Friday, November 11, 2011

Veterens Day.....................................

This is going to make me sound like a whore-faced bitch.
I find statements such as the one above insulting, to me and to the men and women who have served this nation. Before you blast me for being unpatriotic, let me explain.

I have great respect for those who give service to this country. I have great respect for those who've lost their lives giving service to this country. However, tell me exactly when the last time we had a military action that was directly protecting MY freedom. It wasn't in Libya, it wasn't Afghanistan, it wasn't Iraq.... either time. It wasn't in Rwanda, or Somalia. It wasn't in Vietnam.
There are certain responsibilities that come with being the biggest kid on the block. The right and just thing to do is protect those weaker than yourself.
"Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute. Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and the needy." ~ Proverbs 31:8&9 (NIV)
Yes, I just quoted the Bible in a way that wasn't derogatory. Why, because it's a philosophy that everyone should have, no matter what faith you are. So hear me clearly, I'm not begrudging military actions in which we stepped in to ugly situations to protect the basic human rights, and FREEDOMS, of those who could not stand up for themselves.That is just. That is right. That is chivalry and valor. But people get confused. They turn it into a situation where I should be grateful for the protection of MY freedom. And I have to say, this is simply not true. 
In truth, our Armed Services protect my freedom everyday, by simply existing. The world knows that any action against the US will have swift and heavy repercussions. That, protects my freedom. Our freedom hasn't been seriously challenged in almost 70 years. I'm sure many people would argue "But 9-11!!!", which was probably the most heartbreaking day of my life. But that was terrorism. They didn't want to take over our country. They still don't. They want to fuck with our heads. They want to shank us on the playground. They want attention. They are disgruntled 3 year olds who run up and slap you and run away. (Not that it doesn't hurt... because the wound is very deep.)

So on this Veterans day, I'd like to give my thanks to those who have existed to deter those who might want to take my freedoms. To those who have actually fought to protect that freedom. To those who have fought to protect the rights and freedoms of peoples around the world who had no one else to fight for them.

We live in a world of greed and want, of power struggles and two-faced politicians who stand on their podiums and decry publicly the unjust conditions of squalor and violence around the globe and then, behind closed doors, greedily rub their hands together in anticipation of their wants. This has nothing to do with the troops that are actually deployed to carryout their orders, and THIS is what needs to be remembered.

It is not the "why"... and has little to do with the "how". I am thankful that men and women take that oath, not knowing what will be asked of them, who do it on blind faith that their leaders will commit them righteously.








 



In reviewing my music selection, I have to point out that (yes, I'm aware) my selections do have an anit-war message... But I think they also look at soldiers as individuals.... and that is my message.

Thank you!

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Talk Thursday: Frustration (Late.. I know)

Something is not right in The Land of Under-The-Hood..

And it's messing with my head.

We can't figure out what is wrong with my stupid POS Jeep. (Though I have learned that I HATE Jeeps and wish they'd all burn in Hades) (I don't mean that Jeep gods.. I'm sorry) The damn thing just spontaneously decides to not participate in life. It's like a stubborn child.. It will be on it's best behavior for weeks, even months... then one day.. nothing. 12 hours later, it will randomly start, just fine. I thought it was the starter. (Apparently) we know it's not the starter because we can hear the starter fuse clicking. We thought it was the battery (Even though it's only like 7 months old, "but even new batteries can go dead overnight" ) Well, it wasn't the battery (mutherfucker!) We thought "maybe the alternator". Not the alternator because we undid a battery cable and the fucker didn't die. Nothing makes sense... Nothing at all. (voodoo)

*Enter my neurotic, paranoid superstitious stupidity. *

I find that every time I go to my car, I'm holding my breath, praying for it to start.... Problem is, I don't fucking believe in prayer. This Christian, gone Pagan, gone Agnostic, now resides somewhere in the realm of WHOFUCKINGKNOWS, and most assuredly does not believe that God, or gods, or goddesses, or Flying Spaghetti Monsters, or Invisible Pink Unicorns or fucking Zarquon (which also translates to "fucking fuck") (which I have to say I love!) is going to tamper with the goings on of my engine workings based on whether or not I prayed for it not to... IN FACT, I find it more likely that a god-entity would be MORE LIKELY to fuck with the inner-workings of my vehicular nightmare simply because I had the gall to assume that It cared about it in the first place....

Yes, I think I've jinxed myself. (WHICH MAKES NO DAMN SENSE!!) (because I am a sensical person) (I AM! and Zarquon YOU Spell Check... 'sensical' is so a fucking word.. if not.. how can you be NONsensical..?) (Psam, ftw!) Then, I find myself evaluating my actions for any ridiculous faux pas I haven't yet eliminated... I started the car while the passenger door was still open... Did I wish it would start? Or did I just assume it would? If I hoped... then I was assuming the worse... and felt that a little wishing was needed.. If I just assumed it WOULD start.. then I was taking it for granted... and that is to be frowned upon.. THEN, I'm like "Whoa, Psam... this is silliness.. " and I'm like BLASPHEMOUS!!!! The god-things will hate you... Then rationale is like... The god-things don't give a crap about your thoughts.. they have god-thing things to worry about... Why do you think you're so damn special that you even appear on the god-thing's radar things??? BECAUSE MY CAR RANDOMLY WON'T START FOR NO FUCKING APPARENT REASON....Ergo.. god-things...

Then logic speaks up again. "Psam....... You are pathetically retarded!"

Logic is a BITCH!

So, this is my one... and only.... or last ...Prayer to the (Car) god-things.

Dear (Car) god-things,

PLEASE quit messing with my car. Please let me have the confidence to go to work.. and know that I'll be able to get home in the morning. Please let me have the confidence to go to the store.. or take my son to his counselor... or to swim practice... without having to worry that I'm going to be stranded a half hour from home. Please quit making me retardedly neurotic. Because I don't believe that you, or any god-thing, fucks with people on whim.... Please quit making me crazy.

Much love,
Psam.
So Mote It Be. Hallelujah. Peace Be With You. Go Forth And Prosper. Amen. Praise be to Allah. Word to Your Mother. Namaste.

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Lost... And Found... But Still Lost....

I'm not really lost. This is not a boo-hoo poor Psam post.. This is a declaration of my frustrations.

Maybe I'm going through a mid *gulp* life crisis.

I don't know. I feel like I'm stuck in a body that isn't what I want. I feel like I'm stuck in a go-no-where life that isn't what I intended. I have a job I hate. I only have two friends here.. One I never get to see.. The other only wants to try to fuck me.. or cry on my shoulder when his life his in the shit hole... Sometimes those overlap. I have no social life. I do nothing.

I am fun.. I am funky. I am unique. I am not my age. I want to be me. And I guess that's the real crux of it all. I don't get to be me. I want to wake up every day and dress in a style that screams "Psam"... cuz really, I'm Psam on the inside. Here, in this life, when Psam comes out, people look at me like I'm crazy... like I don't fit. I have people who know and love my "Psam" ... but they aren't here.. They aren't in my every day, touchable life. My mom knows Psam. I think she even likes her, but sorry Mom.. I need more than my mommy sometimes.

I'm in a rut. I need a change. I need a life.

This is not me.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Super Powers and Orgasms...

I KNOW I owe like a million TT posts.. I'm sorry.. I suck... I am The Suckage....

I have spent the last few nights reading The Bloggess and that chick cracks me the fuck up! She has inspired me to quit hiding my inner ridiculous... I kinda think she should be canonized and be made the Patron Goddess of Taxidermied Animals and Totally Neurotic Bloggers. She totally rocks!
So this here post (that you're currently reading) directly relates to this post, or more so.. the comments left by her readers. She kinda asks her readers what is the one thing you really want, but haven't bought yourself.... But it was turned into "WHAT IS THE MOST CRAZIEST FUCKING THING YOU CAN THINK OF?" and most of her peeps are cool as hell and totally raise the bar on crazy... Sure there are those that are like "I want a new house so that my family can be secure" or "I want a job" which yeah, I'm so totally freaking there with you.. I get your pain... But this is satire folks... Not the Lifetime Movie of the Week. I think ppl read her blog to feel good.... and dude, you're ruining the party.
Plus (and make fun of me all you want Tandy) (I'm so totally NOT fucking superstitious) but talking about your hopes and fears jinxes the fuck out of you! Seriously! I don't talk about what I really need because that pretty much guarantees that I'm fucked... Sure I talk about "Dude, if I were suddenly rich.. I would buy a missile silo and build a fucking castle on top of it so when the apocalypse (be it zombie, viral, nuclear, or Jesus come to destroy the masses) comes .. I'm totally fucking golden".. I can talk about this because there's just about as much chance of this happening as you finding Satan at the K-Mart buying ice skates.. But that's right up there with "If I woke up one day and looked like Selma Hayek, I'd spend a month at the mall... naked!" Don't worry peoples, you don't need to avoid the mall because, sadly, it's probably NOT GOING TO FUCKING HAPPEN! ( really wish it would)
I don't talk about the bad stuff... cuz DUH! That's just INVITING disaster. 'Nuff said.

