Sunday, September 27, 2009

Fortune Cookie

#1 (Cuz who can eat just one?) "Now is the time to call loved ones at a distance. Share your news.
I have news??

#2 "Investigate new possibilities with friends. Now is the time!"
New possibilities??? WITH FRIENDS?? wtf??

But apparently, now is the time.....

For what?

Friday, September 25, 2009

I need to kill something

Tandy, loving friend that she is, decided to PUSH me into the dating world... She answered a BBW Wanted Craigslist ad in my name...... He responded positively... but I still feel like barfing... and I'm pouting....
I know I should be happy, he said I was pretty or something, but it just makes me want to cry. My first thought is that a guy will say anything to get laid.... my second thought is how sad is it to answer personal ads?


Quick update.... So I've texted him.... We've texted eachother. He seems nice. He's outdoorsy, and a counselor for the courts. Seems like a responsible occupation. Who knows.....


I'm not quite sure how I'm feeling about this. Tandy set me up for Facebook right away. (I'd thought I was going to be the Last American Hold-out) And I've had some happiness with it. I found my cousin (she's in Corvalis, Mom) and I found one really good friend from high school, that I'm soooo excited to reconnect with. But the rest of them.....? I just don't know. Looking through their friends and seeing names from ppl I haven't talked to but maybe once, in the last 15 years, kind of makes me apprehensive. Though I didn't mind high school much when I was there, I don't have happy thoughts when I look back on it. I seem to only remember things that embarrass me now. Admittedly, I am currently suffering from some low self-esteem and I have HUGE social anxiety and those might be tainting it. I can't help but wonder at the point of rekindling these other friendships... WHY? They obviously weren't strong enough to survive graduation. It's been 15 years (fuck! that hurts), why bother now? I don't mean that snotty-like, I just feel indifferent. I saw Mr. He's-Oh-So-Cute, and OMFG, he's still cute, but I would never message him. The thought threatens to give me an ulcer. He gives me thoughts of nothing but humiliation.... and a craving for a good chocolate milk shake.

The next question is... What do I do if someone sees me on one of their lists and messages me to "befriend" them, and I don't want to? Do I politely ignore the request? Do I politely tell them "Thank you, but no thank you"? Or do I friend them and pray they don't seriously want to be buddies? You may say, don't sweat it til it happens... But a person doesn't have a stress button they can just turn off at will. And truly, this stresses me out. The logical side of me rolls her eyes and says I'm being ridiculous. But the ridiculous side says "fuck off".

I just don't know.


Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Ode to Billie Joe....

Armstrong, the greatest love of my life. Sorry Bobbie Gentry, you thought I was gonna go back, way back. He is the god of main stream punk and my longest love affair ever. Billie had been in my life for... oh, damn I'm old, 15 years. I wish I could find a real boy I could stand for more than 10 seconds. I did have a 4 year fling with Joe McIntyre, but that doesn't count cuz that was junior high.. and well, he wasn't a real boy either. I was pretty head over heals for Mr. He's-Ohhh-Sooo-Cute, and he was a real boy, but he was in "like" with my cousin and therefore a douche bag. But, admittedly, I didn't feel that way for years. There's nothing wrong with lust and mental flings!!!

I just really love Green Day. And Billie Joe is definitely the hottest guy in eyeliner. Pete Wentz is kinna cute, but not without the eyeliner. Billie Joe is cute without... and he liks girls... well, Pete does too, but... NOT that I have a prob with boy on boy, just that Dan Savage would say, if you want an exclusive relationship you have to be able to give your partner what he needs... Though Pete says he doesn't like penises, he also later said he was a "fag"(his word, not mine) , but then took it back. Talking about 'shock factor', or some shit. Either way he's eye candy... in eyeliner. And a drama queen.

Look at those veins, heroin addicts every where must be jealous.

I'm just rambling now. I'm tired. I was having a hell of a time putting that second pic where I wanted it. It's been years since I messed with html codes. So now that I got it, I'll shut up... and leave you with one more pick of my beautiful man. hehehe


Ohhh ohhh ohhh this is good! Beware the Sodomites want to recruit you!

Monday, September 21, 2009

To Blog... or Not to Blog...

I'm so excited to finally blog. I'm one of those ppl who gets fired up... frequently. I can't tell you how many heated letters I've written in my day to some congressman or newspaper... and then never sent. A rain forest worth, I'm sure. Here, at least, I will feel like I've said my piece and it's out there. Maybe no one will ever read it.. who cares! (No offense to the one person who might... two persons... Tandy, Mom.)

Another thing has occurred to me about blogging. You see a different side of ppl. My mom and I are pretty close, not that we live in each other's pockets (for I have a Wocket in my pocket) but we, for the most part, "get" each other and seem to have a mutual respect and like for one another. I know I can tell my mom just about anything and get a reasonable, educated response- not some of the batshit crazy responses I've heard other ppl's mom's give. When I don't want to hear it- she respectfully keeps it brief or just gives me the "I'm-so-disappointed-in-you, Psam, **sigh** but-I'm-going-to-keep-my-mouth-shut-cuz-you-wouldn't-listen-anyways!" look. ("Arggg! Moms!" you say?... Hmmm true, but- I have to admit that there are times when that look gives me such a sense of gleefully evil child-pride.) There is really nothing I feel I can't take to her... no lasting repercussions to fear.

