Psam's Rants, Thoughts, and Other Crap!

Where The Hell Am I???

2011-11-16T01:23:00.000-08:00

Ever feel like the curtains have been ripped back and you suddenly find yourself wondering where we are and how we got here?

My iGoogle has a CNN section. It only gives me three headlines. When I saw "Missouri Police Find Body of Missing Boy". I clicked it, thinking this was Baby Sky, little Jhessye Shockley, or Baby Kate. It wasn't. This is a wholly different missing child.

At the bottom of that article, I saw the link to "Body Found in Search for Missing Virginia Beach Baby".
which led to..
"Two Nebraska children found in kennel"
and on. Each horrible story leading to links for more horrible stories.

"Body found during search for missing 10-year-old in Texas"
"Body Found in Investigation of Utah Babysitter's Disappearance"
"Tennessee Woman Indicted in Deaths of Infant Twins"
"Man Allegedly Caught on Tape Swinging Baby By Neck With Blanket."

They go on and on and on... Stories of bodies found, children missing, children abused. Though I realize not all of these stories are from today, or even this week, I can't help but feel that things are out of control. What is going on? What is happening to us?

"Parents arrested after giving away Toddler" This one, I have a problem with. I don't know the whole story, only what was written in this article, but it seems to me the parents did the right thing. It seems to me that the headline is misleading. The parents were junkies and gave a neighbor temporary custody of the child while supposedly getting clean. If this is true, and if the child hadn't been abused and in danger before the exchange of physical custody, then I actually commend these people for making a good choice. (Though they certainly should have given up the dog too.) I just can't help thinking about those commercials from when I was a kid.

Sure. They let themselves get to that point. They didn't choose to get help sooner. But, if this story is what really happened, then they finally made a good decision. They shouldn't be punished for that. If this had been a family member who took the child, there wouldn't be charges filed...... Not everyone has family that is in a better, more stable situation than they are. Sometimes, you take help from where ever it's offered.

For me, the next logical jump is to Mississippi. Last week, the world held it's breath as the citizens of Mississippi voted on the definition of "personhood".... a vote that on the surface just seems absurd, but hiding in the folds were the implied possibilities to disrupt a woman's right to choose whether or not to continue a pregnancy or possibly seek assistance with fertilization.

The bill didn't pass. *bitter laugh* Don't think that means the great people of Personhood USA are finished. No.......... They've only just begun. There are plans for 9 other states to have similar bills in the upcoming 2012 elections. 9.... so far. What are the odds that it won't pass in at least one of those states? I mean, who'd have thought Bush Jr would win a re-election?

I started a post about this bill shortly before the election, and didn't get it finished. I think this is a great time to discuss the issue.

First, how can we vote on a word that is already defined?

per·son·hood
noun
1. the state or fact of being a person.
2. the state or fact of being an individual or having human characteristics and feelings:

This law would define personhood as beginning at the moment of conception, forget that a fertilized egg takes about three days to implant and oh, about 23 week for any reasonable chance of viability. When you consider a fertilized egg, there is nothing about it that constitutes "being an individual" or "having human characteristics and feelings."

I get that some people hold that baby makin' is "a precious miracle" but, in truth, it's not.. It's fucking biology. Until that baby squirts out, it's a parasite. Some people claim that the fact that the fetus carries your DNA makes it some sort of symbiosis, but I find that a stretch and a fairly laughable argument. It is a parasite. And now, the highly educated Joe Blows of the US are going to vote (because they are soooo qualified) to decide what you can do with your parasites.

If your argument lies in the genes, all mammals have a genetic similarity of 92% or better. Chimps are 98% similar (imagine that... not that this gives any scientific credence to evolution or anything)... What if I decided to have a chimp embryo implanted so that I could give birth to my own chimp baby? The "genetic life code" between some apes and humans is 99.4%.. My son is 99.98% genetically similar to his father.. That's a difference of 0.58 %... if you have an 8 oz glass of water and pour 0.58% of straight ethanol alcohol into it... you're probably not going to taste or feel the difference. Mathematically insignificant. 0.0464 ounces. You'd ask the bartender for your money back.

So passing this fucked up law would not only negate the progress of Roe vs Wade, but also makes the use of some birth controls illegal, such as The Morning After pill or Plan B. Even for those against abortion, it brings up the question of what would happen to unused eggs left over from IVF treatments.

I just see how horribly out of control this whole thing could get. 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage. Approximately 75% of those happen in the first trimester.
*Here are some more miscarriage info.
*And still some other important pregnancy facts.

So what happens when a totally normal and truly spontaneous miscarriage happens, and under this law someone is prosecuted because someone else thought they caused their own miscarriage? Fall down the stairs? Sure you didn't throw yourself? Forget your prenatals more often than not? Maybe you had too much sex..... This all seems absurd, yes.. but so does calling a bunch of unattached cells a "person".

And so you're wondering.. How did we get here from the horror of children disappearing, being found murdered, and suspicious stories from parents?

Maybe it's better if some people don't procreate. Maybe some are smart enough to know they shouldn't. Don't take away their options. An actual child, who thinks and feels and dreams, could end up dead.

Then what have you saved?

Getting Hits

2011-11-13T17:16:00.000-08:00

Ok.... so my most popular blog ever was "Sun, Moon, and Scars", posted like a year and a half ago. It was a well written post, I think, and continues to generate roughly 25% of my views. HOWEVER, I'm alarmed by the search words/phrases people have used to find me.

vagina piercings
crazy ass shit
piercing prince charles
ass shiting
random ass shit
omfg prepare your anus
"suspenders are hot"
ass with shit
assshitting

and I'm trying to figure out how ANY of this has to do with ANYTHING I've posted. And............ seriously.... someone (I hope it's just one.. very dedicated searcher) has a very serious philia with poo....

~~Disturbing~~. Interesting!

I'm Not Crazy

2011-11-13T16:10:00.000-08:00

For several years, various friends (that's right, not even enemies) have been trying to diagnose me.

I have been friend-diagnosed as psychotic, a sociopath, neurotic, Asperger's (not that I consider that a form of crazy - just sayin'), and told I have anger management issues. One, I manage my anger just fine. I verbalize it and don't act on it.. I call that managed. And because I can do that, I'm obviously not a sociopath. (I'd like to say that also disqualifies me on the psychotic stuff too, but I don't know if that's ACTUALLY the case. *shrug*)

I might be a bit neurotic. I do have anxiety and I can tend to be very insecure about certain things, which cranks up the volume on my anxiety, but if that's the definition of neurotic..... you got me.

I might be a bit spectrum. I seem to pass all the screening tests with flying colors, but I maintain that my son's counselor states that the simple fact that I broached the question to him "proves" that I'm not spectrum....... WTF does that even mean? That doesn't feel like an answer to me, but perhaps my need to dissect that statement is indicative of my neurotic nature.

I have some issues (don't we all), I'm not in denial. I have some self confidence issues. I have some anxiety issues. I have some weird OCD-like tendencies (who doesn't) (I get it from my mother.. who probably gets it from her mother)(It's a family tradition).. I have some issues with "right and wrong"... not that my lines are blurred. I know the difference between right and wrong, and act accordingly (almost always). My issue seems to lie in knowledge. I can't leave an obviously wrong statement alone. I have to correct it. Or, if I'm not certain, but strongly question... I HAVE to look it up. It's a compulsion.(I blame my mother for the countless times she told me as a child, "Look it up".) It's not a need to prove anyone wrong, per se, but a driven need to stop the proliferation of senseless and incorrect ideas. (see that... I had to double check dictionary.com to make certain I wasn't using "proliferation" improperly.) I'm constantly double checking the dictionary and I google everything..

One of my friends on Facebook posted a need for a laugh, "Someone please tell me a joke"...
One of her friends posted this:

Thor was flying around a castle on his Pegasus saying, "I'm Thor! I'm Thor!" The King heard this from his tower and poked his head out the window and replied, " Well of course your thor thilly! Your riding without a thaddle!"
Hee hee- my all time favorite:)

One... I showed great restraint.. I did not flame her. I wanted to... soooooooooo badly, but I didn't. I know it's a joke. HOWEVER, it's hard for me to find the funny when my brain is exploding from the OBVIOUS jumbling of mythologies. Perseus rode Pegasus. (NOT Hercules as Disney would have you believe! and of course, not Thor.. though that seems stupid to point out.) Thor could run as fast as a horse, and when he didn't feel like doing that he had a chariot pulled by goats.(Goats! Whaaaa?? I know, right?) (Further proof of insecurity, I KNEW these 3 points, but googled each just to make sure that I was remembering correctly.) **I can't go without saying... In the times that Thor was an actively worshiped god, how many Norse castles (with towers) are we likely to find?? And.. "Your" ... should have been "You're" ... But slightly overlook-able simply because joke tradition is verbal. *sigh* (Also, a point for Asperger's.... religion/mythology has certainly been a "special interest" for me for ohhhhhhhh about 20 years... at least.) (Though this I also blame on my mother. Again, just sayin'.)

The point is.. I have issues. But I manage them. Therefore, I'm all good. I don't need a label to fit in... or do I?

Google's not going to help me on this one, is it?

Veterens Day.....................................

2011-11-11T17:13:00.000-08:00

This is going to make me sound like a whore-faced bitch.

I find statements such as the one above insulting, to me and to the men and women who have served this nation. Before you blast me for being unpatriotic, let me explain.

I have great respect for those who give service to this country. I have great respect for those who've lost their lives giving service to this country. However, tell me exactly when the last time we had a military action that was directly protecting MY freedom. It wasn't in Libya, it wasn't Afghanistan, it wasn't Iraq.... either time. It wasn't in Rwanda, or Somalia. It wasn't in Vietnam.
There are certain responsibilities that come with being the biggest kid on the block. The right and just thing to do is protect those weaker than yourself.

"Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute. Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and the needy." ~ Proverbs 31:8&9 (NIV)

Yes, I just quoted the Bible in a way that wasn't derogatory. Why, because it's a philosophy that everyone should have, no matter what faith you are. So hear me clearly, I'm not begrudging military actions in which we stepped in to ugly situations to protect the basic human rights, and FREEDOMS, of those who could not stand up for themselves.That is just. That is right. That is chivalry and valor. But people get confused. They turn it into a situation where I should be grateful for the protection of MY freedom. And I have to say, this is simply not true.
In truth, our Armed Services protect my freedom everyday, by simply existing. The world knows that any action against the US will have swift and heavy repercussions. That, protects my freedom. Our freedom hasn't been seriously challenged in almost 70 years. I'm sure many people would argue "But 9-11!!!", which was probably the most heartbreaking day of my life. But that was terrorism. They didn't want to take over our country. They still don't. They want to fuck with our heads. They want to shank us on the playground. They want attention. They are disgruntled 3 year olds who run up and slap you and run away. (Not that it doesn't hurt... because the wound is very deep.)

So on this Veterans day, I'd like to give my thanks to those who have existed to deter those who might want to take my freedoms. To those who have actually fought to protect that freedom. To those who have fought to protect the rights and freedoms of peoples around the world who had no one else to fight for them.

We live in a world of greed and want, of power struggles and two-faced politicians who stand on their podiums and decry publicly the unjust conditions of squalor and violence around the globe and then, behind closed doors, greedily rub their hands together in anticipation of their wants. This has nothing to do with the troops that are actually deployed to carryout their orders, and THIS is what needs to be remembered.

It is not the "why"... and has little to do with the "how". I am thankful that men and women take that oath, not knowing what will be asked of them, who do it on blind faith that their leaders will commit them righteously.

In reviewing my music selection, I have to point out that (yes, I'm aware) my selections do have an anit-war message... But I think they also look at soldiers as individuals.... and that is my message.

Thank you!

Talk Thursday: Frustration (Late.. I know)

2011-10-30T08:47:00.000-07:00

Something is not right in The Land of Under-The-Hood..

And it's messing with my head.

We can't figure out what is wrong with my stupid POS Jeep. (Though I have learned that I HATE Jeeps and wish they'd all burn in Hades) (I don't mean that Jeep gods.. I'm sorry) The damn thing just spontaneously decides to not participate in life. It's like a stubborn child.. It will be on it's best behavior for weeks, even months... then one day.. nothing. 12 hours later, it will randomly start, just fine. I thought it was the starter. (Apparently) we know it's not the starter because we can hear the starter fuse clicking. We thought it was the battery (Even though it's only like 7 months old, "but even new batteries can go dead overnight" ) Well, it wasn't the battery (mutherfucker!) We thought "maybe the alternator". Not the alternator because we undid a battery cable and the fucker didn't die. Nothing makes sense... Nothing at all. (voodoo)

*Enter my neurotic, paranoid superstitious stupidity. *

I find that every time I go to my car, I'm holding my breath, praying for it to start.... Problem is, I don't fucking believe in prayer. This Christian, gone Pagan, gone Agnostic, now resides somewhere in the realm of WHOFUCKINGKNOWS, and most assuredly does not believe that God, or gods, or goddesses, or Flying Spaghetti Monsters, or Invisible Pink Unicorns or fucking Zarquon (which also translates to "fucking fuck") (which I have to say I love!) is going to tamper with the goings on of my engine workings based on whether or not I prayed for it not to... IN FACT, I find it more likely that a god-entity would be MORE LIKELY to fuck with the inner-workings of my vehicular nightmare simply because I had the gall to assume that It cared about it in the first place....

Yes, I think I've jinxed myself. (WHICH MAKES NO DAMN SENSE!!) (because I am a sensical person) (I AM! and Zarquon YOU Spell Check... 'sensical' is so a fucking word.. if not.. how can you be NONsensical..?) (Psam, ftw!) Then, I find myself evaluating my actions for any ridiculous faux pas I haven't yet eliminated... I started the car while the passenger door was still open... Did I wish it would start? Or did I just assume it would? If I hoped... then I was assuming the worse... and felt that a little wishing was needed.. If I just assumed it WOULD start.. then I was taking it for granted... and that is to be frowned upon.. THEN, I'm like "Whoa, Psam... this is silliness.. " and I'm like BLASPHEMOUS!!!! The god-things will hate you... Then rationale is like... The god-things don't give a crap about your thoughts.. they have god-thing things to worry about... Why do you think you're so damn special that you even appear on the god-thing's radar things??? BECAUSE MY CAR RANDOMLY WON'T START FOR NO FUCKING APPARENT REASON....Ergo.. god-things...

Then logic speaks up again. "Psam....... You are pathetically retarded!"

Logic is a BITCH!

So, this is my one... and only.... or last ...Prayer to the (Car) god-things.

Dear (Car) god-things,

PLEASE quit messing with my car. Please let me have the confidence to go to work.. and know that I'll be able to get home in the morning. Please let me have the confidence to go to the store.. or take my son to his counselor... or to swim practice... without having to worry that I'm going to be stranded a half hour from home. Please quit making me retardedly neurotic. Because I don't believe that you, or any god-thing, fucks with people on whim.... Please quit making me crazy.

Much love,
Psam.
So Mote It Be. Hallelujah. Peace Be With You. Go Forth And Prosper. Amen. Praise be to Allah. Word to Your Mother. Namaste.

Lost... And Found... But Still Lost....

2011-10-27T17:04:00.000-07:00

I'm not really lost. This is not a boo-hoo poor Psam post.. This is a declaration of my frustrations.

Maybe I'm going through a mid *gulp* life crisis.

I don't know. I feel like I'm stuck in a body that isn't what I want. I feel like I'm stuck in a go-no-where life that isn't what I intended. I have a job I hate. I only have two friends here.. One I never get to see.. The other only wants to try to fuck me.. or cry on my shoulder when his life his in the shit hole... Sometimes those overlap. I have no social life. I do nothing.

I am fun.. I am funky. I am unique. I am not my age. I want to be me. And I guess that's the real crux of it all. I don't get to be me. I want to wake up every day and dress in a style that screams "Psam"... cuz really, I'm Psam on the inside. Here, in this life, when Psam comes out, people look at me like I'm crazy... like I don't fit. I have people who know and love my "Psam" ... but they aren't here.. They aren't in my every day, touchable life. My mom knows Psam. I think she even likes her, but sorry Mom.. I need more than my mommy sometimes.

I'm in a rut. I need a change. I need a life.

This is not me.

Super Powers and Orgasms...

2011-10-23T08:47:00.000-07:00

I KNOW I owe like a million TT posts.. I'm sorry.. I suck... I am The Suckage....

I have spent the last few nights reading The Bloggess and that chick cracks me the fuck up! She has inspired me to quit hiding my inner ridiculous... I kinda think she should be canonized and be made the Patron Goddess of Taxidermied Animals and Totally Neurotic Bloggers. She totally rocks!
So this here post (that you're currently reading) directly relates to this post, or more so.. the comments left by her readers. She kinda asks her readers what is the one thing you really want, but haven't bought yourself.... But it was turned into "WHAT IS THE MOST CRAZIEST FUCKING THING YOU CAN THINK OF?" and most of her peeps are cool as hell and totally raise the bar on crazy... Sure there are those that are like "I want a new house so that my family can be secure" or "I want a job" which yeah, I'm so totally freaking there with you.. I get your pain... But this is satire folks... Not the Lifetime Movie of the Week. I think ppl read her blog to feel good.... and dude, you're ruining the party.
Plus (and make fun of me all you want Tandy) (I'm so totally NOT fucking superstitious) but talking about your hopes and fears jinxes the fuck out of you! Seriously! I don't talk about what I really need because that pretty much guarantees that I'm fucked... Sure I talk about "Dude, if I were suddenly rich.. I would buy a missile silo and build a fucking castle on top of it so when the apocalypse (be it zombie, viral, nuclear, or Jesus come to destroy the masses) comes .. I'm totally fucking golden".. I can talk about this because there's just about as much chance of this happening as you finding Satan at the K-Mart buying ice skates.. But that's right up there with "If I woke up one day and looked like Selma Hayek, I'd spend a month at the mall... naked!" Don't worry peoples, you don't need to avoid the mall because, sadly, it's probably NOT GOING TO FUCKING HAPPEN! ( really wish it would)
I don't talk about the bad stuff... cuz DUH! That's just INVITING disaster. 'Nuff said.

So.... I made my list of ridiculous things that I so want....
1. The damn castle/missile silo stronghold.. cuz DUDE!
2. Firefly to get picked back up...
3. To wake up one day with my nipples pierced, simply because I REALLY, REALLY want it done but can't imagine letting some stranger hold my nekid titties.
4. A clone slave that can do all the shit I don't want to do.. Like work.... and go to swim practice so that I can get more than 5 or 6 hours sleep at a time and ....................... sadly, spend more time on my computer.
and 5. A severe allergy to chocolate/peanut butter.... and maybe caramel too... Ok.. fuck it... all sweets and carbs in general... Preferably not life-threatening allergies.... but something that's horribly uncomfortable... like my ears swelling to 5 times their natural size...

I think that's a pretty damn good list.

Ok... so some ppl got really creative.. and they were talking about super powers... and I .. just a sec...........

I HAVE DISCOVERED THE BESTEST FUCKING SUPER POWER EVER!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok... so you totally know the Vulcan Death Grip right? Ok.... so something totally like that... but instead of Death.... was it really death? cuz I'm NOT much of a Trekkie but I thought it was more like sleep... BUT... instead of Death/Sleep.. orgasm... That's right, ORGASM!..... Could you imagine being able to touch someone on the shoulder and give them the most instantaneous, out-of-this-world orgasm? DUDE! I'd start going to church... Just to touch old ladies on the shoulder during prayer... That would be funny shit!

Talk Thursday: Resisting the Urge

2011-08-20T12:04:00.000-07:00

Both of my sisters are married now.
I almost didn't make it to Miseray's wedding on time, and I forgot my lipgloss and my camera.

Several times during the wedding people turned to me and said, "You're next!" or "Only one more daughter to marry off!".................... haha not likely. I kinda predict that I'm going to be one of those old cat ladies you see on Hoarders. Not that I really want to start hoarding cats or anything, but that future seems more likely than marriage. Lets get real, Miseray and the Brit were together for 8 years before they got married, my longest relationship has been about a year.. Never had one that wasn't dysfunctional. LOL I'm just being real. The upside of being an overweight homebody who hates the sun... well, I don't have wrinkles.

Is it wrong that I was tickled when those at the wedding I didn't know asked me if I was the baby of the family? I'm sure they were asking because of my unmarried state, but I'm going to pretend it's cuz I looked younger. (I'm 4 years older!)

Who knows. If I had a wedding to go to everyday, I might be able to snag a hubby. I looked damn good. Unfortunately, my life doesn't call for a lot of occasion to wear a cocktail dress. I feel like sending flowers to the girl at the store who helped me pick it out. LOL Guess what Psam's wearing to this year's holiday party?

Of course it isn't that I don't really WANT to get married, it's just that one, all of my relationships have been total duds. Two, I just don't trust marriage a lot. I think every girl dreams of the perfect relationship, the ideal man, the grand beautiful wedding, and life happily ever after... At one point last night, while getting the "You're next" line, I just smiled and responded, "I haven't met the right loser yet!"

I'm not sure what kind of crap my mom was trying to pull last night, but she decided to announce to my new brother-in-law's brother, that I think he has amazing eyes.. "OHhhhh, have you met my daughter Psam, she thinks your eyes are amazing!" WTF? Yes, his eyes are amazing, but really? Maybe we should have made me a sandwich board sign, "Last unmarried daughter. Free, OBO...Contracts negotiable. No returns or refunds. All sales final." No pressure. lol Maybe I need to start checking the singles ads just to make sure my mom isn't trying to pimp me out!

Ok, laughs aside. My sister, and the whole wedding, was beautiful. The food was amazing. I even liked some of the wine.The music was pretty good, ignoring the fact that my sister likes disco... ugg.. but it was fun. Aunt Rocky even got Burp out on the dance floor after I'd failed for hours to do so. Papa even got out there. I'm so happy to have the Brit in the family. He's a wonderful guy! At one point I heard him tell Burp, "Hey, I'm really your Uncle now." I thought that was so sweet.

Papa says if I ever do happen to get married, he'll pay me to elope. HA! Fuck that! If I sign away my self-sufficiency, I'm doing it with style. Why shouldn't I get the fancy dress and bride's maids and crap. I think it should be a bigger party for me, cuz I had to work harder for it! lol The one thing I had myself wondering about last night, was bride's maids. I only have one friend in my life these days that I'd want for a bride's maid. The other two are so far away, Australia and Alaska, I don't know if Tandy and Chole would be able to come. I can't think of anyone else I'd want to have up there with me. If I were to ever get that far, I'd be heartbroken if they couldn't. I would want Burp to give me away. And I think it would be humorous if when Dude says, "Who gives this women .. blah blah" I think my whole side should stand up and yell "WE DO!" lol That would be funny! Maybe disconcerting to his family though... But then again, no need to lull them into a false sense of reality, my family is disconcerting!

I don't know. Everything in due time. I might, I might not. Who knows.. Just not any time soon. Hopefully this won't be the conversation topic of the rest of my life though. Actually, I'm hoping now it will shift to "Miseray, when are you going to give us grandbabies?" haha Perhaps when people ask me when I'm going to get married I'll just respond, "I don't know, is Miseray pregnant yet?"

Two can play that game!

Talk Thursday: Garbage

2011-08-18T23:47:00.000-07:00

There is a poem I have always loved.
When contemplating this topic... this part keeps ringing in my head...

“I love you
For putting your hand
Into my heaped-up heart
And passing over
All the foolish, weak things
That you can’t help
Dimly seeing there,” ~"Love" by Roy Croft

This is the garbage. The stuff we want to let go of, but for whatever reason, can't. The junk that lies deep inside, going for eons without being noticed, until one day it pokes it's head out, and tears you apart.

For months I have been battling myself over what to do about my cousin's wedding. TD and I have an interesting history. I suppose technically, she is my former step-cousin from my mother's second marriage. To deal with the inner-drama with my cousin, I have to visit the drama with my former stepfather. I'm not sure what blog name my mom has given him, but I will call him EggSucker, simply because on the rare occasions my mom would lose her cool with him, she would tell him to "Suck Eggs!".. He hated it and the immature part of me still snickers about it.

My mom and the EggSucker got married when I was 4. My biological father has never actively been a father. He's floated in and out of my life when it's convenient for him, and I can honestly say he's only abstractly been instrumental in shaping me to be the person that I am. More like he's been a shining representation of everything I don't want to be. So, although the EggSucker could be a tad overly strict and often distant... he was my Dad... To the point that my biofather was given the label "Daddy Bob", and EggSucker was really "Dad"...

EggSucker's parents were Grandma and Papa, and his brother's daughter TD was my cousin. She lived in Seattle and mostly just came to visit during the summer. When we were little, I hated her. She was certainly grandma's favorite. When she came to visit, her stepsister and I would sneak away so that we didn't have to listen to her and grandma babytalk and vomitously love each other.

Interestingly, puberty changes people a lot. Middle School approached and TD moved to town. Somehow, we became the very best of friends for the next few years. True partners in crime. lol.. Looking back, I find it weird. I mellowed out a lot in those years, probably in part due to the fact that I became TD's handler. As bad as my temper ever was, her's was worse. Both of us are stubborn as hell though, so there was plenty of headbutting through the years.

My mom and the EggSucker split up when I was 13. That was a pretty hard time for me, due to that and other reasons, so really I don't remember too much of that year. It's all kind of a haze. I'm fairly certain it was about a year, maybe a tad bit longer that he stayed somewhat active in my life. The next summer I went and visited him for several weeks after he'd moved several hours away. Then he married his brother's ex-fiance, and completely removed himself from my life. TD had told me he was getting married. I remember so angrily telling her that he would NEVER marry her and not tell me. I remember the regret that showed in her eyes as she let the matter lie with a "Psam, I'm so sorry..."

A few months later, we got the invitation: To Cele and Family.......... I had gone from being his daughter and reduced to "And Family.." There are so many layers to this onion, it's hard for me to pick apart. The outside layer hates the wife. Blames her for everything. Longs to put a bullet between the bitch's eyes. The next layer knows that no matter what influence she had, a real father would stand up for his relationship with his daughter, blood or not. That layer hurts more.

A few years later, his mom moved down to be closer to him and his new family. Part of me understands that. Reason says she didn't have to disappear from my life though. There are layers that hate the EggSucker and his wife for taking my grandma from me... Then there is the layer that says she owns that responsibility. If I was ever truly her granddaughter, she should have stood by our relationship.

There are other bits to this. The fact that after a few years of absence, he showed up on my doorstep with a 10 day old baby, introduced me to my "Sister" and cried and said he was sorry and that he'd never disappear on me again. Then I didn't see him for another 2 years until his brother was murdered. The "Sister" was throwing a fit and he looked at me and said, "You want her?"... and all I could think was, "What? Throwing away one daughter wasn't enough for you?" But I didn't say it. I started bawling uncontrollably and left. I've never seen him since. That was April of 1994.

So, my cousin is getting married. At first, I didn't worry. She lives in Chicago now, and it's not like I have travel money. Then I found out, she's getting married an hour away.

The part of me that tries to be rational says, "You should do it for her." I love her so much. We haven't hardly seen each other in the last 10 years, but I love her. She is my cousin, and I miss her so much.

The realistic part of me says, "No fucking way!" There is no way I can be around those people and not have a nervous, hysterical breakdown. I have spent the last 20+ years ignoring and burying these emotions. I have not dealt with this at all. I'm sure that the EggSucker will be walking her down the aisle, as her father and grandfathers are dead... and I know that the anger and jealousy .... it would be too much for me. Not that I want him to walk me down the aisle someday, but GODDAMN IT! I want him to want to do it. And, yes, I'm well aware of how completely childish that is.

I would see his wife and his daughters.... I would be a wreck, and none of it would have anything to do with the fact that TD is getting married. Everything to do with the fact that these are people I love that have chosen not to be in my life.. for nearly two decades.

Probably all very reasonable feelings, but wrong time, wrong place.

So my cousin finally caught me on Facebook and asked if I was coming to the wedding. I bawled hysterically as I told her how much I love her and how much I wish I could go, but that I just can't do it. And I told her exactly why. She was upset, but understanding. And insistent on finding a way to come see me. She's going to come down early one morning when I get off work, and we're going to go to breakfast.

I'm happy I'll get to see her. I'm relieved that she understands.

I haven't dealt with my garbage. I don't know how. The first thought is maybe I need a counselor, but truthfully, I don't know how that will solve anything. It won't bring closure. But what am I supposed to do? Show up at EggSucker's door someday and tell him he didn't just leave a marriage, that he damaged me and stole my family? The worse part is that I worry that if I did have the balls to do that, that he just wouldn't care. Or what if he did? It's not like I want to repair our relationship... I just don't want to hurt over it anymore.

HOLY CRAP COOKIES... Michelle Obama!

2011-07-15T10:48:00.000-07:00

Remember several months ago I wrote my email to the First Lady, disgruntled over the American education system... I got an email back...

Dear Psam:

Thank you for sharing your views with me. I am always so encouraged to hear from Americans who are interested and engaged in the democratic process, and I hope you continue to stay involved in these important national discussions in the months and years to come.

As our country faces tough challenges, please know that the President and this Administration are working hard every day to move our country forward. Although we have made enormous progress, there is much left to do-and we need your help. Your engagement is vital, so I urge you to stay involved in your community and in civic life. To learn more about the President's agenda and the latest news from the White House, please visit www.whitehouse.gov.

Again, thank you for writing. I wish you all the best.

Sincerely,

Michelle Obama

At the time, I sent one to the head of education, and one to the First Lady. I got a response from the Director, or whatever that position is, within a week or so, basically saying, "Hey Moron, this is a republic. The States control the education process." Of course, Mrs. First Lady didn't really address any of my concerns, but well, maybe she at least read it.

OMG... So In Love....

2011-07-13T23:28:00.000-07:00

"In the still of the night

I held you, held you tight,

Cuz I love, love you so,

Promise I'll never let you go..."

Ok... I'm in lust.

Deep, wet, sticky lust.

Talk Thusday: Next Time I'm President

2011-07-13T16:33:00.000-07:00

Wooohooooo!!! This is the topic for me!

Not that I'll ever be President, but wow, where to even start?

I often get flack because I'm not so opposed to Communism, in theory. I've even been called a Socialist. I guess the best way for me to state my thoughts in that arena is with this; how horrid is it that we have a housing crisis in which people's homes are being foreclosed on, tons of homes lying vacant, and still have a homeless population? This just seems retarded to me. Totally fucked up. All because people want to make a buck.

I don't really feel that capitalism has worked for us. Don't get me wrong, communism and socialism have one major failing, they don't necessarily give people a clear road to the top, but I think that an uncorrupted communistic or socialist system keeps more people from being stranded at the bottom. Perhaps there is an economic system which is somewhere in the middle. If there is, I don't know the name for it.

My mama always said, "Nothing in this life is free." Unfortunately, in the US, I've some to find most aren't raised with this philosophy. People, especially those at the bottom, seem to feel they're owed something. We have generations of Welfare recipients who feel that using Welfare as your main income is the American way. Perhaps that's what it's become....

Americans bitch that we don't have socialized medicine, that we don't have free secondary education, but they aren't willing to pay the price for "free". No one wants to give the government "more control", no one wants to pay extra taxes. I find it hilarious that people fear "government control" of the medical community, yet hold their breath for the day their Medicare kicks in. What do they think Medicare is? Do you think it's right that the CEO of a company that owns 50+ US hospitals makes $7,584,981 a year while the staffing at his hospitals are cut and work with skeleton crews because they will not allow overtime to fill shifts? Does it seem right that the year I was laid off to save money, he received a 20% raise? Do you think it's right that medical costs keep rising, though Medicare and Medicaid only reimburse a fraction of what those without government insurance pay? How does that happen? The government can cap what they can be charged. Who pays the difference? EVERYONE ELSE! How do you stop that from happening? Make all insurance government controlled! How does the government pay for that? TAXES! Do Americans want to pay more taxes? Hell no.

Hmmmmmm

How do countries like Australia manage a "free secondary education"?... well, it really isn't free, that's how. They pay it back. Their wages are garnished after they graduate, at something like 50%.. until it's paid back. Would Americans go for that? HELL NO... Free should be free damn it!!.
How does Australia handle a Medicare-like system that gives all of it's citizens "free" medical??? It isn't really free. They pay out-of-pocket for their medical and prescriptions and then get reimbursed for part or all of it. Gosh, I wonder how much that cuts down on abuse of their system.... I bet quite a bit.

We are in the midst of a huge global financial crisis, which I don't understand... I mean, money has value because we give it value. Everyone owes everyone money, and everyone is in debt. It seems to me, that a majority of these debts should cancel each other out. Our government bailed out tons of big corporations to save them from bankruptcy. Just handed out money that they didn't really have. This isn't a popular opinion, but I think that the government should then OWN those companies.

Something like 20 years ago, a math teacher of mine gave an assignment to the class, "Solve the current problem of homelessness in the US". My proposition was to select companies that ship most of their jobs overseas and have them enter into a partnership with the government. Build facilities for manufacture and housing. Round up the homeless, offer them housing and jobs, and teach them skills. Not saying this is a perfect plan, but it's an idea.

How about the Welfare or Unemployment recipients who are not working, are not looking for work, and have been living in they system for years? Make them work for their benefits and don't penalize them for doing so. If you are a recipient, you have become a government employee. I don't care if it's Litter Patrol or an aide at your child's school. Mom's can't work because they've got 4 kids and no childcare? Build childcare facilities and employ some of these people to run it to watch the children.

There are plenty of things that can be done, that aren't being done. Plenty of "jobs" to keep people off their sofas (or the streets) and earning their way.

While messing with the Welfare system, I would mess a little more. I would go back to a voucher system, but more like the WIC program. Unfortunately, our current system does nothing to ensure quality of diet or even wise spending. People argue that they should be able to buy the groceries that they want... Well, you can.. Get a job and spend your earning on groceries. I'm not trying to be cold, but I hate it when I see people spending their food stamps on shit food and soda... or expensive steaks for the first half of the month and their kids live on peanut butter and Ramen the last half of the month.

I am also not opposed to what Florida is trying to pass, drug testing for recipients. I, however, feel that this should not be a roadblock to benefits but a stepping stone to treatment.

I'm an advocate for government sanctioned breeding. I think too many ppl who have no business breeding at all. I think at puberty everyone should be put on chemical sterilization and sometime time about 23ish tested and those too stupid to live,or seem to have no motivation in life, should just be kept on the sterilization chemicals. Implant, injection, I don't care. AND before anyone be allowed to procreate, they should either have to pass a Qualified Parenting test, or attend and pass parenting classes. Fuck the idea that parenting is a human right.

I would pull back on our military interests. I was kind of hoping Clinton would become President. I thought it would be interesting to see what would happen with the military. Women fight different. Women fight dirty. Women fight to win. I would beef up special ops forces and fight damn near everything on the down low. Much like Bill did in his presidency. If we occupy another country, we get compensated for it.. No more bailing out oil countries and footing the bill. No more being the world police. Aide NATO and the UN, sure, but I would pull way back. No more "humanitarian" efforts without it being a NATO or UN action.

There are many things within the government itself which needs to change. I would want to cap the number of terms for the Senate and Representatives and increase the number of terms for the Presidency. Though, this could be both good and bad. Look at the good Bill did in 8 years, look at the bad Bush jr did in 8 years. Obama can't fix it in 4, probably not 8 if he gets reelected. I bet Bill could have. I want a bumper sticker that reads "Blowjobs Can Save The World".
I would reclaim Clinton's line-item veto. I would do my best to outlaw special interest tag-ons to legislature. In general, try to clean up and streamline our government. There's simply too much bullshit.

Too much bullshit.

Does anyone seriously believe that Obama would have made it through the race for the presidency if their was any valid question as to his nationality? Do you really think the Republicans didn't dig and dig on this one? To have won and be in this third year as President, and to have this question still being debated is the epitome of retarded. Do the puppets not realize that this is just a ploy to muddy the waters? It should be a crime. To have people questioning his religious standing, should be a fucking crime. I think if a black Muslim lesbian ever ran for president, I would vote for her on principle, for spite, whatever you want to call it. If I were to be elected president, I might just makes some shit up like that to piss ppl off. "I'm 1/36th black, an atheist, and I love the pussy!!" Just for shits and giggles.

But I'm a bitch like that, and lucky for you... will never run for president.

Talk Thursday: I love to Bitch about.................

2011-06-28T15:04:00.000-07:00

OMG... What don't I love to bitch about??

Actually, I don't think I bitch that much, I work things out verbally... (Does that sound better?)

I've been working a lot lately. I got a second resource job, this one back in patient registration. People either treat me like I don't know anything, or that I should know everything since I've done the job before... 5 years ago, on a different computer system.

I long for a new car and some C4, so I can blow up the current one. We think we've figured out the problem, the starter, now I just need someone to have the time to help me fix it.

Burp has started Pre-Team in swim. He seems to be doing well, though we've only completed one week. His coach thinks the back stroke will be his "thing" but has told him he think he'd make a great water polo player. Burp is excited to go to practice each day, and that is all I care about. I think at this point in his life it'll be incredibly good for him to have something that he feels he's good at and gives him a niche, of sorts. He's currently going 3 days a week, for 45 minutes. If he gets invited to join the swim team it'll be 5 days a week for an hour and a half. I hope he still enjoys it when it gets that intense.

Still waiting to hear about the Charter School. Every appendage that can be crossed, is crossed. 4th grade was hard for him socially and academically, I just think that it would be so much better for him to be in a school that is made up entirely of his real peers, to be taught to his strengths, and for the teaching staff to specialize in autism. I actually can't think of a better situation for him.

We started him on a new medication. Strattera. He's still on the Concerta, as it takes 4-6 weeks for us to really know the effect of the Stratterra. His psychiatrist thinks that if the Stratterra works as well as he's hoping, we might be able to take him off both the Concerta and the Zoloft. Trade a stimulant and an antidepressant for one, non-amphetamine medication? HELL YEAH!! It seems to be working really well already, on week two. HOWEVER, his counselor still says wait and see. He says that often it will seem to work really well at first, then not so much later. However, even in these cases, it still seems to work better than the previous meds... I'm like, what the hell's wrong with that?.. a little better is still better. AND IT'S NON-AMPHETAMINE!!! The first week seemed to go well... and we just upped the dose of Stratterra, next month we'll lower the dose of Concerta. I'm kind of thinking about calling the shrink and seeing if we can lower the Concerta early, since it seems to be going so well, but maybe it shouldn't be rushed. I don't know.

It makes me wonder... I did a little research on the two meds, how and why they work differently... They are both re-uptake inhibitors, one of dopamine and the other serotonin. (to be honest, can't remember which is which) I'm a little irritated that it took this long to try a totally different med. (This is where the bitch comes in) From the very beginning, I've been saying that while I saw a little improvement, I never saw the improvement I expected to see. All they did was up the Ritalin, changed to Concerta (12 hour time release), then up that. Then shuffle us to different doctors because the current doctor wasn't comfortable with the high dosing levels. WTF? WHY WHY WHY WHY???????????? didn't we ever try a different med? Not til I throw a fit and demand to know why we've never talked non-stimulant meds do we actually get to discuss one. When I research stuff and ask about it, they brush me off, or treat me like another "internet self-diagnosing pt"... Doctors are supposed to give you the information to make informed decisions... What a joke. You know what happens to people who have an opiate addiction??? Their bodies stop making chemicals that cause you to feel joy and euphoria.. That's why it's so hard for an addict to quit. There have been studies that show that children given amphetamines when they don't need them, have this same problem.. But when they first prescribe this med and you try to ask if this could cause problems later, they don't talk about the oopsies. They tell you that children medicated with amphetamines don't become drug abusers, in fact, it's more likely that if they don't have them they will end up self-medicating with street drugs.... They don't talk about the consequences of long-term use of amphetamine medications when it's inappropriately prescribed. Unfortunately, that's something you find out about later. They just tell you that if it's not the right med it won't improve his condition. Well, what if the problem involves both chemicals, serotonin and dopamine, but one only slightly, the other more so.... Then you'd only see slight improvement... right? Now it seems logical to me... but they never gave me the information to logic it out.

I am so angry about the current system of this thing. In Oregon, the schools are in charge of initial diagnosis. The school psychologist diagnoses your child and gives you a piece of paper to take to your pediatrician. Your ped gives you meds... ONLY if your child seems to not respond appropriately to the meds do you see a psychologist, then a psychiatrist.. NO ONE ever gives you literature. NO ONE ever gives you something that says, "These are your options... this is what ADHD is" OR AUTISM, for that matter. Am I the only one who sees a problem with this system? I have BEGGED my son's doctors for a referral to the CDRC, so that he can have a complete analysis of his issues, and they keep saying we don't need it. OK.... My son is diagnosed with ADHD, Anxiety Disorder, and Asperger's syndrome. Considering that the first two are often misdiagnoses of symptoms of the third, don't you think that it's logical to get a proper evaluation from people who fucking know what they're doing? Especially since he had 3 independent evaluations for each diagnosis and the first two never picked up on the third? What if there is something else going on? They only evaluate for the thing you're asking them to look for. Does he have ADHD? Yes......... ok... does he have Anxiety Disorder? Yes........ ok... are you certain he isn't autistic?.......... "We find it very probably that he has Asperger's Syndrome"................................. "I'll second that diagnosis", "OK, *sigh*, I'll support that diagnosis too."

WTF? Is this really how it's supposed to be?

I don't know if this is a rant or a bitch... but now I'm really fucking pissed off, and need to go.

My Boycott of American Idol: Day 2

2011-05-19T21:01:00.000-07:00

During tonight's boycott we decided to start by watching Firefly "Jaynestown" and planned to follow it up with Buffy's "Once More With Feeling". But we enjoyed Firefly so much, we put in disc one and just kept watching...

And ate ice cream!!!

Judgment Day May 21st 2011

2011-05-19T14:44:00.000-07:00

OMG... Too funny!

I have a feeling I'm going to be adding to this. It's just too good to leave alone.
What ever happened to, "But of that day and hour no one knows, not even the angels of heaven, nor the Son, but the Father alone." Mt 24:36 ?

Center for Disease Control: Zombie Preparedness Guide

2011-05-19T14:37:00.000-07:00

http://emergency.cdc.gov/socialmedia/zombies_blog.asp

Not one mention of gathering weaponry. Not one mention of removing the head or destroying the brain...

Not one mention of impenetrable fortress. IN FACT, they suggest having the family meet at the mailbox...

Someone's gonna end up dead.... and it's not going to be ME!!!

My Boycott of American Idol: Day 1

2011-05-18T22:54:00.000-07:00

So, in lieu of watching American Idol (cuz I'm pissed at America for over-voting no-talents):

I posted my boycott status on Facebook..
I baked cookies with my son...
I watched (gag) High School: The Musical 3 with my son...

Ohhh, what I wouldn't have given to just watch another episode of AI and James!!!

Boooooooooooooooooo American country music lovin' teens!!!

Ok... Absolutely Must Share

2011-05-16T18:29:00.000-07:00

Feelin' Seedy - Los Capitanes

Apparently this is an Aussie band.. I've only heard two songs by them...
BUT OMG I LOVE THIS SONG.... It makes me giddy!

Temperment Test

2011-05-14T13:51:00.000-07:00

Interesting... I think my results where pretty right on...
Take the test here.

My results:

Temperament	Score
Idealist	16
Rationalist	11
Traditionalist	0
Hedonist	3

Your temperament type is Idealist.

God's Original Sin

2011-05-14T00:45:00.000-07:00

The Original Sin

I have issue with the entire premise of this ideology. Christianity is based on the idea that God created a perfect world and placed a perfect man in it. Man screwed up, thus blemishing the existence of all men that came after and the only salvation was through the Messiah who was born of immaculate conception, was persecuted and killed for his teachings, and was resurrected and ascended into heaven to take on God-like status. Right? I think that we can agree that this is the Christian contention in a nutshell.

What follows is simply my rationalization of why this story appears to me to be flawed, why I don't believe the Bible to be factual, and why I can't believe in the Christian version of things. In properly examining the assertions of the Bible, I have to immerse myself in the ideology. This does not mean I hold it to be true, just that I can entertain a notion.

So God created the world and the heavens and everything in it and saw that it was good, often very good.

-blah,blah-

Then we get to Day 6… Ignoring the fact that evolution proves that land animals came before birds… I don’t have much argument up to this point. But then, Day 6 begins at Ge 1:22, so there wasn’t a whole lot before that either.

Day 6

Ge 1:27 “And God proceeded to create the man in his image, in God’s image he created him; male and female he created them.” [28] Further, God blessed them and God said to them: “Be fruitful and become many and fill the earth and subdue it, and have in subjection the fish of the sea and the flying creatures of the heavens and every living creature that is moving upon the earth.”

Then he tells them they can eat all the seed bearing vegetation and the beasts get all the green.

God looked and saw that it was all good, very good, and that was the end of Day 6….

Then God rested. This begins Ge chapter 2.

So Ge2:5 God made plant life on the earth……. Though he’d already given it to man and beast for food in 1:29.

Then, 2:7, “And Jehovah God proceeded to form the man out of dust from the ground and to blow into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man came to be a living soul.”

Ok… First inconsistency. God had, on Day 5 created the living souls of all the creatures, would this not too include man? Would he create man and animal on the same day and only give animals a soul? If man was first created in God’s image, would this not indicate a “spirit being” of sorts.. a soul ?

Further, if God had given the instruction to “Be fruitful and become many”, how was this to be a followed command without a body?

Then, Ge2:8 “Further, Jehovah God planted a garden in Eden, toward the east, and there he put the man whom he had formed. [9]Thus Jehovah God made to grow out of the ground every tree desirable to one’s sight and good for food and also the tree of life in the middle of the garden and the tree of the knowledge of good and bad.”

So, to summarize……… Two days later, God gave man a body… Built him a special sanctuary with lots of pretty and yummy plants…. And created the SIN TREE and put it in this near-perfect home. That’s right, he created Adam, then the garden, THEN the tree that ruined humanity. This is where, for lack of better reasoning, Christian theologists invent the concept of “testing” and “freewill”. Logic says that The Tree of Life and The Tree of Knowledge were after-thoughts and not necessary to the “life” of man.

Then God settles Adam in as caretaker of this garden and gives him a warning. Ge2:16 “…from every tree of the garden you may eat to satisfaction. [17] But as for the tree of knowledge of good and bad you must not eat from it, for in the day you eat from it you will positively die.”

One, notice the other special tree, The Tree of Life is not, apparently, currently off limits. I think this passage could very well be taken to mean that eating was not mandatory, but for pleasure. Eating for us is a matter of life and death, no food and you will eventually die. This passage introduces the first concept of death, so it begs the question, “Did death even exist before eating of The Tree of Knowledge?” Even if you cannot fathom that concept, you have to wonder, did Adam have any concept of what death is? There is no timeline, but I think it can easily be rationalized that this was Adam’s first day of life; he had no experience with anything. In my opinion, this is a meaningless threat.

Then God saw that Adam was lonely and he had him name all the animals… THEN he gave him Eve.

Ge2:24 “That is why man will leave his father and his mother and he must stick to his wife and they must become one flesh. [25] And both of them continued to be naked, the man and his wife, and yet they did not become ashamed.”No, shame happens in chapter 3 after they eat the fruit…

Ok….Father and mother are meaningless terms because nothing up to this point has procreated. “They must become one flesh.” This, I cannot seem to wrap my head around. If they were in fact naked, but didn’t realize it or didn’t care, how would this happen? One would rationalize that “being ashamed” comes from knowledge of the sexual nature of the exposed body parts. How can they go forth and populate without coitus? Did God intend man and woman to rut like animals strictly on a pheromone-induced whim like the majority of the animal kingdom? Of course, man was given the command to “be fruitful and become many” before he even had a body.. 2 days before he had a body and who knows how many days before Eve had a body. How was this to occur? One could say that God maybe meant in a spiritual, soul-type sense.. but then that would mean that man does, in fact, create man (and man’s soul) and thus negates God being “The Father”, instead… more like Grandfather….

Perhaps “become one flesh” doesn’t imply fornication at all. Perhaps this refers to the nature of a man and wife working as one, as a team, one being an extension of the other. If this is the case, this makes sense. However, it still causes me to question how man would procreate. Perhaps man was not intended to procreate at all.. Perhaps God’s initial intention was to continue creating man has he had Adam and Eve, and merely intended Adam and Eve to successfully raise them up and send them into the world… Hmmmm?

Now we’re at Ge chapter 3.

The serpent questions Eve, “Did God really say you couldn’t eat from every tree in the garden?” Eve answers,[Ge3:2] “Of the fruit of the trees of the garden we may eat. [3] But as for eating the fruit of the tree that is in the middle of the garden, God has said, ‘YOU must not eat from it, no, YOU must not touch it that YOU do not die’.

[4]At this the serpent said to the woman; “YOU positively will not die. [5]For God knows that in the very day of YOUR eating from it YOUR eyes are bound to be opened and YOU are bound to be like God, KNOWING good and bad.”

The text does not tell who exactly told Eve this rule. Remember she was not present when God told Adam.

So Eve saw that the tree had fruit, and it looked good to eat. So she began picking it, then eating it… and she didn’t drop dead. She then offered the fruit to Adam.

[Ge3:6]”….. Afterward she gave some also to her husband when with her and he began eating it. [7] Then the eyes of both of them became opened and they began to realize that they were naked. Hence they sewed fig leaves together and made loin coverings for themselves.”

She gave it to her husband and he ate it. It doesn’t say that he saw her pick it, and it doesn’t say that he asked where she’d gotten it. It also doesn’t say that he was shocked by the change that came over him, nor in subsequent verses that he was shocked to find out that she was tricked by the serpent… BUT, in truth… was she tricked???? There eyes did open, and in fact, they didn’t die.

Now some would claim here that God was talking about their immortal soul, BUT if you believe the rest of the Bible, then the immortal soul is in jeopardy of eternal torment or sleep (or heaven), but never death. (Even the later passages that say "death", this is referred to as a resting period before the resurrection and it is implied that this "death" is not an end.)

So God comes and they hide and he exclaims, “HOW DID YOU KNOW YOU WERE NAKED, BUT BY EATING FROM THE TREE???” And Adam says, “She made me do it.” And Eve says, “The serpent deceived me.” (Though again, I have to point out that he was more truthful than God in this situation.) So God punishes the serpent by …. making him be…. a serpent, and declaring that man and snake would forever be enemies.

Then God punishes Eve. “[Ge3:16] To the woman he said; “I shall greatly increase the pain of your pregnancy, in birth pangs you will bring forth children, and your cravings will be for your husband, and he will dominate you.”

Increase? How can you increase what never was? Because we know that, at this point, Eve had never “known a man” nor been pregnant or bore any children. So, again, how do you increase what never was? By instigating any measure of it. That's right, now she must simply bear children.

“in birth pangs you will bring forth children”… Again, this strengthens my earlier assertion that man was never intended to procreate.

[Ge3:20] After this Adam called his wife’s name Eve, because she had to become the mother of everyone living.

Then God turns to Adam and says that now he will have to work for and cultivate his own food, then adds, [Ge3:19] “In the sweat of your face you will eat bread until you return to the ground, for out of it you were taken. For dust you are and to dust you will return.”

Being that this is spoken during God’s punishment of Adam, I think that it can be reasonably interpreted to mean that NOW Adam has to face mortality. Therefore, this strengthens my claim that when being warned of the consequence of eating from The Tree of Knowledge, Adam would have had no concept of what death meant.

Then [Ge3:22] “And Jehovah God went on to say; “Here the man has become like on of us in knowing good and bad, and now in order that he may not put his hand out and actually take fruit also from the Tree of Life and eat and live to time indefinite, --“ [23] With that Jehovah God put him out of the garden of Eden to cultivate the ground from which he had been taken. [24] And so he drove the man out and posted at the east of the garden of Eden the cherubs and the flaming blade of a sword that was turning itself continually to guard the way to the Tree of Life.”

So, first question…why does the Tree of Life matter now? Because man is no longer immortal.

Second, why does God now post a guard for the tree? Because God made a mistake thinking that his warning against the Tree of Knowledge would be enough to keep Adam away from it and he doesn’t want to make the same mistake twice…

That’s right, God made a mistake, meaning that God is fallible.

There is no logical argument against this.

God made angels. God made man. God made a garden for man to live in. God put the Tree of Knowledge in Man’s home. The Angel tempted Man to eat the fruit creating the Original Sin. God rectified this sin by creating the Christ solution.

Now, supposedly, the Messiah had to be born a man, lead a sinless life, and had to die to pay the ransom of our sins.

These are the conflicts I see:
1) We're supposedly all God's children, but for some reason God had to be explicitly involved in the Christ's conception. Therefore, he would not be the same as you and I.
2) There is some half-assed concept that this had to be a miracle birth in order to give the Christ some sort of authority as the "Son of God" to "die for our sins", yet this defies the premise that he was the perfect human sacrifice.
3) If you assume that the royal "we"s and "us"s throughout the Bible refer to the Holy Trinity crap, then the Christ was "part" of God before his conception, before his death, and before his resurrection. Therefore, his "divinity" shouldn't be in question.

The Christ, whether Jesus or not, would not -in theory- be human.

How can Jesus be called human if he was in fact a demigod?

Sure, human body, but half of his DNA was either Divine...

Or missing, but that it scientifically impossible because he was after all a viable being.

Or he was the product of asexual reproduction.. But that isn’t scientifically possible because asexual reproduction results in an offspring that is identical to the parent being, and Jesus was a man, not a woman.

So, if you go with the idea that Jesus was the Christ and Messiah... then he was anything but human. Therefore, his being perfect and sinless is meaningless because he was... already... Divine.

The whole premise of the Death and Resurrection of the Christ is that he was “the perfect human sacrifice…”

Without The Original Sin, there is no need for the Christ. And I contend that the life and death of the Christ does nothing to rectify The Original Sin.

AI: James Durbin

2011-05-13T11:33:00.000-07:00

I am so pissed off. I can say without a doubt, I will not be watching the rest of this season of American Idol. Who would have thought that the top 3 would be Hailey, Lauren, and Scotty? REALLY? Out of those three, I like Hailey the most, but not more than James or Casey, or even Paul or Stephano.
I might buy a Hailey album... She kind of has a Joan Osborne sort of voice. IF she put out something like that, I might get it. Lauren and Scotty.. they are dime-a-dozen singers. I don't care for country and don't find them to be anything special beyond youthful.

I have only been watching Idol for 4 years now, and this is the first time I haven't accurately picked the winner from day one..... I think... Last year, I really liked both finalists, so I would have been happy either way. It was kinda like the Obama/Clinton primary.. I was good with either outcome.

I just think James is amazing and he did do so much to challenge and defy the American Idol norms. I applaud that.

I really wanted a James/Casey finale. That would have been incredible.

I'm sure we haven't seen the last of James. He is destined to go on and do great things. So, until I can buy his album, I will show my support of him by boycotting the rest of the Idol season.
Please enjoy a few stellar James Durban performances.

James says goodbye to Amercian Idol....

Love you James!!

Zeitgeist Part I: The Greatest Story Ever Told (HQ) - Remastered version

2011-05-11T09:03:00.000-07:00

Very, very interesting. Skip the first 5 minutes... it's the longest intro and waste of time ever.... But the rest is very interesting. Some I knew, some I did not. Food for thought!

The US Needs Year-Round Schooling.........

2011-05-10T12:08:00.000-07:00

I caught this article on cnn.com this morning.

Granderson pointed out some really good points in his blog.

"American 15-year-olds ranked 14th in reading, 17th in science and 25th in math in a study of students in 34 nations and nonnational regions."

"the report suggests Finnish 15-year-olds are one to two years ahead of our kids in math and science."

"We spend on average about $30,000 more per student than the other Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development countries, yet the best we can do is middle of the road."

Look, I am not some nationally egotistical fanatic who thinks "My country is the best" or "We need to be the best in the world". However, I think there is something to be said for global competitiveness and I think that a key to being the best you can be lies in education. I hail from a country that seems to pride itself on the fact that it provides it's citizens a "free" education, but what good is that education if it's second rate? Plus, if you want to get nit-picky, most of the countries that rank above us in this study has a "free" education that continues through university. There are probably more. And, to be realistic, I don't know of a country that charges to educate children, not saying there aren't any, I just don't know of them. Even countries like Sri Lanka, Libya, and Cuba offer free tertiary education.

"only eight of the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development countries that took part in the study in 2009 have a lower high school graduation rate than we do."

"When the results of the test were released in the winter, Arne Duncan, U.S. Department of Education secretary, pointed out that despite not being in the top of any of the subjects tested, "U.S. students express more self-confidence in their academic skills than students in virtually all OECD nations. This stunning finding may be explained because students here are being commended for work that would not be acceptable in high-performing education systems."

So............ Not only are we no longer able to compete with other countries on the same level of intelligence, but we're either too stupid to realize it, or so egotistical that we don't care and simply hold our heads high with feigned ignorance. Consider this: The dumbest of the smartest may, very well, be smarter than the smartest of the dumbest.

"Harris Cooper, a summer-learning expert at Duke University, pored over a century's worth of data and found that each summer, our kids lose about a month of progress in math and that low-income students lose as much as three months' worth of reading comprehension."

"More than a month of teaching time at the beginning of the school year is spent re-teaching the stuff our kids forgot over the break."

"At 180 days, we have one of the shortest school years of the countries tested. South Korea, for example, has 220 school days, and a No. 2 ranking in math. Finland is first in math and science at 190 days."

"The organization estimates that by boosting our scores for reading, math and science by 25 points over the next 20 years, the United States would gain $41 trillion over the lifetime of the generation born in 2010."

And to restate....

"We spend on average about $30,000 more per student than the other Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development countries, yet the best we can do is middle of the road."

Interestingly, in my son's school district, due to budget cuts, the school year is 167 days, not counting snow days. 13 days lower than the national average, which is already low. Pathetic. Then consider the changes in education just since I was a child. Fewer and shorter school days. Less homework. No textbooks. New teaching strategies, which I find completely asinine. Then consider how much it's changed since the time my mother was in primary school... If she couldn't help me with MY math homework, how the hell can she help my son? (Except, I have joyfully eliminated that problem.. though not everyone can home school even a single subject.)
I am well aware that because we are a Republic Union, education is mostly left up to the individual states as long as they meet some vague federal guidelines. I am well aware that people seem leery of giving the federal government more power. HOWEVER, I think it's time that we say there is something wrong with our education system and hand it over to the national government. There needs to be uniformity in the ways we educate. There needs to be firmer guidelines. There needs to uniformed funding. No more poor state, poor education system. We need to put out the monies to give our children the best we can offer them, even if it takes 20 years for us to see the pay out.

In about 30 years, the smartest of the dumbest will be deciding what to do with my Social Security and Medicare, if these programs can hang on until I'm in my old age.... Then consider things like economy, foreign policy, do you want the smartest of the dumbest deciding those things for you?

South Korean Study Says 1-38 Children may Have ASD

2011-05-09T10:43:00.000-07:00

WOW!

Caught this on CNN while putting together 5+ weeks worth of Math Homeschooling for Burp.
CNN: South Korean Study may lead to higher autism estimates.......

Talk Thursday: And Little Did I Know

2011-05-03T09:01:00.000-07:00

So, we had our IEP meeting, a little early because I was concerned about how Burp was doing in Math.

Last year, I was told he didn't qualify for intervention because he was at around the 20th percentile, and they don't do intervention until the 10th or lower. Good thing I called for the IEP, because little did I know... Burp is now at the 4th percentile in Math.

Two things were put on the board. One, testing for learning disabilities. Stupid me, I'd figured that had probably been included somewhere in all the previous testing... Duh.. Little did I know... And (two) Special Ed math. I quickly accepted Special Ed math, he needs help desperately... So because we were going to try Special Ed math, did I want to wait until next year for testing for Learning Disabilities? I was fairly LIVID.
I sputtered, "OK, Last year I wanted math intervention, and was told he didn't qualify.... This year his math skills are abysmally poor and he more than qualifies. I feel like we've wasted a year getting a handle on this.. NOW you want to wait a year for testing? Why? So he can get THAT diagnosis just before handing him off to Middle School?"
At this point, Burp's counselor leaned forward and looked at me, "Psam. Just. Say. Yes." Little did I know, the school has stupid rules about how shit is worded. I think they try to scare you off with a question, when all you have to do is say YES, and they have to do it. I answered, "YES" and they smiled and handed me a form.

I'M SORRY. To me, asking if I want to do it now (when we're talking about the possibility of learning disabilities NOW) or wait to see how this tactic works, gives the non-verbal implication that the asker thinks we should wait..... Hmmmmmmm. Some day I will learn their dialect.

So Burp will be tested for learning disabilities. How this filters out real deficits compared to Aspie learning differences, I don't know... That's a question for his counselor to explain to me. To be honest, I don't think he has learning disabilities.... I just think he hasn't been taught in a way that makes sense to him. I've proven that in spelling, that with constant repetition he can memorize words. I just had to increase his spelling homework on this end to meet his needs.

Next on the table was Special Ed Math... Which everyone agreed Burp needs, but.... little did I know, "special ed" math is not intended to be a core math class. Only to support a core math class. BUT.. his teacher and I felt that mainstream math is NOT the place for Burp. He needs streamlined materials laid out in a logical progression from system to system with little to no strategies taught with it. Just bare bones, "This is how it's done".. He can't handle having a plethora of tricks and strategies to work from. He gets them all confused and it takes him longer to work that out then actually doing the problem.. SO any way.. They were trying to figure out how to manage this.. Burp should not be in mainstream math any longer, AND the special ed math is working on simple addition... like 3 + 8 =..... which Burp is definitely beyond. There would be absolutely no benefit of putting him in special ed math and keeping him in mainstream if the "support class" isn't going to address the materials of the core class. LITTLE DID I KNOW HOW FUCKING STUPID EDUCATIONAL HOOPS AND RED TAPE ARE!!!

The bottom line is that mainstream math is only keeping Burp back... so, I did the only thing I could. I asked them to not give Burp a core math class. Take him out of mainstream math. Put him in the special ed math... though I'll see how I feel about that... and LET ME HOME SCHOOL MATH. I told them I would work on the skills he should have already mastered, and hasn't by, focusing on daily comprehensive activities and only adding new procedures when he's gotten a firm grasp on the previous material. I told them I would do daily homework in math and send it to school so that they can be aware of what we are doing. I strongly feel that Burp can benefit from one on one instruction that focuses on repetition and constant comprehensive work to keep him from losing skills he has obtained. I try to do this anyway and often feel like I am fighting against classroom instruction that Burp has improperly learned.

So, for the time being... I am my son's primary math teacher. YAY??? I don't know if that should be a yay.. but I'm hopeful this will help. The goal is to get him caught up and them hopefully next year he can join mainstream math again.. 5th grade does it slightly differently, in that they break up into groups based on skill level.. SO Burp might be able to integrate that way. *fingers crossed*

Previous to the IEP meeting, I had been asking on WP what I might expect them to offer Burp and what was reasonable to ask for... and in truth, I was already considering the prospect of home schooling math.. and someone was talking about getting him an Aspie tutor in math (which I can't afford) and telling me that there are such things as charter schools for ASD kids. Two hours later, we were in the counselor's office and he told me that HE is trying to start a charter school for ASD and learning disabilities, and is just waiting for the school boards to approve his proposal. He'll know by the end of the summer if they will, and if so.. he's hoping to open doors to the school in January!
The way he explained the curriculum is:
1) an approx. 8-1 student/teacher ratio.
2) integrated classrooms based more on skill level than age..
3) logic and reason based subject matter and teaching strategies (no more multiple strategies.. no more "be creative" for kids who can't be creative)

The school would be 1st through 8th grade, with progression to 9th grade based on skill, not age. And, the only reason he's only planning to go through 8th grade is because the high schools here already have a really great autism program. He talked about sensory and de-sensory rooms... It seemed like Aspie/Autie heaven!

It's so weird to have absolutely no clue where all of this will lead us. I mean, you never know what the future may hold, but you usually have a generalize idea... I'm clueless... But, I think we've found a good starting point. I am still mildly frustrated that it took us a year to get here. I feel like no one ever admits there's a problem until I say, "HEY! WTF IS GOING ON??"

9th Planet

2011-04-26T13:01:00.000-07:00

Someone shared this on the Parent's Forum in WP... and I thought I'd share it here... it sounds like a good thing.

http://9thplanet.org/

Easter 2011

2011-04-25T09:02:00.000-07:00

I spent most of my time at mom's beading with her and having a fun creative time. I just thought I'd share my pretties.

Over all, I would say I had a pretty productive weekend! LOL
I made these a while ago... but thought I'd add them.

Talk Thursday- Time Has Come Today..... a little late..

2011-04-22T17:40:00.000-07:00

Spring is showing it's bright eyes.. and I am drawn to dig out my summertime feel good music. Yes, music can be very seasonal for me. For those of you that don't know me well, I find a well done remake orgasmic. Love them.

To be honest... I don't find the Ramones version of this song any better than the original, I just didn't know the song, so looking for blogging inspiration I searched it up and found this cover.

There are good covers that totally change the feeling of the song... Like Fatboy Slim's cover of The Joker or this cover of Dexys Midnight Runners "Come on Eileen" is a prime example of Cover Heaven!

I am a Sublime fanatic, so I would be remiss to not add my absolute favorite Sublime cover, though there are many good ones... Uggg now I'm thinking of them all and having a hard time picking.. "Santeria", but right now... my FAVORITE Sublime song happens to be Scarlet Begonias.

I just discovered that a song that I WAY love, that I thought was covered by Sublime, is in fact NOT Sublime... So here it goes, Murder One's great cover of a great Bob Marley song.
For some strange reason, I get a kick out of punk covers of 60's and 70's songs.

Of course, I could go on FOREVER and ever and ever............... so much great music out there. So much I haven't mentioned... but I will end with two excellent covers, that can't be beat. Definite winners in any cover war.

And though I love most of Metallica's Garage Inc it's a real toss up to the best covers on it. "Tuesday's Gone", "Whiskey In The Jar", "Turn the Page", and "Sabbra Cadabra" are AWESOME.. but my fav is their cover of Nick Cave's Loverman!!!

Ohhhhhh I just thought of one more great cover!!!

Hmmmm just want to say... Wednesday night... James Durbin did an amazing cover of Muse's Uprising!

Ok... Really done... I listened to all of these songs while posting this.. You should too!
Also, a lot of these songs don't have official videos, so please excuse the boredom of others and my selection of their videos.. I often went for song quality, not video content. ~Kisses

Talk Thursday: Wants, Needs, Must (Dos)

2011-04-09T00:48:00.000-07:00

I've been very bad lately.

I have not been doing any of the things I Need to do, have become overly immersed in what I Want to do, and barely keeping up with the Must Do's.

I've spoken before about Wrong Planet, an autism based web-community that I stumbled across one day. Well, I finally looked outside of the parent's forum... and ..... found a religion, politics, and philosophy forum. OMG.. I can debate religion every day with people who want to do the same!

I occasionally get sucked into the stupid/piss-me-off threads such as 'Why should government-based healthcare pay for lap-band procedure for the fat and lazy?" Yes, those are the threads that make me want to track a poster down and punch them in the face. Repeatedly.

I'm rather entertained by some... Ok... check this out.... LOL This is in a thread about the increase in catastrophic earthquakes being a sign that The End Of Times is Upon Us.

XXXX wrote:
Given one factor for the end of the world as we know it in the last sixty years, I think it might have been the introduction of the "pill" in 1960. It started a massive cultural revolution, more reality shattering than any earthquake we have experienced. Not saying it was a bad thing, but I think we have a different world because of it.

XXX Replied:
I just remembered something...

Was it last year or the year before when there was a number of women celebrating "Boobquake" day? Remember that??? Apparently a Moslem cleric over in Iran or somewhere declared that promiscuous women, particularly women who dressed immodestly, were the cause of earthquakes. In reaction, women started showing a little extra cleavage to see if it would indeed cause earthquakes.

It might have taken a while. The earthquakes in Japan and elsewhere as well as the tsunami and nuclear disaster were probably inevitable--but there is little doubt in my mind that the "Boobquake" day very likely accelerated the events of this year and other recent events. Thoughts???

Seriously??? My thought is that this line of thought is NUTS!! and... it kinda made me wish I wasn't fat, cuz I'd go around topless for a few days to see if I caused an earthquake.Yeeeee!

I did, however, get 5 loads of laundry done today.. which now waits on my bed to be folded... and I'm sitting here at 12:42am... trying to find anything to do but THAT! Unfortunately, it really falls into the MUST DO category. *sigh* I will have to sleep eventually.
I keep trying to do the dream Talk Thursday... but I keep forgetting them! I'll wake up and be like "oooh, that's a good one," but by the time I get a little coffee in me and can sit down to write... it's gone...

Think I'm Gonna Harf!

2011-04-05T01:20:00.000-07:00

Burp vaguely said he had a tummy ache before going to bed..

An hour later he barfed gloriously over the side of his bed.

I need a shop vac and a carpet cleaner... the older he gets, the weaker my stomach gets.

Cleaning a big stinking pile of vomit with just a dust pan for scooping and towels and wash clothes while concentrating on not breathing or yakking yourself, NOT FUN!...

We just did this a month ago. Then the month before that... I'm sick of puke!!

Opinions Wanted

2011-04-04T15:48:00.000-07:00

I know this isn't a forum.. but I'd like to hear opinions and reasonings...

Do you feel that insurance (especially government sponsored) should quit covering lung cancer treatment *for smokers*? or COPD treatments?

I do have to state that I am a smoker, so my thoughts might be tainted.

But..
1) I pay taxes, plus cigarette tax.

2) I think that if you exclude smokers from covering related treatment... You also need to exclude..

-Gastric by-pass and the like..
-Treatment for other addiction related illness.. alcoholic hepatitis, pancreatitis, kidney failure..etc...
-Diabetic care for those who don't take care of themselves

And if you want to get really crazy and ridiculous, STD treatment unless you were raped.

I don't really believe in any of these.. I'm just making a statement. Healthcare is healthcare... Smokers aren't the only people who cause their own illness and whose treatment is expensive.

What are your thoughts?

*added specification.. guess I missed it in the original proof read... sorry*

Things Coming Together.. and I Got a DATE!!!!

2011-04-01T11:51:00.000-07:00

So yesterday, I finally got to see some things pay off.

Burp and I have devised a way for him to multiply, since he can't seem to remember times tables.
I give him a problem, like 3 x 8 = ?
And on his little white board, he writes the problem, then draws 8 circles.
Then inside each circle, he writes his count-by 3's. 3,6,9 etc. to fill each circle.
If he can't use the count-by's, then he can make tally marks in each circle.
Example... he has managed to memorize that 7 x 7 = 49... but has no clue what 7 x 8 is.. so he writes out
7 x 7 = 49 + and a circle that he can put 7 more tally marks in. (I picked the circle so he could get that multiplication is dealing with groups of numbers)
He seems to get this system.

I told him that I would talk to his teacher and see if he could take a white board to class. He said, "Well, mom. We have white boards... we just aren't allowed to use them all the time."
And I told him we'd get that changed. Which turned into an argument about "But it's the rules..." How do you tell your kid that an IEP means rules can be broken... without inviting a "rules don't apply to me" attitude??... So I didn't go there... I was just like, "You watch Mommy work her magic babe!"

She has agreed! She was actually very receptive to my request. Which I'm ecstatic about, but also kind of sad that he's had a white board in class all year and she never noticed that it helped him. We also vaguely talked about taking him out of main stream math. Which I'm not opposed to. I think "special ed" math isn't such a bad idea for him... or even no formal math at school, but for them to send it home and for us to do it on our own (but I don't know if they'll go for that).

Second... when I requested a new IEP meeting citing that 1) I am concerned about Burp's situation in math, and 2) I would like him to have Unscheduled sensory breaks, stating that scheduled breaks don't teach him to recognize and address when he is having stress-related issues, plus don't do anything to address the times that he really needs them. I also pointed out that I was ... unhappy.. that he got a referral for getting out of his seat and talking during a state assessment. I understand that it's against the rules.. but REALLY? That's basically giving him a referral because he's an Aspie with ADHD. He should have been sent from the room for a few minutes. Now he's terrified of getting another referral cuz he doesn't want to get expelled.... But anyway, the woman I spoke to, later found out she was the new vice principle, said that they don't really do unscheduled sensory breaks and I should feel fortunate because a lot of schools don't do any sort of sensory breaks.... I called her on her bullshit because Burp has a friend at that school that has unscheduled sensory breaks.

So I'm still waiting for that meeting to be scheduled.. But, I asked Burps teacher if he could take a coloring book to school. At home, he uses this activity as a destressor and he told me that another girl in class gets to color during free time. So I asked. AGAIN.. His teacher was super supportive. I explained to her that he had some educational coloring books in his special interest areas (hoping to deter the thought that a main stream cartoon coloring book might be disruptive to others...) and she said yes. I asked if she could make a list of the "rules" for his coloring.. when, where, etc... as I'd told him it was her classroom and she gets to make the rules.. And she said no prob... actually, she was planning to make a packet for him to keep in the hall (which is a HUGE common area with tables and such that all the classes in that wing open into) that would hold his coloring book and crayons and that he would be allowed to excuse himself when he felt overwhelmed and go out into the common area and color for a few minutes..
OMG!!!!! Sounds like an unscheduled, self-imposed sensory break to me!!

So, YAY! I can't even tell you how excited I am by these little breakthroughs.

Next, I had never thought to look for a book that explained to Burp about Asperger's. I knew there were books for me.. but him? DUH!!! I know..
So a couple of days ago I ordered a few, and the first just got here... "All Cat's Have Asperger's Syndrome". He hasn't looked at it yet, and not all of it applies to him.. but I think it will open the doorway for questions.. And questions are good.

ALSO.. my mom called me yesterday to tell me about a show that's being put on tonight at the Eugene Hult Center that is called "Land of Oz" being put on by the Bridgeway House. Apparently it's a show about autism put on by autistic children and adults from our area. I showed the Hult Center info page to Burp, and he was instantly excited.

So, I have a date with my squid tonight... He doesn't know it, but I'm going to take him to Chinese food, then we will go see Land of Oz.

Yesterday, his friend Gamerboy was over..... they were, DUH, playing video games.. But I found out from his mom that he as another special interest besides video games.... inventions. So I was looking around on line and telling the boys, "Hey, did you know that they think Einstein was autistic?", "Isaac Newton?" to which Gamerboy corrected me, "SIR Isaac Newton.. he discovered the theory of gravity......", Mozart, Emily Dickinson, Thomas Jefferson, Michelangelo, Darwin, VINCENT VAN GOGH.. which got Burp's attention. There is this bright light that comes into Burp's eyes when he realizes that there have been very important people who had issues just like him. He seems proud and amazed. THAT is a good thing.

Anyway, I have some junk that needs to get done before my hot date tonight...
Have a GREAT DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Best Night Of Idol EVER!!!

2011-03-31T22:48:00.000-07:00

I was a bit shocked that Thia went home with Naima. I really expected it would be Hailey or Jacob. I think Thia deserved to stick around. In fact, I thought her performance last night was amazing. However, voting has come down to "Who would I want to buy?" (CD wise, perverts)

So, I think the most incredible thing of the night, IN ALL OF AI HISTORY, was the performance by James, Casey, Paul, and Stephano. That is what I wish American Idol could always be like. True musicians. True performers. People who just want to make music. LOVED IT!!

Can't find it yet on YouTube yet....

Fuk U & Me... (or something like that) Radiation

2011-03-31T09:54:00.000-07:00

I've held off talking about this because I don't want to seem paranoid.... but come on, really!

First, I don't necessarily think that the government will lie just for the sake of lying, but I do think they'll try to prevent panic, to the point of not being forthcoming with prudent information.

Radiation levels are now 4300 times the "legal" limit in the ocean waters around this area of Japan. And I think I heard that this level was detected for 20 miles.What does this mean? I mean, I know what it means... but what does this really mean? Will this kill ocean life in that 20 mile radius? How long will this take to dissipate? What about ocean currents? How long do we have to worry about buying a can of tuna?

And, the experts are saying... "We don't know where it's coming from.." .......? Really? Turn on CNN dipshit. I'm not a nuclear physicist, but I'm fairly certain I know where the radiation is coming from.

Dangerous radiation levels have been found in a town 12 miles outside of the evacuation zone... Why haven't they increased the evacuation zone?

Ocean water is corrosive. As soon as they pumped ocean water into reactors 1, 2, and 3... It was pretty much guaranteed that those reactors would never go one line again. When the incident at Chernobyl happened, they dumped fuck-tons of sand and cement, and "corked" the problem. WHY IS JAPAN NOT DOING THIS? You cannot save those reactors. Exposing them to ocean water compromised them INDEFINITELY... I don't understand why they are acting like they can save them. Cut our losses... please... ?

From what I've read, and I realize you can't necessarily trust everything you read, but.... it appears to me, that the majority of incidents of cancer ensuing from the Chernobyl accident were cases of thyroid cancer, from radioactive iodine... that seems to have come from drinking affected milk....

California and Washington are now detecting increased radiation in their milk. The FDA says these are minimal and that the milk is still safe to drink.. I hate to sound like this.. but I can't help it... If the FDA came out and said, "Well, this could be a concern..." Dairy farmers in the western US would be going out of business left and right.

Assuming that the FDA is being honest at this point, what does this mean long term? Cuz, I'm not sure if you people noticed, the situation in Japan hasn't changed. Everyone keeps talking about how American's are being paranoid and that there is no reason for concern, but what I'm taking into consideration is that this situation is not over. I get that the amount of radiation in the milk is equal to less radiation that you're exposed to during a 5 hour plane ride... but they aren't talking about long term.. Can we handle a continued exposure to this... cuz as I pointed out, they haven't "corked" the problem yet. What is the long term affect if my son drinks a gallon or two of radiated milk for the next year? I mean, I have friends who are radiology techs, and you reach a certain level of exposure, and you have to change careers. There is a "lifetime" exposure limit... I just don't know the realities of those limits.

And, god forbid.... what if it gets worse? What if somehow the damn plant blows up?

Am I ridiculous for thinking about going and getting some powdered milk? (ugggg) I don't want to be over-the-top paranoid, but I don't want to kick myself in the ass later for being too naive.

Talk Thursday: "Who, Me? Already?"

2011-03-30T23:27:00.000-07:00

Pink socks make me a feel special.
I like my popcorn slightly burned.
Flashmobs make me cry.
That's weird, and I've absolutely no idea why.

I can watch reruns of House and NCIS all day, and be upset if I have to miss some.
I could eat teriyaki every day for the rest of my life.
Chocolate makes me crave cheese which makes me crave BBQ sauce...odd, I know.
This song always makes me want to dance....

I hate folding laundry, but I'm worse at getting folded laundry put away... still.
I hate washing silverware, and I swear I use my dishwasher primarily because of this.
I hate hate more than anything and hate that hate inspires me to hate.
I hate Lady Gaga and the Black Eyed Peas,
But find myself bobbing with Miley.

My son knows the quickest way to annoy me is to "Rah, Rha" or "Boom, Boom",
I sure hope he never chooses to be a cheerleader. (Is there a different name for boy cheerleaders?)
Or to stick his finger between my toes.... That makes me want to vomit.
SpongeBob makes me want to claw my eyes out and drive nails through my ears.
But I find myself watching iCarly long after he's gone to bed.

I am rather impressed that I got so far before using my child to define myself.
Some might criticize that it too long for me to get to him, but this was an exercise of sorts.
An exercise to see how much of an individual I am..
Apart from my child... sad to say it mostly involved music and food.

*sigh*

The Extinction of Religion

2011-03-30T10:30:00.000-07:00

So I read this article last week and hadn't gotten to commenting on it yet.

It reports on a study that finds that over the last 100 years, affiliation with an organized religion has decreased significantly, and the trends show that it will continue doing so. Trends show that for 9 western democratic nations, the numbers will dwindle until they near extinction. Ireland, Canada, Australia, New Zealand, the Netherlands, Austria, the Czech Republic, Finland and Switzerland are all seeing this decline. Where does the US fit in? Well, we don't know. The US does not include denominational questions in it's census, therefore this statistic can't be traced the same way. I have a guess though.

The big question is, what does this mean? Are people losing their faith in God, or just the churches? One fascinating aspect of this study is that it isn't affiliation with a single religion, it's spread pretty equally amongst all religions, Christian or otherwise.

Historically, we've seen religions decline or become extinct, same as language, BUT there has always been something that replaced it. WE AREN'T SEEING THAT THIS TIME! There is no great upsurge of membership to another religion. The numbers do not reflect that these people are going somewhere else.

A paper published by Walter Sundberg in 2000 stated that in the US the numbers are drastically declining as well.

The figures for the period from 1965 to 1994 are:
American Baptist Churches in the USA -3.3%
Christian Church (Disciples of Christ) -51.1%
Episcopal Church -27.0%
Evangelical Lutheran Church in America -8.5%
Presbyterian Church (USA) -13.1%
Reformed Church in America -19.8%
United Church of Christ -27.5%
United Methodist Church -22.4%

Some of these numbers are quite dramatic, others less so. But it must be remembered that during this same period, the population of the United States grew by nearly thirty percent.

An interesting twist is that Evangelical churches have seen an increase in membership over that same time period. The chief examples of evangelical denominations that have enjoyed membership growth in the period from 1965 to 1994 are:

Assemblies of God +306%
Church of God (Cleveland, TN) +252%
Church of God in Christ +1,232%
Church of the Nazarene +74%
Southern Baptist Convention +45%

I think that the evangelical numbers can be deceiving. Notice one of those numbers are for a single city. I could start my own religion, convert my own family, and show the same numbers.

It would seem that world-wide, there is a slight increase in the number of people who consider themselves atheist, but these numbers still do not explain the decreases in organized religion. You also have to take into consideration that it is becoming more acceptable to "come out" as an atheist... Once upon a time, you were putting your life at risk.... and even more recently, faced social suicide if you admitted atheism.

So what does this mean? Do people still have their faith, but feel their government doesn't need to know about it? Do they still believe in God but, like me, feel that no single religion has the "whole picture"? Or are more people becoming atheist?
You also have to consider the rediscovery of "pagan-based" belief structures which were revived and thrived in secret since the Renaissance. Witchcraft had a "coming out" of sorts about 100 years ago or so, and neopaganism, in general, has gained acceptance and popularity since the 60's and 70's.

Perhaps, we are reaching a point where the majority of the world not only has freedom of religion, but truly trust in that freedom. Maybe the numbers should have always looked like this... I, of course, don't want to see the religions disappear. Though I don't personally believe in an organized religion, I do feel that they add wonderful aspects to our cultural individualities. Religion is our history, it's where we come from. Religion shaped this world for so long, and yes, often through ugly, brutal means.... but I am fearful that if we loose our religious identity, it will be "re-invented" somewhere down the road.... And then, will we repeat our prior atrocities?

I hope, pray, that this study only indicates a new open-mindedness.

Ahhhhhh..... That's Better!

2011-03-29T19:48:00.001-07:00

Faulty power source replaced.....
The world is right again.

DANGER!! DANGER!! PC POWER SOURCE FAILING!! CAN'T COMMUNICATE.. MELTDOWN ENSUING!!

2011-03-28T13:23:00.001-07:00

can't take this...cellphone internet blows... might just whither and die...

help

I Make Pretty.. YAY!

2011-03-28T01:35:00.000-07:00

I made myself a little lovely with the pretty beads mom gave me... LOVE IT!!!

Still not really great at photographing my pieces... I'll have to upload some more though... Thank you for going to the bead shops mom... Ohhh and what is that stone again?? The pretty big blue one?

Who's The Aspie?

2011-03-25T21:40:00.000-07:00

So I have this friend. He's a very high functioning Aspie... kinda hard to get sometimes. Incredibly frustrating most of the time, but I love him to death.

So, most of our communication has been via text lately, which can be very dumbfounding as he's not always good at precisely stating his thoughts and it leaves me with a lot of guess work.

Tonight, I emailed him a link to a news story and texted him to tell him to look at it.

Me: "OMG HEY!!!!" (you have to say something to get his attention... THEN explain yourself once you've got his attention... cuz if he thinks he might not be interested, he won't answer... not that he admits it) sooooo....

Me: "OMG HEY!!"

Several minutes later.....
Him: is 4 horses!!

Used to his broken messages, I assume he's talking horseMEN...
Me: Like Apocalypse?(You know... The Four Horsemen.......)

Several minutes later....
Him: No....... as in Hay is for Horses... doofus!"

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...... ??? I thought he was supposed to be the literal one! ?! ?!

American Idol..... Akkk!

2011-03-24T21:23:00.000-07:00

OMG Casey!!! by the skin of your teeth! I thought J-Lo was gonna cry!

Having missed the majority of the show, I walked in and got it to the right channel about 15 seconds before they said Casey was going home...

Casey!! I love you! You deserve to be there... I really expected it to be Naima or Haley or Lauren or even Stephano... but he's such a cutie.... He'll go far on looks, and don't forget he can actually sing.

They totally made the right call in using the save...

Yay Casey!!

American Idol... and Showing Your Penis

2011-03-23T22:24:00.000-07:00

I think everyone was great tonight! I really wish they would change the voting to who do you think SHOULDN'T make it. It would make things so much easier.

I finally got Jacob!

I have to say, though everyone had a good performance, there are still people that I "don't get"(as Randy would say..) Thia, Pia, Stephano... Great voices....In truth, they just bore me. I thought Naima was going to be one of my favs in the beginning. Her style excited me.. and to be honest, I've been a bit let down up until the last 30 seconds of her performance. In the end, she turned it up.. but the beginning was a snoozer.

This week's votes go to Casey, Paul, and JAMES! These guys never let me down. I know some people don't get Paul.. but I just dig his funky vibe.

If I had to make critiques...

Jen.... WTF is up with your make-up artist? I have it on EXCELLENT authority that only hookers and disco singers wear that shade.

Scotty-baby.... Someone needs to show you how to hold a mic... You're driving me NUTS!

Haley... You were one of my favs.... You have that great growl... but here's the secret. Your growl is your massive, beautiful penis. If you show your penis all the time, no one will appreciate it anymore. You just need to whip it out on occasion, give us a little peek. Tease us. Make us want your penis... Dangle it. But don't walk around with it always hanging out because it quickly loses it's "WOW" factor.

But that's just the way I see it.

Oregon ASD rate 1-in-98

2011-03-22T18:10:00.000-07:00

So, I was talking with a friend about the fact that Oregon has one of the highest ASD rates in the nation. I did a little online research... and found some very interesting information...

Since 1992, schools have been able to assess children for autism as provided by a federal law called Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA). This assessment, though labeled the same as a medical diagnosis, is not a diagnosis. Apparently, the criteria for eligibility under this law is pretty flimsy and not as stringent as the DSM-IV's medical diagnostic criteria. Which, in itself is not a problem... The idea behind the IDEA is to identify children in trouble and address the situation (hahahaha, right). (For a better understanding, check out this article by Autism Watch)

Where this causes an issue is that for some reason when gathering state-wide statistics on autism, Oregon's school assessments are counted right in with the medical diagnoses, from what I gather, making it appear that Oregon has double or triple the average amount of ASD cases than other states. According to the Oregon Dept of Edu, 1 in 98 students suffer from ASD.(not a link to the ODE, but an article I got the info from.)

My question is, why are they gathering this information from the schools, shouldn't they be getting it from the physicians who SHOULD be doing the diagnosing?

Today is a Good Day!

2011-03-22T16:04:00.000-07:00

Several days ago I ordered Burp some coloring books online from Amazon. I know.... Online? But I was able to get some in his "special" interest areas, and that is exciting. I got Knights and Armor, Knights and Dragons, Vincent Van Gogh, George Washington, and two regular-can-buy-in-the-store books. He's known since Friday that these were coming and we've been tracking them across the country. Nevada to California to Kentucky, finally to Oregon, Portland to Roseburg then back up to Springfield. It was rather amazing... and frustrating to watch. Burp got an extra surprise as I had also ordered a new book on knights for him...

Then... today is March 22nd.... wait, I'm sorry.... MARCH 22ND!!!!!! And how could you NOT know what that means? It's release day... I'm sorry, RELEASE DAY!!! for the new Lego Star Wars: The Clone Wars game. Burp got decked out in his Darth costume and dug into his Christmas/Birthday stash for $50 and I drove his happy-ass to Walmart. Ok, I did try first to go to a gamer store, thinking they might more understand of his over-excited dorkiness, but they were sold out.... damn! In like 3 hours, sold out. (And yes, for those of you who will point out, he probably gets it from me as I HAVE dressed up for Harry Potter movies....) So we went to Walmart, he found it in the case and made his purchase... (I know, I used the word purchase for an item that doesn't exceed $150... breaking my own pet peeves.)

Any way, he is in 7th heaven and I've already had to copy down like a million cheat codes....
The next big date? May 10th... oops.... I'm sorry, MAY 10TH!!!!! Lego Pirates of the Caribbean comes out.
And yes... he has that costume too! LOL

My Letter to the First Lady....

2011-03-22T11:18:00.000-07:00

In my life, I have written hundreds of letters to various government officials, none of which I've ever sent. That's one of my weird quirks.. I will get super involved in researching, writing, and rewriting my letter.. and fail greatly at the buying a stamp and putting it in the post.

Yay modern times and email! So here is my letter that I sent to Mrs. Obama. Click here to send your own email.

Dear Mrs Obama,

I am writing to you as I appreciate that you have used your position to directly address some of the issues impacting the youth of our nation. I know you’re busy, but I hope you have a moment for this.

My concern is our education system. I am troubled by the fact that my son, who is in the 4th grade, has never had a text book. I am sure that you are aware that there are several methods by which people learn best; some by hearing, or seeing, or doing, or a combination those processes. By eliminating text books, one of those systems is being completely eradicated. There is no copying and solving, the current system is a photocopy in which the child just fills in the blanks. This doesn’t work for all kids. Sure, most get by… but is just getting by really enough?

My son has learning disabilities. He has Asperger’s Syndrome, ADHD, and Anxiety Disorder. While the school is great in addressing his social issues, they are failing him academically. With 1 in 150 children being autistic, it seems to me that the education system would address that autistic children learn differently because their brains process information differently, therefore they must be taught differently. I am not educated as a teacher. I know this about my son, but I am not trained to address it. Without a textbook to assist in homework, I have great difficulty addressing his homework in a way that ensures continuity of information. I am amazed at the new terms and procedures that they have created to teach simple mathematical practices.

I was fairly disgusted to learn that $300 million is being allocated to restructure the standardized testing system. I understand the need for standardized testing, but the sad truth is that schools stream their curriculum to the tests, and the other things are being forgotten.

In a time of such huge financial crisis, is this the best way to spend that $300 million? How many textbooks could that money buy? How much would it cost to buy every child in America a math book? To me, this seems a much more critical issue.

I used to dream of owning my own home and getting my son a dog.

Now, I long for textbooks.

Thank you for your time,

***Psam***

OMG---- I found a typo after sending... instead of eradicated... I used irradiated. hmmmmmmm oops, no way of even pretending I meant that... infact, the absolute opposite of everything I was trying to say... damn it.

Wrong Planet

2011-03-17T17:58:00.000-07:00

So in combing the internet looking for some clue to help my son get a grasp on his math issues, I came across an autism web-community called wrongplanet.net
They offer a forum, articles, chatting, blogging... all sorts of stuff.

Anyone who knows me well, probably knows that I'm not much for support groups, self-help, or even just talking much about my problems. I have to say, I've been part of this community for maybe a week, and already seeing changes in myself and the way I deal with Burp.

I cannot even begin to explain how much of a relief it is to hear that other people have gone through the struggles I've been, or am going, through, how they dealt with it, and, THANK GOD, that they came out on the other side. It's nice to have it stressed that NO ASD kids are alike, and therefore what works with one, won't work for another.. And though I've known there is no cure, I've always been looking for the "fix".... and there is none. I'm beginning to accept that. There are ways to help some symptoms.. but some things are just the way they are, and that's all there is to it.

It's also taught me some important truths. My son does not get social interaction. He never will really. He can be given tools to understand social cues, but he can never be made to blend socially 100%. At this point, he wants to be social. But now, he is socially oblivious, and that will change.. As he grows up, he will learn more social cues. He will pick up on the fact that other kids know he's different. He will pick up better on when kids are being mean to him and when they don't really like him. More likely than not, this will cause him stress and make him more anxious about social interactions. He will probably become antisocial to some degree. The most important thing I've learned is that this is okay.

On this forum, there are adult ASD people who give advice. It is so great to get stuff from their perspective as most ASD kids don't have the tools to explain why they do the things they do, or how they think, or anything to let the parent understand better. It's interesting to learn that really, just about every little quirk my son has is directly related to stress.

For the longest time, I could never understand how Burp could do so well at my mom's house, often not even requiring meds, yet home without meds is CHAOS. I understand it now. Everything there is pretty routine. Most deviations to that routine have their own routine. There are certain things that differ there from here... and somehow, the way those differ make it so that it's not an issue.. Burp knows he will NEVER get the tv from Papa, so he watches tv in his room.. At home, Burp will never watch tv in his room because he can usually get the tv from me. At grandma's, he has free reign when it comes to snacks and treats. Here, there are certain times that he's allowed certain treats. USUALLY, he doesn't have to do homework at grandma's, can't avoid it at home. Grandma lives in a place where he can, to a certain extent, roam free. Here he's limited spacially and has a limited number of kids to play with on an every day basis.It makes sense.

One thing that I've felt really helpful is "Congratulations! Your Child Is Strange", written by a member of the forum who has Aperger's and for several years has been offering advice to parents through the forum, and finally decided to compile some of his most commonly given advice into a book. It's a free download, check it out. Not everything applies to my son and I don't agree that all of the advice is right for us.. but it has helped immeasurably.

Anyway, I feel that I'm taking a step in the right direction and decided to share it. I hope it helps someone else out there.

Talk Thursday: Take The Long Way Home....

2011-03-17T00:07:00.000-07:00

Seriously, I think I started crying when the first chords played.

When I was 5ish, my mom had an ancient old VW Bug that smelled of rotting vinyl and burning oil. We lived in a small town.. You could get anywhere in less than 5 minutes.. Much longer than that, and I'd start to feel nauseous. I had the horrible bad luck that I swear to Buddha, this song played any goddamned time we went anywhere. And when it came on, my mom would get excited and be like "OOhhhh Psam, Lets do it! Let's take the long way home..." And it didn't matter if we were 3 blocks from home.. she'd turn that rust bucket around and "Take the fucking long way home", which in truth... couldn't have been that much longer.. but it seemed like eons. Years later, I was digging through an old box of cassettes.. and you guessed it, Supertramp. All those years I thought I just had horrible luck.. Nope, dear old mom was plotting against me. I think she was hoping that one of those long ways would be my last and I'd keel over from carbon monoxide poisoning..

Tonight's American Idol topic made me thing of the Talk Thursday assignment.. but no, I'm a 3 whole years older than this song. I looked up the top 100 songs from 1976, and damn.. I was born in a year of shitty music. "Play That Funky Music", "Bohemian Rhapsody", "That's The Way (I Like It)", "Still The One", and "Slow Ride" are the only good songs on that list.. and I sure as hell couldn't sing them.. You think that's why they put the age limit they do on AI?? To screen out shitty music?

I've finally decided what my hypothetical audition song would be.. (Hypothetical cuz, I can't sing that well, and I'm from the shitty music year of '76)

Sex and Candy by Marcy Playground..
But sung like a confused girl who becomes a little more certain as the song goes on!
Put on your imagination cap...

It would be awesome!

..................................Casey??

2011-03-16T23:28:00.000-07:00

When I heard the lead in that Casey was singing Nirvana, I was so excited. I didn't check dates... but I thought Casey would do awesome with Come As You Are. And he probably would have, if he'd been born the next year...
I thought of all these great songs Casey could have done.. and was like a year off... 1992 was a great year! You were born the right day.... a year too early... DAMN!

or AND OMG THIS SONG MAKES ME HAPPY!

or

or though it was never originally released as a single... This song actually came out on "Ten" in 1991 but hit the charts in 93 by demand of the people. There has never been a video release by the band and they still refuse to commercially release the song as a single. So any way, I'm a stick it in the middle and call it 1992! And truth be told.. James would do this song even better!
ohhh that song makes me think of Soundgarden's Spoonman... Casey would rock that... but that was '94.

End Of Days?

2011-03-12T13:40:00.000-08:00

Japan, Churchchrist, Chile, Haiti, New Orleans. Earthquakes, tsunamis, floods, disaster. Unrest in the Middle East. The global financial crisis. The list goes on...

I have a friend who is certain this is the End of Days foretold in the Bible.

My view point differs... but how much?

I believe in global warming. I believe in the Gaia Principle. (Briefly stated, this is the theory that nature likes balance and finds a way to create and maintain a certain amount of homeostasis.) I believe that while we tamper with the delicate balance of our ecosystem, Gaia finds a way to fight back.

Is this the End of Days? More properly asked, is God doing this?
............ I find that thought incredibly moronic.

The best way for me to explain my thought is with Jonah. I don't believe God made a bet with Lucifer and decided to torment the shit out of some poor guy just to prove that his love and faith were strong and pure. Once again, God is not a child on a bright summer day with a magnifying glass and an ant hill. Shitty stuff happens to good people. That's just life. How we persevere and deal with our problems??... THAT comes from within. Where do we get our strength, peace of mind, and the faith that gets us through??... well, I believe that those are the gifts that God gave us. Whether we choose to use them, that's up to us. It has nothing to do with whether you prayed enough, went to the right church often enough, tithed enough, or said enough Hail Mary's.

I've never understood how people can on one hand believe that God created man in 'Perfect Love', then on the other, placed them, with their 2-year-old's naivete, in their perfect home and said, "Oh, by the by, don't eat from THAT tree", thus setting up the 'Downfall Of Man' and necessitating the need for a 'Divine Son Of God' to live and die and live again to save us from 'Eternal Damnation'. There are only two possibilities: God had a 'Plan' (which seems a bit retarded) or God made one big forehead-slapping fuck up.... but this can't happen because God is 'Infallible'.

So, again the question, Is this the End of Days? ......... Do I believe that we've failed some crucial test of God's making and the result is the end of this existence? Not at all.

Do I believe that, within my lifetime, life as I know it will come to an end? Yes, I do.
We are running full-speed down a road of self-destruction, and I don't think that mankind as a whole has the wherewith-all to pull their collective head out of their collective ass in time to stop it. We pollute, over populate, and deplete natural resources. This isn't God's doing. This isn't any 'test' except in that in the area of "life in general", humanity is failing. F A I L I N G ! !

Look at the rest of the animal kingdom. When population threatens their resources, they quit breeding. They migrate. Disease and starvation regulate numbers. They find a way to reconcile their place in the system. Humans just try to find a way around the system. We fight disease and starvation because the process is ugly and painful, both physically to the people affected and emotionally to those who witness it. But the truth is that these processes are Nature's Way. We have decreased infant mortality rates and increased average lifespans. Don't get me wrong. As a member of the human community, these are wonderful advancements. But the effect to our existence as a whole is devastating. However, to not attempt to preserve life has become an "inhuman" stance.

I'm not a tree-hugging hippy. I'm not an over-the-top environmentalist. I recycle. I try to buy "green" products when I can. But I believe in ecological homeostasis. I believe that nature tries to correct imbalances. And I do believe that humans are a parasitic plague to this planet. We are nutrient guzzling worms with the persistence of head lice.

And Gaia, not God, will deal with us appropriately.

Talk Thursday: Winning.....

2011-03-12T00:30:00.000-08:00

As far as Charlie is concerned... I am somewhere between WTF? and pity.

I don't keep up on celebrities. Some how this ties into a 5-year-old little girl's deep fascination and love for the newly married Princess Diana and the disgust that grew from watching the press and public feed on the miseries of her life. I refuse to support it. I whole-heartedly refrain from being informed on their pitfalls, missteps, and self-degradation. I sure as hell don't want people shadowing me and my bad choices.

So, winning....

Burp wanted to vote for the Nickelodeon Kids Choice Awards (Yup! cuz we're just THAT dorky!)... and the category was Best Female Vocalist. Out of 4 choices, the last two were Katy Perry and Taylor Swift.
Burp: "Ahhhhhh it's too hard!"
Me: "Well, who do you like more?"
Burp: "I don't know!"
So I have a great idea... I go to YouTube and pull up videos. I start playing my favorite Katy Perry/3OH!3 song "Starstruck", which we've watched too many times to count. And we get to the good part, Katy in the fountain in the tight pink and black dress, soaking wet... and I'm sure, I mean absolutely positive, that Burp is 2 seconds from SOLD!
Burp: "Uhhhh, OK.. That solves it. Taylor Swift!"

ZzzzzzzzzzzzzWWwwwwuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrkK! (you know.. needle scratching record sound)

Me(slightly dumbfounded): HUH?
Burp: "MOM! Katy Perry is HIGHLY inappropriate! This is the KIDS Choice Awards. FOR KIDS!! SHE HAS NIPPLES, MOM! She's way too sexy!. It's inappropriate! Taylor Swift for sure!"

Me: "Uhhhhhhh.....ok....."

..................... I'm still like.... w t f ?... but then I feel good too. Like "YAY, wholesomeness won!", "I must be doing something right!" .... but then the other part of me is like.... really?

So, winning.....

I have decided to wage a major battle on Burp's math issues. He is in the 4th grade and somewhere around the 25th percentile, but the school doesn't get concerned until they drop into the teens. (The TEENS, are you fucking kidding me????) He can't count his 3's beyond, maybe, 21 and from there it just goes downhill. He does not understand that "countby's" directly correlate to multiplication, and doesn't get that division is just multiplication backwards. They never really had the kids learn times tables. He has only vaguely learned and retained any of these processes. Now, they're starting fractions and percentages.

Maybe you're wondering why I haven't addressed this sooner... I've tried... I've tried to explain to the teachers over the years that if I know what the curriculum is, then I can work on it at home. I've requested EXTRA homework. Most of the time, he only has math homework 1 day a week.. and that's a one page photocopy with no explanation of what's expected to be done. My mom helped Burp with fractions last weekend and was like "WTF is this?"

Well, I'm calling bullshit on the process and taking matters into my own hands... We're starting at the beginning and learning it all over again. I bought a big magnetic white board and rolls of magnetic tape and I've made "math magnets".

We're starting with 2's and the first thing he has to do is write and say his 2's. (2,4,6,8, etc.. to 100)

Then, with the magnets he has to put the "answer" magnets with the correct problem magnet, show me that his answer is right with "grouping" and pair that problem with the corresponding division problem and answer, again proving his answer with grouping. Then we go through and read them all out loud. (2 x 2 = 4, 4 / 2 = 2)

Then, I let him have 20 minutes or so off to play a multiplication based video game.

Then, back to the whiteboard. I put up a problem and he tells me the answer. (I do this because he always does them in order... I mix them up) He has a small whiteboard that he can work the problem on using grouping. Then he has to tell me what division problem goes with the multiplication problem.

We will do this the same way everyday until he seems to know it. Then move on to 3's.
I'm hoping that the repetition will help some with memorization, but some Aspie kids just can't memorize... Most Aspie kids suck at math unless math is their "THING". I just know that if something isn't done now... then either it never will, or right about middle school, they'll put him in special ed... and really, I have to say that would be a matter of the system failing him. It's obvious that he has a problem.. but at this point, it isn't severe enough for them to intervene. I don't understand this mentality. Instead of trying to catch it before it gets too bad (which I think it already is), they'll just pass it along until they can't ignore it anymore. BULLSHIT!

I will win this one.

There's no other choice.

My Beloved Burp...

2011-03-07T00:25:00.000-08:00

I recently had my pc restored, mended, brought back to life by a friend of mine.. His reason for it's glorious death... probable attack by some sort of magnet-type weapon.

I've been going through it to see what's survived and what hasn't... and I've suddenly realized that my baby-boy, isn't a baby anymore...
*SIGH*
But I thought I'd share some of my favorite pics...
First, it must be said... My Burp has no real sense of style... If something is cool, or was cool at one point in time.. Well, then surely all you're cool stuff at once must be better!

I finally had to throw away that damned sweatband when he was at grandma's for the weekend.

He doesn't believe that an item becomes "uncool" if it no longer fits.

Thank god he hasn't learned the term "vintage".

While my son is absolutely adorable.... he is a bit crazy.

And somewhat mischievous.

He'll swear he didn't do it,

But he is adorable.

Loves his DUCKS,

And his best buddy Arlo.

Oh the days when he didn't know what the toilet was for....

But when he had to go, he had to go!

Good times with friends

And bonds that last forever.

My boy's growing up

At least his style is getting better...

He'll always be a prankster.

But it just makes me love him more.

Did I mention he's sometimes the ZombieBoy??

But he's my baby.

I love you Burp!

Signs, Signs, Everywhere Signs

2011-03-06T13:43:00.000-08:00

I come from a long line of people proud to serve their country.

My father served in the Army, my mother worked in the mess hall. One uncle did a stint in the Army, the other retired from the Air Force. Their father served in the Army during the Korean War. Their grandmother was a warden during WWII. My father's father served in the Army, as well. I have a cousin who was also in the Army.

I am so proud to know that my family has given years of dedication to this nation, protected the interests and rights of people who are legally allowed to go to their funerals and protest the roles that they played and brandish signs with ugly, hateful words like "FAGOT".

I am so angry right now that I'm shaking, crying, and really want to go find me a baptist and beat the holy living fuck out of them. I know that's not ok. I know it's not all baptists... But those fucktards in Westboro disgust me.

Freedom of speech is one thing. Freedom to harass mourners and demean the farewell of a loved one is DISGUSTING.

I know it's wrong to wish ill on another person, but if one of those protesters were to die... I will be one of the first to buy a ticket to Westboro with my sign, "GOD HATES HATERS!"

What would your sign say?

Wow, I'm coming up with lots... I might have to hire people to hold my signs for me...

"Sorry if the people I slept with made you die!"
"Thank you for fighting for my right to be here today!"
"Hard to hold a sign in a box" (otherside)" I'm here in your place!"
"GOD says, "Can you hear me now?"

Top 24, Part 2

2011-03-02T22:11:00.000-08:00

The women didn't blow me away... actually, I was mostly unimpressed.

Keeping this short... I voted for Karen, Haley, and the second Lauren..... and *GULP* Burp made me vote for Julie..... yes, my son is tone deaf. (and, between you and me, I only voted for her 3 times... )

I don't understand why they have to start with an even amount of boys and girls... I think more boys deserve to go on than girls..

graaaaah!

Get Out Your Map and Darts

2011-03-02T10:11:00.000-08:00

Let's go to war!

Libya, Yemen, Pakistan, Egypt, and Israel... Oh-man!

Perhaps this is what we need.. I mean, the Great Depression was finally put behind us when WWII started, right?

Personally, I think this is scary bullshit. Everyone is talking about horrible, crazy Gadhafi killing his own people.. and maybe he isn't a nice guy, maybe innocent people are being killed, but put it into perspective. If we armed ourselves with AK-47s and such and rioted in the streets, calling for an end to our current administration... Maybe we wouldn't be bombed exactly, but we wouldn't just be asked to quiet down and please take our guns home. There would be serious repercussions and people would die. Why don't they say THAT on CNN?

We don't need to get involved in the mess in the Middle East. The United States is NOT the U.N. We need to stop policing and trying "save" the world. Sure, I am all for playing an active roll in the United Nations. I don't even mind if our forces make up the majority of the U.N. "peace-keeping" forces. Maybe this is just a political view point. The rest of the world seems so quick to judge whether we did or didn't get involved in some foreign drama. If we don't, we should have... If we do, we're just overstepping and getting involved in things we don't belong in. At least under the cloak of the U.N. it isn't a matter of the busybody Americans sticking their noses in other people's business.

Personally, I think that if we go in somewhere and spend money and lives trying to fix another country's problems, we should just take them over. I'm sure that's not a popular opinion, but to me it seems more realistic. We're always worried about the Middle East, either terrorists or oil prices. In both instances, they have us by the short hairs. We will step in to one of these crises in the Middle East, this has been going on for just a couple of weeks and gas prices are already at or near $4.00 a gallon. The American people can't handle much more and the government can't just magic up a few million electric cars for us. I'm not saying this is a "GOOD" reason to get involved... and I'm sure if and when we do, we won't admit that is why we're doing it, but the truth is... they have what we need and we've forgotten how to survive without it.

I have to say, I am proud to be an American. I feel fortunate that I was born in a country that has granted me rights just because I breathe. I'm not viewed as less simply because I'm a woman. I don't have to fear for my life because the current government has a different religion than I do. As a child, education was REQUIRED. I have clean water and access to safe food. It was expected that, as a child, my parents would provide for me and treat me a certain way. It is expected that I will do the same for my child.. and if I don't, there are agencies to help me or ensure that my child gets what he deserves. The government can't control who I can sleep with or when I can do so.. never mind public stonings or whippings for doing what I choose in that matter. I have these rights because my predecessors fought, protested, and spoke out for them. Other countries didn't step in to help silence our collective voices. My country has it's problems, as every country does.. but I am thankful that I wasn't born in the Middle East, or Africa, or Indonesia, or a hundred different places where those securities aren't an everyday fact of life.

Revolution and civil war are ugly, but it's a natural progression in the development and maturation of a nation. These are the tools that have won democracy to those around the world lucky enough to have it. Who are we to interfere with a nation's natural progression, but if we do.... call it for what is. Be honest about the motives, don't just hide under the cloak of "peace-keeping" missions.

Talk Thursday: Guilty Pleasures

2011-03-02T00:17:00.000-08:00

1. COFFEE with just the right amount of the right creamer. (and yes, I try to give myself this EVERY day)

2. Slamming TimTams! (If you don't know what this is, or have never done it.. Wiki it! but use coffee)

3. Just shaved legs on fresh, high-count Egyptian cotton sheets. (Duh! This is the only reason I wash my sheets or shave my legs!)lol

4. Warm spring rains.
5. Wind storms. (Both of these make me retarded giddy)

6. Singing at the top of my lungs, alone on long car rides. (I will lie,cheat, and steal to get this alone time!)

7. The music of my youth; Bread, James Taylor, 3 Dog Night, The Grass Roots, The Monkees. (I think this was originally the music of my mother's youth... but I love it sooooo!)

8. Lemon verbena goat's milk soap. (not that I need a reason to bathe!)

9. Baking. (I hate when people "help"... )

10. Cajun shrimp boil. (OMG.... forget table manners, forget feeding your kid, forget your freaking name, just stuff your face!)

11. Adam Sandler. (.................................. I love him!)

12. House, NCIS, You're Cut Off!, American Idol, and House Hunter's International. (SOOOOO many hours thrown away here)

13. Reading. (I think I was grounded from books for most of the 4th and 5th grade. I would rather read than do anything..... well, except sex.... possibly. It would depend on who it was with.)

Wow, after that one, I re-evaluated my list.
1. I can't live without coffee, but nothing goes better with coffee than a book. I can live without sex.
2. I have slammed while reading. .... during sex.......... wow, ummmm NEXT!
3. Reading in bed is awesome! Shaved legs and nice sheets make sex good too.
4&5. I can read during a storm, can sex during a storm too.. both good.
6. Reading while driving and singing is not to be recommended. Sexing while driving...bad... and, for some reason, singing is not often appreciated during sex.
7. Music is good while reading or sexing.
8. Here we go, I will not stop reading to bathe, unless I have too... I prefer a bath in the vicinity of sexing and put off the sexing until the bathing has occurred.
9. You can bake while reading, but not to be recommended during sexing.
10. You can eat Cajun shrimp while reading, tho your book will get messy, again... not to be recommended during sexing..... there are places that don't ever want to meet that spice.
11. You can read during Sandler, you can sex Sandler. You can't read while sexing Sandler.
12. Can't really do either while watching Guilty Pleasure shows.. well you can, but you're certainly robbing a pleasure.

I don't know which wins. I think the bathing is the key to the answer. I just don't know how to decipher it. I will postpone bathing for reading, but I'll squeeze in an extra bath if sex is a possibility. What does that mean? Except that hygiene is important?

The Top 24..

2011-03-01T23:16:00.000-08:00

This is going to be a tough season on American Idol. Tonight was the men and I have to say they're all good.. ish.

The judges seem to love Brett. Actually, from what I see online, most people seem to love him. Randy says, "you're definitely fun and definitely bold and you're going to do what you want to do, when you want to do it.".............. I would say brave. If there has ever been a contestant on AI who did not seem comfortable in their own skin, it's Brett. My point is that I don't think that Brett is really at the American Idol level, I don't care for his voice, and I really feel that maybe the reason that he's made it this far is because he needs it more than any of the others. This experience will either destroy him, or strengthen him for life.

I think Jordan slit his throat tonight. He hasn't been one of my favorites, but when he sang "Over the Rainbow", Jennifer wasn't the only one who got goosebumps. I don't know why any American Idol contestant would ever touch an Usher song. That would be like doing Micheal Jackson in his prime. Usher is the best of the best. You might be able to sing. You might be able to dance. But you can't do both the way he does. Stupid, stupid, stupid...

I'd missed a couple of the audition episodes, so this was really the first time I saw Tim and Paul, and I was fairly impressed by both. Paul's praises included "character of voice", "uniqueness" , and "fun and quirky style". ..... Now I'm not a HUGE Rod Stewart fan (tho I do really like Maggie May) ... but (and perhaps it's because I haven't heard the song in years) if I closed my eyes, I would have thought that it was Rod Stewart. That said, he did a great job.

Burp's fav of the season seems to be Scotty McCreary. I didn't know my boy liked country. He did a good job, and Burp made me vote for him.

My favs of the season (so far) are James and Casey. They both did awesome.

Everyone is really talented. It's going to be tough. At this point, I don't know that I can even come close to guessing who will be going home. Jordan didn't shine. I don't think that Brett did, but that seems to not be the popular opinion. Everyone else did really well. 7 men go home Thursday, which means that we're getting to the top 10 quicker than previous years... I hope that doesn't mean a shorter season. *pout*

Anyway, I just meant for this to be a quick little blurb... On to the ladies tomorrow night, no one really excites me yet... we'll see after tomorrow.

Opinions Are Like Assholes....

2011-02-25T00:20:00.000-08:00

And I have lots.

What I have discovered about myself is that while I've very interested in debating and discussing some issues, others are absolutely non-negotiable.

RELIGION - Anyone who knows me at all knows that I love to discuss and debate religion. I have ideas, but I don't know it all, and I'm always looking for that bit of wisdom or understanding that will broaden or focus my thoughts. However, if you're using your faith to give foundation to intolerance of any sort, of any kind, you better know your literature, and you better be able to back up your beliefs with an explanation of WHY you believe the way you do. "Cuz that's how I was raised", or "The Bible says so", just doesn't work with me.

ABORTION - Non-negotiable. I agree with abortion. I believe there is a medical purpose for it. I believe the alternative to legalization is scary. Finally, a woman should decide what to do with her body. That said, I don't like abortion. I think some people are irresponsible with it. Though I don't really view it as murder, I do still feel that it's killing a baby. (How is that different? I don't know, some sort of grey area.) I don't condemn people for it, but it makes me sad when it isn't a desperate last resort. Lastly, though a woman should get to choose what happens to her body, I can't help but feel that a man should have a say in what happens to his child. That said, wow... what a mess that would create if he did. So the bottom line is this : I agree with abortion and there's no debate in the issue.

GAY RIGHTS - Non-negotiable. I cannot debate this topic with any sort of reason or understanding for people who don't, in some way, believe as I do on this issue. I don't want to hear you spew your fucked-up God-shit. I don't want to hear you refer to mental illness. And if you think it's disgusting, quit being a pervert and mind your own damn bedroom! Oh? You don't want to offend me? Well, YOU DO! You're talking about my friends, my family, my coworkers. People I love, and every time you open your hateful, ignorant mouth on the subject I find myself fantasizing about ripping your fucking tongue out.

*breathe* (See, I'm fairly firm on that issue.)

EVOLUTION - Debatable. I believe in evolution, but I can learn more and I'm not opposed to hearing from both sides. I tend to stand on the side of science, so give me your science you op'posers'!! (Little hint... You can't use the Bible or religion as "proof" against evolution. 1. God made Adam from the mud, it doesn't say how long it took him, and 2. The Bible isn't science.)

CAPITOL PUNISHMENT - Kind of non-negotiable. I believe in the death penalty. I believe that some people can't be rehabilitated. I don't believe in Life Without Parole. If a dog is especially vicious and has killed someone, the dog gets put down. If it's repeatedly attacked people, it gets put down. I don't think people should be treated any differently. You don't put a dog in a little kennel and wait till it dies. You peacefully put it down. I don't believe in hanging, firing squads, electric chairs, or gas chambers. Just put the person down. I don't believe that the death penalty should be used as a deterrent or a punishment. I believe it's a solution to a problem. I think that keeping "Lifers" is a drain on finances and a risk to the staff that have to care for them.

MEDICINAL MARIJUANA - I can totally debate this one, though I'm pretty firm on my opinion. My argument against legalization isn't a moral, but an ethical issue with the way that it's happened. Being that we are a republic, our government is set up that supposedly the States get to make their own rules as long as they fall within the Federal government's guidelines. (In a nutshell..lol) But on the issue of marijuana, the States shouldn't be allowed to make these choices because the Federal government has decided that it's a Schedule 1 Drug. The Federal government has made it illegal and and deemed it to have no medicinal purpose. I totally don't agree with this scheduling and most of the rational and informed people of this country probably wouldn't agree that pot is worse than heroin. I just disagree with the legality of the process with which it was made legal (here in Oregon and several other states).

(HOLY CRAP!!! Do you know Samoas have 70 calories EACH?)

I could go on. Gun laws, legalize prostitution, sex ed in schools, government-sanctioned breeding laws, career-welfare moochers..... some of those, I'm sure you can guess where I stand...

Anyway, it's late and I'm getting tired.
Yay, American Idol is back!! I like a few, but Casey Abrams stands out for me at the moment. (Ohhh and the Asperger's boy.)

Here are a couple of links to things that inspired this little rant. Mostly, it's not the pieces themselves, but the some of the comments people posted to them that got me all riled up.

http://nerdyapplebottom.com/2010/11/02/my-son-is-gay/

http://www.cnn.com/2011/US/02/24/new.york.billboard.abortion/index.html?eref=mrss_igoogle_cnn#

http://kezi.com/news/local/205484

Talk Thursday: 30 (or so, we'll see) Things About Me

2011-02-21T17:34:00.000-08:00

1. I hide.
2. Hence, the no blogging.
3. I don't lie well, hence the hiding and no blogging.
4. I don't trust people,
5. but I doubt my judgement, so I convince myself to
6. and I get burned.
7. I am too forgiving and unforgiving, all at once.
8. I love my son, he is my joy, my soul, my fears, and my dreams.
9. I want to be a soccer mom when I grow up.
10. I wish I could be a foster parent.
11. I wish I wasn't poor,
12. money doesn't buy happiness
13. but it relieves the stress and makes goals easier to attain.
14. The last time I went a day without coffee was 9 1/2 years ago.
15. I love coffee.
16. My mom has had the same coffee pot for more than a decade, I have burned through 3 in the last 10 years.
17. I love my Mom.

18. I can't think of anything I'd want to change about her.

19. She is dependable, trustworthy, strong, intelligent, confident, determined, giving, and kind... everything I strive to be.
20. I'm pretty good at some,
21. Not so good at others.
22. I love the wind,
23. rain,
24. and night.
25. I love to drink coffee while reading on a wet, windy night.
26. That reminds me of Dr. Seuss...
"The sun did not shine.
It was too wet to play.
So we sat in the house
All that cold, cold, wet day."
27. I love Dr. Seuss.
28. I don't know anyone named Sally.
29. I don't believe that Jesus was the "Incarnate Son of God".
30. My son does.
31. That makes me happy.
32. I believe in freedom of choice, thought, speech, expression, and all the inbetween.
33. Unless it's expressing yourself nude on a playground.
34. I believe in the death penalty.
35. I believe the government should control who can breed and who can't EVER!
36. Communism isn't bad in theory.
37. Ohhh, I made it past 30!
38. I cried on my 30th birthday.
39. I'm not where I wanted to be.
40. I love to watch House Hunters.
41. I feel extreme dislike for the people who whine about paint color or updating tiles.
42. You're buying a fricking $500,000 4 bedroom, 5 bathroom house and cry cuz there's no pool...?
43. People in Paris pay twice that for a shoe box apartment with no view.
44. People are crazy.
45. I yearn for a big house full of kids, .
46. and a big back yard with a golden retriever named Mattie.
47. I want a pool.
48. Burp and I could do laps every morning.
49. It would be great for both of us.
50. I love to swim.
51. I haven't been in a public pool in years.
52. My Mormons have forgotten me.
53. I haven't had a J.W. knock on my door in years.
54. I hate that most people can't sit down and have a rational discussion about religion.
55. I have friends who think "rational" and "religion" don't belong in the same sentence.
56. They're probably right.
57. In a few hundred years, will people think that David Koresh was really the second incarnation of Jesus?
58. I mean, in Jesus' life, few people believed him.......
59. I wish it would warm up and quit trying to snow,
60. My flower beds are a disgrace.
61. Spring is my favorite season.
62. I hate summertime.
63. I hate the hot.
64. I hate the bright.
65. I hate driving in the rain at night.
66. The doctor says there's nothing wrong with my eyes.
67. Some doctors are stupid assholes.
68. I'm too young for glaucoma
69. so my visual disturbances must be mental.
70. Maybe I am crazy.
71. I can think of much better ways to be crazy.
72. I have never lacked imagination
73. unless it's making up bedtime stories. I suck at that.
74. I'm not very good at staying in contact with people.
75. I hate talking on the phone.
76. I'm trying to pick up the phone more often.
77. That seems to be an odd comment to make.
78. Odder that picking up the phone gives me anxiety.
79. I am in love with Costa Rica.
80. I have never been there.
81. I have a crush on a boy at work.
82. He is a cute, nerdy teddy bear who betters himself and gives back to his community.
83. He tries on my lip gloss.
84. He is 9 years younger than me.
85. He coaches high school golf.
86. Golf is NOT a sport.
87. He went to Boise State.
88. I hate the Broncos and their stupid BLUE field.
89. We have agreed to disagree.
90. 9 years, golf, BSU, and he's Catholic... alone, nothing too major, altogether???
91. I've never had a "good" boyfriend.
92. I've only had one relationship that lasted more than 6 months and it was inconsistent and not healthy.
93. I'm 35 and too old for this shit.
94. I wish he'd ask me out.
95. I want a happy, healthy, comfortable family.
96. I want to teach my son responsibility, compassion, understanding, giving, and duty above self.
97. I want to practice what I preach.
98. I want to make a difference.
99. I want my son to take pride in who I am
100. Like I take pride in who my mom is.

Response to Cele's Talk Thursday: I Mind

2011-02-20T13:36:00.000-08:00

http://ohjoyitsme.blogspot.com/2011/01/talk-thursday-i-mind-i-dont-mind-yes-i.html

I started to post a comment to this on her bog, but it became ridiculously long so I just decided to put my comments here.

I hesitate to stand behind anyone's healthcare bill. The big picture is GIGANTIC, and to attempt to fix it a little at a time will result in failure. They really have to start at the bottom and create a completely different system.

First, sorry Jen... the lawyers won't like this.. First we have to cap malpractice. Malpractice insurance is outrageously expensive and people are getting rich for very stupid reasons. If I go to McDonald's and ask for no mustard, but get mustard.. I don't really have a lawsuit. Don't get me wrong, if I'm allergic, I might... But not just because the sight and smell of mustard horrifically offends me.

Next, we need to give physicians the freedom to say NO. In the emergency room we see patients who come in (even by ambulance) for the most ridiculous things; toothaches, blisters, migraines, ingrown toenails. The physician HAS to see them. Once he sees them, he can technically say "You don't have a medical emergency, I'm releasing you," but, if the patient has any sort of medical emergency in the next week or so, he's setting himself up for a lawsuit. If the patient says they have pain, we have to treat them for pain. I've seen people completely snowed on painkillers wake from their stupor claiming 10 out of 10 pain. We have to give doctors the freedom to say no. For that matter, we need to give paramedics that freedom as well. If a patient says I want to go to the hospital, they have to load them up and give them the ride. Sometimes they walk from the ambulance into the ER. Sometimes they flat out tell the medics "Thank you for the ride" and leave the ER all together.

Because physicians can't say no, we have terms like fibromyalgia and abdominal migraines, both of which can't be medically proven or disproven and are born from a need to label the patient's "condition". We have 20 year old pain med junkies who suffer from "chronic back pain". ER's are besieged by pain control contracted patients who take enough meds to put a horse into a coma. The medical community, and the authorities that govern them, have created a society that refuses to feel even the slightest discomfort of pain.

Next, something HAS to be done about the pharmaceutical companies. They budget more of their money for advertising their product than producing or researching those products. There's something incredibly wrong with that. What happened to physician's prescribing meds, now I have network television telling me what meds I need to ask my doctor for. In the medical industry, we call that "med seeking behavior", and you're not going to get what you ask for. Don't get me wrong, you'll get something.. just not whatever it is you're asking for.

Next, reduce medical waste. This might not actually save money, but find a way to make it so. Why is it less expensive to throw away hemostats after one use than it is to sterilize them and reuse? We "throw them away" which means that nurses gather them and donate them to Doctors Without Borders because they're greatly valued in places like Sudan, Belize, and Nepal. Yay for them, but why is it not good enough for us?

Also, in that line of thought, medical supplies need to be reasonably priced. Suppliers and medical facilities shouldn't be allowed to jack up the prices, which just results in jacked up medical bills. And... if the government can cap what Medicare and Medicaid patients can be billed, why not make it uniform and say "this" is what is reasonable to pay for this procedure, "this" is all you're allowed to charge ANYONE! It's insane to charge an out-or-pocket patient 3 or 4 times what is paid for an insured patient. Where's the reality in that? We had a trauma patient who had extensive surgery and a long stay in the hospital, her total bill was something like $60,000... she was double covered.. one of those insurances being Medicare. The combined total reimbursement for her care was less than $15,000. In Oregon, if you have a baby on Medicaid, the total bill is around $10,000 (which the patient never sees because it is illegal to send them a bill or explanation of benefits) Medicaid pays out roughly 10%, so the hospital only sees about $1000 of that and is barred from attempting to collect further from the patient. At the facility I work at, I would say that atleast 50% of our patients are Medicare or Medicaid insured. (I know that people claim that as Medicare or Medicaid they don't receive the same care as other patients, but our facility strives to make that impossible. EMTALA law states that you can not base the kind of care or speed of care on a patients ability to pay or method of payment. To protect ourselves from people who might claim we treated them with prejudice, we don't get people's billing information until the end of their visit.)

Lastly, while the concept of centralized medicine of some sort sounds fabulous, we have to fund the program. We fund everything from taxes. Right now, our unemployment rate is astronomical. Very few people have taxes taken out of their unemployment. So how do we fund a program with no funds? I have seen the result of this during my stay in Canada. At the time that I was there, their unemployment rate was fairly high. The biggest problem I saw was that doctors can't earn the kind of income that they can in the States, so they leave Canada and go to the US. They had a lack of specialized physicians, specialized diagnostics, and specialized procedure. I saw people assigned to ER's as their primary physician. They have to send some patients out of country for specialized treatments.

I don't see an easy answer. I don't see a feasible difficult answer. Free market has kind of kicked our asses here, but do we solve it by giving government total and complete control of the health care market? That seems the only way to regulated it from the ground up, but American's are a bit anti-Communism...

A Day Of Firsts!

2011-01-05T20:13:00.000-08:00

Today... Burp earned his FIRST 100%!!!!!

Which was rewarded with his FIRST 4 SCOOP BOWL OF ICE CREAM!!!

Talk Thursday: Simplicity

2011-01-04T14:42:00.000-08:00

This is what I long for most in life. What seems the hardest to obtain.

Nothing is more relaxing than a good cup of inexpensive, yet environmentally-responsible, coffee brewed with a pinch of cinnamon and softened with a splash of my favorite white chocolate macadamia nut creamer lazily sipped as I snuggle in my chair engrossed in whichever book has captivated me for the moment. Unfortunately, one can't spend her entire life with her nose between the pages ignoring the rest of the world. Damn it!

I long for more good friendships, or maybe just fewer soul-sucking friendships that only seem viable when I'm the one offering support, advice, and comfort.

I long for the days when an impersonal, enlightening, intellectual conversation wasn't a rare occasion used only to spark an argument by someone in need of a little drama.

I long for some companions that are not so blinded by, or comfortable in the blankets of ignorance that they happily swaddle themselves in.

When I say, "No, at some point, when you weren't looking... Humanity evolved and left you in the dust..."
And they respond, "I don't believe in evolution.." That they could understand the double-edged stupidity of that statement. I wish I could stop being astounded by it.

For that matter, I miss having companions who could understand a not-so complex, thinly veiled insult when one was directed at them.

If I could live in simplicity, even for just a little while, it would be bottomless cups of coffee, good friends who call or stop by just to say "hi" or make to me laugh, maybe make me think a little. It would be great to have a regular, set, work schedule where I could just go to work and do my work and not have inter-personal dramas. Pay my bills without worry. I'd like to give my son everything he needs and a little of the stuff he just wants.

I don't ask for perfection, imperfection is what makes us value and appreciate life. I don't ask for overabundance, but a little breathing room would be nice. A period of smooth sailing, in which the only storms that crash and rage can be enjoyed from the dry side of a window.... would be greatly appreciated.

I feel like I've had a lot of crappy years, end on end... Maybe I'm whining, or being self absorbed, but I think I've had more than my fair share.

Maybe this is my year...

The Year of Simplicity.

Talk Thursday: Things That Make You Go "Hmmm?"

2010-10-28T18:31:00.000-07:00

So I'm reading this book.. "This Will Change Everything" by John Brockman. In 1997 he started www.edge.org and invited the nation's top thinkers to join the group. He got together astrophysicists, molecular biologists, evolutionary biologists, computer scientists, neuroscientists, cognative scientists, mathematical physicists, quantum-mechanical engineers, scientists in fields I've never heard of, nor can I pronounce- and added a mix of M.D.s and psychologists, writer's and artists. His idea was to get these "thinkers" to ask each other the questions that they ask themselves.

Each year, on the anniversary of the formation of this group, he poses a question to them. They answer in a brief essay and he compiles those into a book. Last year's question was this:

WHAT WILL CHANGE EVERYTHING?

"What game-changing scientific ideas and

developments do you expect to live to see?"

The replies have definitely offered some food for thought, some interesting... some just plain scary. Multiple entries talked about chips implanted in the brain for multiple purposes. One idea was that cell phones would become obsolete. Instead of dialing on a phone, we'll think of the person we want to call and "poof", we'll dial them up in our heads and think our conversations to them. Scary. How would you separate out what you want to say, and the random other thoughts you have? No more calling in sick when you aren't. The up side is that you'll never have to stay on the phone during a boring conversation anymore... of course, after a little while you won't have anymore friends. What about random sex thoughts? Trust me, you don't want to know the things that go on in my head.

Speaking of which, another person suggested chip implants for telepathy. Every downfall I just mentioned, with no dialing. With that concept, it wouldn't just be the 50 friends, co-workers, and fellow Scout mom's in my address book that had access to my fucked up brain, but every random stranger too. On the flip-side, I don't want to be privy to the random thoughts of anyone else either. Well, I guess it could have a few benefits. Your kids would never be able to con you. You'd always know exactly where you stand in your personal relationships. Trust would become obsolete. Would lying become obsolete, as well? That would be an interesting development for humanity. What would that mean for us?

On one hand, premeditated crimes would probably go down. Someone is sure to pick up on the thoughts of someone planning a crime, but then do we intervene and how do we do so? Do we punish people for thinking about committing a crime? No one would be able to lie to police or the courts anymore. What happens to pleading the 5th when our very thoughts can incriminate us? Forensic science would become an archaic practice. Would we need to prove guilt beyond the defendant's own thoughts of guilt or innocence?
Potential child molesters and rapists could be found out before the crime was ever committed.
Suicide rates would probably go down but our psych-ward populations would sky rocket. Mental illness wouldn't be able to hide any more. Would the ability to clearly read someone's thoughts help us diagnose and cure mental illness? Will we be able to deduct what makes a person tick and what is ticking off-kilter and will we develop the ability to "fix" it? If we can't cure them, will we just detect that someone isn't "right" and lock them away before they have the ability to act on their illness?
Interesting to contemplate.

Another idea presented several times is the great advancement in Artificial Intelligence and robotics... to a terrifying degree. It has been speculated that we will come so far in this advancement that the current debate of same-sex marriage will be a minor conflict of the past as people fall in love with, and petition for the right to marry their robotic companions.... What hope is there for human companionship when you can create a loved one, made to order, who is not just precisely to your specifications, but has the technology to grow with you? How many generations until humanity breeds itself out?
Follow me for a second. Initially, the people who don't create themselves a perfect spouse will have at least one of three reasons; financial, ethical, or moral. As the practice becomes more common, ethics and morals will change. I see that in a relatively short period of time the only people who wouldn't do this would be those who can't afford to, or those who don't for religious reasons. As time goes by, as with anything else, it will be less expensive to buy the technology. I hate to generalize here, but eventually it will get to the point that the people who can't afford to do so, will be the sub-par people. Meaning, those without the intellect or the drive to do well for themselves economically. Those will be our breeders. As time goes by, how long will it be before we as humans see that what we have created is better than what God did with us? How long until God becomes inferior and obsolete?
If you think the job market sucks now, think about what will happen when our "perfect" spouses assume a human life to enable a better, more authentic, connection with their spouse. Who would hire an inferior human when they have the ability to hire a "perfect" applicant?
When we have the means to create ourselves the perfect spouse, what about then creating the perfect child? Would it be considered immoral to create a robot that is the perfect 7 year old, which can just be turned off when you have to go to work? or programmed to not need a babysitter? Could you keep it 7years old forever? When you no longer want to be a parent can you just recycle it? What if we develop the technology to allow these "children" to grow chronologically? How long would it be until we have a robot race and no more, or very few, humans?
Taking that prior thought a little further. If we grow "perfect" children chronologically, and develop them to leave the nest and strike out on their own, give them a synthetic love, will they be required to tell future companions that they are not human? I'm, in a way, drawing a comparison to those who go through gender-reassignment and the debate of moral obligation(?) in telling future companions. Some think that morally that information should be shared. Some strongly disagree. (I very much see both sides of that debate..) But what if we're talking about not having to tell someone that you're a real person? Will we eventually get to the point when the concept of a "real person" is changed forever?

What happens when we become the endangered species? The Earth will become a happier, healthier place... I suppose it would be karma. With our technology, we have killed off so many species. It's a bitter funny, but our intellect might be the end of us.

Talk Thusday: REgressions

2010-10-06T09:10:00.000-07:00

I've been struggling with Progressions... I don't feel very progressive these days.

The fact is... I was horribly mistaken about the extent of my relationship with the Plumber. Apparently, we are just really good friends who were briefly more affectionate than is normal. And I made assumptions. I made (I think, understandably) assumptions based on miss-intendedly misleading words and actions. That doesn't mean I wasn't heartbroken. Or embarrassed. Or a little shamed.

By nature, I am slow to trust. I am slow to open myself up to others in a way that gives them the opportunity to hurt me. Usually, I'm a fortress. That doesn't mean that I'm not affectionate with the people in my life... it just means I'm distrustful and not quick to let in newbies. I've always been that way to a certain extent. As a child, it was safer to kick someone's ass than let them see their words hurt me. It's hard to cry when you're throwing punches. Sometimes growing up sucks.. I wish it were socially acceptable for me to just kick the shit out of someone when I'm upset... somehow I know that would make me feel better. (Ok, not really... but kinda) With the Plumber, I tried to throw caution to the wind. Tried to break out of my old ways and fears and self defenses. Now I find myself wondering why.

Those things are there for a reason.

I know everyone has that little "voice in their head". Not in a schizophrenic way, just that voice... Mine speaks to me with my mother's voice.

It keeps saying, "If something seems too good to be true, it probably is.."

Why don't I listen to my mom more?

Nothing happened. We didn't fight. Just one day it was different. He says that he needs to focus on his kid and his career and he can't worry about the other things right now. He doesn't say that there won't be a "someday, down the road", but I don't ask either. He doesn't say that he doesn't feel that way about me, but again, I don't ask. He tells me I'm his best friend. That's something. Things have been a little awkward. He feels horrible for hurting me, I feel like an ass for letting myself get hurt.

I don't point out that in the little over a month he's lived with me that he's gotten his license back, paid off his fines, gotten a job, gone back to college, and that he now has his son 50% of the time.... Pointing that out seems pathetic and desperate and argumentative. It doesn't matter what his excuse is..If he doesn't want to "be with" me, then what's the point of showing him that with me he's achieved all that?

He's just as damaged as I am. Maybe a little more so. He doesn't communicate his emotions any better than I do. We're both pretty fucked up. He tries to talk to me, but his meaning is as clear as mud. I try to talk to him, but the words don't come out. So now we just pretend it isn't there.

We still have fun. I love being around him. I just wish things were still the way they were a few weeks ago.

I don't know if it's stress or the fact that it's hard to remember to take your birth control when you're not having sex... but I've had my period twice this month. I feel like my uterus is weeping for my broken heart.

I've never met anyone so perfect for me. We're enough alike to always be entertained, but different enough to never get boring. We're so sexually compatible that it scares me I'll never find that again. Good sex is still good, but when it's great... Ohhh my god, it's amazing.

I don't know where I am... I'm this big ball of confused disillusionment, self-pity, dysfunctional wanting, and bitterness. But, as we all know,

This too shall pass.

The Battle In Council Rock...

2010-10-05T10:15:00.000-07:00

Some people think that I am one of those parents that shelter my child a little too much. Of course, being the one in question, I disagree. I try very hard to evaluate what my child is ready for and give him age/maturity appropriate information. It's not always an easy call. That said, he is 9... with Asperger's... so maturity wise, he is often more like a 7 year old, at best.

Today I read an article about the issues the Council Rock School District is having with the group PARE. Parents Active in Responsible Education is a group fighting the school district on the issue of the use of R-rated movies in high school classrooms.

Sure, initially, I was like... ok.. my kid can't see it in a theater without me, but he can see it at school?? Does this make sense? But then I investigated a little further.

The School District has a section on its website where you can view the entire list of 52 R-rated movies approved by the school district, see which class it will be used in, more specifically which teacher requested the use of it. For the teen to be able to see it, a parent or guardian MUST SIGN A PERMISSION SLIP.

PARE is saying that parents are bullied into signing the slip out of fear of embarrassing their children or kids are forging their signatures. Funny, but I don't remember parents being afraid to pull their Middle Schoolers out of sex ed when I was a kid or in high school when certain kids had to leave class when we talked about the theory of evolution.. Yeah, they were embarrassed, but their parents didn't give a crap.

The bottom line is, if you don't want your kid to see the movie, don't sign the paper. Call the school. Make sure the school knows how you feel. Don't block the other kids' chance at getting the message.

Viewing the list, there were several movies on it that I watched in my high school. I think that they were effective tools for giving concrete examples of the things that were taught in the text books. In psychology, we had to watch The Breakfast Club and do a report on social cliques and status in school. In that same class, we also had to watch Harold and Maude, which is not R-rated, and it disturbed me way more than the R-rated films. While we didn't watch it in school, we got extra credit in history if we went and saw Schindler's List, cuz yes, I'm that old. Our theater had a special viewing just for the high school kids.

There are several major advantages to using movies to aid education. One, study after study has proven that not everyone learns the same. Some kids just can't sit down with a book of Shakespeare, read it, and retain it. Two, there is a benefit to giving the pupils a visual scenario to apply to the text. Sometimes it takes a dramatization to make the jump and impact the lesson in the student's mind. Hell, they still use dramatizations on me at work when they make me watch that ethics crap and take tests on it. If they let me watch a real movie, instead of their crappy, campy, low-budget drivel... I might pay more attention.. even look forward to doing my education requirements.

This year the Council Rock School District cut some 20+ movies from their approved list. One of those movies was Kids. This makes me sad. I think this is an important movie that all kids should see, starting before high school. It's a movie about a teen whose number one goal is to devirginize as many girls as possible... one problem.. he has HIV. One girl who discovers that she contracted the virus from him tries desperately to warn his next victim.

What better way to teach young horny kids that you can't be too careful? That you can't trust every cute guy/girl with a pretty smile? And that people rarely do the right thing? I was an adult when I saw that movie.. and it still made an impact.

I was sad to see that Heathers wasn't on the list. I think every teen should see that movie. What better way to see what the evils of trying to fit in can bring.. as well as how easily a prank can get out of control?

Several years ago, I got in big trouble by my boyfriend at the time because I let his 12 year old daughter watch 8mm. Ok.. didn't "let" her watch it... highly encouraged and sat with her to watch it. This was a very naive girl who desperately wanted to be a model and didn't understand why her dad thought she was too young and didn't want her to have anything to do with it. After that movie, she understood.. still wanted to do it.. but understood. I, however, was in the dog house.

I just think it's important to remember that you can't shelter your child forever. In the right context, and the right environment, movies can have a great impact and can be a great teaching tool. I always use television as a learning tool, whether it's watching Man, Woman, Wild and telling my son you're not really dying of thirst unless you're willing to drink your own pee, or that starving to death means you'd eat a bug or a snake, or watching The World's Strictest Parents and showing him who he doesn't want to grow up to be or how bad he could really have it at home. Even Extreme Makeover: Home Edition shows him how good it feels to do something for someone else. I often use the news to show him things like "this is why we don't talk to strangers", "this is why we wear seatbelts", "this is why we never drink and drive", "this is why we don't mess with fire", or "guns".... The opportunity for teaching a valuable lesson is EVERYWHERE. It makes me sad to see people fighting such a valuable tool.

Oregon 3rd BABY!!!!

2010-10-03T14:35:00.000-07:00

I wonder if Boise St cried a little this morning???

I smell ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSES!!!!

I Love My Ducks (Return of the Quack) - Supwitchugirl

282,298 views in 2 DAYS!!!! I'm not the only one who loves her Ducks!!!!

The ENTIRE Pew Forum Religion Survey

2010-09-30T13:24:00.000-07:00

Minus the demographic survey questions.
DON'T GOOGLE!!!!
The answers are in the "comments" section.

1. Who is the vice president of the United States?

2. Which political party has the majority in the US House of Representatives?
a. Republicans
b. Democrats

3. True of False? Lasers work by focusing sound waves?

4. True of False? Antibiotics will kill viruses as well as bacteria?

5. Which of the following was the name of a series of government programs passed while Franklin D Roosevelt was President?
a. The New Deal
b. The Square Deal
c. The Great Society

6. Which movement did Susan B. Anthony lead? The movement to...
a. Abolish slavery
b. Give women the right to vote
c. Prohibit alcohol

7. Who wrote Moby Dick?
a. Edith Wharton
b. Nathaniel Hawthorne
c. Herman Melville
d. Stephen King

8. What day does the Jewish Sabbath begin?
a. Friday
b. Saturday
c. Sunday

9. Is Ramadan.....
a. The Hindu festival of lights
b. The Jewish day of atonement
c. The Islamic holy month

10. Do you happen to know which of these is the king of gods in Greek mythology?
a. Mars
b. Zeus
c. Apollo

11. Do you happen to know the name of the holy book for Islam?

12. Which of these religions aims at nirvana, a state of being free from suffering?
a. Islam
b. Hinduism
c. Buddhism

13. Which religion are Vishnu and Shiva central figures?
a. Islam
b. Taoism
c. Hinduism
d. Buddhism

14. Is an atheist someone who BELIEVES in God, someone who DOES NOT believe in God, or someone who is UNSURE whether God exists?

15. Is an agnostic someone who BELIEVES in God, someone who DOES NOT believe in God, or someone who is UNSURE whether God exists?

16. What is the first book of the Bible?

17. What are the first four books of the New Testament of the Bible, that is the Four Gospels?

18. Where, according to the Bible, was Jesus born?
a. Jerusalem
b. Nazereth
c. Bethleham
d. Jericho

19. When was the Mormon religion founded?
a. Before the year 1200 AD
b. Between 1200 and 1800
c. Sometime after 1800

20. The Book of Mormon tells the story of Jesus Christ appearing to people in what area of the world?
a. The Middle East
b. The Americas
c. Asia

21. Which of the following best describes Cathoic teaching about the bread and wine used for communion?
a. The bread and wine are symbols of the body and blood of Jesus Christ.
b. The bread and wine actually become the body and blood of Jesus Christ.

22. Which one of these religious groups traditionally teaches that salvation comes through faith alone?
a. Protestants
b. Catholics
c. Both
d. Neither

23. Which of these is NOT one of the Ten Commandments?
a. Keep the Sabbath Day holy.
b. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you
c. Do not steal
d. Do not commit adultry

24. Which figure is most associated with remaining obedient to God despite suffering?
a. Moses
b. Elijah
c. Job
d. Abraham

Which figure is most associated with leading the exodus from Egypt?
a. Moses
b. Elijah
c. Job
d. Abraham

Which figure is most associated with willingness to sacrifice his son for God?
a. Moses
b. Elijah
c. Job
d. Abraham

25. Mother Theresa was...
a. Jewish
b. Catholic
c. Buddhist
d. Mormon
e. Hindu

The Dali Lama is....
a. Jewish
b. Catholic
c. Buddhist
d. Mormon
e. Hindu

Joseph Smith was....
a. Jewish
b. Catholic
c. Buddhist
d. Mormon
e. Hindu

Maimonides was....
a. Jewish
b. Catholic
c. Buddhist
d. Mormon
e. Hindu

26. Which of the following statements best describes what the US Constitution says about religion?
a. Christianity should be given special emphasis by government
b. The government shall neither establish a religion or interfere with the practice of religion
c. The constitution doesn't say anything one way or the other about religion.

27. According to rulings by the US Supreme Court, does a teacher have the right to lead a class in prayer?
Yes or No
Does a teacher have the right to read from the Bible as an example of literature?
Yes or No
Does a teacher have the right to offer a class teaching comparative world religions?
Yes or No

28. Do you happen to know what religion most people in India consider themselves?
a. Christian
b. Muslim
c. Buddhist
d. Hindu

Do you happen to know what religion most people in Indonesia consider themselves?
a. Christian
b. Muslim
c. Buddhist
d. Hindu

Do you happen to know what religion most people in Pakistan consider themselves?
a. Christian
b. Muslim
c. Buddhist
d. Hindu

29. What was the name of the person whose writings and actions inspired the Protestant Reformation?
a. Thomas Aquinas
b. Martin Luther
c. John Wesley

30. Which of these people developed the theory of evolution by natural selection?
a. Sigmund Freud
b. Clarence Darrow
c. Charles Darwin

31. Which of these court trials focused on whether evolution could be taught in public schools?
a. The Salem witch trials
b. Brown vs The Board of Education
c. The Scopes Trial

32. Which of these preachers participated in the period of religious activity known as the First Great Awakening?
a. Jonathan Edwards
b. Charles Finney
c. Billy Graham

***This study was conducted by the Pew Forum. These questions were extracted from the actual phone script used in the study. I have extracted and eliminated only demographic-type questions and slightly reformatted the the script into a more readable layout. ***

I will post the answers to the "comments" section of this blog in the next few hours.

I think the most important information this study yields is that though we are a nation of many beliefs, very few of us have taken the time to learn what beliefs our neighbors and friends hold dear. I would hope that the outcome is that people are encouraged to learn more. In the (maybe not so) famous worlds of KRS-1...
Knowledge is King!

Canadian Judge Sides With Prostitutes.....

2010-09-29T09:24:00.000-07:00

"Key provisions of Canada's prostitution law were struck down Tuesday by an Ontario judge who said they endangered the people they were meant to protect." ~CNN story.

Currently, in Canada, it's not illegal to earn money and file taxes as a sex worker, it's just illegal to do what you're being paid for. The main argument in the case seems to have been that this prevents sex workers from opening an establishment to work out of, therefore forces sex workers into more dangerous situations on the streets.

The judge found that this was an infringement of the sex workers' constitutional rights. In 30 days, within the province of Ontario, this will no longer be illegal. The Canadian Supreme Court is now evaluating whether they will block it, or allow it for the entire country.

My personal view on prostitution? Really, I'm on the fence. I initially think that it's not a good thing. I think that a lot of women are sucked into a demeaning, abusive, unsafe lifestyle. They become trapped by their addictions and have a hard time getting out. Yes, this is stereotyping. Yes, this is based on our current situation of prostitution being illegal in the majority of the US and women conducting their business in dirty alleys, with nasty pimps who purposefully keep them addicted to drugs. Yes, I know this is not always the situation.... maybe not even the total norm. This is my initial thought when the issue of prostitution is brought up.

On further review, my thoughts differ a bit. First, it's called "the oldest profession in the world" for a reason. Who am I to take away the one sure-fire way any woman has to put a roof over her head and food in her belly? If nothing else, a man can almost always fall back on hard physical labor... Women are not always capable of doing the same labors as a man.

Then, you have to consider, some women like it. I like sex. Superficially, it doesn't seem like a bad thing to get paid for doing what you love. No Mom, that doesn't mean I would do it... I guess I kind of view it as I do abortion... It might not be right for me, but who am I to say what's right for someone else?

I've had a great many discussions with Sandra on this issue since she moved to Australia where prostitution is legal. Their system seems pretty responsible and functional.

Ｉbelieve you are required to be a member of the sex worker's union. You have to go in for regular STD testing. I believe you have to work for an establishment (not on the streets). You have to pay taxes. And, I could totally be wrong about this one, but I think that condoms are not optional. I'm sure that there are many more rules and regulations, but those are the ones that obviously impressed me the most. (Sandra, feel free to correct me or fill in blanks. Please.)

I think a system like this is great. One, I think the likelihood of abuse and entrapment is greatly decreased. I think an environment such as this provides for the women who WANT to be in that profession and makes it harder for women who don't. Two, it is a great attempt to protect both the workers and the clients from disease.... Sure, you will probably always have alley hookers who are working for their next fix, but it gives people a healthy option.

I don't know that I had totally sorted my thoughts out on this matter until today.. One of the great/annoying things about CNN's articles is that the average moron can post their thoughts and opinions on the articles... Sometimes it takes hearing what those idiots have to say, before you can solidify your own viewpoint.

*trollthis

there you go....easier access to ugly hookers...isn't that what every country really needs? ~ ..... if you were a proprietor of a brothel, wouldn't you want the cream of the crop? Well, if I were to buy a little fun, I'd go to the place with the pretty hookers.

*edrury101

Prostitution creates an economic imbalance in out society just like gambling and extreme drug abuse. -?? How does that even make sense?

*edrury101

Men love women. Prostitution is an easy sell. Too easy in fact. A man spending money for a prostitute has less money to feed his kids and pay his mortgage. - WOW... I find this a lot like telling your 5 year old, "it's not your fault you stole that candy bar, the store shouldn't have put it there... too much temptation." or "Your Honor, it's not my fault I raped that girl... you should have seen what she was wearing..."

On another note, so the moron spent his mortgage money on a piece of ass and can't pay his bills, BUT THE PROSTITUTE CAN... and her kids are eating steak tonight!

People who are irresponsible with their money will blow it regardless of whether or not it's on a hooker, crack, or a new Harley - get real! The real issue isn't the immoral acts of the sex workers, it's the immoral, irresponsible act of the John in this idiot's scenario. Hmmmm? Feed my kids or buy a blow job? If you're asking yourself THAT question, you have way more serious issues. Put the blame where it belongs. And truly, someone like that? It doesn't matter if prostitution is legalized... No one would chose a blow job over feeding their child just because getting said blow job is now decriminalized!

A Little Disappointed.......

2010-09-28T13:57:00.000-07:00

I know I've stated before that I was a huge fan of President Clinton. A lot of people had a problem with him because he lied about his extramarital affair... I, personally had no problem with his lie, simply because I didn't think that The People, nor the government, had any right to question him about it.

Today, Obama disappointed me. As he addressed an audience in New Mexico, a woman asked him about his Christian faith. Apparently, though the President has stated many times that he his Christian, about a third of Americans think he is secretly Muslim. I find it insulting that he should have to attest to his faith at all. Whose business is it? This just infuriates me.

I hope in 20 years it comes out that he is Muslim. How many times should he feel obligated to answer this question? It's ridiculous and inconsequential.

Go Obama... Don't bend to the ignorance... I hope he is lying.. he would have every right!

EXTRA EXTRA.... READ ALL ABOUT IT!!!!

2010-09-28T10:12:00.000-07:00

AMERICANS SUCK AT RELIGION....

A new study finds that Americans, from one of the most religiously diverse countries in the world, apparently don't know crap about religion...

I am thrilled to find that the people who scored the highest..... wanna guess??? Atheists and agnostics!!! Jews and Mormons followed closely...

"Only eight of the 3,412 survey respondents got all 32 questions right. Six got them all wrong."

On CNN's 10 question segment... I got one question wrong.... it was a head slapper, "Duh"... how did you do??? Ohhhhh maybe I can find the actual 32 question quiz.....

The Pew Forum conducted this study, and you can go there to take a larger segment on the quiz. Unfortunately, when I tried, the site was having some technical difficulties...

Give it a try, let me know how you did and what you think about it.

Coffee and CNN.com

2010-09-28T09:48:00.000-07:00

These days, I get the kid off to school and browse CNN, enjoying my coffee... looking for something that moves or inspires me. In some nerdy way, I am most entertained by my blogs on religion, politics, or current news items. This is nothing new for me. In the years following high school, I would spend my weekends at the radio station, babysitting satellite feeds or syndicated programs, surrounded by encyclopedias and writing letters to congressmen and newspapers that I never got around to sending. (Buying stamps is a congenital allergy) I am still the same person, the only thing that has changed is the technology. It's so much easier to investigate things via the internet, and now I no longer have to worry about an envelope or stamps... what hasn't changed is the odds that anyone but my mom will read my work.... (I know that's not entirely true, there are a few of you!) (Thank you!)

Yesterday, I wrote about 2nd Amendment rights.... Today I read about a young 9-months-pregnant, elementary-school nurse who was stabbed over 20 times with a butcher knife and managed to crawl to her mom's front porch before she died. They later discovered that her boyfriend had been shot and killed.... Pretty sick and superficially it would seem that the killer chose to make her death a little more personal by opting for the knife when a gun was readily available... The impersonal shooting the boyfriend indicates two things: 1, either the killer just needed to get him out of the way, or 2, the killer couldn't find pleasure in his death.

Sure we've had our Manson's... They are not the norm though. Generally, people are killed by people they know. Scary. The news was trying to say, "She couldn't have had enemies, she was an elementary school nurse...." Yeah, like that matters. My guess is going to be that the killer is female, probably one of the boyfriend's ex's... Generally speaking, a man's crime of passion is in the moment. He walks in and sees his woman in bed with another man and he kills the man, maybe both of them.. Almost never is the woman his one and only target. A woman feels spurned and commits a crime of passion..... She coddles it for awhile.. incubates it into a lustful rage. I think woman are more methodical in their revenge. We'll wait for the right moment... This person waited at least 9 months. A man wouldn't do that. But we'll see..... Though the odds are against it, this could just be a random loon who hates pregnant women.

On another note.. Johnny Knoxville got married..... Poor woman.. I couldn't even imagine..

An actors guild strike in New Zealand could hurt Peter Jackson's The Hobbit... Yes, that's right THE HOBBIT... **happy dance** He's apparently pretty pissed off and feels he's done a lot to help his homeland, and has threatened to take filming to Europe if they don't pull their heads from their asses.... THE HOBBIT!!!! I'm so excited... though the article I read states that this is NOT an entirely done deal. *fingers crossed*

Second Amendment Rights

2010-09-27T12:28:00.000-07:00

"A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed." The Second Amendment of the United States Constitution's Bill of Rights.

Gun control has long been a disputed topic of the American people. This is another one of those issues that I believe the Federal Supreme Court and Congress should make some all-inclusive decisions on. It makes no sense at all for gun laws to change depending on which state you're in. Since the US Constitution allows for the "right to bear arms" and Congress opted to include it in the Rights from Day 1 and laid pen to it, they too should set the laws to regulate ownership and use. Another point which causes me to argue the wisdom of a Republic.

Objectively, you can look at this Amendment two ways. One, our Founding Fathers and the Congress that wrote the Bill of Rights felt strongly that the American People have the right to own guns. They allowed for it. Therefore, we have the right, end of story.
TWO, this was clearly written in the "militia" mindset. At that point in history, we had no Army, Navy, Marines, Air Force, or Coast Guard. (yes, many forget the Coast Guard) Our national security and independence relied solely on the average citizen taking his rifle down from the wall and staking his life on something he believed in. If it weren't for our Minutemen, we would still be singing "God Save the Queen"....
....but, many would argue, times have changed. We do have the Armed Forces. We no longer rely on a militia-type situation. If all of our troops were over seas, we have the back up of the National Guard or Reserve forces, whose primary objective is securing peace and security within our borders.
There is one concept that I think is often overlooked or not realized. One of the objectives our Founding Fathers had in mind when ensuring our right to posses and bear arms was this... A government who entrusts its citizens with the means to fight back, is less likely to become tyrannical. Now... what is the truth or logic of that? What would happen if the citizens of Oregon banded together and raised arms against the Federal Government? If Washington, Oregon, Idaho, and Montana did? Hell the whole West Coast? The Army, Navy, Marines, Air Force, and Coast Guard would come and SHUT US DOWN! Not very realistic, but a nice gesture. Kind of like the parent whose 5 year old threatens to run away and simply says "there's your suitcase, there's the door... you can go when you want..".... but we all know it's never going to happen.

While we can certainly say that civilian ownership of firearms not only secured our independence from Britain, but preserved that independence during the War of 1812 and we can look at other countries throughout history and see how it benefited them, ie. the Swiss were able to turn away the Nazi's while so many of their neighbors were easily consumed.... there is a legitimate argument that, in our current state of society, firearms too easily fall into the hands of criminals and murderers.

* Last week (ish), Maryland, a man upset by his mother's deteriorating health, took out a gun and shot the doctor. Then he locked himself in his mother's hospital room, shot her and then himself.

* Last weekend, Oregon, a man, apparently upset by his impending divorce, shot his daughters, age 7 and 9, then himself.

*Last Thursday, Washington, Mom goes crazy and kills 3 family members then herself.

*Yesterday, Florida, a man shot his ex-wife, her 5 children (one survived) and then himself. He did spare the 2 children that were his.

*Yesterday, Florida, an elderly man, disgruntled over teens skateboarding in the park, pulled out a gun and shot the man who came forward to defend the right of the teens to be in the park.

But we all know that guns don't make crazy parents. I think a parent who is capable of killing their children will do so with or without a gun. Mentally ill moms have been drowning their children in bathtubs, putting babies in the microwave, throwing them down embankments, or beating them to death long before Diane Downs invented her Bushy-Haired Stranger.

So what is the answer? Outlaw civilian ownership of firearms? Will that really solve the problem? People who have legally registered weapons don't TEND to be the people who commit gun crimes. Will outlawing guns get illegally owned guns off the streets and out of the hands of criminals? ...I tend to think not.

Perhaps a bit of the answer is to start with uniformed gun laws. In Florida, they have a "Stand Your Ground" law. It's legal to defend yourself or your home with lethal force. (I haven't read the law... and I'm not sure how it truly differs from any other reasonable 'self-defense type' law.) The man in Florida who shot the man defending the teen skateboarders, in view of many witnesses (including the deceased man's 8 year old daughter) didn't go to jail, was not arrested, no charges have been filed. Though he was not on his property at the time of the shooting, was not reported to be in physical danger himself, and there are conflicting stories that he 1- had the gun on him, then that he 2- went back into his house for the gun.... People are speculating that this "Stand Your Ground" law will be his defense. (There are also uncited reports that the shooter is a retired law enforcement officer.)

I wouldn't be opposed, AT ALL, to every firearm having to be registered. Currently, only hand guns have that requirement. This doesn't make sense to me. All guns have the potential to be used in a crime. Register them all. If you're an upstanding citizen, you shouldn't have a problem with this.

During production, require the manufacturers to test and provide forensic fingerprints of each weapon's rifling and whatnot. Require gun owners to reregister their weapons every few years, including a test fire and updated forensic fingerprinting.

Make gun modification illegal or place strict policies on it. If you change out a gun's barrel, it has to be reregistered. If you fail to comply, you lose your right to "bear arms".

Require ammunition manufactures to develop a tracking system for their munitions. I'm not sure how you would deal with people who make and reload their own ammunition (it's rather fun, cheaper, and not a bad hobby....)

Require individuals who own firearms to show proof of reasonable, safe, responsible gun storage.

These are just some ideas.. If I can come up with this off the top of my head... just think what the professionals could come up with if they TRIED!

The bottom line is this... Scumbags who want guns will always be able to get them. You can't undo 200+ years of guns being a part of our society. You can't erase them. They will always be here. The best way, I think, to combat the problem is to make them all traceable, put away the scumbags and get those guns off the streets. But still, if cocaine and heroin and marijuana can be snuck across our borders, illegal weapons will come with them....

Mom & Daughter Day!!

2010-09-25T09:58:00.000-07:00

Mom and I spent an awesome hour at Area 51 getting inked. Now I'm jonesing. I think we should make this an annual event. hehehe The only thing I'm kind of kicking myself in the butt for is the location. I didn't think about having to wash and lotion it three times a day... and the middle of the back isn't the easiest place to reach..

Rusty was so great. I don't think I'd ever go to anyone else. When I explained what else I wanted done with this tat, Rusty got excited and thought it was a great concept. He had excellent ideas on how to improve my ideas. Plus he said $50 would reink my forearm and he seems to think that he can cover my monkey..... I'm thinking a green man maybe.... he said it needs to be covered with color.

I wanted this encircled with a sun.... I was thinking something like a Godsmack sun. Black and tribal. A friend had drawn up her idea, and instead of a full sun, she just had the flames coming out around it... Rusty suggested that we do it in color- red, orange, yellow.. sort of emanating from the knot work and it's shading. I don't really know what he means... but all of his suggestions have been excellent so far.. In the middle of the knot, I was Burp's birth sigh, Leo and outside the flames the symbols for Christianity, Judaism, Islam, and Hinduism. (I kinda wanted the religious symbols- one on the bottom of each foot and the palms of my hands... and an Eye of Ra on the back of my head.... but ouch and plus... I'm not shaving my head!)

The sun represents the male aspect of God, the knot is the triple Goddess aspect. The snake eating it's tail represents the continuity of eternal life through rebirth. It seems fitting to surround that with the 4 major interpretations of God.

Mom was a trooper. I don't think I'd like a tat on my foot... One, I hate my feet and try not to show them much anyway.... but two.. OUCHIES!!! She was pretty stoic though.

I love tiger lilies...

We finished up our afternoon together with yummy Mongolian Grill.... It was a very nice time... I wish we got to do stuff like that more often.

I love you mom. and really, really... you are the bestest!

I think we should go get pierced together!

The Inner Workings Of Me... and a funny

2010-09-24T10:10:00.000-07:00

So.. I think if people could hear the inner workings of my mind, their brains would explode... The only time I seem to have a rational progression of thoughts is when I'm writing, or in an extreme rage. That's when I'm focused. The rest of the time, my thoughts are snowball of random thoughts, worries, and second-guesses. Trust me, I hate it.. I'd change it if I could.. sometimes, the progression is so quick that I have a hard time getting my thoughts out in conversation. One thought leads to another. I wonder if I understood the other person's meaning. Will my answer be understood? Am I saying this right? Am I going to offend? Is this really what I mean? What were we talking about?

Every morning when I take my birth control... I remember a similar morning a few months ago when I'd stayed the night at my mom's.

She saw me taking my birth control and asked the simple question, "Is it working for you?"

My first thought.. "Well, I'm not pregnant."
Then, "Why would I still be taking it if I were pregnant." "You can't 'undo' it." "She doesn't think that I wouldn't tell her if I were pregnant, does she?" "Is she trying to say that she thinks I shouldn't be having sex, is she?" "No, she'd never think that. I have a progressive mother." "If anything, she'd tell me I need to have MORE." "Hell, I'd love to have more..." "More would be nice." "I don't think you can ever have too much sex." "Well, maybe too much at once...but not in general."

Then I realize my mom is still looking at me expectantly and I've been looking at her like a confused puppy dog. I look at my birth control, then back at her... and it clicks.... she's talking about my complexion.

Duh!

"Uhhh, yeah.... seems to be, I guess."

J-Lo On Idol....

2010-09-23T10:03:00.000-07:00

At first I was like... ugggggg but, really I guess she's not a bad choice. Much better than Howard Stern, by far.. That man makes me ill.

She promises to not be a diva... Who cares... to the idiot that was like "I hear she only likes yellow M&M's, who's going to pick them out?" Duh... You can order just yellow ones you moron... You can order yellow ones that say "We worship J-Lo" if you really want..

Just sayin'...

It'll be an interesting season... losing Simon. I'm not that heartbroken over losing Ellen... but to lose two will make things interesting.

Can't wait for the season to start!!

Lucifer Drama

2010-09-23T08:54:00.000-07:00

I realize that you all might be sick of hearing about this already, but blogging has long been a source of therapy for me. It helps me to get it off my chest, gives me the sense that I've said my piece, and often helps me work out my frustrations.

So rewind to Saturday.
The Plumber worked in the morning and had the expectation that he would get Gemini in the afternoon. When afternoon came, Lucifer was being a snatch and after several nasty text back and forth, the Plumber said, "Have it your way, you must enjoy talking to the police."

After about 15 minutes of silence, she said he could go pick up Gemini. We had a great evening of Chinese food and rented movies. The next morning Gemini went to work with his Dad and not long after they returned, I left to go pick up Burp in Florence.

About an hour into my drive, I got a nasty text from Lucifer... "I told you to stay out of my way. If you think he's ever going to love you.. hahaha that's funny cuz he still hasn't gotten over me!"

I had pulled over to read the text and was like...... "WTF?" I sat there for a moment... Trying to figure out what the hell she meant. I texted the Plumber.. His response was, "she's being a bitch, ignore her.."

I drove on to my mom's house.... but of course, the closer I got to the house, the more angry I got. First, "I told you to stay out of my way"???? I'm not sure where or when she imagined that conversation took place. But mostly, I was angry that what ever argument she and the Plumber had gotten into, she felt the need to drag me into it. We had made that agreement. As far as he and Lucifer were concerned, I'd stay out of it... and she'd stay out of my relationship with the Plumber. Seemed fair to me.

I got to my mom's house and no one was home... I let myself in, went through the house to the porch, sat and smoked and stewed and contemplated.
Finally, I texted her back.
"I'm not sure what you imagine I've done to "get in your way", but I'm not playing your games." Not too bad.. No threats. No swearing. Plain and simple and firm. No way in hell I'm starting this relationship with letting her think she can push me around and send me shitty texts whenever she gets a bee up her snatch.
Her response.... "Don't talk to me."

I'm not sure why...... other than the fact that her response was completely juvenile, but this sent me into a near-psychotic rage. My mom came home at this point. And I was shaking with rage. I'm not sure, but I think it's been a long time since my mom has seen me that mad.

I controlled myself though. As badly as I wanted to text her back and set her straight. I didn't. I didn't say a word.

I got home and found out that she'd apparently only seen that "Hope you like talking to the police" comment that afternoon and, for whatever reason, thought that was my influence. Sure, I've thought it a million times, but never said it.... as it wasn't my place....I don't offer my opinion unless asked, and he never asked what I thought he should do if she denied him his visitation.

The next day, he had a decent conversation with her. She told him that she'd said some really mean things to me and kinda felt bad. Yay for her.

So fast forward to last night. Around 9 pm he gets a call from her that she has no where to stay, and she wants him to take Gemini, but he'll have to drive him to school in the morning. Only HIM.
The Plumber was like, "I can't do that, I have to work." She swore and hung up on him.

I would have been more than happy to not only have Gemini for the night, but to take him to school in the morning, but I told the Plumber if she called back.. he could offer her two solutions..... 1) Gemini could spend the night and I'd drive him to school in the morning.. or 2) Gemini could spend the night and she could sleep in her car in the parking lot and SHE could take him to school in the morning.

It's only fair and rational to give her options.

Unfortunately, she never called back. When the Plumber tried to call her, it rang once and she hung it up.

I'd much prefer to have Gemini here than wonder if he did his homework, if he had dinner, where he slept for the night, and whether or not he had clean clothes for school in the morning.

As much as she hates me... for whatever reason... shouldn't making sure her son is taken care of come first? How selfish can you be?

Irony????

2010-09-22T11:26:00.000-07:00

Just as I finished up my last post... I got a text.

Dear God,

This is my girl, my friend and sister, whom I love and this is my prayer for her. Help her live her life to the fullest. Please promote her and cause her to excel above her expectations. Help her to shine in the darkest places where it is impossible to love. Protect her at all times, lift her up when she needs you the most and let her know when she walks with you. She will always be safe.

I love you girl. Now you're on the clock. In nine minutes something will make you happy. But you have to tell nine sisters you love them, including me. Get going girl! Do not ask the Lord to guide your footsteps if you are not willing to move yours.

Truly Blessed.

......................... Have I ever mentioned that I'm superstitious? Not in the "I have to send this or my life will suck.." way, but in the "I can't send this or my life will suck" way. I KNOW!!! I probably don't make any sense.

I don't believe in tempting the Fates. I don't make wishes. I don't like to voice my hopes or fears - it might jinx the one and give life to the other. And I DON'T send on chain letters or texts. The odds are, something might make me happy anyway... in the next 9 minutes? who knows... but to ask for more than whatever might be planned for me seems like I'm pushing it. It's like praying that you get that job, or that he likes your new hair do, or that you get pregnant, or that you aced that test... If it's going to happen, it'll happen... not based on how much you wish, hope, or pray and to ask for more is selfish.

As far as this text goes. The message is nice and sweet and it would feel good to know that someone had that wish for me.... if there wasn't a "forward this now and your dreams will come true" attached to it.

So Laine, thank you for the texty hug.... but I'm going to ignore this... with all the rest that I get.. and know that if it's meant to be, it will be...

Blind faith, again.

Talk Thursday: Equinox

2010-09-22T10:11:00.000-07:00

I thought I was pagan for awhile. I simply knew that I could no longer call myself Christian, and lacked a better term. I studied it a bit, but never considered myself a witch or a shaman, or any of the other things, but I believe in the power of the mind and meditation, herbal healing, and I've always felt God in nature... I thought I'd finally found my way.

At some point, I realized that though I no longer believed that The Bible was the Divine Word, it's impossible to shake off your roots. There was a major war going on in my soul. I still believed in God. I still believed that God is good. I just don't believe that Christianity has the whole and complete Truth. In my opinion, it offers several interpretations of a partial Truth.

I haven't had Eucharist in some 16 years, I sometimes have panic attacks about it- even though I really don't believe in it.

When my son was born, I had major anxiety about whether or not to have him Christened.

I believe that God knows what's in my heart; He knows my needs, my fears, my joys, and my dreams. I don't believe that prayer is necessary.... but it took me a long time to realize that this doesn't mean I can't talk to God. For a long time I felt like I was giving into the programing of my youth. I felt hypocritical. .. like if I don't believe in the tenants of the faith- I shouldn't uphold the practices. Then I realized, that's just retarded... I'm pretty certain anyone with faith talks to God.

I get upset when people accuse me of having abandoned God. I guess that I look at it as my faith in God is so strong, I don't need to have all the answers... I don't have to believe that the Bible is 100% actual and factual. I can believe in science and God at the same time. I can be wrong and know that my God will still love and forgive me. Some accuse me of having abandoned God, but don't know their religion well enough to debate the issue with me so I can explain the things in THEIR faith that cause me to believe the way that I do.... It's frustrating when they admit that they don't know the Bible as well as I do, so they can't have this conversation... But I've abandoned God.

Most people cannot grasp that instead of believing "because the Bible told me so", I believe because I feel the overwhelming love of God in my soul and I have blind faith in that love. I can believe in God with a logical mind and not be afraid to say, "That doesn't make sense, I don't believe it." That doesn't contradict my faith. That doesn't lessen my faith. In my mind, it means I'm secure in my faith, and, in fact, strengthens it. I have a broader acceptance of God... I don't limit myself to one flavor of God. I think all the religions offer something beautiful and insightful on their path to God.... (Ok... except Scientology... but in truth.... I really can't consider them a religion.. which I know isn't fair..."Judge not, least ye be judged.." but I still haven't wrapped my brain around those people.)

As God said to Moses, "Ehyeh asher ehyeh"

I am who I am.

And I know that He understands me.... after all, He made me this way.. Right?

I hear His voice on the wind.
I feel His touch in the rain.
I feel His caress as the sun warms my skin.

God is with me and I am His to judge. Not yours.

The DREAM Act....

2010-09-21T13:55:00.000-07:00

The vote today was not in favor of moving forward with the Defense Authorization Act. The reason, The DREAM Act. I was so horribly ignorant in agreeing that this didn't belong in the DoD Act. I didn't know what it really was and simply believed the Republicans when they said it didn't belong.

Before the vote they offered an all-inclusive agreement. Democrats strike The Dream Act from the DoD and include language that would prohibit anything regarding immigration from ever being included in DoD, and Republicans would unanimously vote in favor of bringing the DoD to the table.

I was a little appalled that Democrats turned them down. The vote happened and Democrats did not get the number of votes they needed. In the statements afterward, I learned what The Dream Act really was.

The Dream Act applies to the children of illegal immigrants. This Act would give these children, brought to and raised in our country illegally, an avenue to have legal immigrant status. It does not grant them citizenship, it simply gives them a course to follow.

We've, as a nation, already decided not to punish these children for their parent's crimes. We give them the same access to education and health care that we give the children who are here legally. Unfortunately, we abandon these children when they reach adulthood. They cannot legally work, get driver's licenses, receive financial aid, or SERVE IN OUR MILITARY.

The DREAM Act offers a reasonable solution. It says if you were illegally brought to this country as a child, have lived here for at least 5 years, have graduated high school, and have a clean criminal record... you have two ways to get a Green Card. Not citizenship, A GREEN CARD. 1. Attend 2 years of college. 2. Join the military for 2 years.

To me, this is completely fair and a good move. So many young adults who were brought here and remain here illegally would love a chance to do either of these things and currently can't. This is a great way of saying, "Show us how bad you want it. Show us that you want to be legit, productive citizens." Once they have their Green Cards then they have a legal avenue to pursue citizenship.

The majority of the people that this Act would apply to have lived in the US for the majority of their lives. They view this as their home, and their country. Could you imagine if you'd been brought to the US as a baby, and at 18 told that you have to go back to China, India, Bolivia, or some other completely foreign place that you don't remember? You might not know the language or the customs. How terrifying.

The DREAM Act is something that NEEDS to happen. This shouldn't be a dream at all.

Is "Obtusity" A Word?

2010-09-21T11:01:00.000-07:00

IT IS!!!

I don't normally watch C-SPAN.... Today is such an important day though.. Unfortunately, I've come away even more frustrated with Republicans. The upside, I'm very impressed with the Independent Sen. Joe Lieberman. Of course, I only have about 6 minutes worth of speaking to base my opinion on, but this country would run so much more smoothly if all Senators could be so rational and plain spoken.

Today's mission in the Senate? Democrats want to move forward and start working on the Defense Authorization Act... Republicans want to stall this process until the schematics are worked out.

To be fair, yes, I'm a democrat. Does that mean I always vote party? No. I try my best to vote my conscience; be it Dem, Rep, or Independent... Whether it's with my party or against it. I vote for who or what I feel is right and I'm not so obtuse as to think that my party is always right... (Sorry Grandma, but yes, at times you are very obtuse.)

The Defense Authorization Act (DoD) is nothing new. They have passed one every year for the last 50-something years. This is basically the budget and plan that pays not just for our military supplies and operations around the world, but military family allowances, benefits, and programs. At this time, there are three Amendments that are being attached to this Act. 1) The repeal of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell," 2) The Dream Act, and 3) an Amendment that would allow military hospitals to provide abortion services.

The Republicans are trying to delay the working on this Act because they don't agree with the Amendments. My understanding, based on what was debated today, is that they will get their time to debate and vote on these Amendments once they agree to begin working on the DoD.

The biggest argument is in regards to "Don't Ask, Don't Tell". Apparently, the Pentagon is working on a study as how to best implement the changes that Congress has yet to agree upon, but the Republicans in the Senate don't want to vote to even work on this bill until that study is back....... Perhaps I'm being obtuse, but .... how can a study properly be conducted when the parameters of change haven't even been laid???? The bottom line is that a federal court ruled that "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" is unconstitutional... Therefore, it HAS to change. This is not debatable... Hide behind the claim that you want to consult the men and women of our military to see how they feel about it... but what they feel, really, doesn't mean a fucking thing. Were they consulted before being sent to Iraq? Did anyone give a damn about how they felt when Bush BROKE THE LAW and DEFIED government leaders around the world? Why do you give a shit what they think now?? OHHHH cuz it serves your purpose! Duh, me!

Republicans are trying to say that this doesn't have a place in the DoD, but the fact of the matter is that this Act was initially adopted AS PART OF THE DoD during the Clinton administration. COULD THERE BE A MORE RIGHT PLACE TO REPEAL IT???

They don't think that the Dream Act should be attached to it. Ok, I'll give them that. I don't really think it should either. The Dream Act has to do with illegal immigrants. One of the most adamant speakers against this what Az Senator John McCain........ saying that irrelevant amendments shouldn't be tacked on to the DoD.
"As Sen. Carl Levin (D-Mich) noted right after he spoke on the floor, the Senate had previously considered hate crimes legislation in 2001, 2005, and 2008. McCain himself "offered a non-relevant amendment to the defense authorization bill," Levin added, proposing "to acquire campaign finance disclosure by the so-called 527 organizations as an amendment to the National Defense Authorization."" -excerpt from The Huffington Post

...... something about persons in glass houses shouldn't cast stones..... I'm just sayin'.

The Republicans are muddying the waters on the abortion Amendment, big surprise. This Amendment would allow abortion services to be offered at military hospitals. The Republicans are trying to say that this would allocate government monies for abortion services when the Amendment clearly states that the patient would have to foot the bill.

If you want my opinion, I think that a birth control such as Depo should be required for all active women in the military and, if that proves ineffective, I think abortion should be required if one turns up pregnant. Though this opinion would probably be considered extremist by most people and highly unpopular, I think that to willfully sign up for your 4 years of military service and then get yourself knocked up is not only irresponsible, but I think the equivalent of going AWOL and, yeah, could be considered treasonous. There, I said it!

The bottom line though, is that today's vote doesn't allow for any of these Amendments, but allows the Senate to start putting together a Bill and initiates the process of debate and Amendment writing... But Republicans will try to filibuster and block work on this because, yes... they want to add their special irrelevant Amendments and are just pissed off that they didn't get the first shot at tacking their crap on to the DoD.

Those fuckers!.... Yeah, I'm pissed off!

Talk Thursday: It's Not Rocket Science!!

2010-09-16T10:11:00.000-07:00

So I've made reference to my Missionary Boys before.... I've got a new one that seems to love to challenge me... but I'm not sure how prepared he is to have me challenge him right back.

When discussing my NON belief in Hell or Satan or some such, he asked... "Don't you believe that everything has a counterpart? If you believe in Heaven, doesn't there have to be a Hell? And if you believe in God, doesn't there have to be a Satan?"

So I smiled sweetly and said, "Then you agree that there's a Goddess?"
His eyes bugged out a little and I continued, "Doesn't God make the rules? I don't think He's bound by the Marxist Law of Opposites."

Because no, the only Hel I believe in is the Norse goddess that was believed to protect and guide people to the realm of the afterlife, also called Hel. I KNOW!!!.... what are the odds that a Norse pagan mythology and Christianity would call it the same thing? Those pagans need to come up with their own ideas. Sheesh!

And Satan? No.... I can't believe in that theory either. Why would God, Jehovah, El-Elyon, Yeshua, Yahweh... the ever-perfect, Almighty Father, in His infinite wisdom create a being with enough strength to challenge him... then turn over so much power to him? Why would God, knowing us and our imperfections, knowing that we are born into this world as sinners, sanction us to an eternity of Hell for those sins? I ain't no rocket scientist... but don't tell me that a GOD, The God, can't have common sense...

And while we're on the subject.... tests? Why do people think that God has nothing better to do than sit on his throne and cast down trials and tribulations upon our heads? It's like some people really believe that God is a sadistic child with a magnifying glass on a hot day and we're nothing but His ants. This comes up because of my previous inquiry as to being punished for being sinners...... when we are born that way cuz God in His EVER-SO-INFINITE wisdom had the WHOLE freaking world to give to Adam and Eve... and put them right next to the tree that screwed us for eternity. A test? .... really? God's going to start it all by giving us a shot to fuck it ALL up? And I'm not sure when the war in Heaven started... but I know that angels came down and did a bit of frolicking with the dirty humanoids... so obviously post-Eden... My question here is.... God made man, put us in paradise, and Lucifer.. in the form of a snake, seduced Eve to the apple... and God punished her and her progeny till the end of time, and DIDN'T so much as give Lucifer a spanking.... ??? Who was REALLY God's favored child?

Why do Christians get so mad when you refer to the Bible as mythology? I certainly don't mean it as an insult. In fact, though I often point out that certain occurrences or ideas are not original to, nor isolated to Christianity- the fact that there are common themes and occurrences throughout most major religions is, to me, proof of some kind of Truth. In the same breath, the fact that so many, vastly different religions sprang from ideas based on the same Book, or parts of it, makes it impossible for me to say that any single one of them is The Right One.

One of my most favorite movies in the world is Dogma... I love this statement...
Rufus: He still digs humanity, but it bothers Him to see the shit that gets carried out in His name - wars, bigotry, televangelism. But especially the factioning of all the religions. He said humanity took a good idea and, like always, built a belief structure on it.
Bethany: Having beliefs isn't good?
Rufus: I think it's better to have ideas. You can change an idea. Changing a belief is trickier. Life should malleable and progressive; working from idea to idea permits that. Beliefs anchor you to certain points and limit growth; new ideas can't generate. Life becomes stagnant.

Thank you Kevin Smith! One more.....

Serendipity: When are you people going to learn? It's not about who's right or wrong. No denomination's nailed it yet, and they never will because they're all too self-righteous to realize that it doesn't matter what you have faith in, just that you have faith. Your hearts are in the right place, but your brains need to wake up.

Some people might have a problem seeing past Jay and Silent Bob to get the meaty messages of this movie... But Kevin is brilliant! and it just goes to show.... that It's Not Rocket Science!!!

Kids Say The Darnedest Things....

2010-09-14T16:43:00.000-07:00

Burp and I were arguing and he yelled at me "If I had a Dad, you know who I'd be more afraid of? YOU!"

Hahaha was that supposed to be an insult? I take pride in that response. Damn I love that little shit!

Sorry.... I just had to share....

2010-09-13T16:37:00.000-07:00

Food for Thought...

2010-09-13T16:33:00.000-07:00

Burp came home with a paper on Autism. Apparently, they'd had a discussion today in class about fellow students who are "a little different". I asked him what he thought about it.. He said it was kinda weird.....

I read an excerpt from the paper I received, "Someone with autism may feel really upset by noise and will try to shut it out of his ears. Noises you are used to might actually hurt them."

I asked, "Who does that sound like to you?"
He thought for a second, "GamerBoy!"
"That's right, GamerBoy has Asperger's, which is a form of autism."
I let him do the math. Finally, "I have Asperger's."
"That's right", I said. "Asperger's is different for you and GamerBoy, but there are a lot of similarities."
This led to a great discussion about how what he learned today applies to him.

I love when life gives me tools to work with. Everything can be a lesson. Sometimes it helps to have that little extra to put things into perspective.

The Little Things

2010-09-13T08:04:00.000-07:00

Yesterday evening, Lucifer let us have Gemini for a whole 5 hours! He visited with his dad, played with Burp, and ate dinner with us.. I even got a hug. It was a good time.

Gemini is 11, he'll be 12 in November. I know not really a Gemini... I named him that because of the Jekyll and Hyde personality he supposedly has. Around me, he's never been anything but polite and respectful, but I've heard rumor that he can be a real turd sometimes. Also that he and Burp have had a lot of problems getting along in the the past. Most of that problem stems from the fact that Burp is best friends with GamerBoy, who is Gemini's cousin and best friend.... So there are some jealousy issues. I'm sure there's also some age difference and understanding issues. GamerBoy and Burp are only a year apart, and both have some similar symptoms of Asperger's, though GamerBoy's Asperger's is way more severe.

There are almost three years between Burp and GamerBoy and Burp can be even younger in some of his attitudes and responses. Gemini didn't seem to mind at all last night though. He just seemed happy to be here, as we all were. He even came to me and said, "I really like being here." Bittersweet. He's a good kid.. He just needs some stability and love.

I did however learn, he does not like broccoli. He likes green beans. I will remember this. And he and Burp have the same favorite ice cream, Mint chocolate chip.

I spent Friday cleaning Burp's room. For the last year and a half, his top bunk has been home to the last few boxes I'd yet to unpack. I finally did that.. Threw tons of shit away. Made the bed. Threw away all the broken and outgrown toys and organized what was left. I had really hoped that maybe Lucifer would let us have Gemini for the weekend... hahaha right, I know. But on the off-chance that she did, I wanted him to have a place. When he came over last night and saw that the bed was cleaned off and made up, he asked if I'd done that for him so he could stay over sometimes, and I told him it was. He smiled really big and said thank you.

Kids need to know that they're wanted. They need to know that you've opened up a place for them in your life. He seems to like that I've done that for him.

I have long held that blood doesn't equal love or family. Plenty of people in this world don't feel the bond of "family" simply because they're born to it. Family comes from the people you love, that love you in return, who make special places for you in their lives, not because they have to or are obligated by genetics to do so, but because they want and choose too. This is why I'm closer to my Papa than I am my biological father. This is why my son has a stronger bond with his Aunts Tandy and Chole, who are not in anyway related except through love, than he does with the Aunts who can legally call themselves such. This is why Burp has a baby cousin halfway around the world. This is why my mom, even through exasperation and frustration, gives her time and love to my batshit crazy adopted grandma.

Burp and I have long held that blood has nothing to do with family. I'm hopeful that our family is expanding a little.

Gotta Share This!!!! hehehehe

2010-09-10T10:14:00.001-07:00

What Decade Is This???

2010-09-10T10:11:00.000-07:00

Why can't people see that hate is hate?... It doesn't matter what side of the line you're on and it doesn't matter if you're answering hate with hate.
Gainsville, Fl. REVERAND Terry Jones may, or may not, be planning to lead his congregation in a good 'ol book burning event. They might burn copies of the Quran to protest the building of the Islamic center planned to be built near Ground Zero.
As a "servant of Jesus Christ" instead of burning books, shouldn't he be encouraging people to follow his teachings?
"But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;" Matthew 5:44

I feel sorry for the people who are insulted by the building of this CENTER OF FAITH. I'm going to call a spade a spade here, but are you so shallow minded that you can't possibly, for 2 seconds, look outside of yourself for just a moment?

1. This country was founded on the belief of FREEDOM OF RELIGION! with FREEDOM to PRACTICE that religion.
2. 9-11 was not instigated with church authority. This was a group of radicals who just happened to be Muslim. If they'd been Catholic, no one would be questioning a new church.
3. For just a moment... Can we consider that the building of the Islamic Center might be an act of good faith? Perhaps this is their way of saying, "This won't happen again!"

I am so tired of ignorant, close-minded people.

While I'm on the subject of news headlines... I want to make a comment on another one currently in the news. A Federal Court has ruled that Clinton's "Don't Ask Don't Tell" policy is unconstitutional. Don't jump to conclusions. I think it's past time for this to no longer be an issue. Who you love should not be an issue for ANYTHING in this country. I am sorry for the 12,500 service men and women who've been kicked out of the military as a result of this policy. It isn't right, but I just feel that history is getting a bit blurred here. Can we remember what would have happened BEFORE Clinton instilled this policy if you were in the US Military and came out of the closet or got found out? Not good enough, but a compromise for it's time. And don't forget how outraged the haters were with even this little concession.

"Progressive success did the Gay Rights Movement gain during the last decades concerning the military issue. In 1942 the U.S. military took side in the controversial issue about homosexuality, as it banned all homosexuals and denied them the right to enter military service by arguing that their presence would make heterosexual soldiers feel "uncomfortable" and decrease their efficiency and productivity.
Although gays have been asking for equal rights since then, it was President Clinton who took the first pro-gay step. Being lobbied by successful gay rights activists, president Clinton introduced the so-called "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy. Although "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" does not remove the ban of homosexuals in the military (what president Clinton had promised the gay community during his political campaign), it legalizes the existence of gay soldiers in the military as long as they do not publicly reveal their sexual orientation ("don't tell"). Furthermore, military officials are not allowed to ask soldiers about their sexual orientation ("don't ask")."

And interesting bit. This decision was made in Riverside, Ca... at the same time in history as the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy came into being.... weren't the citizens of Riverside trying to make it illegal for homosexuals to even LIVE in their town? ~ unfortunately, I have spent an hour on google trying to confirm exactly what this initiative was, and can't find it... Maybe mom can help me out...

HAHAHAHA

2010-09-10T08:27:00.000-07:00

Well, I know how she found out about the phone call. Mouse's husband blabbed when Lucifer made a comment about the Plumber not even calling Gemini on his first day of 6th grade. (I called that one didn't I?) Nevermind that she'd conveniently LOST her phone and when he did try to call it, it went straight to voicemail..... AND THE MAILBOX WAS FULL!!

Did I mention that she forgot to pick Gemini up at the bus stop on his first day... And that she was in bed until almost 6 pm and he was locked out and had to go to his Aunt's house?

So I told Mouse the gist of our conversation and asked her what was really being said... She's saying, "I control Plumber's life."

hmmmmmmm she does huh?? This girl has no fucking clue.
I'm seeing an exorcism in the near future.

An Interesting Occurance....

2010-09-09T22:03:00.000-07:00

Hmmmm... I might have to take back some of the things I said about Lucifer.

Tonight, while Burp and I were having dinner, there was a knock on the door. It was Lucifer.

I was pretty surprised. We actually had a fairly decent conversation. She claimed to not have a problem with me and I told her that her issues were between her and the Plumber and none of my business. She actually said that she thought I might be good for him and that he'd only ever had one other girlfriend that she trusted with her son. She claimed to think I'm a good mom. She just requested that before I ever let Gemini use my phone again to call his dad, that I ask her first (a little ridiculous, I think) and that if he's ever left with me, she'd like to know (totally reasonable, in my book). She claimed that she's never tried to keep the Plumber from seeing Gemini, which I know is completely untrue..... Not just cuz I've been told so, but because I've been around this for a year now and have been witness to Gemini's great disappearances (when she gets mad at the Plumber and sends Gemini to her mom's house for a few weeks..) But I didn't argue. She said that she thought it best for the kids if her and I could get along... which I totally agree with... but we'll see if she means it...

She even tried really hard not to trash talk the Plumber to me. I have to give credit when credit's due... So maybe I'll take back "cunt" and maybe even what I offered to substitute it with. I'm very glad she came and talked to me. I've wanted to go talk to her, but after her referring to me as "fat bitch", I didn't feel very welcomed.. and also very much questioned whether it was my place to go talk to her... I really appreciate that she made the effort.

But I'm also no fool. Lucifer is known to be fairly bipolar-ish... so even IF she meant it all today, tomorrow's a different story. And I'm guessing at least half was probably lip service... I just haven't figured out her motive yet. Perhaps logic was her friend for the moment.

While I don't trust her as far as I can spit, the white flag is raised.... For now.

Xander Kisses For Burp!!!

2010-09-09T09:20:00.000-07:00

Brownie Badge For Me!!

2010-09-09T08:39:00.000-07:00

Lucifer doesn't seem to realize, everything she does... just makes me look that much better. Not that I do anything any different than I normally would... I'm just a naturally wonderful person, and she is .... well, E-VIL.

It's hard for me to imagine a mom and a wife that doesn't cook dinners. The Plumber and I didn't see eye to eye one night when I'd cooked dinner and he tried to make me dish up before he did. I tried nicely to tell him, "That's not how we do it." He tried to say it was. I finally won when I threatened to call my mother so she could back me up on it. Then he explained that he was just trying to be polite and that he wasn't used to being taken care of... that Lucifer had surely never cooked dinner for him.... I was like, holy crap!

I did laundry the other day. He said, "don't fold my laundry" some crap about me not being his servant. When he came home, he was like, "You folded it, huh?"
"uhhhhhhhhh, yeah... but.. BUT I didn't mate your socks! So there!" hehehe

Last night he was really bummed. He is out of town on a job and won't be back until maybe late tonight or midday tomorrow. Yesterday was Gemini's first day of Middle School and he really wanted to talk to him, but Lucifer hasn't been letting him see or talk to him since the night they showed up on my front porch. I told him it was better to try, and have her be a bitch, than not and have her be able to say he didn't try. So he tried, but her phone went straight to voice mail. He was really upset. I saw Gemini outside playing, so I snuck around the back of the building, called him over, and got him on the phone with his dad. They had a good 20 minute long convo and both were happy.

Except that the Plumber found out that when he gave Lucifer the receipt for the new shoes he bought Gemini, she returned them and bought herself some shoes. Fucked up, totally.. but his grandma bought him shoes so he does have new shoes for school. To calm the Plumber down, I told him he just had to think of it differently. To just consider that her mom bought her new shoes and everything is all good... but really, we all know, the boy should have then had TWO new pairs of shoes and FUCK THAT BITCH!!!

I can say that here, cuz I don't say it out loud... and I really want to!!!
FUCK THAT BITCH!
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK THAT SELF-SERVING, PIECE OF SHIT, TRIPLE CHEESEBURGER NEEDIN', WELFARE DRAINING, CHILD SUPPORT SNORTING, TWEEKER ~~CUNT~~ WHO'S MOTHER HAS HER KIDS 80% OF THE TIME BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T WANT THEM BUT SHE WON'T LET THEIR FATHERS HAVE THEM EITHER!!!

ok... I'm done... thank you.. pasting the smile back on... swallowing the rage. Just had to get that off my chest.

Burp's 1st Day of 4th Grade

2010-09-08T17:02:00.000-07:00

Goofy smile and all, but he had a good day!!

Xander saying his first "Hi!" to Auntie Krista

2010-09-08T07:50:00.000-07:00

.....Summer Has Come and Past...

2010-09-07T09:54:00.000-07:00

It's been a good summer, for the most part.

There has been a bit of drama... The Plumber's sister is one of my best friends, and there is currently major tension between her husband and the Plumber.... to the point that there were several times a fist fight was only narrowly avoided. This has affected my ability to hang out with my friend, and Burp's ability to hang out with his friends... but I'm just hopeful that this will blow over and everything will be...... functional again.

The Plumber's ex-wife, who will evermore be referred to as Lucifer (because that is truly what the Plumber calls her) is not happy that he is now living with me. Did I mention that she lives directly across from me? She sits outside her front door to smoke and looks down into my apartment, so we now leave the front curtains closed 24-7. Apparently, the other day while I was at work, she screamed across the parking lot, "Have fun fucking your fat bitch!" The Plumber was livid... and doesn't seem to understand that I'm only upset that she called me a bitch, as I've never been anything but polite and respectful to her. Perhaps it was that we've been around each other many times at his sister's house, when she's been trash talking him, and I never said a word.. (Cuz it's none of my damned business!) Maybe it's the fact that when all Hell broke loose at the sister's house, and the Plumber showed up on my doorstep with his crying son, and I brought them in, fed Gemini, and put him to bed in Burp's room, and she came to pick him up - she didn't expect that the Plumber was asleep in my bed. It was hard to miss the shock as her bottom jaw bounced off the floor. Regardless, I'm not in denial... the fat part is obvious... but if she wants to call me a bitch- hell, I can act the part! Generally, I'm as sweet as pie... but if that little anorexic, strung-out, 2 dollar gutter slut wants to throw down, she's messing with the wrong "bitch"!

No- that doesn't mean I'm going to go looking for a fight, but if she brings it to my door- she'll only do it once.

But anyway.... Other than the bits of drama surrounding us, life with the Plumber is fab-u-lous! I'm a little bummed because he'll be working out of town for the next few days, and I'm not entirely sure when he'll be home... but, I also got a call to work tonight... so it'll even out some.

On another note...

Tomorrow is the first day of school. Where did the days go? Burp starts the 4th grade. Damn how time flies. It will be interesting to see what happens now that Burp has an IEP... There are things that I don't agree with in this school. There is no homework until October, as they want the kids to feel situated before they start homework, and when they do- it isn't nearly enough. One page, each, front and back of math and writing per week doesn't cut it in my world. This causes fights at home because I create more homework and Burp feels like he's getting the shit-end of the stick... Will he thank me for it someday? Probably not!

The one thing with this school that I do appreciate is how on top of things they are with his "issues". That has been a huge relief.

So here's to a great school year!
Cheers!

My New Favorite Thing...

2010-09-06T08:26:00.000-07:00

My new favorite thing.... snuggling in the morning with the Plumber.. Burps new favorite thing?? Beginning at 5 am, starting softly, a continuous knockknockknockknockknockknockknockknockknock!!! Until I rip open the door for him to inform me that he's hungry. I remind him that he's 9... If you're hungry get something to eat. I tell him a list of things he can eat. I tell him, "I'll be up at 8, leave me alone." And he whines, "I just want a hug!" I hug him and send him on his way.

I climb back in bed and get snuggled up.
And a half hour later, we do it again.

This time I ask him if he'd like his hands broken?
He gives me a hug.

I climb back in bed and get snuggled up.
And a half hour later, we do it again.

This time I tell him I'm going to sell him on eBay.
He tells me he loves me and needs a hug.

I climb back in bed and get snuggled up.
And GUESS WHAT??? A half hour later...... we do it AGAIN!

This time I threaten to ground him to his room for the day. To ground him from tv and video games. This time I say, "I love you too, but no, this time you don't get a hug... You can have a hug, when I wake up at 8!"

I climb back in bed, and a half hour later... I don't even say anything, I stomp into the kitchen and I start the coffee pot. I growl and rumble at him. He chatters and talks all excited about some tv show we've both seen a million times and I try, politely, to ask him to leave me alone for a few minutes until I've had coffee. He leaves the kitchen for all of.... ohhh three minutes, and comes back more hyper than ever... and I banish him to his room for 15 minutes..... which is really only good for about 5.

I think I need to find some articles about the horrible things some horrible mothers do to their children and strategically place them around my house so he can see proof that I don't HAVE to be so nice about things. But in truth, that would probably backfire and make him even more determined to have continuous confirmation of my absolute adoration of him. The little brat!

.............. I suppose I can't end it like that. I do love him... but who wants to wake up like that? He's like a cracked out Chihuahua pumped full of Mountian Dew, a little less shaky.

Dare I Say It?

2010-09-03T08:04:00.000-07:00

Life is.... good.

I've had a few very nice interactions with my Grandma and Cousin on Facebook. I miss them so much, but I'm glad to have them back in my life, even if only through FB.

School starts next week.

Football starts Saturday. Yeeeee Go Ducks!!

I'm reminded time and time again, that I've got the greatest, wisest, most kind-hearted, understanding mom in the world.

Mr. Three Doors Down is no longer three doors down... But Mr. Left Side of the Bed, isn't any shorter. So, for lack of something better, The Plumber it is. The Plumber gets up at 5:30 and gets ready for work, and before he leaves he comes back in and covers me with smooches. Did I mention, life is good? He seems happy to be working regularly, to be living without drama, and seems to be getting used to someone who is considerate and wants to take care of him... I can't help it, it's in my nature, and it makes me happy.

Of course, this is a temporary situation... (we'll see about that!) He says he needs to be out of this apartment complex, that he just can't live this close to his sister and her husband.... but we'll see. We've agreed to take one day at a time... so nothing is set in stone... everything is subject to change.. and yes, I know that means it can go either way, and I'm okay with it.

The only down side to anything right now is that The Ex-Wife, who lives directly across the apartment complex from me, seems to have stashed their son at her parent's house. This is not abnormal for her. When ever it isn't convenient for her to have children, or she gets mad at The Plumber, she does this. Gemini is 11 though, and he sees it for what it is. But I know they miss each other, and that breaks my heart. He's a good kid. He just needs love and stability.

I hate it when parents use their children as weapons.

But, One Day At A Time... This too, shall work out.

For now, Life Is Good!

What To Do.....

2010-08-31T12:55:00.000-07:00

When do you make your peace with the past, and when do you let sleeping dogs die?

I'm at a crossroads, and I'm not quite sure which path to take.. I tend to face these things head on, but this one- I'm hesitant.

My first step dad has just made a Facebook page... I don't want to be his friend... I don't want to try to get back what once was, but I feel a need to get things off my chest, and make my peace with it. That whole closure thing. But will I find closure, or just more disappointment?

This is 16+ years in the making... and though I'm finally over the anger, the wounds are deep and tender. Part of me says that I have the right to say my piece, the other part wonders if I'm just being selfish and if there is any point to it.

The shunned child in me wants to wait to see if he'll make a move.... He'll see me through Grandma and my cousin... but the logical me says that this will only re-create the anger if he doesn't make that move.

I'll sit on it... I know this can't be a choice I make on the fly.

Life Is About Compromises

2010-08-30T10:25:00.000-07:00

Last night, he offered up an agreement... If I learn to tolerate Jim Carey, he will learn to love Green Day.

On one hand, I'm like, how hard can it be to love Green Day? Everyone, by all rights, should love Green Day. And, for a second, I kinda think I'm getting the shit-end of the stick, but then - I do only have to tolerate Jim Carey, and Will Ferrell wasn't even mentioned.

Then I blew his socks off. He tells me that he named his son because of this skating movie he used to watch when he was younger.. I said, "Gleaming the Cube? I loved that movie." His jaw dropped and he told me I was amazing... which he's damned fucking right I am! Bout time he started acknowledging it.. hahaha no he always does.

Gosh.... I need to name him for you guys... sheesh.. Mr Three Doors Down is just too time consuming... I'll have to think about this one.

sigh

2010-08-27T09:39:00.000-07:00

Talk Thursday: What I Learned This Summer

2010-08-27T09:16:00.000-07:00

*sigh*

First, as hard as this is to admit, I've learned.... I'm not always right. Mom, Tandy..... save this... I don't admit it very often.

Specifically, the 5 Truths of Life.... are general rules of thumb, not written in stone, handed down to Moses on tablets on some mountain out in the middle of nowhere. Men are not all stupid, straight forward, and simple. Some are deep and complicated.

Next, it's okay to have fears... but fear can't rule your life, can't keep you from hoping and dreaming. And it's okay to voice it. Saying it out loud doesn't give your fear life... it doesn't jinx your hopes.

My mom raised me to believe that you can't go into a relationship with the hope of "fixing" the things you don't like about someone. You love the faults just as much as the positives.... In the past, I just walked away when I came up against those things I couldn't love... Now, I know I can at least wait, and give him time to sort his crap out. Be strong and patient, and be there when he needs me, but don't push... he needs to do this on his own.. and I know that he's trying and wants too.

I'm trying to not be so insecure. To have faith. I know he needs to come into this as a man..a whole man.... and that is what's holding him up... but these things take time. It's hard to let go of the past, even harder to let go of fears. And he has fears of his own.

I've learned that I'm an impatient person, but I'm trying to relax and take things a day at a time. What's the rush? We have the rest of our lives.

I swore I'd never get married... I thought I was too old to have another baby... He makes me hope and dream...

It's just a matter of time.

It's been one of the greatest summers of my life.

And Tandy, I love you... and I just want you to know that I'm so happy.. even when I'm worried.. I'm so happy. And I don't feel like I'm wasting the best years of my life.. I feel like I'm putting in the time and securing my future. I feel like I just woke up from a long, long hibernation.
Thank you for listening, even when you're sick of it.. Thank you for telling me I'm being stupid, even when I don't want to hear it. Thank you for worrying about me, even if it hurts my feelings... it still warms me with love to know that you care enough to say so.

Pics!!!

2010-08-26T11:33:00.000-07:00

Such a lovely Pic.

Look at all that hair. So adorable!