Facebook

I'm not quite sure how I'm feeling about this. Tandy set me up for Facebook right away. (I'd thought I was going to be the Last American Hold-out) And I've had some happiness with it. I found my cousin (she's in Corvalis, Mom) and I found one really good friend from high school, that I'm soooo excited to reconnect with. But the rest of them.....? I just don't know. Looking through their friends and seeing names from ppl I haven't talked to but maybe once, in the last 15 years, kind of makes me apprehensive. Though I didn't mind high school much when I was there, I don't have happy thoughts when I look back on it. I seem to only remember things that embarrass me now. Admittedly, I am currently suffering from some low self-esteem and I have HUGE social anxiety and those might be tainting it. I can't help but wonder at the point of rekindling these other friendships... WHY? They obviously weren't strong enough to survive graduation. It's been 15 years (fuck! that hurts), why bother now? I don't mean that snotty-like, I just feel indifferent. I saw Mr. He's-Oh-So-Cute, and OMFG, he's still cute, but I would never message him. The thought threatens to give me an ulcer. He gives me thoughts of nothing but humiliation.... and a craving for a good chocolate milk shake.

The next question is... What do I do if someone sees me on one of their lists and messages me to "befriend" them, and I don't want to? Do I politely ignore the request? Do I politely tell them "Thank you, but no thank you"? Or do I friend them and pray they don't seriously want to be buddies? You may say, don't sweat it til it happens... But a person doesn't have a stress button they can just turn off at will. And truly, this stresses me out. The logical side of me rolls her eyes and says I'm being ridiculous. But the ridiculous side says "fuck off".

I just don't know.

~Psam