So.... I made my list of ridiculous things that I so want....
1. The damn castle/missile silo stronghold.. cuz DUDE!
2. Firefly to get picked back up...
3. To wake up one day with my nipples pierced, simply because I REALLY, REALLY want it done but can't imagine letting some stranger hold my nekid titties.
4. A clone slave that can do all the shit I don't want to do.. Like work.... and go to swim practice so that I can get more than 5 or 6 hours sleep at a time and ....................... sadly, spend more time on my computer.
and 5. A severe allergy to chocolate/peanut butter.... and maybe caramel too... Ok.. fuck it... all sweets and carbs in general... Preferably not life-threatening allergies.... but something that's horribly uncomfortable... like my ears swelling to 5 times their natural size...

I think that's a pretty damn good list.

Ok... so some ppl got really creative.. and they were talking about super powers... and I .. just a sec...........

I HAVE DISCOVERED THE BESTEST FUCKING SUPER POWER EVER!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok... so you totally know the Vulcan Death Grip right? Ok.... so something totally like that... but instead of Death.... was it really death? cuz I'm NOT much of a Trekkie but I thought it was more like sleep... BUT... instead of Death/Sleep.. orgasm... That's right, ORGASM!..... Could you imagine being able to touch someone on the shoulder and give them the most instantaneous, out-of-this-world orgasm? DUDE! I'd start going to church... Just to touch old ladies on the shoulder during prayer... That would be funny shit!

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Talk Thursday: Resisting the Urge

Both of my sisters are married now.
I almost didn't make it to Miseray's wedding on time, and I forgot my lipgloss and my camera.

Several times during the wedding people turned to me and said, "You're next!" or "Only one more daughter to marry off!".................... haha not likely. I kinda predict that I'm going to be one of those old cat ladies you see on Hoarders. Not that I really want to start hoarding cats or anything, but that future seems more likely than marriage. Lets get real, Miseray and the Brit were together for 8 years before they got married, my longest relationship has been about a year.. Never had one that wasn't dysfunctional. LOL I'm just being real. The upside of being an overweight homebody who hates the sun... well, I don't have wrinkles.

Is it wrong that I was tickled when those at the wedding I didn't know asked me if I was the baby of the family? I'm sure they were asking because of my unmarried state, but I'm going to pretend it's cuz I looked younger. (I'm 4 years older!)

Who knows. If I had a wedding to go to everyday, I might be able to snag a hubby. I looked damn good. Unfortunately, my life doesn't call for a lot of occasion to wear a cocktail dress. I feel like sending flowers to the girl at the store who helped me pick it out. LOL Guess what Psam's wearing to this year's holiday party?

Of course it isn't that I don't really WANT to get married, it's just that one, all of my relationships have been total duds. Two, I just don't trust marriage a lot. I think every girl dreams of the perfect relationship, the ideal man, the grand beautiful wedding, and life happily ever after... At one point last night, while getting the "You're next" line, I just smiled and responded, "I haven't met the right loser yet!"

I'm not sure what kind of crap my mom was trying to pull last night, but she decided to announce to my new brother-in-law's brother, that I think he has amazing eyes.. "OHhhhh, have you met my daughter Psam, she thinks your eyes are amazing!" WTF? Yes, his eyes are amazing, but really? Maybe we should have made me a sandwich board sign, "Last unmarried daughter. Free, OBO...Contracts negotiable. No returns or refunds. All sales final." No pressure. lol Maybe I need to start checking the singles ads just to make sure my mom isn't trying to pimp me out!

