Update On the Pothole Filled Road of My Life

Not sure if I mentioned this, Unemployment denied me because I'm not willing to accept a job that would require my child's primary care giver to be a sitter 9 months out of the year. I'm going to appeal.

The hospital hired me back as resource. We were told I could get hours doing Trauma to get ready for our State review coming up in early July. I worked my ass off, and about half way through they said "no more". I can only work on it while I'm on an ER shift, which I only had two of this month. (I've since picked up 2 more.)

On the flip side, not being a full time, benefited employee, I actually bring home more money. To pay my bills and make rent, I only have to work 6 shifts in a month. That's not too bad. Yeah, that's scraping by, but still... that's getting by.

The school finally came back with their verdict. They found that it is "very likely" that Burp has Asperger's and we designed an IEP, and I got to meet the teacher they're planning to give him next year. She seems pretty cool... and no, that isn't based on the eyebrow ring. (Though, I think that is cool as hell.)

Since I don't have benefits, I was able to get Burp State medical insurance. I forgot to fill his meds until late last night. I ran to the pharmacy an hour before it closed and waited the 20 minutes to get his Concerta... only to find out that the State is refusing to pay for it until the doctor can justify why he needs it. He's been on it for 2 freaking years. Jesus. And, his Zoloft has no refills, but they MIGHT give me one to tide him over for Monday. So..... we're getting a crash course in Burp not having the Concerta. I was planning on trying to cut the dose in half this summer, but not completely take it away. I'm a little "Yikes"... but truly, so far, so good.

So I have a "friend"... It's nothing serious. We talk. We have amazing sex on occasion. (Not as much as I'd like.) We've both agreed that life is simpler being single. But the other night he asked if he could spend the night. He did. Now I think I'm all fucked up in the head. It was nice. It reminded me how much I hate being alone. And again, the sex was amazing.

He has a few serious issues that I could not accept in my life. He would have to deal with them before I could ever have a serious relationship with him. His ex-wife is crazy and lives right across from me, so a relationship would definitely add drama to my life. Drama I don't want, or need.

He's very cute. I like him... but I'm not "in love", nor do I feel the beginnings of those feelings.. I don't think. But I think about him more than I'd like too. I really, really feel the emptiness of my bed now. I feel let down when I hint to him that Burp is gone for the night.... and he doesn't take the bait.

My BFF says that I think about things too much.... But then she's also said that we need to get over our "non-relationship" status and get married and give her a niece. Or something along those lines. LOL. Love you Sandra. Not getting married.... not adding another kid to this fucked up life of mine.

I think I'm just in love with the idea of not being alone anymore. I feel horrible when I analyze this. I don't think it has anything to do with him. The sex is great. He calls me Princess and Babe.... and I miss his warm body next to mine..... but beyond that, I don't know that I feel anything. Is that horrible? It shouldn't be, cuz that's kind of our agreement at this point.... It's kind of not ok that I miss him at all. But then I'm back to... Is it him that I miss?

Graaaaah! This is why being single is better. This is why it's better not to get laid at all.

HOLY CRAP COOKIES! WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME???