Holy Shit! It's MeMe! (Talk Thursday)

It was a narrow escape, and I won't get into the whole ordeal, but I was abducted by a swarm alien monkeys who chained me to a banana tree on Ganymede and threw poo at me for 5 whole months. It was hell. 

Mom's topic for this week is memes.. which I think is a fab way for me to try to get back into the swing of things.... Maybe I'll do a few... 

13 Firsts

1. First day of school.  I don't remember the first day of Kindergarten. Most of what I remember before the age of 7 or 8 seems to involve me getting into trouble, which is to say..... I remember a lot. I apparently didn't get into trouble on the first day tho. (Yay, me!) I vaguely remember the first day of 1st Grade tho. I woke up at 5 am and was super excited to wear my new underwear. I think I got in trouble for waking up so early.

2. First Kiss  Hmmmm Kiss, or KissKiss? My first kiss was Eric P. in the 1st grade..... he kissed me on the sand hill during recess, and I punched him. (Yeah, I think I got in trouble.) My first KissKiss KISS was Ron C. when I was in the 8th grade, he was a Junior... and it was amazing. Also my first real boyfriend, my first hickey, my first time being cheated on, and the first time I broke up with someone..... and probably my first seriously wounded heart. 

3. First Date My first real date was Alex. I'd had a crush on him for years and my cousin hooked us up. He was adorable. Also my first alcoholic. (Funny, a few years before he used to buy us alcohol) Sadly, tho my life hasn't had a lot of dates, I don't really remember what we did. It was a short lived romance.

4. First Car. 82 Monza. I really liked that car... And I thank my mother for being a screaming control freak when she taught me how to drive a stick. Sure, it caused me to screech to a stop on the side of the road and scream something like, "I'M BUYING MY OWN FUCKING CAR! IT WILL BE AN AUTOMATIC! AND YOU WILL SIT IN THE PASSENGER SEAT AND SHUT UP!"  Which I did. Who knows how long it would have taken me to get a car if she hadn't screamed, "FIRST! CLUTCH! BREAK! BREAK! SECOND! OH MY GOD WE'RE GOING TO DIE!" so frequently.

5. First Time.   Oi.  Brian W. (I don't think my mom knew this one.) I was 16... He'd been trying to get in my pants for years. One day on the way to a basketball game (I was a pep band geek), he passed me as I was walking to the school and asked if I wanted a ride. I said sure. He said, "Geez, we're going to get there way early...... wanna head out to the beach?" We clocked 140-ish in his Scirocco, and apparently high speeds make my panties fall off. I lost my virginity in the front seat of his car on the beach. And even tho he kinda turned out to be a douche bag, it was pretty fucking incredible. He certainly knew what he was doing. Not every girl can say they had multiple orgasms the first time.. I almost kicked out his fucking windshield. My only complaint would be that it took years for me to find another that talented.

6. First Breakup. Ron. His brother was my good friend. And one day he knocked on the door and said, "Psam, I gotta tell you something.." Apparently, Ron was messing around with my not so chaste cousin Chastity, who was a year younger than me, and had supposedly gotten pregnant. Later that night when Ron knocked on my door, I told him to get fucked and slammed it in his face..... And he moved that night and I didn't see him again for 3 years.

7. First Real Job... I was... 14 or 15 and got a summer job busing tables at a restaurant. It sucked. I made good money, but learned that summer that I never wanted to work in the food industry again. And I haven't. I also didn't have another "real" job until my senior year in high school.

8. First Time to Lose a Job... was about 2 years ago... The job I LOVED. I was downsized... and I frequently find myself hoping that someone will disappear from the face of the earth so I can have it back. Bitches.

9. First Time In Love............. Ohhhhhhhhhh Cory Lee Haussman. When I first met him. I hated him. He was cocky and self-centered. I couldn't stand him. One day I found myself giving him a ride home, and one thing led to another. He was the only one night stand I ever intended. We were together, off and on, for a year and a half. And I loved him. I still do. I always will. 

Our relationship was fucked up. (We were young. I was female. He came from a bad situation.) But when it was good, it felt like forever. We got in a fight one night at a friend's house and broke up. That night he went to Portland with some friends and got arrested on a warrant. I didn't see him again for about 6 months. During that time, I heard all sorts of rumors about why he was arrested, and they were not good. About 2 weeks after he was gone, I'm about 99% positive that I had a miscarriage. It broke my heart. All Cory ever wanted was a family. (His was so incredibly fucked up.) Months later, I saw him in a van for the local youth work camp. We started arranging to run into each other in public, even tho he couldn't talk to me. We started sending letters. He would sneak phone calls to me. But he would never tell me what had happened. He wanted to tell me in person. One day, I got a call from a lady that worked at the camp. She said tons of horrible things about Cory. Just that he was a bad person. A liar. That being involved with him would destroy my future and ruin my life. She convinced me that he 4 or 5 years younger than me. (which I only recently found out isn't true. He's two years younger than me. So he was 17/18 while we were together). They punished him for communicating with me by sending him to MacLaren.. where they send the really bad youth offenders. She got in my head. He started talking about wanting to marry me, and I freaked. I knew I couldn't just walk away from Cory. It would never happen. And, I did the worst thing I've ever done. I cheated on him. Then broke up with him. I knew I couldn't tell him what I'd done. It would hurt him so much. He'd want to confront the guy, and that guy would have wiped the floor with him (probably why I picked that guy)... and I knew I couldn't stay with him and NOT tell him. I remember not answering his phone call. The phone rang at the appointed time, and I sat there listening to it, bawling.

He's the one that, all these years later, I still wonder if I did the right thing (albeit, in the most chickenshit, wrong way). I finally found him on Facebook. (I haven't contacted him.) He's got that family he always wanted. A beautiful wife, and adorable children. And I am so incredibly heartbroken and jealous. He's the one I always hoped would pop back into my life; grown-up, mature, and ready to straighten things out. He's the one that I look at my son and think, he should have been your daddy.

10. First Drink. I think it was wine at Grandma's on New Year's Eve... I didn't like it and gave it to my cousin. 

11. First Sign of a Backbone....... when I came out of the womb and kicked the doctor in the face for slapping my ass???? lol.. Ummmm at 3, my mom broke a wooden spoon over my butt. I stole all her's and my grandma's and buried them under the house. The best part of this story is that I didn't confess until I was 21.

12.  First Ambition... Hmmmm? I wanted to be an archeologist when I was in the 3rd grade. Then in 4th grade, I was introduced to Christa McAuliffe.. The first person I'd ever come across with MY name. Then I watched her die. And I knew I wanted to be an astronaut, which led to wanting to be a fighter pilot (Tom Cruise kind of helped) and that goal lasted until the 8th grade, until I was told they'd  never let me fly in combat. Then I fell in love with forensic science.

13. First Realization of Mortality. WTF are you talking about? I'm a goddamned goddess! Actually, I don't really remember not knowing I would die. As a child, I could never picture myself as grown up. I was certain I would die by my 21st birthday.  When I was 3, every incarnation of Sabin got hit by a car and never came back..... In probably about the 1st grade, my babysitter got hit by a car and died. I was in the 3rd grade when my grandfather killed himself.  I think it hit me hardest when Charmin died during my 8th grade year, that was life changing for me. But it's always been there. I mean, tho I didn't know until years later, I was born with death. It's always been around me.

Ok... that was horribly depressing.... I think I need a drink, and a silly meme to recoup.

My Cory songs...

We broke up every time this song came on the radio...