Ok, laughs aside. My sister, and the whole wedding, was beautiful. The food was amazing. I even liked some of the wine.The music was pretty good, ignoring the fact that my sister likes disco... ugg.. but it was fun. Aunt Rocky even got Burp out on the dance floor after I'd failed for hours to do so. Papa even got out there. I'm so happy to have the Brit in the family. He's a wonderful guy! At one point I heard him tell Burp, "Hey, I'm really your Uncle now." I thought that was so sweet.

Papa says if I ever do happen to get married, he'll pay me to elope. HA! Fuck that! If I sign away my self-sufficiency, I'm doing it with style. Why shouldn't I get the fancy dress and bride's maids and crap. I think it should be a bigger party for me, cuz I had to work harder for it! lol The one thing I had myself wondering about last night, was bride's maids. I only have one friend in my life these days that I'd want for a bride's maid. The other two are so far away, Australia and Alaska, I don't know if Tandy and Chole would be able to come. I can't think of anyone else I'd want to have up there with me. If I were to ever get that far, I'd be heartbroken if they couldn't. I would want Burp to give me away. And I think it would be humorous if when Dude says, "Who gives this women .. blah blah" I think my whole side should stand up and yell "WE DO!" lol That would be funny! Maybe disconcerting to his family though... But then again, no need to lull them into a false sense of reality, my family is disconcerting!

I don't know. Everything in due time. I might, I might not. Who knows.. Just not any time soon. Hopefully this won't be the conversation topic of the rest of my life though. Actually, I'm hoping now it will shift to "Miseray, when are you going to give us grandbabies?" haha Perhaps when people ask me when I'm going to get married I'll just respond, "I don't know, is Miseray pregnant yet?"

Two can play that game!

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Talk Thursday: Garbage

There is a poem I have always loved.
When contemplating this topic... this part keeps ringing in my head...

“I love you
For putting your hand
Into my heaped-up heart
And passing over
All the foolish, weak things
That you can’t help
Dimly seeing there,
”   ~"Love" by Roy Croft

This is the garbage. The stuff we want to let go of, but for whatever reason, can't. The junk that lies deep inside, going for eons without being noticed, until one day it pokes it's head out, and tears you apart.

For months I have been battling myself over what to do about my cousin's wedding. TD and I have an interesting history. I suppose technically, she is my former step-cousin from my mother's second marriage. To deal with the inner-drama with my cousin, I have to visit the drama with my former stepfather. I'm not sure what blog name my mom has given him, but I will call him EggSucker, simply because on the rare occasions my mom would lose her cool with him, she would tell him to "Suck Eggs!".. He hated it and the immature part of me still snickers about it.

My mom and the EggSucker got married when I was 4. My biological father has never actively been a father. He's floated in and out of my life when it's convenient for him, and I can honestly say he's only abstractly been instrumental in shaping me to be the person that I am. More like he's been a shining representation of everything I don't want to be. So, although the EggSucker could be a tad overly strict and often distant... he was my Dad... To the point that my biofather was given the label "Daddy Bob", and EggSucker was really "Dad"...

EggSucker's parents were Grandma and Papa, and his brother's daughter TD was my cousin. She lived in Seattle and mostly just came to visit during the summer. When we were little, I hated her. She was certainly grandma's favorite. When she came to visit, her stepsister and I would sneak away so that we didn't have to listen to her and grandma babytalk and vomitously love each other.

Interestingly, puberty changes people a lot. Middle School approached and TD moved to town. Somehow, we became the very best of friends for the next few years. True partners in crime. lol.. Looking back, I find it weird. I mellowed out a lot in those years, probably in part due to the fact that I became TD's handler. As bad as my temper ever was, her's was worse. Both of us are stubborn as hell though, so there was plenty of headbutting through the years.

My mom and the EggSucker split up when I was 13. That was a pretty hard time for me, due to that and other reasons, so really I don't remember too much of that year. It's all kind of a haze. I'm fairly certain it was about a year, maybe a tad bit longer that he stayed somewhat active in my life. The next summer I went and visited him for several weeks after he'd moved several hours away. Then he married his brother's ex-fiance, and completely removed himself from my life. TD had told me he was getting married. I remember so angrily telling her that he would NEVER marry her and not tell me. I remember the regret that showed in her eyes as she let the matter lie with a "Psam, I'm so sorry..."

A few months later, we got the invitation: To Cele and Family.......... I had gone from being his daughter and reduced to "And Family.." There are so many layers to this onion, it's hard for me to pick apart. The outside layer hates the wife. Blames her for everything. Longs to put a bullet between the bitch's eyes. The next layer knows that no matter what influence she had, a real father would stand up for his relationship with his daughter, blood or not. That layer hurts more.

A few years later, his mom moved down to be closer to him and his new family. Part of me understands that. Reason says she didn't have to disappear from my life though. There are layers that hate the EggSucker and his wife for taking my grandma from me... Then there is the layer that says she owns that responsibility. If I was ever truly her granddaughter, she should have stood by our relationship.

There are other bits to this. The fact that after a few years of absence, he showed up on my doorstep with a 10 day old baby, introduced me to my "Sister" and cried and said he was sorry and that he'd never disappear on me again. Then I didn't see him for another 2 years until his brother was murdered. The "Sister" was throwing a fit and he looked at me and said, "You want her?"... and all I could think was, "What? Throwing away one daughter wasn't enough for you?" But I didn't say it. I started bawling uncontrollably and left. I've never seen him since. That was April of 1994.

So, my cousin is getting married. At first, I didn't worry. She lives in Chicago now, and it's not like I have travel money. Then I found out, she's getting married an hour away.

The part of me that tries to be rational says, "You should do it for her." I love her so much. We haven't hardly seen each other in the last 10 years, but I love her. She is my cousin, and I miss her so much.

The realistic part of me says, "No fucking way!" There is no way I can be around those people and not have a nervous, hysterical breakdown. I have spent the last 20+ years ignoring and burying these emotions. I have not dealt with this at all. I'm sure that the EggSucker will be walking her down the aisle, as her father and grandfathers are dead... and I know that the anger and jealousy .... it would be too much for me. Not that I want him to walk me down the aisle someday, but GODDAMN IT! I want him to want to do it. And, yes, I'm well aware of how completely childish that is.

I would see his wife and his daughters....  I would be a wreck, and none of it would have anything to do with the fact that TD is getting married. Everything to do with the fact that these are people I love that have chosen not to be in my life.. for nearly two decades.

Probably all very reasonable feelings, but wrong time, wrong place.

So my cousin finally caught me on Facebook and asked if I was coming to the wedding. I bawled hysterically as I told her how much I love her and how much I wish I could go, but that I just can't do it. And I told her exactly why. She was upset, but understanding. And insistent on finding a way to come see me. She's going to come down early one morning when I get off work, and we're going to go to breakfast.

I'm happy I'll get to see her. I'm relieved that she understands.

I haven't dealt with my garbage. I don't know how. The first thought is maybe I need a counselor, but truthfully, I don't know how that will solve anything. It won't bring closure. But what am I supposed to do? Show up at EggSucker's door someday and tell him he didn't just leave a marriage, that he damaged me and stole my family? The worse part is that I worry that if I did have the balls to do that, that he just wouldn't care. Or what if he did? It's not like I want to repair our relationship... I just don't want to hurt over it anymore.

Friday, July 15, 2011

HOLY CRAP COOKIES... Michelle Obama!

Remember several months ago I wrote my email to the First Lady, disgruntled over the American education system... I got an email back...

Dear Psam:

Thank you for sharing your views with me.  I am always so encouraged to hear from Americans who are interested and engaged in the democratic process, and I hope you continue to stay involved in these important national discussions in the months and years to come.
           
As our country faces tough challenges, please know that the President and this Administration are working hard every day to move our country forward.  Although we have made enormous progress, there is much left to do-and we need your help.  Your engagement is vital, so I urge you to stay involved in your community and in civic life.  To learn more about the President's agenda and the latest news from the White House, please visit www.whitehouse.gov. 

Again, thank you for writing.  I wish you all the best.

Sincerely,


Michelle Obama

At the time, I sent one to the head of education, and one to the First Lady. I got a response from the Director, or whatever that position is, within a week or so, basically saying, "Hey Moron, this is a republic. The States control the education process." Of course, Mrs. First Lady didn't really address any of my concerns, but well, maybe she at least read it.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

OMG... So In Love....

"In the still of the night
I held you, held you tight,
Cuz I love, love you so,
Promise I'll never let you go..."

Ok... I'm in lust.
Deep, wet, sticky lust.

Talk Thusday: Next Time I'm President

Wooohooooo!!! This is the topic for me!

Not that I'll ever be President, but wow, where to even start?

I often get flack because I'm not so opposed to Communism, in theory. I've even been called a Socialist. I guess the best way for me to state my thoughts in that arena is with this; how horrid is it that we have a housing crisis in which people's homes are being foreclosed on, tons of homes lying vacant, and still have a homeless population? This just seems retarded to me. Totally fucked up. All because people want to make a buck.

I don't really feel that capitalism has worked for us. Don't get me wrong, communism and socialism have one major failing, they don't necessarily give people a clear road to the top, but I think that an uncorrupted communistic or socialist system keeps more people from being stranded at the bottom. Perhaps there is an economic system which is somewhere in the middle. If there is, I don't know the name for it.

My mama always said, "Nothing in this life is free." Unfortunately, in the US, I've some to find most aren't raised with this philosophy. People, especially those at the bottom, seem to feel they're owed something. We have generations of Welfare recipients who feel that using Welfare as your main income is the American way. Perhaps that's what it's become....

Americans bitch that we don't have socialized medicine, that we don't have free secondary education, but they aren't willing to pay the price for "free". No one wants to give the government "more control", no one wants to pay extra taxes. I find it hilarious that people fear "government control" of the medical community, yet hold their breath for the day their Medicare kicks in. What do they think Medicare is? Do you think it's right that the CEO of a company that owns 50+ US hospitals makes $7,584,981 a year while the staffing at his hospitals are cut and work with skeleton crews because they will not allow overtime to fill shifts? Does it seem right that the year I was laid off to save money, he received a 20% raise? Do you think it's right that medical costs keep rising, though Medicare and Medicaid only reimburse a fraction of what those without government insurance pay? How does that happen? The government can cap what they can be charged. Who pays the difference? EVERYONE ELSE! How do you stop that from happening? Make all insurance government controlled! How does the government pay for that? TAXES! Do Americans want to pay more taxes? Hell no.

Hmmmmmm

How do countries like Australia manage a "free secondary education"?... well, it really isn't free, that's how. They pay it back. Their wages are garnished after they graduate, at something like 50%.. until it's paid back. Would Americans go for that? HELL NO... Free should be free damn it!!.
How does Australia handle a Medicare-like system that gives all of it's citizens "free" medical??? It isn't really free. They pay out-of-pocket for their medical and prescriptions and then get reimbursed for part or all of it. Gosh, I wonder how much that cuts down on abuse of their system.... I bet quite a bit.

We are in the midst of a huge global financial crisis, which I don't understand... I mean, money has value because we give it value. Everyone owes everyone money, and everyone is in debt. It seems to me, that a majority of these debts should cancel each other out. Our government bailed out tons of big corporations to save them from bankruptcy. Just handed out money that they didn't really have. This isn't a popular opinion, but I think that the government should then OWN those companies.

Something like 20 years ago, a math teacher of mine gave an assignment to the class, "Solve the current problem of homelessness in the US". My proposition was to select companies that ship most of their jobs overseas and have them enter into a partnership with the government. Build facilities for manufacture and housing. Round up the homeless, offer them housing and jobs, and teach them skills. Not saying this is a perfect plan, but it's an idea.

How about the Welfare or Unemployment recipients who are not working, are not looking for work, and have been living in they system for years? Make them work for their benefits and don't penalize them for doing so. If you are a recipient, you have become a government employee. I don't care if it's Litter Patrol or an aide at your child's school. Mom's can't work because they've got 4 kids and no childcare? Build childcare facilities and employ some of these people to run it to watch the children.

