Interesting Discovery (Obamacare)

Even though I work in healthcare, I've tried to avoid all of the Obamacare propaganda and bullshit. Actually, I've flat-out ignored it. Everyone has opinions and opinions rarely coincide with fact.

I know how it's effected me in my job. Insurance companies are reducing their payments for services, corporate is tightening it's belt. I have my thoughts on that. Everyone and the industry is going to have to adapt. It will, eventually.

Today, I read what seems to be some massive bullshit propaganda, and before I let myself become enraged, I actually went and researched the PPACA.

Know what? From what I read... I don't have a single fucking problem with it.

IN FACT, by their guidelines of "Those from 133% to 150% of the poverty level will be subsidized such that their premium costs will be 3% to 4% of income. In 2013, the subsidy would apply for incomes up to $45,960 for an individual"... I'm eligible for a subsidy.

I make less than $42,000 a year and am the single parent of one and currently pay roughly $250 a month for our healthcare. According to this, a SINGLE person gets subsidized for premiums over $153/month.

If you make below 133% you are eligible for medicaid.

....... I don't see the problem here.

I'm trying really hard to NOT think that it's just that people don't like being told what to do.
OMG! Being held accountable for your well-being is truly sinister. 

Currently, the EMTALA act ensures your right to emergency/labor treatment regardless of ability to pay or method of payment. You are legally guaranteed a medical screening by a physician. Because of liability issues, we really don't turn anyone away, even if you're clogging up our system with your stupid fucking cold that we can't do a goddamn thing about. These sorts of visits are billed out at approx. $200 +physician's fees (our ER docs are contracted and therefore bill separately). We have frequent fliers who over the years have racked up over $100,000 in debts on visits just like this... Who seriously do not have a single over $1000. All of them are piddly non-emergency visits. We have patients who are seen for visits like this 12+ times a month. Colds, sore throats, anxiety... we had one patient bring in a spider... to know if it was poisonous. He wasn't bitten. Just found it in his house and his anxiety issues compelled him to bring it to the ER. Because we apparently double as entomologists. And there isn't a fucking thing we can do about it. Not without fear of liability or discrimination lawsuits.

This is a problem. How do we combat this problem? By forcing people to take responsibility and get insurance coverage. Having insurance gives you access to a regular primary care physician. Sure, we'll still have system abusers who don't want to waste time making and waiting for a doctor's appointment, but it will help.

You think medical treatment is a God-given birth right? Fine, get God to finance it because otherwise, tax money pays for that shit and with our unemployment levels what they are, we don't have the tax base to pay for it.

Our government misappropriates our tax dollars, they should be able to finance free healthcare? You are not wrong... but who keeps electing these asshats?

Is Obamacare the "right" fix? In my professional opinion, NO... It's not. But what it would take to fix our system is TOO HUGE. It's a ground up, total overhaul that no one wants to take on. (And what I think it would take to fix it borders on socialism, so it's not likely anyone would get behind it anyway.)

Obamacare is a band-aid on a gaping wound. It's an attempt to make things better. Everyone wants to point a finger at Obama and ridicule and condemn, but let's just keep in mind that the final bill he signed off on, is not identical to the one he presented to Congress. The House and the Senate got their fingers in it too. And enough of them voted on and passed it to even get it back to Obama for final approval.

This was not one man.
The fact the "The People" fail to acknowledge this, pisses me off greatly.

Here is what they did manage to ensure:

• Guaranteed issue prohibits insurers from denying coverage to individuals due to pre-existing conditions, and a partial community rating requires insurers to offer the same premium price to all applicants of the same age and geographical location without regard to gender or most pre-existing conditions (excluding tobacco use).^[18][19][20]
• Minimum standards for health insurance policies are established.^{[21][22][23][24][25]}
• An individual mandate^[26][27] requires all individuals not covered by an employer sponsored health plan, Medicaid, Medicare or other public insurance programs (such as Tricare) to secure an approved private-insurance policy or pay a penalty, unless the applicable individual has a financial hardship or is a member of a recognized religious sect exempted by the Internal Revenue Service.^[28] The law includes subsidies to help people with low incomes comply with the mandate.^[29]
• Health insurance exchanges will commence operation in every state. Each exchange will serve as an online marketplace where individuals and small businesses can compare policies and buy insurance (with a government subsidy if eligible).^[30] In the first year of operation, open enrollment on the exchanges runs from October 1, 2013 to March 31, 2014, and insurance plans purchased by December 15, 2013 will begin coverage on January 1, 2014.^{[31][32][33][34]} In subsequent years, open enrollment will start on October 15 and end on December 7.^[35][36][37]
• Low-income individuals and families whose incomes are between 100% and 400% of the federal poverty level will receive federal subsidies on a sliding scale if they purchase insurance via an exchange.^[38] Those from 133% to 150% of the poverty level will be subsidized such that their premium costs will be 3% to 4% of income.^[39] In 2013, the subsidy would apply for incomes up to $45,960 for an individual or $94,200 for a family of four; consumers can choose to receive their tax credits in advance, and the exchange will send the money directly to the insurer every month.^[40] Small businesses will also be eligible for subsidies.^[41]
• Medicaid eligibility is expanded to include individuals and families with incomes up to 133% of the federal poverty level, including adults without disabilities and without dependent children.^[42] The law also provides for a 5% "income disregard", making the effective income eligibility limit for Medicaid 138% of the poverty level.^[43] Furthermore, the State Children's Health Insurance Program (CHIP) enrollment process is simplified.^[42] However, in National Federation of Independent Business v. Sebelius, the Supreme Court ruled that states may opt out of the Medicaid expansion, and several have done so.
• Reforms to the Medicare payment system are meant to promote greater efficiency in the healthcare delivery system by restructuring Medicare reimbursements from fee-for-service to bundled payments.^[44][45] Under the new payment system, a single payment is paid to a hospital and a physician group for a defined episode of care (such as a hip replacement) rather than individual payments to individual service providers. In addition, the Medicare Part D coverage gap (commonly called the "donut hole") will shrink and be completely closed by January 1, 2020.^[46]
• Businesses who employ 50 or more people but do not offer health insurance to their full-time employees will pay a tax penalty if the government has subsidized a full-time employee's healthcare through tax deductions or other means. This is commonly known as the employer mandate.^[47][48]

Truly fucking appalling.

How a Drag Queen Made Me Cry...

(Xposted from my journal)

Cunt and I drove up to Portland today to see an old friend of her's perform at Embers. I'd never been to something like that. When she asked me to tag-a-long, I was game. I was so horribly unprepared for the little mental trip it took me on.

It wasn't until about half way through the show that I had, what might end up being, a life changing epiphany. I'm horrible with names, but the girl who took the stage seemed to be a local favorite, very well loved. A big girl. She had the look of one who had possibly (recently) undergone gastric bypass surgery. I noted her top. It was a cute little satiny nightie-type top. I really, really liked it. A lot more than the song she was doing. Beonce's Put a Ring On It. (I really hate Beonce.)(With a fiery, stab-it-with-a-rusty-pitchfork passion.) Her smile lit up the room. She was having the time of her life. Two others hopped up on stage with her, just to have fun and be her backup. They danced. They gyrated.
At first, I spent more time critiquing their outfits. (I really hate that song.) Not on -them-. I mean, yes... on them, but more in relation to myself. I don't know how to explain it without sounding completely rude and insulting, and that's not how I mean it. Simply put, I was seeing myself in their bodies. I was critiquing me.

Until I got to their faces. I couldn't see me in their faces at all. They were so happy just to BE. And I realized that in my whole life of being a girl, I had never been that happy to just be me. They didn't care about rolls and fat. They didn't care if their boobs were real or fake. They didn't care if there was a penis tucked away in there. They were just incredibly happy to be carefree and feminine, and they felt good and that was all that mattered.

I've never felt that while sober. Or not while mid-orgasm. I've never, ever had that sort of comfort with myself. They dressed to enjoy the feminism they embrace, I dress and use my feminism to hide away the parts of me that I don't want others to notice. I dress so that I don't stick out as an eye sore. They dress to feel good and world be damned if you don't like it.

When I'd gotten dressed for the evening, I picked a top I love. An aqua satin babydoll cami with a princess waist. I love that top. It's perfect for my waist. It hides the fat and accents that beautiful flair from the waist to the hip. That's my favorite curve on a woman. It wants to be held. It calls to the hand, the cheek, the lips, the tongue. To me, that curve is more feminine than breasts or vagina. And I have it. And I covered it up with a black sweater so no one would see the turkey wobble of my upper arms.

I sat there in that hot room, sweating in my sweater while these (wo)men celebrated something I had no clue about.

I felt shame. I'm sure the world isn't always kind and accepting to drag queens. I could never get up on a stage and do what they do. I could never stand to have others look at me and critique me, as I did them. I fight so hard to keep people from looking at me. Here, they saw what they wanted and they (rightfully) took it. And I can't take the same joy in what was given to me on a silver platter.

I got a little teary watching them and I spent the rest of the show in deep self-evaluation. Afterward, Cunt and her mom talked to her friend while I kind of stood back. I didn't know what to say... As people started to filter out, Cunt's mom was talking to another performer, Vanessa... and I couldn't leave without saying something to someone. I needed her to know that this had changed something in me.

I'm not very good at the emo stuff. Pretty much as soon as I start to bare my soul, my words disappear and the tears start. I approached her.

"I just want to say... in all my life, I've never been that happy to be a girl... and that makes me sad."
I really, really wanted to leave it at that, but she wasn't having it. She talked to me a bit.
She gave me a hug and insisted I friend her on Facebook.
She said, "You have to love you for who you are. You have to accept you for you, because in the end, you're the only one you can count on."

It's not like it's the first time that's ever been said to me, but maybe... It might be the first time I heard it.
And I cried.

Ode To My Hostess Lemon Pie

(The first I've had in years)

When I heard you were gone, I searched far and wide.
On Amazon and Ebay, my cravings denied.
I wept and I cursed, the opportunities gone,
The damn self-denial of trying to be strong.

Then I saw Twinkies and my heart filled with cheer!
I saw DingDongs and Hohos and PIES! Oh my dear!
Cherry!! and apple!! and .... no lemon to be had.
My joy crashed, my heart crushed, I was filled with great sad.

THEN I SAW YOU! I cackled. I snatched you up tight.
I stroked you. I petted. I crooned my delight.
All the way home, I whispered- sweet nothings and such,
Promises and declarations about loving you too much.

Tingling with anticipation, I unwrapped with care.
I hid myself away, so I wouldn't have to share.
I tasted your icing. I nibbled your crust,
Comforting and praising and gaining your trust.

One nibble. Two nibbles, and three. You open to me.
I can see your creamy center, it wants to be free.
I slip my tongue in and lap you up with a moan,
So silky and tart, I'm glad I'm alone.

Joygasms and happies, I started to drool.
Sucking and slurping, I abandoned my cool.
Digging deeper and deeper, I scoop with my tongue.
Victorious and giddy about this pleasure I have won.

Licking the crevices, the crannies and such,
You're suddenly gone, just a shell, nothing else much.
I sigh and eye you with great heave of despair,
Then toss you in the trash....

Thankful I bought a spare.

Let's Talk Tradition...

A few days ago, I got into a bit of a debate with a friend on the definition of "cheating". For the most part, I totally agreed with her points, until she came to "Is it cheating if his wife knows about us and says it's okay? Yes. You are cheating."
Whoa! Huh?

(For my vanilla world readers, poly is very common in BDSM and it seems the debate of mono vs. poly is never-ending.)

Cheat

1: to deprive of something valuable by the use of deceit or fraud
2: to influence or lead by deceit, trick, or artifice
3: to elude or thwart by or as if by outwitting

I'm not going to rehash the whole debate, but one would assume that two married peoples are capable of having an open and frank conversation about something so potentially sensitive. One would HOPE that the feelings of your spouse would matter to you and that a joint decision could be reached between the two.
So the "knows about us and says it's okay" part is presumably truth.
I don't get how this is considered cheating at all.

BUT, that's not what we're going to talk about.
Inevitably, in these sorts of conversations, I always piss off a few ppl by pointing out biology, anthropology, psychology, zoology... (some other ologies) and the fact that humans are just another animal. (YEEPS!)

Human

"Humans (variously Homo sapiens and Homo sapiens sapiens) are primates of the family Hominidae, and the only extant species of the genus Homo. Humans are distinguished from other primates by their bipedal locomotion, and especially by their relatively larger brain with its particularly well developed neocortex, prefrontal cortex and temporal lobes, which enable high levels of abstract reasoning, language, problem solving, and culture through social learning." (thank you, Wiki)

We... are a species of primate of the class of mammalia.

I fail to see how this prompts the peoples to grab their torches and pitchforks, but it almost always does.
My point in bringing this up is that we (collectively) seem to hold ourselves above the rest of the animal kingdom. WHY? Why does humanity have to think they're so fucking special?
Cuz we love? Tell a dog lover that his dog doesn't really love him. Go ahead, do it.
Cuz we're socially dependent? Not so unique. Look at any pack or troop.
Cuz we build shit? Ants, bees, and termites build shit.... Fuck, they have organized social structures. Do they love? Hell. Maybe. I dunno. I've never been an ant.

The point to all this is that while monogamy is quite common in birds, it's not so common for mammals. In fact, only about 9% of mammals are monogamous. Only about a quarter of the primates (that's us) live monogamously.
Human incidence of social monogamy
"According to the Ethnographic Atlas, of 1,231 societies from around the world noted, 186 were monogamous; 453 had occasional polygyny; 588 had more frequent polygyny; and 4 had polyandry."

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK? MONOGAMY ISN'T EVEN THE SOCIAL NORM FOR HUMANS!!

There are two working theories on why humans evolved monogamy. 1) Infanticide, and 2) geographic distance between females.
That's right. People paired up to protect their offspring from other men who would kill babies to ensure the longevity of their own seed... and because the mens didn't want other mens impregnating their womens while they were off impregnating other womens.

Noble, right?

So, since we've established that monogamy is not necessarily the "norm"...
I get confused when people talk about "traditional marriage".

Whose tradition are you glorifying?

Monogamy didn't really take off in the Western world until the plow age. People worked hard for their land, needed to breed a work force to maintain it, and wanted to keep it in the family. Marriage at that point was only for the upper classes. Women were traded for money and livestock and property. Love was not involved in marriage. Love was for commoners (who were not allowed to marry). Love was for mistresses. Love in marriage has only been socially appropriate since the 17th-18th centuries.
Marriage as a "holy union" only came about somewhere around the 5th century, but it didn't become one of the Seven Sacraments until 1215. Still, it wasn't until the 16th century that weddings had to be preformed publicly by a priest. So... if you said you spoke vows with your hunny down by the creek, the world viewed you as married. (Does "Oh God! Oh God! Yes! Yes! ..... I love you", count as vows? Hehehe I guess I've been married a few times!) (source)
(And, tho this is a totally DIFFERENT argument, up until about the 12th century, the Catholic Church preformed male-bonding ceremonies... that's right, gay marriages. Google that shit!)
So considering that our idea of "traditional marriage" is only about 250 years old, and that this idea started drastically evolving in about the 1950's, this "tradition" only lasted about 190 years. Even if you're one of those ones who thinks that the earth is only a few thousand years old (NUTS!), the tradition that you cling to is relatively brief and new and dying.
I am just trying to state some facts here. I'm not trying to tell you what is right or wrong, what you should or shouldn't be, or what is better or worse. In fact, I'm not even a poly person.

OMG!! I'm a straight, mono-type person.

Cuz that's who I am. It doesn't make it right or wrong. It doesn't have anything whatsoever to do with what you are, or who you should be, or who and how you should love.
Hell, it might not even have anything to do with who I am tomorrow. ~shrug~
I just get agitated by people who cling to falsehoods and hold them up to measure the "wrongs" of others.
If you don't like it, mind your own fucking business.

So... I'm Sure You Think I DIED!!

I didn't.

I'm sure you think I quit blogging.. I uhhhhh didn't.

While my mother and my bff know where I've been, I'm not so in-your-face with the rest of the world... So.... I'm gonna tell you.

I've spent the last year on a BDSM site, and I blog there.

For quite a while, I've been wanting to cross post a few of my pieces, cuz YO! I'm a funny ass bitch and I write some good shit.

So.. there might be some taboo-ish stuff being posted here. My mom reads my blog so there will be no in-depth dialogues about my (non-existant) sex life.. But some ideas and thoughts might not be so mainstream.

That said, I'm going to post something that I wrote the other day, and it has been X-posted to Tandi's "Dear Fucktards" blog (She even added some cool pix and spruced it up and made it sexy) So I'm a start you guys off with that.

~ Smoochies

Precious Gifts

The last two weeks or so has been really hard on my friends. I have two friends about to lose their moms to strokes. Another friend just found out that his mom has lymphoma.

I feel like I'm a shitty friend. While these aren't super close friends, I've met and spent time with their moms. Both are fun, fabulous women. About a month ago, they both had a stroke in the same week. Both seemed to get better, and were sent home or to a rehab facility. Both have taken horrible turns for the worse. They aren't expected to make it much longer.

If these were close friends, I'd know what to do. As they aren't,  I sit back and send my love and happy thoughts, and cry for totally selfish reasons. Yes, I'm horribly sad for my friends, but I can't NOT think, "what if this was my mom?" That makes me a fucking wreck.

There are two thought places I just can't go, losing my son or losing my mother. If the worst were to happen... I can't imagine ever getting up off the floor. My brain just goes numb.

When I was younger, I couldn't imagine being an adult. I felt certain I would die before I was 18. When that didn't happen, I figured it would be before I was 21, simply because I couldn't imagine myself beyond that point. I now understand why I couldn't... and still don't consider myself a grown-up. But when I look at the "Don't Go There" places.. it's the same numb nothingness.

I don't know how to be there for my friends, as a secondary friend. (I don't say secondary like it's a bad thing.... that's simply the truth of it.) My place is not there, with them.. holding hands and being a shoulder to cry on. There are closer friends who belong there, and are. I just wish I could send my support in a more coherent, unguarded way. Unfortunately, my words of love and support are shallow and choppy because of the guarded place I go when thinking about their situation. It's so hard to turn off the personal aspects and make it all about them.

I've had life shattering loss before. There's nothing anyone can do for you. I don't know if people can give you enough support. I don't know that any support really helps. You have a process and you go through it. Hysteria, pain, the long period of numbness, grief and acceptance, then the healing. Charmin died 23 years ago this October... and I'm still healing. The period of numbness lasted the majority of my 8th grade year and I have very few memories if it. The healing has come in spurts. Many times I've felt that I was over it, then it all comes back. That's probably natural in this sort of situation.

I so badly want to tell them that they have a rare opportunity. While watching someone die slowly sucks beyond belief, it gives you the chance to make your peace with each other and express all the things that would haunt you if you couldn't. I didn't have this chance with Charmin. Her death was sudden and unexpected. I did get it with my grandfather and even though it was hard to see him lying in that hospital bed, knowing that I would never hear his voice again, knowing that I'd never get to tell him again how much I love him and hearing him tell me once last time that he loves me. Experiencing the last time I would EVER willingly let someone call me Krissy. Precious moments that I wouldn't trade for anything. Gifts. Each second is a precious, totally selfish, GIFT.

Use them well.

But I don't know how to relate that without sounding totally trite.

Talk Thursday: The Sweet Spot

Sure, when I thought of this topic, I was totally thinking sexual. Nothing wrong with that. I'm an incredibly sexual person, even though I don't get it that often. Maybe if I got it on a regular basis that would change. *shrug* If I ever get to test that theory, I'll let you know. *wink*

Despite my lack of sex life, I think I've hit "The Sweet Spot" in life. My diet is going great. At somewhere around 6 weeks, I've lost slightly over 31 pounds. I'm feeling confident. I feel good about myself. I feel like nothing can stop me. That's a good place to be.

But I am not my weight. Big or thin. I am a good person. I'm a good mom. I'm a good friend. I'm a good co-worker. I am thoughtful and inquisitive. I am a happy person. This is who I am, and I'm a great person to be. I don't know that I really, seriously ever felt otherwise, but I'm more certain now than ever.

I have always my moments. I do not ooze self-confidence. I have social anxieties. I have horrible taste in men. Maybe it's more that horrible men have a taste for me. Either way, it comes out the same in the end. In a sense, I guess this does define me. I have loving friends who are concerned about my perpetual state of "SINGLE". Yeah, at times... it SUCKS big, fat, hairy balls. My son deserves a positive male role model who is a daily influence in his life. I deserve a companion to share the laughs, the tears, and the stresses. And a sexual partner would be much appreciated. Social anxieties limit my interactions and opportunities to mingle with the opposite sex. *shrug* For the most part, I'm ok with this. Of course I am.... I'm giving in to, and protecting my anxieties. I get that. Believe it or not, I have a fairly good understanding of how I work. That said, I don't really know how to overcome it.

Sure, when I think about growing old alone, that really bites... When my son tells me how much he wishes he had a dad, that kills me. In those moments. I don't dwell on it. I can bitch "GODDAMN IT! I NEED TO GET LAID!!" Just like I would bitch, "GODDAMN IT! I NEED SOME CHOCOLATE CAKE!" I'm not depressed over it. I'm not miserable. It means I'm fucking horny (but I might settle for chocolate cake.... well these days, some sugar-free/fat-free chocolate pudding with some chocolate rice cakes). Plain and simple. I know plenty of married peoples who don't get the amount of sex they want. This has little to do with being single. I could have a shitty boyfriend, if I wanted one. I could get laid... if that's all I wanted (and if I had no standards). That's not what I want.

When I put up my protective cloak, I'm all "Men are stupid... Men are users and assholes and I hate them". I know that's not true. I know there are great guys out there. Unfortunately, at this point, they don't see me... or if they do, I can't see through my lack of self-confidence to notice. Yes, relationships, MARRIAGE, scare the shit out of me. Life has given me a healthy fear of trusting that much. It makes me afraid to approach it. That doesn't mean that I don't want it. Once I'm in it, I force myself to trust too much. I over compensate. Yeah, in that area... I'm pretty much a train wreck.

This really doesn't define me. I think about sex way more than I think about "Ohhh I'm so lonely." Really, I'm not that lonely. Yes, most of my social interaction is via the internet. I don't have many close friends in my physical life, but I have amazing friends that live on the other side of the world. And they mean the world to me. (Even the ones who aren't speaking to me right now.) I don't talk to my nearby friends every day... or even every week. This doesn't make me lonely. I could call or go to their house. I just don't. To be honest, I don't think we'd stay as close of friends if we spent that much time together. I have some friends that I could spend every moment of my life with, physically or via Skype, and others that I love just about as much because we DON'T spend that much time together. Both are important to me. Both are good for me.

I guess the point I'm trying to make is, I have my glitches. I have the things that, yeah, I wish were different or better. I wish I was a millionaire... But I'm not unhappy. I have a good life, and currently, it's just getting better and better.

I now have 3 pairs of panties that fit me properly, and I'm about a week and a half from a bunch of really cute lacy panties that have been taking up space in my drawer because I refused to give up on them. Maybe I'll find someone to appreciate them, maybe not. But I'll feel damn good while I'm wearing them. And that's what matters.

See, The Sweet Spot.

Prozzak - Be As

Diet: Day 18

15 pounds gone................. Buh-Bye!

I hate you. Please don't ever come back.

But you won't be lonely, there are some others of your kind that will be joining you soon enough.

My underwear fit different.

I'm not complaining.

I think it's kind of AWESOME!!!

TMI?

GET OVER IT!

When I lose all my 2 liters, I'm posting nudie pics!!

Relax mom, I didn't say "OF ME!!"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!!

ReWriting The Bible.......

“Beware of practicing your righteousness before men to be noticed by them; otherwise you have no reward with your Father who is in heaven” (Matthew 6:1).

I'd like to believe that just as God supposedly dictated to Moses on the Mount, that this message too was of divine direction. I imagine the writing of it to have gone something like this....

Dude: Fuck? Sir, you sure you want to say "Fuck"?
God: Yes! F-U-C-K! Apparently, some people listen better if you drop the F-Bomb a few times.
Dude: Amen!
God: I should have written the whole fucking Book that way. Maybe these jackasses would get some of this shit right.
Dude: Word!