But how does this relate to blogging? You see a different side to ppl. Reading my mom's blog has made me see her in a different light. Oh, Joy! It's Me It's rather cool actually. While I've been netless, there have been so many topics that she's blogged on that have given me something to say... something that just isn't "comment" length. I've been longing for a blog of my very own. For I love to rant... I can rant on anything from American Idol to the messed up history of the British monarchy to whether or not Kraft Cheese and Macaroni really has enuff cheese.. which it doesn't!

I goes for now and leave you with something to make you go, "Hmmmm?"

**If a tree falls on a person in the middle of the forest, does their scream make a sound??**

Saturday, September 19, 2009

HaHaHaHa Jesus!

Tandy took my 8 yr old son to an art exhibit. This is hysterical. Part of the exhibit was photographs of old Californian and Mexican monasteries and cathedrals. My son has periodically come to me with questions on religion, such as "What's this about a goblin that lives in the ground and steals peoples souls?" Though I am nonchristian, I am fascinated by religion and love learning about them one and all. So I answered him as best as I could, asking him if it was realistic that there was a goblin that lived in the ground, cuz everyone knows that, duh, goblins live in caves! And then I introduced him to several concepts of Satan. Some people believe this, some people believe that, what do you think? Very diplomatic I think.

So Tandy takes him to this exhibit and Burp sees his first crucifix. He is creeped out and a bit scared, for my child is wuss. His reaction is the 8 yr old equivalent of "OMG, WTF is THAT?" Then he sees a depiction of the Christ resurrected and is doubly freaked out. "WHAT? HE CAME BACK TO LIFE? Come on Tandy, Let's RUN!! I DON'T LIKE THAT JESUS GUY. HE'S SCARY!!"

My child is deathly afraid of ghosts and zombies. And apparently Jesus, not the sweet Baby Jesus, but the nailed-to-the-cross-and-3-days-later-came-back-from-the-dead Jesus falls in the ghost and zombies category. Not so unreasonable when you break down the facts.

I'm sure in a few days or weeks he'll come to me with questions, which I'm certain will be a fun conversation. God then sex. ugg when does parenthood end?

Not Everything is about YOU!

I am thirty-three. I don't feel like it. I compare myself to my mom at my age, and wow! we are so different. She was married, had me, so responsible, no social life (sorry mom) - mature. I'm not always so mature. I think marriage is evil. I do put my son before all else. I try to be responsible. I try desperately to have a social life. And most of the time I fail at being mature.

That said... One of my best friends is in town from Oz - I haven't seen her in a year and a half and she brings out the child in me. Yay! The inner child should be embraced, coddled, and taken out for ice cream on occasion. Or Tequila. I hadn't been out in like 9 months, so her and some other friends invite me out to BINGO, yes bingo, at a little place called Sam Bond's Garage. This is bingo like I never knew existed. This bar is crammed full of the 21 to 40 scene getting drunk, playing bingo for lame prizes like romance novels, Star Trek posters, and free beer. They have one round where the object is not to win, but to scream the most outlandish, offensive, sailoresque insults imaginable. If you want maturity - this is NOT the place for you. That said...

Tandy and I have this little "game" we play. It usually goes something like this...
Tandi : "Bitch"
Me: "Cunt"
Tandi: "Cum guzzler"
On and on until something like "Peg-legged 2 cent gutter slut" is reached.
The object of this playfully childish name calling is not to insult or offend, it is merely to stump your opponent. To come up with a better jab than the other until your opponent is stumped, and you win!

So to try to wrap this up...I fear I must mention I'd indulged in two double shots of tequila and was feeling pretty good. Tandi called me a tranny, which I have to admit I first used about 3 years ago. We were with our friend and one of her friends, Rob. Unbeknownst to us, Rob will soon be Robin... and was totally offended. Now, we don't dislike or discriminate against transgenders, bitches, cunts, or cum guzzlers for that matter. In fact, several of those labels admittedly apply to both of us at times. But Rob/Robin was incredibly wounded and as they walked back to their car, asked our friend, "How can you be friends with such conservative Republicans?"
................ conservative Republicans.................?
I am a nonchristian, single parent with tattoos and several facial piercings. And most definitely NOT republican. I VOTED FOR OBAMA! I have a bumper sticker that proclaims "Not retarded, just over joyed" -a Green Day reference. Above that is a large Eye of Rha. I am NOT republican. and what Rob/Robin doesn't realize is that, hands down, he/she won that round. For I am totally stumped.

For all of about 10 seconds, I felt horrible. But then I put it into perspective, how would I react if a bitch, a cunt, cum guzzler, or a peg-legged gutter slut heard me and was offended? I'd laugh. If you are an easily offended member of a subculture perhaps you should introduce yourself as such... "Hi. Nice to meet you. My name will soon be Robin. Don't mind the testicles. Please don't make tranny jokes.. or even say tranny. FOR I AM EASILY OFFENDED."