Talk Thursday: Frustration (Late.. I know)

Something is not right in The Land of Under-The-Hood..

And it's messing with my head.

We can't figure out what is wrong with my stupid POS Jeep. (Though I have learned that I HATE Jeeps and wish they'd all burn in Hades) (I don't mean that Jeep gods.. I'm sorry) The damn thing just spontaneously decides to not participate in life. It's like a stubborn child.. It will be on it's best behavior for weeks, even months... then one day.. nothing. 12 hours later, it will randomly start, just fine. I thought it was the starter. (Apparently) we know it's not the starter because we can hear the starter fuse clicking. We thought it was the battery (Even though it's only like 7 months old, "but even new batteries can go dead overnight" ) Well, it wasn't the battery (mutherfucker!) We thought "maybe the alternator". Not the alternator because we undid a battery cable and the fucker didn't die. Nothing makes sense... Nothing at all. (voodoo)

*Enter my neurotic, paranoid superstitious stupidity. *

I find that every time I go to my car, I'm holding my breath, praying for it to start.... Problem is, I don't fucking believe in prayer. This Christian, gone Pagan, gone Agnostic, now resides somewhere in the realm of WHOFUCKINGKNOWS, and most assuredly does not believe that God, or gods, or goddesses, or Flying Spaghetti Monsters, or Invisible Pink Unicorns or fucking Zarquon (which also translates to "fucking fuck") (which I have to say I love!) is going to tamper with the goings on of my engine workings based on whether or not I prayed for it not to... IN FACT, I find it more likely that a god-entity would be MORE LIKELY to fuck with the inner-workings of my vehicular nightmare simply because I had the gall to assume that It cared about it in the first place....

Yes, I think I've jinxed myself. (WHICH MAKES NO DAMN SENSE!!) (because I am a sensical person) (I AM! and Zarquon YOU Spell Check... 'sensical' is so a fucking word.. if not.. how can you be NONsensical..?) (Psam, ftw!) Then, I find myself evaluating my actions for any ridiculous faux pas I haven't yet eliminated... I started the car while the passenger door was still open... Did I wish it would start? Or did I just assume it would? If I hoped... then I was assuming the worse... and felt that a little wishing was needed.. If I just assumed it WOULD start.. then I was taking it for granted... and that is to be frowned upon.. THEN, I'm like "Whoa, Psam... this is silliness.. " and I'm like BLASPHEMOUS!!!! The god-things will hate you... Then rationale is like... The god-things don't give a crap about your thoughts.. they have god-thing things to worry about... Why do you think you're so damn special that you even appear on the god-thing's radar things??? BECAUSE MY CAR RANDOMLY WON'T START FOR NO FUCKING APPARENT REASON....Ergo.. god-things...

Then logic speaks up again. "Psam....... You are pathetically retarded!"

Logic is a BITCH!

So, this is my one... and only.... or last ...Prayer to the (Car) god-things.

Dear (Car) god-things,

PLEASE quit messing with my car. Please let me have the confidence to go to work.. and know that I'll be able to get home in the morning. Please let me have the confidence to go to the store.. or take my son to his counselor... or to swim practice... without having to worry that I'm going to be stranded a half hour from home. Please quit making me retardedly neurotic. Because I don't believe that you, or any god-thing, fucks with people on whim.... Please quit making me crazy.

Much love,
Psam.
So Mote It Be. Hallelujah. Peace Be With You. Go Forth And Prosper. Amen. Praise be to Allah. Word to Your Mother. Namaste.