Ugggg....

I worked 11 hours yesterday and got home and in bed at almost 2 am. I have to be back to work at a quarter to 10 am. What was I thinking? Ohhhhhh, money.. That's right. (Little secret, just between you and me..... I should have been born independently wealthy.... Love my mom as I do, I'm sure the stork delivered me to the wrong place...... *sigh*)

I didn't sleep for shit last night. The first several times I drifted off, I was startled awake because, I swear to Buddha, Someone was calling my name. Female, and unhappy. Whoever you were, I didn't get the whole message.. Next time, don't psychically berate me at 2 am, just text. I'll get it in the morning. Sorry I pissed you off.

Then I had a dream someone sneaked up behind me and choked me out. A bright flash of orange light and a painful inability to breath. I must either have a really guilty conscious, or I really have pissed someone off. Look, I'm sorry!

Then I had a porn dream about one of my gay friends.. That was so weird, I had to text him and tell him as soon as I woke up. Which I'm sure he won't get for HOURS... it's Sunday and I'm sure he didn't get into bed until at least 2 am too. (He does have a boob thing when he's drinking... )

What would Freud say?

Then I got an email to "Join Match.com today!" FUCK THAT! I'd probably get a guy who's really a girl and angry about it and chokes me out! I've watched plenty of daytime talk shows. If he won't let you see his penis, OMG... you better make sure he has one!!!
No match.com for me, I can read the signs.

Morning Ritual

Coffee!

Wiki recent deaths. Yes, I do this nearly every morning. OMG Gary Coleman and Dennis Hopper.
Art Linkletter last week.
Sometimes I see interesting trends. This month, 14 former Olympians, 7 poets, and 5 chess players. Hmmmm...

Then I go over to CNN.... Check on the oil leak. Still ugly...
Look at some of the headlines. Hmmm England has someone claiming to be a cannibal. I didn't read the article to verify. Nice to see we don't get all the crazies..
In Seoul, South Korea the court sought a 5 year sentence for a couple who let their 3 month old baby starve to death while they played 12 hour sessions of an online 3-D fantasy game, Prius . The premise of the game..... to raise a child and as she ages she gets magical powers. The court returned a 2 year sentence for the 41 year old father... but the 25 year old mother's sentence is suspended... Why? Because in August she'll be having another baby!!

Can I get an "OMGWTF! Really?"

Talk Thursday: Expectations

 It's a third Friday... *happy dance*

This means that Burp is at my mom's. His tradition there is fast food Friday, which he lives for since he rarely, almost never gets it at home. My tradition is that I make a meal of the foods I don't eat normally because Burp doesn't like them.

I know... I know. Lots of people think that kids should eat what ever is put in front of them, no matter what. You shouldn't cater to your child, blah, blah, blah. To be honest, I think that's, for the most part, bullshit. For the most part. Yes, I think it's insane when Whiner's mom gives him pizza or tv dinner's every night because "He won't eat anything else..." He's 7 years old and and weighs 120 pounds and I've never seen him eat a piece of fruit or vegetable.

But I think that if your child eats a balanced diet, then who cares if they don't like certain foods? I refuse to eat mustard, zucchini, brussel sprouts, I don't like most spicy foods and I don't really care much for beans. It irritates me when people are like "Ohh, you've never tried mine, you'll love it." Ummmmm chances are, no I won't. So I'm put into a position where I feel obligated to try, and then to be rude and say I don't like it, or to lie and choke it down.

When I was a child my mother made me have a little of everything. I remember sitting at that table staring glumly at those 4 brussel sprouts covered in cold congealed cheese sauce. It became a power struggle. I wasn't allowed to get up until they were gone.. And I was a stubborn child. Eventually my parents would go to bed and I'd start trying to figure out ways to get rid of them. The dog wouldn't eat them. (And shit, that dog ate EVERYTHING) Usually, I split the difference. I choked down two and buried one deep in the garbage and flushed the other one down the toilet. There was several times I saw 2 or 3 am from that table.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not criticizing my mom, or other's that use this method. (I know my mom grew up in an "Eat it or wear it" house, so I'm eternally greatfull that she tried a different tactic.) I just personally, don't see the point. It didn't make me like those foods. The thought of mustard steak still makes me want to gag. It didn't make me more adventurous when trying new foods. And in a two person household, it doesn't make sense to waste the money on food that 50% of the family will refuse to eat. To me, the only thing to gain by forcing him would be to prove that I'm the "boss", and I have other ways to assert my authority. I have him try new foods, but if he doesn't like it.... fine.

So tonight, I'm enjoying a Cajun chicken sandwich on a ciabatta roll with a red onion, red pepper, and carrot pasta salad. (And corn on the cob, which Burp LOVES, hahaha)
Not a crumb was wasted. No fight. Just yumminess.

The best lesson I've learned as a parent is to PICK MY BATTLES, and trust me- there are plenty of those. Forcing Burp to eat foods he doesn't like when there are so many that he does, just seems like a stupid reason to pick a fight.

I'm certain the next world war will be over mustard. Ugggg, vile, evil, nasty stuff.

Idol Finale

What the hell are they doing?

Aren't they always telling contestants to be current? They start out the show with Alice Cooper, two old guys I don't know, and Michael McDonald. How many people under the age of 25 know who the hell he is? Hall and Oats? Don't get me wrong... great in their day, but their day is long gone.

Really, there is so much I could rip on... but I won't. Karma got me... I was going to rip on someone... but, not being much of a speller, I googled to double check the person's name... and caused my own spoil. Grrrraaaah!

I am curious. When Paula came out and told her jokes with no punch and babbled bitterly, then past winners and contestants came out... WHERE THE HELL WAS DAVID COOK? .... a little googling later.... he had a charity event in Kansas City. I don't know what charity. But I'm kind of impressed. We've seen a few people tonight trying to revive their careers... but David put a charity above Simon. I really like that. LOL

OMG.... Janet Jackson sounds just like Michael Jackson. JUST FUCKING LIKE! I swear, the whole time she performed, I thought she was going to have another booby incident. haha.

So. unfortunately, I knew Lee was the winner. I think as far as finales go, this one fell incredibly flat. It was a hard debate for me, but I do think Crystal should have won, but I really like Lee too, so I have to wonder if I'd have felt the same had she really won.

Ohhhhh well. Idol is over. Simon is gone. The big question now is, Who will fill Simon's spot? It's a long wait til Season 10.

Talk Thursday: Spoiled

American Idol better not be spoiled for me. I know this is a cop out on the topic, but well.... it's the best I could do.

My mom doesn't watch result night because she can find out before hand who won and watch Ghost Hunters instead. Blah! I've been watching faithfully for months. I was shocked that Lily went home so early, appalled that Big Mike stayed so long, and though I really liked Tim.... it was time for him to go.

The top 3 were exactly what I thought it should be. The top 2, just as I called it. But last night.... I was screwed. I had no clue who to vote for! I love them both. Both opening songs were FABULOUS! I think Lee came out a little ahead in that round though. The second songs...... I didn't love, equally. And the last song, Crystal brought me to tears. That sounds like a tie to me.

I found myself having to look back over the season. Crystal came back ahead. So I started texting in my votes. After about 20 for Crystal, I felt guilty. I love Lee. So I voted for him too! Then my phone started spazzing out and I gave up on the whole thing. I have no idea how many I actually made but I know Crystal got more... and that's probably how it should have been.

I'm anxious for results though. I would love nothing more than to have them tie. How amazing would that be? This is the first year that I haven't ended with a clear and definite favorite. Granted, I've only been faithfully watching for 3 years now.

My only true disappointments this year have been a couple of songs that I wish they would have sung. Crystal would do an amazing job on a cover of Live's "I Alone" done by Anouk and Sarah Bettens (from K's Choice). And I really wish that Lee could have done Seven Mary Three's "Lucky". Simon could have picked much better songs for last night. Shame on him! If you don't know the songs I suggested, OMG... give a listen. Trust me. Amazing songs... and these guys would have nailed them!

Anouk and Sarah Bettens - I Alone        This song gives me goose bumps. The link quit working, but I replaced it!

Seven Mary Three - Lucky       I have to say that this You Tube doesn't sound great... but I couldn't find a better one that I could share. I have it on my PC, but it's with the PC mechanic getting a major tune up.

I know that a lot of people have said that this year's Idol didn't have the talent of years past. But I think the front runners are fabulous and I'm glad that they aren't standard "pop" stars. Let's face it, yeah, Big Mike had a good voice... but he's one of millions just like him. Sure, I love Lee and think he has a great voice... but even he doesn't bring anything new to the table. Crystal is not only a great preformer, but unique. She's like Anouk, K's Choice, or Skunk Anansie... and sure, I don't expect you to know them- they're European and probably 10 years old... maybe didn't make a big, huge splash here, but they are great bands. I'd love to see Crystal bring this type of music to the mainstream US.

So, boo to spoilers, don't ruin it for me! Tonight I'll be on the edge of my seat, waiting for the outcome. I guess my money is on Crystal... but the hand behind my back has fingers crossed for Lee.

I Am SO Riled Up!!!!

So I was reading this CNN article on the practice of female circumcision in the US by some African and Muslim immigrants. I've long thought this practice is horrific. But I feel this way about male circumcision, as well.

When I was in high school I had an amazing biology teacher who really forced us to think outside of the box. When the class discussed abortion, you never knew really where he stood on the issue. He was great. One day the topic of male circumcision came up and he very scientifically informed us of the history of the practice and how it didn't become popular with the English speaking world until about 1900. At that point, it became a widespread practice because society determined that little boys couldn't be taught to keep themselves clean.  Studies also show that circumcision does cause decreased sensitivity to the head of the penis.

I do have to say that I feel most forms of "female circumcision" are less like circumcision and more like castration. While male circumcision does decrease sexual pleasure, there are some drastic differences in practices. Boys are generally done as infants, are usually not "maimed" for life (though it depends on your definition of maimed), local anesthesia is often used, and can generally be considered a minor procedure. Female circumcision is done any time from infancy to puberty (most commonly at puberty, it seems), usually means the labia are either cut off or sewn together and/or the clitoris is cut off or completely excised, and there is no anesthesia.

People argue that this is their religion and in the US you have the right to practice your religion. Well, I'm sorry. There are a few instances where I have to say "fuck your religion". If someone opts to have this done to themselves when they reach adulthood, go for it. But no way in hell a parent should be allowed to force this on their child.

When I was pregnant with Burp, I alarmed some guys I knew when I approached them to ask how they felt about male circumcision. I didn't ask if they were or weren't, I asked if they felt it should have been their choice. The resounding  reply was, "Yes, they wished they'd had a choice." That sealed the deal for me. My son is not circumcised. If he chooses to have it done when he's older, great... I'll even help pay for it. But it will be his choice.

Interestingly, Wikipedia cites the World Health Organization as concluding that 30% of the world's males are circumcised, 68% of those are Muslim. In the US, 85% of males born in the 60's were circumcised as opposed to 56% in 2005.

Among men (aged 15 years or older) who are neither Jews nor Muslims, the overall prevalence of circumcision in the UK is 6% according to the WHO's estimates.
The thing that really, really amazed me was the comments people made to this article. I was astounded by the misinformation and ignorance out there.

- Male circumcision is for cleanliness and if anything increases sexual pleasure.

- Male circumcision is right because it comes from Christianity and bilble(scientific) and lot of christian scientists supports it. Female circumcision is wrong because it doesn't come from Christianity and bible. If you have your removed/cut then you better supports it. (This one just makes me LMFAO)


- There is a health benefit for male circumcision, just ask people that haven't been and see if they ever had an infection. (Also ask them how thoroughly they clean themselves and how often!)

- What shame Islam has brought to us and to themselves.

- Uncircumcised men provide more pleasure for women in bed.

- Circumcising a male is nothing more than a cosmetic alteration. [Which is proven to lower bacteria population on the genitals] (So does regular cleansing)


- Male circumcision is certainly a Christian tradition, depending on the sect.

- It's time for people who immigrate to the US or Canada to start acting like Americans.  (hahaha can't Canadians act like Canadians??)


- Actually more and more people are not circumcising baby boys these days. The practice is become less common because frankly more people are Agnostic or Atheist. (Perhaps this is not due to a lack of religion but the increased scientific awareness I have noticed in the Agnostics and Atheists I know.)

People kill me!!

Ahhhh Stressing Less!!!

So the bitch at the Unemployment office gave me 48 hours to get a letter to her with the counselor's recommendation that I be home with Burp in the evenings.
48 hours.
He recommended that I get supportive letters from all of Burp's care providers. In 48 hours.
I called his advocate, pediatrician, psychiatrist, and the school psychologist (who is evaluating him for Autism Spectrum Disorder). My deadline is a breath away and I have finally heard from his psychiatrist who will immediately draft a letter and fax it. (I barely caught him, in an hour he goes out of town until next week!) Everyone else has sent their letters.
The rest is in the hands of the Grinch and my fingers are crossed. Can she disregard the opinions of so many specialists?

Talk Thursday: Endings..... and Beginnings

I've been having a hard time with this topic... As you can see, I'm late.

I got the call yesterday morning. Burp's IEP meeting is June 2nd. *HUGE SIGH OF RELIEF!* There is light somewhere in this tunnel. Of course, I have no idea what the outcome of their investigation is, but the autism specialist will be at the meeting, so that's hopeful, right?

