonderful. And a really good friend found me after 10 years of lost contact. It warms the heart a bit to find out that someone spent the last 3 days setting up myspace and facebook and all sorts of accounts- just trying to find you... (That's why I never gave up the Psam name... in hope that my old chat friends would find me.) I am so happy to have a chance to have Kris in my life again.
Thinking of Kris made me think of my life 10 years ago. What a mess I'd made of things. I was 23, living in a fucked up situation in Canada, a million miles from my mom.... hmmmmm then I thought to 10 years before that.... 13... Yeah, I've already established that my life was a wreck at 13.... a pattern? I went back another 10 years... I was 3, my mom had just left my dad and all of our belongings in Germany and come back home to my Grandma and Grandpa to start over...... yes.. I think there's a pattern.
And not once was I broken beyond repair. I am not glass.
WE ARE NOT GLASS!!!
Glass doesn't heal. Glass can't really be fixed. Glass is thrown out and replaced. And yes, I have been broken many, many times, little cracks or chips and big, huge gaping wounds, but I have never been broken beyond repair. I mend, I heal, I pick myself up and dust myself off, and I overcome.
I refuse to be glass.
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2 comments:
While like might seem fucked up every ten years (if we look closer it's always fucked up to some degree) really it is just the little bumps in the road that make us who we are.
I'm sorry I've been the cause of some of those bumps, but I am happy I am what is on the other side of those bumps waiting for you.
And extremely kewl that Kristian found you.
Very inspiring. I need to post mine but I was going along the same lines as far as feeling shattered - but suddenly this week things seem to be different. Which may just be hormones but I prefer to think of it as finding my strength.
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