There are plenty of things that can be done, that aren't being done. Plenty of "jobs" to keep people off their sofas (or the streets) and earning their way.

While messing with the Welfare system, I would mess a little more. I would go back to a voucher system, but more like the WIC program. Unfortunately, our current system does nothing to ensure quality of diet or even wise spending. People argue that they should be able to buy the groceries that they want... Well, you can.. Get a job and spend your earning on groceries. I'm not trying to be cold, but I hate it when I see people spending their food stamps on shit food and soda... or expensive steaks for the first half of the month and their kids live on peanut butter and Ramen the last half of the month.

I am also not opposed to what Florida is trying to pass, drug testing for recipients. I, however, feel that this should not be a roadblock to benefits but a stepping stone to treatment.

I'm an advocate for government sanctioned breeding. I think too many ppl who have no business breeding at all. I think at puberty everyone should be put on chemical sterilization and sometime time about 23ish tested and those too stupid to live,or seem to have no motivation in life, should just be kept on the sterilization chemicals. Implant, injection, I don't care. AND before anyone be allowed to procreate, they should either have to pass a Qualified Parenting test, or attend and pass parenting classes. Fuck the idea that parenting is a human right.

I would pull back on our military interests. I was kind of hoping Clinton would become President. I thought it would be interesting to see what would happen with the military. Women fight different. Women fight dirty. Women fight to win. I would beef up special ops forces and fight damn near everything on the down low. Much like Bill did in his presidency. If we occupy another country, we get compensated for it.. No more bailing out oil countries and footing the bill. No more being the world police. Aide NATO and the UN, sure, but I would pull way back. No more "humanitarian" efforts without it being a NATO or UN action.

There are many things within the government itself which needs to change. I would want to cap the number of terms for the Senate and Representatives and increase the number of terms for the Presidency. Though, this could be both good and bad. Look at the good Bill did in 8 years, look at the bad Bush jr did in 8 years. Obama can't fix it in 4, probably not 8 if he gets reelected. I bet Bill could have. I want a bumper sticker that reads "Blowjobs Can Save The World".
I would reclaim Clinton's line-item veto. I would do my best to outlaw special interest tag-ons to legislature. In general, try to clean up and streamline our government. There's simply too much bullshit.

Too much bullshit.

Does anyone seriously believe that Obama would have made it through the race for the presidency if their was any valid question as to his nationality? Do you really think the Republicans didn't dig and dig on this one? To have won and be in this third year as President, and to have this question still being debated is the epitome of retarded. Do the puppets not realize that this is just a ploy to muddy the waters? It should be a crime. To have people questioning his religious standing, should be a fucking crime. I think if a black Muslim lesbian ever ran for president, I would vote for her on principle, for spite, whatever you want to call it. If I were to be elected president, I might just makes some shit up like that to piss ppl off. "I'm 1/36th black, an atheist, and I love the pussy!!" Just for shits and giggles.

But I'm a bitch like that, and lucky for you... will never run for president.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Talk Thursday: I love to Bitch about.................

OMG... What don't I love to bitch about??

Actually, I don't think I bitch that much, I work things out verbally... (Does that sound better?)

I've been working a lot lately. I got a second resource job, this one back in patient registration. People either treat me like I don't know anything, or that I should know everything since I've done the job before... 5 years ago, on a different computer system.

I long for a new car and some C4, so I can blow up the current one. We think we've figured out the problem, the starter, now I just need someone to have the time to help me fix it.

Burp has started Pre-Team in swim. He seems to be doing well, though we've only completed one week. His coach thinks the back stroke will be his "thing" but has told him he think he'd make a great water polo player. Burp is excited to go to practice each day, and that is all I care about. I think at this point in his life it'll be incredibly good for him to have something that he feels he's good at and gives him a niche, of sorts. He's currently going 3 days a week, for 45 minutes. If he gets invited to join the swim team it'll be 5 days a week for an hour and a half. I hope he still enjoys it when it gets that intense.

Still waiting to hear about the Charter School. Every appendage that can be crossed, is crossed. 4th grade was hard for him socially and academically, I just think that it would be so much better for him to be in a school that is made up entirely of his real peers, to be taught to his strengths, and for the teaching staff to specialize in autism. I actually can't think of a better situation for him.