I found out that it can take the CDRC 3 to 6 months to finish their process for a medical diagnosis. I also found out that this is a process of several 6 hour sessions. *SIGH*

Unemployment is trying to deny me. Unfortunately, I held a job at a hospital, and hospitals work round the clock and I'm supposed to be willing to accept any clerical-type job, no matter what shift it is. Who cares that my child has "issues"? Who cares that if I accepted an evening shift, Monday through Friday job, 9 months out of the year my child will never see me? Who cares that he'd probably flip the fuck out? Who cares that his Dad isn't involved and he only has one parent? Well, I can tell you who doesn't care... the stupid heartless, tight-assed, no soul bitch that is my adjudicator with the Unemployment department. She gave me 48 hours to get Burp's professionals to fax her a letter. 48 hours. His psychologist, the school psychologist, and his advocate have sent their letters. His psychiatrist returned my call 30 seconds before he left the office yesterday and I wasn't able to take the call as I was driving Burp to his counselor. And his pediatrician couldn't get the fax number to work. My deadline is in 2 hours.
I am feeling a LOT of hate for this bitch.

So for those of you who don't know, the hospital hired me back as resource. I'm not guaranteed any hours, but at least I am once again an employee. Staffing has agreed to cross-train me to be resource for other departments and I start my training on Saturday.

There is a possibility that Lane  Workforce (who we go through for our Unemployment stuff) might help me get a little extra training. To work as a Unit Secretary in ICU or CVU, I have to be monitor tech... if I can find out what that entails, then they might help me pay for it.  Or, finish out my 5 credits for my MOA. To get a Unit Secretary job at the other hospital, you have to be a CNA. They might help me get that. What they don't cover, the hospital might!
Those are options at least.

I'm trying some new parenting techniques. Being laid off for so long, I have finally started watching a bit more tv, mostly 'World's Strictest Parents', 'Trading Spouses', and 'Wife Swap'. I've gotten a few ideas, maybe seen a few areas I can improve on. I've instigated Consequence Cards for random disobedience. "5 Minutes of Silence" to maybe help combat Burp's volume control issues. (Burp has one volume, loud. My hope is that when he's having serious issues using his indoor voice, maybe 5 minutes of total silence will help him "reset" by showing him what quiet truly is. *shrug* maybe?) And last, but not least, I am so tired of repeating myself!! Burp now has to do 10 sit-ups or push-ups every time he ignores me or argues with me. By the end of summer, he's sure to be the buffest kid in his class!!!!

Side note: Burp apparently has a huge interest in history. I knew he was kind of interested, but a few weeks ago- he shocked the shit out of me.
The 4th and 5th graders hosted a "wax museum" for their underclassmen. The kids dressed up like historical figures and taught the younger students about them. This had a HUGE impact on Burp! He came home telling me about Harriet Tubman, Annie Oakley, Betsy Ross, Molly Pitcher, Rosa Parks, Benjamin Franklin, Martin Luther King Jr, Jackie Robinson, and Edison, Washington, Lincoln, and God knows who else. Yes, sappy me cried a little. He was so fascinated and excited to tell me about these people. He told me facts that I didn't even know. Sometimes he'd forget the name and was totally amazed when I could come up with the name. "Yeah, that's it Mom! How did you know that?" lol

A few days later, the school had it's annual Walk-a-thon and the kids were all there together. At one point Burp went up to his teacher and pointed to some of the 4th and 5th graders who had been in the "wax museum".

"Mrs. C- I feel like I'm walking amongst greatness!"

*sniff* My child amazes me.

(And she verified that, yes, that was a direct quote. "Amongst"
He's been popping out all these mature words lately; amongst, literally, discombobulated, or "Mom, it's just a figure of speech!"

Funny Kid

Burp cracks me up. First of all, on the way back from grandma's he didn't sleep a wink. Instead he talked non-stop until Jesse McCartney's Beautiful Soul came on, then he sang it over and over at the top of his lungs, sounding something like a sick cat in heat caught in an electric fence. But he looked at me me with such love. Ahhhhhh it was so hard not to laugh and cringe.

Then, as I'm tucking him into bed, I kissed his head and he said "Ahhh my spinal chord." I corrected him that your spinal chord is in your vertebrae, aka the spine. He argued that part of it is in your brain and I said, "No, it stops at the medulla oblongata. Can you say medulla oblongata?"
Without missing a beat he says, "Heck no, but I can say Queen Amidalla. That's close enough, and way cooler."

Star Wars wins again!

Happy Mother's Day!!