“And when you pray, you are not to be as the hypocrites, for they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and on the street corners in order to be seen by men. Truly I say to you, they have their reward in full” (Matthew 6:5).

The New Word of the Streets version:

"And HOLY SHIT! When you pray, don't be a fucking hypocrite! Don't jump up and down screaming "LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME! GOD LOVES ME! AND I LOVE GOD! AND HE HATES YOU AND YOU'RE GOING TO HELL!!" cuz you're a fucking douche bag! I gots no love for you!" (Matthew 6:5)

It's A Miracle!

There are these things.... that my brain can control and use to propel me. When they move quickly, I get places faster, and I sweat. It's a miracle.

I've started walking. I know, right? 36 years old, it's about fucking time, no?

Not only have I started walking, but I've done it twice now. TWICE!!! The first time I took Burp on a walk through our ghetto neighborhood. We walked probably close to a mile and a half in about 30ish minutes. I tripped on an uneven crack in the sidewalk, almost ate shit, didn't eat shit, and totally bent back a fingernail saving myself from eating shit. About which I swore loudly.

Burp: "But, did you break your mother's back?"
Me: "Are you freaking kidding me? I'm bleeding here! She's totally understand if I broke her damn back!"

He gave me that look that said, "I'm so telling grandma on you!"
Then a block later we saw suspicious types at the school, in the dark, with golf clubs..... So I called the non-emergent number for the police department. I'd rather be a dork and have them check out the school, than have a bunch of windows and what not broken out.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I told a friend about this and he looked at me like I was totally retarded. Is it less retarded if I said that this was probably getting close to 10 pm?

So, Burp and I will not be taking anymore midnight strolls through the hood.

Yesterday, we met an old friend we hadn't seen in years at a park, with his son. The boys played. Friend and I visited. We all went for a walk. The boys played more. We all went for another walk. It was fun.

My friends, who've moved themselves to the ends of the Earth, are trying to hook us up, I think. I've gotten the instructions, "You ask him to hang out again, BEFORE next weekend."

He's a good guy. Going through an icky divorce with a woman none of us ever liked. He's a good dad. Smart, to the side of geeky. Cute. Not someone I would break, physically or mentally. I've known him for about 11 years, and did at one time crush on him. However, *lol*, a little time to get reacquainted shouldn't be frowned upon. We haven't really seen each other much, at all, in the last 6 years or so.

At one point, he was play fighting with Burp and picked him up over his head. We all thought Burp was laughing, but when he put him down, he was in full-on hysterical panic mode. We all felt bad. I didn't make a big deal about it though. I spent the time pulling Burp out of it and reassuring him that I have no doubt, what-so-ever, that he was never in any danger. My friend felt like crap, and I was just honest. Burp's not had a guy play with him like that in YEARS. He kept saying, "I'm so sorry. I was just playing with him like I would my boys." ......................... Burps fears aside, I think that's pretty damn awesome.

We discovered, while we were at the park that Burp hadn't taken his meds yesterday. Yeah! So there wasn't a whole lot of listening and doing as he was told, going on. The "Friend" totally knows and understands Burp's issues. He didn't really seem annoyed or put off at all.

He has two sons, five and three. I haven't seen the five year old since he was a baby, and I've never met the youngest. (He's currently with his mom.) But Burp and the 5er got along fabulously. His son is absolutely adorable. Laughs a lot and is totally silly.

And though I said taking time to get reacquainted wouldn't be a bad thing, while we were walking.... I couldn't help thinking, "This is nice. I could do this."

He's totally my kind of guy. He's nerdy with computers. Loves LOTR and other geeky things of the sort. He, at one point, likened Burp to Sheldon Cooper. (hahaha)  Is into camping, fishing, and hunting. He isn't a drunk or a druggy. He did have a medicinal marijuana card for his neuropathy that he got getting chemo, or radiation therapy, when he had testicular cancer about 6 years ago, but he quit using it when the divorce started. He's fun, laid back, and he loves his boys.

So, I'm not opposed to this... Let's just see where it goes.

Ohhh yeah, but the important thing.... I walked... TWICE this weekend... and will hopefully do so today, as well!