We started him on a new medication. Strattera. He's still on the Concerta, as it takes 4-6 weeks for us to really know the effect of the Stratterra. His psychiatrist thinks that if the Stratterra works as well as he's hoping, we might be able to take him off both the Concerta and the Zoloft. Trade a stimulant and an antidepressant for one, non-amphetamine medication? HELL YEAH!! It seems to be working really well already, on week two. HOWEVER, his counselor still says wait and see. He says that often it will seem to work really well at first, then not so much later. However, even in these cases, it still seems to work better than the previous meds... I'm like, what the hell's wrong with that?.. a little better is still better. AND IT'S NON-AMPHETAMINE!!! The first week seemed to go well... and we just upped the dose of Stratterra, next month we'll lower the dose of Concerta. I'm kind of thinking about calling the shrink and seeing if we can lower the Concerta early, since it seems to be going so well, but maybe it shouldn't be rushed. I don't know.

It makes me wonder... I did a little research on the two meds, how and why they work differently... They are both re-uptake inhibitors, one of dopamine and the other serotonin. (to be honest, can't remember which is which) I'm a little irritated that it took this long to try a totally different med. (This is where the bitch comes in) From the very beginning, I've been saying that while I saw a little improvement, I never saw the improvement I expected to see. All they did was up the Ritalin, changed to Concerta (12 hour time release), then up that. Then shuffle us to different doctors because the current doctor wasn't comfortable with the high dosing levels. WTF? WHY WHY WHY WHY???????????? didn't we ever try a different med? Not til I throw a fit and demand to know why we've never talked non-stimulant meds do we actually get to discuss one. When I research stuff and ask about it, they brush me off, or treat me like another "internet self-diagnosing pt"... Doctors are supposed to give you the information to make informed decisions... What a joke. You know what happens to people who have an opiate addiction??? Their bodies stop making chemicals that cause you to feel joy and euphoria.. That's why it's so hard for an addict to quit. There have been studies that show that children given amphetamines when they don't need them, have this same problem.. But when they first prescribe this med and you try to ask if this could cause problems later, they don't talk about the oopsies. They tell you that children medicated with amphetamines don't become drug abusers, in fact, it's more likely that if they don't have them they will end up self-medicating with street drugs.... They don't talk about the consequences of long-term use of amphetamine medications when it's inappropriately prescribed. Unfortunately, that's something you find out about later. They just tell you that if it's not the right med it won't improve his condition. Well, what if the problem involves both chemicals, serotonin and dopamine, but one only slightly, the other more so.... Then you'd only see slight improvement... right? Now it seems logical to me... but they never gave me the information to logic it out.

I am so angry about the current system of this thing. In Oregon, the schools are in charge of initial diagnosis. The school psychologist diagnoses your child and gives you a piece of paper to take to your pediatrician. Your ped gives you meds... ONLY if your child seems to not respond appropriately to the meds do you see a psychologist, then a psychiatrist.. NO ONE ever gives you literature. NO ONE ever gives you something that says, "These are your options... this is what ADHD is" OR AUTISM, for that matter. Am I the only one who sees a problem with this system? I have BEGGED my son's doctors for a referral to the CDRC, so that he can have a complete analysis of his issues, and they keep saying we don't need it. OK.... My son is diagnosed with ADHD, Anxiety Disorder, and Asperger's syndrome. Considering that the first two are often misdiagnoses of symptoms of the third, don't you think that it's logical to get a proper evaluation from people who fucking know what they're doing? Especially since he had 3 independent evaluations for each diagnosis and the first two never picked up on the third? What if there is something else going on? They only evaluate for the thing you're asking them to look for. Does he have ADHD? Yes......... ok... does he have Anxiety Disorder? Yes........ ok... are you certain he isn't autistic?.......... "We find it very probably that he has Asperger's Syndrome"................................. "I'll second that diagnosis", "OK, *sigh*, I'll support that diagnosis too."

WTF? Is this really how it's supposed to be?

I don't know if this is a rant or a bitch... but now I'm really fucking pissed off, and need to go.