I'm a mom. That's how I define myself. I've always been a mom, since long before I had Burp.

When I was a kid, I knew I wanted a huge family. I had dreams of family baseball games and being a soccer mom. Of course, I didn't have a ton of kids. I never really planned to be a single parent, and I'm not totally crazy. When I was a teen, I remember my elderly, psychic, now-a-little-crazy great aunt coming to visit. I was devastated when she said I'd never have any kids, that I would be a mother to the world and all the children in it. I, of course, thought she was nuts. I cried. And though I now have a very real, 8-year-old boy, who is genetically mine, I get what she meant.

I have no burning need to have another child of my own. Sure, I really wanted a daughter too, even have her name picked out... but it isn't necessary. My aunt was right in one respect. I have no problem loving kids that aren't the fruit of my loins. Now I dream of having a large enough house and a stable enough income to allow me to do foster care. There are so many kids out their that need healthy, loving homes. It almost feels like it would be selfish if I were to get to that place in my life and have another child instead of give a home to those already out there.

Until then, I borrow the neighbor kids. Diva and her brother GamerBoy, their cousin Gemini, Peaches, Whiner, and Burp's little buddy from scouts Pippin. This week I hit a sale at Freddy's and had them all over to pot some flowers for Mother's Day. All morning they've been sneaking over to grab their gifts from the back porch, all smiles and little waves. They're so proud of themselves. I'm going to try super hard to do this next year too.

A few weeks ago, we had all the kids over and they each got to make their own personal little pizza and then we watched a movie. The kids loved it. So many had never made pizza before. Sometimes they'll come over just to help me work in the garden or Diva and Peaches and I will do our nails. Sometimes we bake. Occasionally, Diva's mom will text and say that Diva wants to come hangout with me, is that ok? OMG... I think that's so sweet. Of course it's ok. She'll bring a color book and crayons into the kitchen and keep me company while I wash dishes or get dinner ready. Burp will come in from playing outside and see her, "Ohh, hey Diva. Wanna come play? No, ok. Cool. Love you mom." And he grabs whatever he came for and is off again.

I get what my great aunt was saying, even if she was wrong in saying that I'd never physically have a child of my own. Interestingly, damn near every tarot reading I've had in the last 15 years has had the Empress card come up. At least 9 out of 10 times.

In a few hours, I will head home to spend the day with my mom and my Burp. Have I ever mentioned that I am blessed to have the greatest mom in the world? She would probably argue that she has the greatest mom, just as I argue that point with Burp. I come from a long line of great moms, I can only hope that I do my part to carry on with that tradition. They're big shoes to fill.
Here's a few thoughts on Mom, have a wonderful Day!



The Prophet
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you, and though they are with you, and yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love, but not your thoughts.
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls, for their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward, not tarries with yesterday. - Kahlil Gibran



What Is a Mother?
A mother can be almost any size or any age, but she won't admit to anything over thirty. A mother has soft hands and smells good. A mother likes new dresses, music, a clean house, her children's kisses, an automatic washer and Daddy. A mother doesn't like having her children sick, muddy feet, temper tantrums, loud noise or bad report cards. A mother can read a thermometer (much to the amazement of Daddy) and like magic, can kiss a hurt away.
A mother can bake good cakes and pies but likes to see her children eat vegetables. A mother can stuff a fat baby into a snowsuit in seconds and can kiss sad little faces and make them smile.
A mother is underpaid, has long hours and gets very little rest. She worries too much about her children but she says she doesn't mind at all. And no matter how old her children are, she still likes to think of them as her little babies.
She is the guardian angel of the family, the queen, the tender hand of love. A mother is the best friend anyone ever had. A mother is love.
- Author Unknown

To My Mother

For all the times you gently picked me up,
When I fell down,
For all the times you tied my shoes
And tucked me into bed,
Or needed something
But put me first instead.
For everything we shared,
The dreams, the laughter,
And the tears,
I love you with a "Special Love"
That deepens every year..
-  Author Unknown.

You Know Your a Mom When...

1. You count the sprinkles on each kid's cupcake to make sure they're equal. 

2. You find yourself cutting your husbands' sandwiches into cute shapes.  

3. You can't bear to give away baby clothes - it's so final.  

4. You hear your mother's voice coming out of your mouth when you say, "NOT in your good clothes!"  

5. You stop criticizing the way your mother raised you.  

6. You hire a sitter because you haven't been out with your husband in ages, then spend half the night checking on the kids.  

7. You say at least once a day, "I'm not cut out for this job", but you know you wouldn't trade it for anything